Filler Episode: The Environmental Villains
Deep within the dense, sun-dappled forests of KDC, a bizarre and highly out-of-place scene was unfolding.
Parked carelessly on the edge of the dirt path was their massive, heavy armored steam sedan, its powerful R12 engines ticking quietly as they cooled down from the drive. Completely ignoring the natural beauty of the woodland, Kniya had set up a ridiculously small, cheap wooden table and a matching small wooden chair right in the middle of the clearing.
Dressed entirely casually in a simple T-shirt and comfortable lowers, Kniya was sitting at the tiny table, taking a long sip from a brightly colored bottle of liquid glucose energy drink. He was deeply engrossed in reading and aggressively signing a stack of highly important corporate documents.
A few feet away, the deafening, aggressive roar of a heavy industrial chainsaw shattered the peaceful ambiance of the woods, perfectly synced with the loud, mechanical chugging of a portable gas generator sitting in the grass nearby.
VRRRR-VROOOOM!
Malesh, dressed impeccably in a crisp white shirt, perfectly tailored black pants, and his favorite Dragon-themed silk tie fluttering in the exhaust wind, was standing next to an ancient oak tree. His dark eyes—shielded only by a pair of heavy-duty safety goggles—stared intensely at the bark.
He lowered the heavy, generator-powered chainsaw, letting out a highly uncharacteristic, exaggerated laugh.
"Yes! I did this! I am cutting this tree, Kniya! Can you see this?!" Malesh declared, completely abandoning his deadpan corporate mask to embrace absolute theatrical villainy. "Ha ha ha! I have become evil! I am actively destroying the environment, exactly like the people who are presented as the bad guys in children's educational textbooks!"
Malesh dramatically pointed the revving chainsaw at the massive canopy above him.
"I am the absolute enemy of nature!" Malesh boasted, trying to sound as unhinged and destructive as possible.
Kniya didn't even look up from his paperwork. He took another long sip of his glucose drink, letting out a deep, highly annoyed sigh.
"Please do not disturb me, Malesh," Kniya criticized flatly, flipping to the next page of the contract. "I am actively signing some incredibly important corporate documents here. And secondly... with your massive, heavy-duty, generator-powered fucking chainsaw, you just managed to cut a microscopically small branch off a fucking tree. Not the entire tree itself."
Kniya finally looked up, his chaotic eyes locking onto his best friend with pure judgmental exhaustion.
"You want to talk about destroying the environment?" Kniya roasted him effortlessly. "If you actually wanted to be an environmental villain, you should just look at your own crude oil industry! They build massive drilling rigs, poison the groundwater with toxic chemical runoffs, and completely risk catastrophic oil spills that actively destroy entire ecosystems just to extract raw crude from the dirt! That is actual, highly profitable environmental destruction! You, on the other hand, just trimmed a microscopic twig in a white shirt and a silk tie."
Kniya shook his head in absolute disappointment. "Do not preach your highly pathetic, small fucking accomplishments to me. You are an absolute disgrace to your own company."
Malesh blinked, lowering the chainsaw. The deadpan CEO mask instantly snapped back into place. He was not going to let Kniya slander his corporate empire.
"What the fuck are you even talking about, Kniya?" Malesh argued defensively, pulling his safety goggles down to rest around his neck. "My refineries are located in the absolute middle of a barren desert! Who exactly am I harming? The sand? Furthermore, I strictly follow every single federal environmental rule and regulation. In fact, Malesh Energy Limited is literally the fucking first company in the entire world that voluntarily introduced advanced containment measures to prevent crude oil spills during extraction!"
Malesh pointed an authoritative finger at Kniya. "Do not compare my flawless logistical operations to some pathetic textbook villain. I run a clean empire."
Before Kniya could argue back about the environmental impact of desert drilling, the sharp, highly obnoxious ringing of Kniya's corporate analog phone echoed through the forest.
Kniya picked up the heavy receiver, pressing it to his ear. "Yeah? Speak."
Immediately, a voice absolutely exploded through the speaker, so loud that Kniya physically had to hold the receiver a few inches away from his head.
"Kniya, you fucking bastard!" Salesh's furious voice roared through the line. "Are you seriously just chilling in the woods with Malesh again?! You fucking dickhead, don't you think you should come back to the office and actually do some fucking work for once?!"
Kniya popped a piece of mint gum into his mouth, completely unmoved by the President's absolute meltdown.
"What is this behavior?!" Salesh continued screaming, the stress of running a trillion-credit monopoly clearly breaking his sanity. "You are literally out there enjoying yourselves all the time, never coming back to the headquarters! We have international ledgers to balance!"
Before Kniya could even respond, a second, equally furious voice echoed from the background of the call.
"He is entirely right, Kniya!" Filoska screamed from the back of the executive office, her aristocratic composure completely shattered. "You are literally so negligent, you fucking idiot! Salesh and I always have to take care of the entire corporate workload whenever you two disappear to do your completely useless stuff!"
