The night had been long, but Vario decided to "celebrate surviving retail" in the only way he thought was fitting: a full bottle of whiskey he found tucked behind the counter.
"What could possibly go wrong?" he muttered, uncorking the bottle.
One sip. Two sips. By the third, he was swaying like a ship on stormy seas, humming a heroic tune to the reflection of his genderbent self in the mirror.
Hours passed. Vario stumbled through the aisles, knocking over chips, ramen cups, and soda towers, somehow managing to not destroy anything permanently.
Nyx, Bella, and the rest of the store crew watched from a safe distance, trying not to laugh too hard.
"Ohhh… this is going to be legendary," Nyx whispered, hiding her camera behind a rack of snacks.
Bella groaned. "He's going to regret this in the morning. Big time."
And she was right.
The next morning, Vario woke up somewhere between the storage room and the frozen food aisle, his apron-of-shame slightly torn, hair sticking up in impossible angles. His head pounded like a drum, and the smell of spilled whiskey lingered like a ghost.
Nyx and the rest had already prepared. They'd taken photos of him passed out among the soda towers, noodles scattered like confetti, and even a strategically placed banana peel on his head.
Garruk smirked. "Rise and shine, Vario. Or should I say… legendary morning chaos hero?"
Vario blinked at the "scandal" display, mortified. "No… no… this can't be real…"
Seraphine floated by, holding a sparkling cider. "Good morning! Your heroic deeds from last night have been… immortalized."
Drogan barked in laughter. Ilyra's ice patch shimmered with amusement. Kael frantically scribbled calculations, muttering, "Probability of Vario surviving today: 7.2%."
Vario groaned, covering his face. "I trusted myself to handle one bottle… ONE bottle…"
Bella crossed her arms, trying not to laugh. "You failed spectacularly. Welcome to the chaos store, rookie."
Nyx pressed record, whispering gleefully: "The whiskey scandal of the year… starring Genderbent Vario!"
And just like that, the "morning prank" was etched into store history. Vario had survived dragons, curses, and the apocalypse—but apparently, he could not survive his own poor drinking decisions.
The monkey squeaked from a shelf above, as if to say: Well done, you absolute mess.