Once again during her lunch break, Suzu sat with her back slightly angled against the wall, bag resting beside her, book already open in her hands. The story in her hands had already pulled her in again. It was a steady descent, page by page, where she didn't notice she was leaning further into it until she was already there.
Two girls were arguing again, but not in a way that felt like conflict. It was the kind of argument that disguised itself as affection. Suzu found herself pausing more often at those parts, rereading lines without fully admitting why.
Another page turned.
The characters in the book were doing something that clearly should not have been done, emotionally speaking. Suzu felt a small, involuntary reaction rise in her chest, something between disbelief and reluctant understanding.
"You're making everything worse on purpose," she whispered to the page, narrowing her eyes slightly.
Immersed in her reading, she didn't immediately notice the person that was near her. Then a voice spoke.
"How's reading Confessions Written Between Closed Curtains going?"
Suzu stopped reading. She blinked. Once. Then again. Slowly, she lowered the book just enough to see over it, heart racing. A girl with haired dyed a dark red. Suzu's brain attempted to restart itself. Failed.
"…I—" she began.
Nothing followed. She tried again, a little faster.
"I'm sorry, I think you— I don't think— how do you know—"
Her sentence fractured halfway through. She tightened her hold on the book instinctively, pulling it closer to her chest.
The girl didn't move. Just watched her with a little smile. Suzu forced another attempt at speech.
"You shouldn't— I mean, that's not— I didn't think anyone—"
She stopped again. Her mouth closed. Opened then closed again. She was utterly speechless.
"I don't usually— I mean, I do usually read it, but not like— not here, obviously, because that would be—"
She gestured vaguely at the air, failing to complete the thought physically as well.
The girl tilted her head slightly.
"You're embarrassed," she said simply.
"I am not—" Suzu said immediately.
Then corrected herself in a different direction entirely.
"I am experiencing a normal amount of awareness."
That did not sound better. It sounded worse. A faint pause passed between them. Suzu tried to recover composure by shifting her position slightly, but it wasn't helping much.
"It's just a book," she added quickly. "A fictional one. With fictional people doing fictional things that I am not emotionally involved in at all."
The girl glanced at the book in her hands. Then back to Suzu.
"You were talking to it," she said.
"I talk to books," Suzu replied immediately. "That's normal. It's called engagement."
Suzu realized she was still holding the book too tightly and loosened her grip slightly, then immediately tightened it again because loosening felt suspicious.
"I read it."
Suzu froze.
"You— you what?"
"I read it," she repeated.
"You can't just say that like it's a normal sentence!"
"It is."
"It is not."
The girl blinked once, slowly. "After I saw it in your bag."
"My bag," Suzu repeated.
"Yes."
"…You went into my bag."
"Yes."
Suzu's face cycled through several emotions too quickly to stabilize on any one of them.
"That's not— that's not a thing you're allowed to do," she said finally, voice rising slightly. "That's like basic human boundary structure. That's like social law."
"I got curious."
Suzu exhaled through her nose, trying to stabilize herself.
"And you read it?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Like… all of it?"
"Most of it."
Suzu slowly lowered her head into her hands for a brief moment, pressing her fingers against her forehead.
"Oh my god," she muttered.
The girl watched her without reacting. Suzu lifted her head again.
"You can't just do that," she said again, softer now but more intense in disbelief.
The girl took a small step closer. Then she said, almost casually:
"It's about two girls."
Suzu made a sound of immediate protest.
"No. No, we are not— we are not doing a breakdown right now. We are not doing commentary. We are not doing analysis. I did not consent to post-reading discussion."
The girl continued anyway.
"One of them doesn't realize how often she's being noticed."
Suzu froze again before quickly interrupting again.
"No. No no no, you are not— you are not summarizing it like that—"
Suzu's cheeks were entirely pink now. She was totally flustered.
"Well, I'll leave you be. Enjoy your weird stories," the girl said, before walking off. "I know I'm in one of your classes, but in case you don't know my name, It's Reina."
Suzu stood there for a second too long after the name landed. By the time her brain caught up, the red-haired girl had already turned away. Then, very quietly, she said:
"…Reina?"
She lowered her book slightly, then immediately raised it again like she wasn't sure what to do with her hands now that the interaction had stopped. Her fingers tightened around the cover, then loosened again. The motion repeated once, twice, like her body was trying to reset itself into a stable configuration.
Suzu exhaled. Then she pressed her free hand against her face for a moment.
"No," she muttered to herself. "That was not normal. That was not a normal thing that just happened."
She paused. Then corrected herself, quieter.
"…That was multiple not-normal things stacked on top of each other."
Her gaze dropped to her book. Confessions Written Between Closed Curtains. The title suddenly felt heavier than it had five minutes ago.
Her vision was starting to blur, and her breathing was picking up pace. She rushed to the bathroom. By the time Suzu reached the bathroom, she had already considered transferring schools.
She pushed through the door, walked past the sinks, and locked herself inside the first empty stall she saw. The stall itself wasn't important. What mattered was that there was now a locked door between her and the rest of society.
Suzu sat down on the closed toilet lid and stared at the door. For a few seconds she just sat there, hands folded in her lap, trying very hard not to think about anything. Unfortunately, thinking was one of the few things she was exceptionally good at. The disaster replayed immediately.
How's reading Confessions Written Between Closed Curtains going?
Suzu squeezed her eyes shut.
"No."
The word came out as a whisper. She opened her eyes again. The memory continued anyway.
I read it.
"No."
One of them doesn't realize how often she's being noticed.
"No."
Suzu dropped her head into her hands. The worst part wasn't even that someone had caught her reading yuri.
Well. Actually, that was awful. That was absolutely in the top three. But the worst part was that Reina hadn't caught her reading yuri and reacted like a normal person would. A normal person would have laughed, or asked a question, or silently judge from a safe distance like society intended!
Reina had apparently gone home, found the novel, read it, and returned with opinions. That was not a normal sequence of events.
Who would do that? Who actually would do that?
Suzu groaned quietly and pressed her forehead against the stall door. A tiny, traitorous part of her brain immediately supplied an answer.
You probably would.
"...Okay, that's not the point."
Because she probably would. If she found somebody secretly reading a bizarre niche novel, she would absolutely get curious. But she wouldn't go through their bag!
Now Reina had probably formed an entire profile. An image. A concept of Suzu. And that concept was probably deeply incorrect. Or maybe deeply accurate. Neither possibility felt survivable. Suzu let out a strangled sound somewhere between a sigh and a complaint.
She buried her face in her hands. Maybe she could skip the rest of the day. It wasn't a good idea, but it was currently winning. She looked at the time on her phone. Class was starting soon. A normal person would probably go back now. Suzu considered it. For nearly eight seconds.
Then she imagined walking through the classroom door and accidentally making eye contact with Reina. Her entire body immediately rejected the proposal.
"No."
The answer came out loud this time. It was firm, immediate, certain. At the moment, Suzu was busy having a very important emotional crisis in a bathroom stall. Class could wait.