Muten Natsu's steps really were a little hurried.
After leaving Kūkaku Shiba, he had wanted to go see Rukia Kuchiki.
But the closer he got to the 4th Division, the slower he walked.
What should he say... He still had no answer to that.
And yet, he still wanted to say something.
Even if he said nothing at all.
He still wanted to see her.
Muten Natsu stood at the doorway of the office, watching Rukia Kuchiki as she worked through her paperwork.
She clearly hadn't noticed him standing there. She was still completely absorbed in the documents before her.
Her fine brows slightly furrowed, Rukia Kuchiki compared several files over and over. Only after confirming everything was correct did she slowly put pen to paper.
She paused midway, as though there were something she wasn't fully sure about.
The tip of her brush rested against her fair chin, pressing a faint curve into it. Her bright eyes shifted slightly, and only then did she finish writing the rest.
Her brows relaxed. The corners of Rukia Kuchiki's lips lifted as she neatly arranged the completed documents and casually picked up the next one.
After hesitating for a moment, she put it back down, picked up the box beside her, and took a small spoonful of dessert. Her eyes narrowed happily, and she pursed her lips like a content little cat. Her small feet, wrapped in tabi, swung back and forth, making the flipped ends of her short hair sway in the sunlight.
Humming some unrecognizable tune, Rukia Kuchiki looked like she wanted another spoonful, but after tilting her head, she set it down and pushed the dessert aside.
The moment she picked up the file again, though, her gaze drifted back to it on its own.
After struggling with herself several times, Rukia Kuchiki reached out and pushed the dessert a little farther away.
The tip of her pink tongue swept across her lips. She savored the lingering sweetness there, then lifted the file to block the dessert from view and nodded in satisfaction.
But even after staring at the file for quite a while, it didn't seem to help much. Rukia Kuchiki peeked out from behind it again, stared at the dessert for a long moment, and finally reached out.
But she had pushed it a little too far away earlier, and now she couldn't quite reach it. Her fingers only barely brushed the edge.
Too lazy to stand up, Rukia Kuchiki stretched her arm out as far as she could. Her slender fingers trembled lightly before finally hooking the dessert toward her. Delighted, she took another spoonful.
Then she turned her head and looked around, making sure no one had seen. Just as she scooped up another spoonful...
"Huh?"
She turned again and saw Muten Natsu.
"I..." Rukia Kuchiki held up the dessert. "I saved some for you."
Muten Natsu walked over and looked into the bowl. There was still a little less than half left.
"I don't like sweets. You eat it."
"Liar." Rukia Kuchiki pushed it toward him again, urging him on. "Eat."
That was exactly what he had said about the apple back then.
Muten Natsu took a bite, then pushed it back toward Rukia Kuchiki. "Yeah, the sweetness is just right."
Rukia Kuchiki scooped up another spoonful and stuffed it into his mouth, then finished off the rest herself.
"Lieutenant Kira brought this over. He said it was to apologize to me, but there's really nothing for him to apologize for. Following a superior's orders isn't wrong. The situation was complicated back then, and as a Lieutenant, he already did his job well enough. If drawing a blade against a fellow officer is the standard, then would that mean Lieutenant Matsumoto was also at fault...? Still, the dessert was good, so I kept it. Captain Hitsugaya and Matsumoto just came by to visit Hinamori, and Orihime got familiar with her almost immediately. That really is just like her."
"Orihime's way with people hasn't changed." Only then did Muten Natsu realize that all of Rukia Kuchiki's earlier struggle had been because she was trying to save some for him. He casually picked up a file. "As for Izuru... he's always been the type to brood. You can see the gloom written all over his face. I remember he wasn't like that back when we were in school. A lot of the girls liked him then, and Abarai used to complain all the time that he was stealing the spotlight."
Renji Abarai and Izuru Kira had both been in Class 1, while Muten Natsu and Rukia Kuchiki were in Class 2. Most of what Muten Natsu knew about Izuru Kira had come from Renji Abarai.
"That's true. After he joined the 4th Division, he clearly became much more withdrawn. A lot of the squad members used to like him, but once he got more gloomy, they all started keeping their distance," Rukia Kuchiki recalled. "Later he transferred to the Third Division, and when I saw him again, I almost didn't recognize him."
Muten Natsu picked up a pen and casually began working through the documents in his hands.
"I can understand how he thinks. When something terrible happens to the people around him, and no one blames him for it, he starts to feel like he should be punished anyway. So he keeps looking for faults in himself. From his behavior to his inner thoughts, he magnifies every flaw and treats it as something serious. Over time, it's only natural he'd become more and more depressed."
Izuru Kira... really is a lot like Muten Natsu.
Rukia Kuchiki handed over a few related documents. Watching him handle them so smoothly, it almost felt like any problem that reached his hands simply disappeared.
"Then..." Rukia Kuchiki pressed her lips together lightly. "Is there any way to help him?"
"To be honest, there's no particularly good solution. It's just the way he is." Muten Natsu's pen moved swiftly. Though he had been slightly unfamiliar at first, after a few documents, his speed picked up noticeably. "He uses the weight of guilt to keep his drifting soul pinned to the ground, afraid that if he relaxes even a little, he'll lose his connection to this world and be pulled somewhere he doesn't even understand."
"I see..." Rukia Kuchiki wrinkled her nose, murmuring unwillingly, "So nothing we do will help?"
"Anything others do just adds more weight to that guilt. So from that perspective, nothing anyone does will help." Muten Natsu set down the finished documents. "That's what I used to think."
Rukia Kuchiki reached out to pass him more files, but her hand met empty air. The stack of documents had already been cleared between the two of them.
Hearing his words, she paused, momentarily distracted. Even without holding any files, she instinctively extended her empty hand toward him.
"If what others do really doesn't help, then considering the difference in our experiences, I should be in a much worse state than him right now." Muten Natsu also extended his hand without thinking. "But I feel like I'm actually doing better."
Their hands met gently, one above the other.
With nothing in between, the warmth of each other's palms passed through clearly.
Rukia Kuchiki's eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Really." Muten Natsu met her gaze without looking away. "Because you're by my side. Because you're right here in front of me."
Rukia Kuchiki had been right.
Muten Natsu and Izuru Kira were indeed very similar. Both used guilt to anchor themselves to the world.
And yet, the way they turned out was completely different.
Because Muten Natsu had Rukia Kuchiki by his side.