Kniya listened to his two highest-ranking executives aggressively hyperventilating over the phone. He slowly chewed his gum, took a sip of his glucose drink, looked out at the peaceful forest, and then back down at the document he was signing.
"I literally do not give a single fuck," Kniya replied smoothly.
CLICK.
Kniya aggressively slammed his thumb onto the receiver, instantly cutting the call. He tossed the phone back onto the cheap wooden table and picked up his fountain pen, gesturing lazily toward his best friend.
"Anyway. Continue destroying the environment, Malesh," Kniya ordered cheerfully. "But try to aim for a slightly bigger branch this time."
The Official Leave
Kniya aggressively stamped the final corporate document on his tiny wooden table, tossing his fountain pen aside with a heavy, dramatic sigh of accomplishment. He took one last, long sip of his glucose drink, draining the brightly colored bottle.
"Alright, Malesh," Kniya announced, stretching his arms high above his head. "My work here is completely over. I think so we should just pack up the steam sedan, head straight home, and relax for the rest of the day."
Malesh, who had finally set the heavy gas-powered chainsaw down in the grass, smoothly adjusted his Dragon-themed silk tie. He stared at Kniya with a look of pure, uncompromising deadpan logic.
"I absolutely disagree, Kniya," Malesh corrected flatly, entirely rejecting the idea. "We are not going home. We need to drive straight back to the headquarters right now. I could hear Salesh screaming through your receiver from five feet away. If we don't go back there right now to handle your mess, he is going to lose his fucking mind and tear the company apart."
Kniya rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to argue against his best friend's flawless logic.
But before Kniya could even utter a single word, the sharp, highly obnoxious ringing of the heavy analog corporate phone echoed through the forest for a second time.
Kniya groaned, lazily picking up the receiver. He cleared his throat, completely dropping his CEO persona, and answered in a highly exaggerated, pathetic voice.
"Hello, this is the underpaid labor of Kavilson Steel speaking. How may I help you?" Kniya joked.
"Cut the fucking shit right now and get your ass back here, you fucking idiot!" Salesh's voice absolutely exploded through the speaker, sounding like a man on the verge of a massive cardiovascular event. "I know exactly how your twisted brain works! You are probably sitting in that forest right now thinking of taking another unauthorized leave!"
"Well, actually, Salesh," Kniya replied smoothly, leaning back in his tiny wooden chair. "This time, I am formally taking an official leave. Because, you know, we absolutely have to rest for one day. And if you check the corporate ledgers, I have literally not taken a single official leave in my entire life! It is really required for me to take this time off. I literally work way too hard."
A heavy, terrifying silence fell over the line.
For a second, it seemed like Salesh had simply stopped breathing. Then, the absolute fury of the President unleashed itself upon the forest.
"You fucking idiot!" Salesh screamed, his voice completely cracking under the sheer weight of his stress. "Every single day, you and Malesh completely escape from the office! You vanish to do your useless side quests! You literally never do any kind of actual work, and yet you are still legally marked as 'Present' in the attendance logs! And now you have the absolute audacity to tell me you are taking an 'official leave'?!"
Salesh was actively hyperventilating on the other end of the line.
"Why does an official leave even matter to you?!" Salesh roared. "You are literally not working anyway! What do you actually want, Kniya?! Do you want a fucking holiday, or a summer vacation?! What more do you possibly want from us?! Just come back to the entire fucking office right now!"
Kniya smirked, highly amused by the sheer magnitude of Salesh's breakdown.
"Okay, Salesh sir," Kniya mocked cheerfully, throwing a sarcastic salute to the trees.
"Listen to me very carefully, Kniya," Salesh warned, his voice dropping into a dark, highly lethal, and completely serious threat. "If you and Malesh do not walk through these headquarters doors in exactly half an hour... I am going to personally walk into your executive suite and burn down your entire collection of 'Demon Lord' novels. I will torch your precious, custom-built desk. I will burn your highly expensive chair. And then, I will set fire to Malesh's favorite leather sofa where he constantly resides!"
Kniya's eyes went wide. The threat to his precious light novel collection was an absolute line crossed.
"Oh! Salesh! No, please don't do that!" Kniya yelled, acting highly exaggeratedly scared, though genuine panic laced his voice at the mention of his books. "Not the Demon Lord novels! Please! We are coming right now! Do not touch the books!"
CLICK.
Salesh aggressively hung up the phone.
Kniya slowly lowered the receiver, his chaotic grin completely wiped off his face. He looked over at his best friend.
Malesh had paused mid-step, his hand resting on the heavy iron door of the armored steam sedan. His deadpan mask cracked slightly, revealing a flash of absolute, highly lethal corporate seriousness.
"Wait," Malesh stated flatly, his dark eyes narrowing. "Did he just threaten to burn my fucking sofa?"
"He absolutely did," Kniya confirmed, frantically packing up his tiny wooden table.
"Get in the car, Kniya," Malesh ordered ruthlessly, ripping the sedan door open. "We are leaving right now. Nobody touches my sofa."