As the car arrived at the campus, I slowly got out. My eyes roamed over the area, buzzing with happiness and cheers. Rowan is getting his degree too early, along with his seniors. He is taking a short break and will pursue a master's degree at one of the reputed colleges. He has applied and been accepted into a few universities, but has not finalised where he is going to enrol. Rowan is uncertain whether he will enrol this year or next. Rowan's dad is chill with Rowan's decision, unlike my dad. I think he will enrol next year and deeply invest more time in running things around the company.
My eyes fell on Rowan, who was smiling around his circle of friends along with his parents and siblings, who were only a few feet apart from him. I slowly started walking toward him, and I was in front of him. He hugged me as soon as he saw me. This is turning into a habit. I wanted to groan but held back. It's not that I didn't like the hug, but I hate doing it in public. I don't want to give people around me the wrong idea of me being friendly or anything like that. Once he broke the hug, I spoke. "Congratulations." He smiled broadly in return. "Thank you, and I am damn happy." Of course you are. Literally, your face is screaming with happiness.
They started taking photos, while I maintained my distance. Isabella and her troops joined, and the clicks were more. She is not graduating and still maintains her shine on the occasion. It was time; everyone started walking to the auditorium, and Rowan was beside me, along with his friends. He has volunteered for the arrangement of today's event. Once he made sure that I had taken the designated seat along with his parents, he was about to make a 'U-turn, when his dad spoke. "Why is he here, Rowan?" Rowan made a displeased sound. I don't understand why everyone had a problem with our connection. Most of them around us don't like us seeing each other, and I am not getting why. "Dad, he is here on my invitation to witness the event," Rowan said with a little bit of anger, trying to hold back at the same time. "This was supposed to be a family event." Give me a break. "And he is family." I don't know why my heart thuds at the sentence. Family that really sounds good, but whether I am eligible for that label is highly debatable. He is roping me through his damn words, like always, without even being aware of what he is doing.
Rowan stormed out toward the backstage area. His father, while muttering something, took a seat beside me. "I don't know what has gotten into that boy?" Frustration was overflowing from him. "He wasn't himself. Always obedient and was a good boy, now I don't know anymore." According to me, he is still a good guy; I don't know why he is complaining. "I don't like you and your father, son, no offence." Here we go with the same bullshit again; these old hags should just take a damn break. "Please don't drag whatever this is. My boy is too good and deceivable." I coughed at that and rolled my eyes. "You are getting what I am telling, right?" Well, as if it matters. "Kid or not, I don't care you guys should stop messing with things." Like seriously, everywhere I go, these lecturers will follow like a leech.
A seat beside me was still vacant; without wasting another second, I occupied that one, leaving the man glaring at me. He grumbled a few things, which were too horrible, but not about the words. I sighed at the distance, and patiently I waited for the program to start.
After 10 minutes, the stage was occupied by lecturers, followed by principle and the chairs were full. The auditorium went silent as Rowan started the introduction part, along with, of course, Isabella. She was shining for a reason today. The principal gave a small speech, lecturers, and a few other VIPs. The ceremony began with the distribution of certificates for seniors.
Everyone was smiling, cheerful on the stage while receiving the certificate, and I don't know whether they are happy because the complete their degree or getting rid of this college atmosphere. There was an encouraging speech from the merit students, and they also tried to boost the juniors' energy while bidding them their final goodbye. I am anticipating this day to get the certificate, and it's like an entry certificate for everything for me.
Finally, it was Rowan's turn; his sisters were cheering when he went on the stage, and his mother stood up from her seat, clapping with tears. I was also happy at his achievement; he was the topper, and a banner with his photo was displayed at the entrance with all glory, along with a few others. Rowan gave a small speech; after waving at his parents, he walked towards the background.
Once the convocation was distributed, everyone was outside, once again, with clicking pictures. I internally groan at that. His family and friends were attacking Rowan, not leaving until the picture was perfect. I stood at the side, watching everything but never going to take part in that, nope. A person stood beside me. I glanced at that person, and it was Davis. Well, I kind of missed him. I am glad he joined, or else this function would never have had a final touch without him. He is not graduating, of course; he is here because of Rowan.
