Dan
Lena laughed awkwardly, clearly not getting it, and started asking Mom about her trip and how long she was staying and if she needed anything, really laying it on thick with the "I care about your son so much" routine. "I'm so glad you're here for him, Mrs….. I mean, can I call you Mom? Or is that weird?" Mom nearly choked on her noodles. I snorted into my food because I knew what was coming, and sure enough Mom said, "Let's stick with ma'am for now, sweetheart. We're not quite there yet." Lena's smile faltered for just a second but she powered through, asking about Mom's health and offering to run errands, and I sat there between them feeling like I was watching a train wreck in slow motion.
The whole dinner dragged on like that Lena being extra sweet, Mom being extra polite in that way that felt like nails on a chalkboard, me trying to steer the conversation to anything else and failing miserably. At one point Lena reached over and squeezed my hand right in front of Mom and said, "I'm here for you, Dan. Whatever you need. Even if it's just talking about… whatever happened." Mom's chopsticks hit the table a little too hard. "How generous of you." I sighed loud enough for both of them to hear and muttered, "Can we not do this right now?"
Finally Lena stood up, saying she had to get back to work but she'd check on me later, and she hugged me way too long at the door while Mom watched from the kitchen with her arms crossed. When the door clicked shut behind her I let out this huge breath I didn't know I was holding, and Mom immediately started in. "That girl. My God, Daniel. Did you see how she was pawing at you? Like she thinks she can just smile her way into your life and fix everything. And calling me Mom? Please. I've read better fanfiction than whatever fantasy she's living in. You need to tell her to back off before she starts knitting baby booties for kids you're never having with her."
I laughed despite everything because Mom was on a roll, pacing now and waving her hands around. "I mean it. She's nice enough, sure, but she's not right for you. I've known it since the first time you brought her around. You light up with boys in your life in a way you never did with her. Those BL stories I read, they get it. The pining, the angst, the way two guys just click even when they're being idiots about it. You and your men? That's the real thing. Lena? She's a placeholder and you know it." I tried to defend her a little… "She's just worried, Mom, she's a good friend" but Mom talked right over me again. "Friend? She wants to climb you like a tree, honey. And don't get me started on how she… "
The door opened again and Lena poked her head back in, cheeks pink. "Sorry, forgot my purse.. oh." She'd clearly heard the last part because her face went from embarrassed to hurt in about two seconds flat. Mom froze mid-rant, then tried to play it off with this big fake laugh that sounded painful. "Lena! Back so soon? We were just talking about how thoughtful you are. Yes. Very thoughtful. The food was excellent."
Lena grabbed her purse off the chair, eyes darting between us, and forced another smile. "It's okay. I know not everyone clicks right away. I'll keep trying though. For Dan's sake." She looked at me like she was begging me to say something nice, and I mumbled, "Thanks for coming by, Lena. Really," because what the hell else was I supposed to do?
She left for real this time, and the second the door shut Mom dropped the act and put her face in her hands for a second. "Shit. I feel bad now. She's trying so hard and I'm being a bitch." Then she looked up at me with that guilty little grin. "But I'm still right about her." I shook my head, half laughing, half wanting to yell at her. "You're impossible. She heard you bad-mouthing her and you're still cracking jokes?" Mom shrugged and started clearing the table like nothing happened. "Better she knows where I stand. Now sit down. There's something I actually need to tell you and it's not about your terrible taste in women who aren't men."
We ended up back on the couch, the laughter from the whole Lena disaster fading fast because Mom's face got serious in a way that made my stomach drop. She took my hand, which she almost never did unless it was bad, and I felt this cold rush go through me even before she opened her mouth. "Daniel, listen. I didn't come just because you called crying about your boyfriend or ex or whatever. I mean, that was part of it, but… the doctors gave me news a couple weeks ago. It's not good."
I stared at her. "What do you mean, not good?" My voice came out sharper than I meant, and she squeezed my hand tighter. "The cancer's back. Worse this time. They say six months to a year, maybe. Terminal." She said it straight like that, no softening it, and the room felt like it tilted sideways. I yanked my hand away without thinking, standing up so fast the coffee table scraped loud against the floor. "No. Bullshit. You're lying. You look fine.. you just flew here, you're cleaning my apartment, you're giving me shit about my love life like always. This isn't… you can't… "
"Daniel." Her voice cracked on my name and that was what broke me more than anything. Mom never cracked. "I'm not lying. I wish I was. I fought it before and I'm going to fight it now as long as I can, but the numbers aren't on my side. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm pushing you so hard about your love life . Life's too damn short to keep pushing away the person who makes you feel something real."
I paced the tiny living room, running my hands through my hair, feeling the tears start hot and angry behind my eyes. "Six months? A year? Mom, that's nothing. We were supposed to have more time. You were supposed to… I don't know, harass me about grandkids for years and drive me crazy and… " My voice broke and I hated it. I hated all of it. "You can't drop this on me right after the Sky thing. It's too much. I can't fuck, I can't lose you too."
She stood up and grabbed me, pulling me into a hug even though I was stiff as a board at first. "You're not losing me yet, baby. And you're not losing Sky if you get your head out of your ass. But I need you to do something for me. Come stay with me in the penthouse. Just for a while. I've got the space, the view, the fancy kitchen you always make fun of. I don't want to spend whatever time I've got alone, we'll your dad is there but typically it's me being alone, and I sure as hell don't want you here beating yourself up every night. Bring Sky if you fix it. Or don't. But come home with me."
I stood there in her arms, shaking, the sarcasm and jokes from earlier were completely gone now because this was real and it hurt so bad I could barely breathe. "You're really doing this? Dropping the cancer bomb and then asking me to move in like it's some casual invitation to brunch?" My laugh came out ugly. "God, Mom. You're unbelievable." But I hugged her back harder, burying my face in her shoulder again like I had when she first walked in, and this time the tears weren't quiet. They were messy and loud and I didn't even try to stop them.
She rubbed my back in those same slow circles from earlier. "I know it's a lot. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I wanted to see you first, see how bad the Sky situation was before I made it worse. But yeah. Six months to a year if we're lucky. So what do you say, Daniel? Come stay with your dying mother and let her meddle in your love life one last time. It'll be fun. Just like old times."
I pulled back enough to look at her, eyes blurry, and even through all the sadness I felt this tiny spark of that same messed-up humor we always fell back on. "You're really using the cancer card to guilt me into moving into your fancy penthouse? Low blow, Mom. Real low." She smiled, small and tired but real. "Is it working?" I wiped my face with the back. "Not so fast."