"Precisely because they're not the same thing, that's why I wouldn't do it!" Muten Natsu slammed the table. "Can't you trust my character even a little?"
"And what right do you have to demand my trust?!" Rukia Kuchiki slammed the table as well, meeting him head-on. "I trusted you, and you deceived me!"
"Then what was I supposed to do?" Muten Natsu leaned forward, veins standing out on his forehead. "Let you walk onto the execution ground with me? Let you die because of me?"
"So I was supposed to accept all of this with a clear conscience?" Rukia Kuchiki leaned in too, staring straight into his eyes. "As the idiot who was fooled completely, as the traitor who captured you, happily enjoying the fake glory they piled on me while you were rotting in prison? If I were capable of that, you never should have saved me. And if I'm not, then why did you save me at all?"
"So when I had a way to stop it, I should've just stood by and watched you die?" Muten Natsu was breathing hard, stressing every word. "Being alive is always better than being dead."
Rukia Kuchiki shot back, "If you really believed that, then why did you risk your life to save me in the first place?"
Muten Natsu wanted to argue, but no words came.
"I kept telling myself that getting my life back, that all the honors I received, were bought with your sacrifice. That I couldn't let your sacrifice be wasted. That I should accept and enjoy everything I gained." Tears shimmered in her violet eyes. "But I can't, Muten. I really can't."
Her bright eyes filled with helpless tears as Rukia Kuchiki bit down on her lower lip. "Even when we were on the run, I had you with me. I didn't know what the future would bring, or what we'd face next. But that was okay. From the thatched hut to the wooden cabin, from Rukongai to Seireitei, we'd always lived like that. This would've just been starting over again, like before. Even if we failed in the end, it wouldn't matter. That kind of failure couldn't erase what we shared."
All the resolve she'd had earlier was gone, leaving her as helpless as a rabbit lost in a snowstorm. "But in that moment, I suddenly realized I didn't know who you were. You weren't the Muten Natsu I knew. I thought I understood you, but I didn't understand you at all. I never truly knew you. Everything we did together wasn't what I thought it was. You weren't the person I believed you were, which means I wasn't who I thought I was either. I thought I knew what was happening, but clearly, I didn't."
Her voice grew hurried, like she was trying to outrun the sobs, only making them more obvious. "We lived together for so long, and I didn't even know you. If I don't know you, what can I possibly know? I don't know anything. I don't understand anything. I don't know what happened in the past, I don't know what I'm doing now, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do in the future... I'm still alive, but why am I alive? And how am I supposed to go on living?"
Muten Natsu pressed his lips tightly together.
The person he saved that day really was Rukia Kuchiki.
Looking at the outcome alone, that much was true.
But if he thought about it another way, if he hadn't deceived Rukia Kuchiki and led her onto the execution ground with him...
Then the one suffering unbearably right now wouldn't be Rukia Kuchiki.
It would be him.
So which was heavier, a prison of the body or a prison of the heart?
After leaving Soul Society, Muten Natsu had started a new life early on.
But Rukia Kuchiki, who remained in Soul Society, had been frozen on that day forever.
"As the one who benefited, I shouldn't, and don't want to, blame you. I'll do everything I can to help you and repay you for saving my life." Rukia Kuchiki tucked her hair behind her ear. "But I can't trust you anymore... Do you remember our promise? That snowy night, in that half-collapsed hut."
Before his eyes rose the image of snow swirling outside the broken hut. "Then next time, we'll build a better one together," Muten Natsu murmured, repeating their old promise. "We'll make sure the other half doesn't collapse."
"It collapsed." Rukia Kuchiki took a deep breath, her eyes red. "All of it collapsed."
Muten Natsu looked at Rukia, who was on the verge of tears but stubbornly holding them back, and let out a long sigh.
"Yeah. It already collapsed."
Then... let it be like this.
Rukia Kuchiki turned to Orihime Inoue and forced a small smile. "Thank you, Orihime. After listening to all that nonsense, I actually feel a lot better."
Orihime Inoue hugged Ririn, staring blankly for a moment before finally snapping back. "Ah! I get it now!"
Ririn looked up. "You do?"
She didn't get it at all. Her head was spinning.
What was going on?
She understood every word. Every sentence made sense. So how did it end up like this?
Did Muten Natsu risk his life to save someone and somehow still mess it up?
"It's really simple," Orihime Inoue said, fiddling with Ririn's soft little arm. "I've seen this kind of thing tons of times."
Ririn blinked. "Huh?"
"The promise between you two," Orihime Inoue said, looking at Rukia Kuchiki and Muten Natsu, "can basically be summed up as creating a better life together, right?"
Muten Natsu and Rukia Kuchiki looked at each other, then nodded at the same time.
"But the focus is different!" Orihime Inoue used Ririn's hand to point at Muten Natsu. "Muten's focus is on [a better life]. So when he faces trouble, what he thinks is, [even if we can't be together, at least one of us has to have a better life]."
Then she used Ririn's other hand to point at Rukia Kuchiki. "Rukia's focus is on [together]. So when she faces trouble, what she thinks is, [even if life doesn't get better, as long as the two of us are together, that's enough]."
Orihime Inoue really had seen this a lot. Comedy shows were full of scenes like this, where two people talked about the same thing but meant completely different things, only to spiral further and further into misunderstandings.
When it happened to Muten Natsu and Rukia Kuchiki, though, it turned into a tragedy.
Rukia Kuchiki wanted to be with Muten Natsu, but he pushed her away with lies.
Muten Natsu wanted Rukia Kuchiki to live a better life, but instead dragged her into pain she couldn't escape.
They gave each other what they wanted to give, yet never received what they themselves wanted.
"You're both keeping the promise you made back then," Orihime Inoue said seriously. "That's why it didn't collapse. You're just both standing in the wind and snow, trying to shove the other one inside."
Ririn finally understood. "So you two are idiots."
Rukia Kuchiki glanced at Muten Natsu.
Muten Natsu glanced back at Rukia Kuchiki.
They spoke at the same time. "I'm not an idiot!"
Then they both pointed at each other. "You're the idiot!"