I was dead.
Dead from dog shit.
Literal. Dog. Shit.
The doctors came. They examined my body. They wrote the death certificate.
Cause of death: "Acute poisoning from canine fecal matter and catastrophic respiratory failure from noxious fumes."
why this complicated name even in this boring and Normal world?
Because the real cause was....well unspeakable.
Not from blunt force trauma. Not from the tile hitting my head.
I died from literal dog shit.
The entire village gathered around my body. They were in shock. Complete silence.
Then someone vomited.
Then another person.
The smell was still there. Still on my body. Still in the air.
People couldn't even get close enough to move me.
The village elder finally arrived. He was an old man who'd seen everything. Battles. Diseases. Accidents. Natural deaths.
But even he looked disturbed.
"I've seen men die in battle," he said slowly. "I've seen them die by disease, by accident, by old age. But NEVER... NEVER by flying dog excrement."
He paused, looking at my body with something between pity and disgust.
"The gods must really, REALLY hate that guy."
Someone finally asked the question everyone was thinking.
"What... what do we do with him?"
"Burn the body," the elder said. "Far from the village. And burn that cursed tile with it."
They did.
They took my body outside the village. Built a pyre. Threw the tile on it too.
When they lit the fire, some people claimed they could still smell it. The dog shit. Even through the smoke.
They buried the ashes in unholy ground. A place where nothing grew. A place where they dumped trash and diseased animals.
That's where I was buried.
In the trash.
.
.
.
But the story didn't end there.
The village couldn't stop talking about it. The tale spread.
How do i know? well i am just making things up...
but its probably true because its so simple that you can literally predict the future here.
So Within a week, every village in the region knew about "the man killed by the cursed dog shit tile."
Children told the story to scare each other.
"If you're bad, the cursed tile will get you too!"
Parents used it as a cautionary tale.
"See what happens when you have bad luck? Stay humble. Stay careful."
Travelers passing through would always ask about it.
"Is it true? Did someone really die from dog shit?"
And the villagers would nod solemnly.
"Yes. Most elaborate, ridiculous, and HUMILIATING chain reaction death in history."
Someone even wrote a song about it. A drunk bard composed it one night at the tavern.
{AN- Read in the Rhymes of Sea Shanty Medley - There once was a ship that put to sea....THIS ONE}
""There... once was a man, from the eeeeast,
Who died in a way... most deceased.
A dog took a shit on a tile,
That poisoned the man... with a smiiile!
Oh heave-ho... and awaaay we go,
The tale of the shit-covered maaaan.
He slipped and fell into hell,
The most shameful death... ever tooold!
The tile... it flew through the air,
Covered in brown... and foul despair.
It cracked his head left him dead,
But the SMELL... killed him... right thereeee!
So re-mem-ber this tale... when you waaalk,
Watch your step... or you'll be the talk,
Of every drunk bard in the yard,
Singing your... most shameful shock!"
It wasn't even a good song. But people sang it anyway.
I became a legend. The worst kind of legend.
Not the hero who saved the village. Not the wise man who taught them knowledge. Not even the fool who tried and failed.
I was the guy who died from dog shit.
That's what three lives amounted to.
.
.
.
Meanwhile, I was back in the darkness.
Falling. Again.
But this time, I wasn't silent. This time, I was LIVID.
"I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO MANAGEMENT!" I screamed into the void. "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!"
"I DIED TO TRUCK-KUN! FINE! THAT'S A CLASSIC! I CAN ACCEPT THAT!"
"I DIED AS A MEAT SHIELD! HORRIBLE! BUT AT LEAST IT WAS IN A BATTLE!"
"AND NOW I DIED TO DOG SHIT?! DOG SHIT?! WHAT KIND OF COSMIC JOKE IS THIS?!"
My voice echoed through the darkness. Or maybe it didn't. Maybe I was just screaming in my own head.
"WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?! WHO DECIDES THESE THINGS?! BECAUSE THEY'RE DOING A TERRIBLE JOB!"
I kept screaming. Cursing. Using every profanity I knew from three lifetimes.
Some I made up on the spot.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU COSMIC ASSHOLE! YOU DIMENSIONAL DICKHEAD!"
I wanted to punch something. Break something. Destroy something.
But there was nothing here. Just darkness and my anger.
"I ASKED FOR A PEACEFUL WORLD! I ASKED FOR NO MAGIC! I ASKED FOR A FAIR CHANCE!"
"AND YOU GAVE ME A BORING WORLD WHERE I DIED FROM FLYING FECES!"
"THAT'S NOT FAIR! THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! IT'S JUST CRUEL!"
I thought about my third life. The mundane planet. The boring existence.
I got exactly what I wished for. A world without magic. Without monsters. Without complications.
But karma, or fate, or whatever was in charge, found the most creative, disgusting, humiliating way possible to kill me.
A dog with diarrhea. A tile. A chain reaction. And flying shit.
"THE UNIVERSE HAS A SICK SENSE OF HUMOR!" I shouted.
And somewhere in the darkness, I swear I heard laughter.
Maybe it was god. Maybe it was the universe. Maybe it was just my imagination.
But someone was laughing at me.
And that made me even angrier.
"FINE! FINE! YOU WIN! YOU BROKE ME! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!"
"THREE LIVES! THREE DEATHS! EACH ONE WORSE THAN THE LAST!"
"WHAT'S NEXT?! WHAT HUMILIATING DEATH DO YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR LIFE NUMBER FOUR?!"
Silence.
Just darkness and silence.
I kept falling.
My anger slowly faded. Turned into frustration. Then sadness. Then emptiness.
What was the point? What was the point of any of this?
Three chances. Three failures.
Earth: Bullied and killed.
Magic world: Enslaved and used.
Mundane world: Bored and shit-poisoned.
Each life was supposed to be better. Each life was supposed to give me a chance.
But it didn't.
Maybe I was cursed. Maybe I was just unlucky. Maybe the universe really did hate me.
I thought about giving up. Just letting the darkness swallow me. Staying here forever.
But then I thought about those villagers. Singing that stupid song about my death. Laughing at my grave.
And I got angry again.
"No," I whispered into the darkness. "No. I won't give up."
"You hear me, universe? God? Whoever's listening?"
"I. Won't. Give. Up."
"Give me another chance. Just one more. And I swear I'll make it count."
"I'll become someone. I'll do something. I'll make sure my name means something other than 'the dog shit guy.'"
"Just give me one more chance."
"Please."
My voice echoed in the darkness.
And for a long time, nothing happened.
I just kept falling.
But then...
Light.
Faint at first. Then growing stronger.
I was being pulled toward it.
Fourth chance incoming.
"Please," I whispered one last time. "Please let this one be different."
---