"You are here too; why am I not surprised? It feels like you never left the country." He chuckled after that, and I tried to ignore him like usual, but the guy doesn't know how to take a hint. "Are you free tomorrow?" I was taken aback at the question as it was out of the blue. "Just an hour is enough; it's really important," he proceeded, and it feels like he has set his mind on something, and I don't think he is waiting for my approval. "I will forward the location of the place with timings, please don't miss to come. It's really important." He stressed the last part with a broad, cunning smile. My mind started running on the possible scenarios, I tried to conclude as nothing, but I couldn't get rid of the odd feeling that I started to feel.
Devis joined them, and the smile was even wider than usual. I know he is genuinely happy for Rowan, but there is something else, too. There was a slight shift in me, before I could do more, I was dragged by Rowan. "Come on, I want a photo with you." And his hand went on my shoulder with a perfect smile toward the camera. I stood beside him with a more deepened frown on my face. He tried his best to make me smile, and I managed to mimic something that resembled a smile. After a few pictures, I thought he would leave me to be, but no, he dragged his family and friends, and it went on. I freed myself from his clutches, as I needed to get air and also avoid the damn noises.
Isabella came to the picture, and things started to get touchier and more intense between them. There was some chemistry running between them; the way they smile at each other is screaming that something started between them. There was no hesitation in touching each other; the way they looked at each other had changed, more groomed into something deep.
They were in their little world. Rowan's hand was attached to her waist, never leaving. They were laughing at something, and he slid the hair stand behind her ear with so much warmth on his face. His friends were cheering; the clicks were random and welcoming from them. This whole photo session turned into a romantic one, and now, I can confirm that something is cooking between them. My whole body went numb at the realisation. I started muttering something like prayers, repeating, and chanting.
I don't know what got into me or how I got myself involved. The aches always feel fresh with more intense pain. My whole body would be drained just by watching the scene unfold, and I feel like collapsing on the spot. Is it too late? I don't know why I asked the question myself when everything was on display. I don't want to give up, and I want him at all costs. I can't give up, that's the problem, because he is not just any person in my life. I know he is much more; what I feel about him is deeper, stronger, and unmatchable with anyone else. There is something about him, much more than my knowledge is serving me, and I am not able to reach where I should.
He managed to pull me into his grasp without doing anything; he occupied my mind and my whole body. Somehow, he is the answer to every question that is stirring in my mind. He is the way in and my way out of my miserable life. I can't lose him, or else I would lose myself without him in my life. He is the channel; he gives meaning, and he is the destroyer, too.
I can't lose him.
I started walking toward the car. The ride was torturous with the images of them. I need him, I chanted like a prayer throughout the ride. I stormed out of the car; once it was in, I stopped in front of the mansion, and the door closing in my room echoed throughout the mansion. This is the signal for everyone in the mansion not to approach me for the time being.
I glared at everything in the room. I wanted to smash everything, but that wasn't satisfying anymore. I can't get rid of my frustration that easily unless unwinding it, and the only way is hitting the gym and swimming. Immediately, I changed my outfit, and I hit the gym. I didn't warm up; I straight away targeted every piece of equipment that was in the gym.
In thirty minutes, push-ups drained my energy, weightlifting made me concentrate, and boxing held me focused. Till I was on the verge of collapse, I boxed and drained everything that was burning in me. I was on the floor, catching my breath by closing my eyes. This is pure suffocation and misery.
A person is controlling my life; a guy is modifying my lifestyle, and he is the one who is drawing the line on how much I need to enjoy in my life, and my worthiness. He is adding everything with his presence, taking more with his absence and making sure to multiply the things that I was going through.
He is making my life hell and heaven at the same time. This is biased; nothing is in my favour from the time I was born. Everything is enduring, surviving and getting used to it.
He has become a navigator, and without him, I am lost. He is the captain of my ship; without him, I will drown, and he is the anchor who can hold me on my ground and who has the power to stop everything that's on my way. A person should never have this much power over another person, and I don't know when or how it happened. Now, I am in deep trouble without any solution or salvation.