Alexander knew one very important fact about Albus Dumbledore:
The man could Apparate inside Hogwarts.
Which meant—
Time limit.
Short.
Very short.
The moment he cleared the staircase, Alexander broke into a full sprint.
Left corridor.
Secret passage behind the tapestry.
Sliding staircase shortcut.
Portrait detour.
Out of the side entrance near the courtyard.
Every hidden route he'd mapped during his nightly explorations came into play.
"If I were a teleporting old man…" he muttered while running, "I'd check the obvious places first."
So he didn't go obvious.
He went south.
All the way to the edge of the Black Lake.
The night air was cold.
The water still.
Moonlight reflected across the surface like silver glass.
Alexander finally stopped, breathing lightly, then dropped onto a flat rock near the shore.
He placed the Sorting Hat in front of him.
Cracked his knuckles.
"Alright," he said. "Interrogation time."
The hat, freed from Silence, immediately began yelling—
"YOU DERANGED CHILD! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"
Alexander pointed at it.
"First of all—lower your tone. Second—yes. I'm correcting a historical injustice."
"I SORTED YOU CORRECTLY!"
"Oh, really?" Alexander leaned forward. "So because I'm Asian, I'm in Ravenclaw, huh?"
The hat groaned in exasperation.
"No! It is because you possess a brilliant, inquisitive mind—"
Alexander waved him off.
"Yeah, yeah. Old. Racist. Probably dusty too."
The hat paused.
"…Dusty?"
Alexander stood up.
"I'll help wash you."
The hat's brim twitched.
"…I beg your pardon?"
SPLASH.
Alexander shoved the Sorting Hat straight into the lake.
"HEY—! WATERLOGGING DAMAGES ENCHANTED FABRICS—!"
Bubbles rose to the surface as Alexander held it down.
"Drowning the hate," he said calmly.
After a minute, he pulled it back out.
Water dripped from the brim.
The hat sputtered furiously.
"I AM A FOUR-FOUNDERS RELIC! YOU CANNOT—"
Alexander puffed his chest.
"Look how brave I am. Gryffindor material too."
SPLASH.
Back into the lake it went before the hat could finish.
Another minute passed.
He pulled it out again.
The hat coughed dramatically.
"I am NOT racist! You are EXACTLY where you belong—"
Alexander dropped it on the rock.
Then started stomping on it to squeeze the water out.
"I'm drying you."
"STOP STEPPING ON ME!"
"All you speak is lies," Alexander said, continuing to stomp. "This school needs a new sorting system. Maybe a written exam. Less racist."
"I SORT BASED ON MIND AND SOUL—NOT ETHNICITY!"
Alexander paused.
Looked down.
"…Oh, look. You're dirty again."
The hat froze.
"…No."
SPLASH.
Back into the lake.
"Die, stupid racist hat," Alexander muttered.
But this time, he escalated.
He grabbed the dripping hat, jogged to a nearby rock, and started smacking it against the stone.
"HEY—! THAT IS NOT DRYING—!"
"I'm helping you dry faster," Alexander said, smashing it again. "Impact drying."
"PLEASE STOP—!"
"I AM NOT RACIST—!"
"RACIST HAT DIE!"
Smack.
"What about Cho?!" he shouted. "She's Asian too! Ravenclaw! Explain that!"
"I HAVE EXPLAINED—!"
Smack.
"RACIST HAT!"
Smack.
"DIE!"
After another dunk in the lake, Alexander pulled it out one more time, panting slightly from enthusiasm.
"This time," he said, "I'll dry you properly."
He raised his wand.
The hat's stitched mouth trembled.
"…Please don't."
"Incendio."
Flames burst across the brim.
"AAAAAAAAH! I AM ON FIRE! HE IS INSANE! SOMEONE HELP—!"
"Oh, you're on fire?" Alexander said casually. "Let me help."
He stomped on it again to put the flames out.
Smoke rose.
The hat wheezed dramatically.
"I REGRET NOTHING—BUT I REGRET SORTING YOU—"
That's when the voices arrived.
"Mr. Chen."
Alexander froze mid-stomp.
He turned slowly.
Professors.
Prefects.
Multiple students had followed the commotion.
McGonagall.
Snape.
Flitwick.
Sprout.
Even Filch and Mrs. Norris.
And at the center—
Dumbledore.
All of them staring.
At Alexander.
Standing over the smoking, soaked, half-charred Sorting Hat.
"…Oh," Alexander said.
The hat used its last strength to scream—
"WHAT ARE YOU ALL STANDING THERE FOR?! HE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!"
Alexander's eyes widened slightly.
"Snitch."
He flicked his wand.
"Depulso"
He launched the hat out of his reach—
Sailing through the air—
SPLASHING deep into the lake.
Everyone watched the ripples spread.
Alexander dusted off his hands calmly.
Turned back to the crowd.
Smiled politely.
"Hello, everyone."