Chapter 62: The Strange Case of Kakuzu; A Rather... Unique Mental State
"Hiruzen, the intelligence on the Earth Grudge Fear you were looking for has arrived."
Danzo reported with a sharp, professional edge. "It's in the hands of a very troublesome individual."
"His name is Kakuzu. He currently operates as a high-tier bounty hunter, active in the underground exchange stations across all nations."
"Based on the timeline and descriptions provided by Lady Mito, he is almost certainly the rogue ninja from the Hidden Waterfall she mentioned."
Hiruzen scanned the file. He was initially impressed by the efficiency of the Anbu under Danzo's command. Once you reined in Danzo's personal ego, the man was a logistical powerhouse—at least when dealing with outside threats.
However, as Hiruzen finished reading the profile, a massive mental question mark appeared over his head.
Did I overpraise you, Danzo?
"Obsessed with money? So miserly that he takes every mission regardless of rank? He once accepted a D-rank contract to find a lost cat?" Hiruzen asked, looking up from the paper with a bewildered expression. "Danzo... are you sure you didn't accidentally give me Might Dai's background check?"
"No," Danzo replied flatly. "I am a professional. That is Kakuzu."
"So, you're telling me," Hiruzen deadpanned, "that a dangerous S-rank criminal—a man who stole his village's most sacred forbidden art and slaughtered his entire high council—went into the black market and became... a model employee?"
"You're telling me he's a seventy-year-old man who has maintained a zero-percent negative review rate for over two decades? That he's so dedicated to the 'Grind' that he returns deposits if he fails a mission?"
Hiruzen looked at his Assistant. "In what world is that logical?"
Missing-nin (Rogue Ninjas) were the most volatile element in the Ninja World. It wasn't just about their strength; it was about their mindset. Once a shinobi betrayed their village, they were discarded by the system. In a world where 'Ninjas are Tools,' a tool that bites its owner is never trusted again.
The weight of that systemic rejection usually turned rogue ninjas into nihilistic, aggressive predators who followed no rules but their own.
But this Kakuzu behaved like an Academy student of the year.
Gentleman Thief? Professional Greed? Hiruzen thought.
"Hiruzen, the intel is solid. It has been verified through multiple deep-cover assets in the underground," Danzo said, his voice carrying a rare hint of defensiveness. He too had found the report bizarre when it first crossed his desk.
Who remains a law-abiding bounty hunter for fifty years after murdering their government?
"The man is extraordinarily cautious," Danzo continued. "He avoids direct conflict with the Five Great Nations whenever possible. His combat prowess and experience are, frankly, beyond anything we've seen in a typical Jonin."
"If we intend to harvest him, we need to be over-prepared, Hiruzen."
Danzo added a warning note. "And if we fail, it will tarnish the First Hokage's legend. After all..."
"Wait, why?" Hiruzen frowned. "What does this have to do with Lord Hashirama?"
"Hiruzen! You told me Lady Mito said this man once attempted to assassinate the First Hokage!" Danzo said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Hiruzen rubbed his temples.
"Danzo... suppose you spared an enemy to show the world your magnanimity and grace. Suppose the entire Ninja World was whispering in awe of your mercy."
"Then, twenty years later, your successor or your student just walks up and stabs that same man in the neck. What would people think of your 'legacy' then?"
Danzo's face darkened. "I'd probably want to kill that student myself. They'd be making a mockery of my reputation!"
Hiruzen spread his hands. "Exactly. Lord Hashirama's reputation for peace and kindness is a strategic asset. It's why the other villages still feel a twinge of guilt or respect when I bring up his name."
"Lady Mito's description of Kakuzu was a 'poor, desperate boy forced into a duel he couldn't win.' If we treat him like a rabid dog now, we're effectively telling the world that Hashirama's mercy was a mistake."
Danzo nodded slowly. Hokage politics are a lot more annoying than I remembered.
He had always thought Hashirama was a bit of a "naive fool" for his mercy, but Hiruzen was framing it as high-level Reputation Management.
"So what's the plan, Hiruzen? It's been decades. Surely most people have forgotten the duel?" Danzo asked tentatively.
Hiruzen lit his pipe and narrowed his eyes, blowing out a thin stream of smoke. He was looking for the "Order" inside the "Chaos."
"Think about it, Danzo. Why would an immortal rogue be obsessed with money? Money means nothing to someone who can live forever. Yet he treats it with religious devotion. He follows the rules of the market. He returns deposits."
Hiruzen flipped through the report again. Assigned to kill Hashirama... imprisoned upon return... stole the Earth Grudge Fear... slaughtered the elders... obsessed with currency... loves reading ancient history...
Thanks to Danzo's obsessive intelligence gathering, Hiruzen had enough data to perform a modern psychological profile.
Ninjas in this world are generally mentally unstable, Arata mused. The trauma of war creates specific, almost autistic fixations. Take Danzo—he's obsessed with the Hokage hat because it's the only way he can feel 'validated' by a dead teacher.
Kakuzu isn't obsessed with money. He's obsessed with Equivalent Exchange. He was betrayed by 'Duty' and 'Loyalty,' so he retreated into the only thing that never lies: a Price Tag. He loves the order of the transaction. He loves that a gold coin is the same today as it was a hundred years ago.
Hiruzen's eyes glinted.
"Danzo, would you believe me if I said Kakuzu is a prime candidate for the Will of Fire?"
"Hiruzen, I admit you've done wonders with that slogan lately," Danzo shook his head, "but I have to warn you—the Will of Fire isn't a miracle cure for every sociopath in the world."
"Want to make a bet?" Hiruzen asked with a chuckle.
"If I lose, I'll spend an entire day acting like Might Dai. I'll wear a green jumpsuit, patrol the village on a handstand, and enthusiastically greet every single villager I see—including every Uchiha."
Danzo's face went pale at the mental image of the Hokage doing a "Youthful" lap through the village.
"That... is absurd," Danzo said. "But fine. I'll give you a lesson in reality."
"The conditions: If Kakuzu voluntarily agrees to work for Konoha, I lose. If you have to use a seal or force him, I win."
"And if I win," Danzo added, his eyes narrowing, "then the next time I achieve a major victory for the village, you will be the first person to stand up and lead the standing ovation for me. In public."
Hiruzen laughed, shaking his head.
"I don't need a bet to do that, Danzo. I'd do it anyway."
Danzo kept a cold, stoic mask, but Hiruzen's words hit him like a warm blanket. The Monkey... he really knows how to talk to a man. I should write that line down.
"Fine. To the point then," Danzo cleared his throat, trying to hide his pleasure. "How do we do it?"
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