I was sleeping in my room beside my mom dad's room when the phone rang.
The phone rang again.
I remember thinking the phone would stop.
A small false hope ,"maybe wrong number".
My mother had already fallen asleep.
It ringed again. My chest felt tight, like i had missed a step in dark
I counted the seconds between each ring.
Something felt wrong, but i didn't know why.
Not loudly,but
Enough to break the night.
I didn't open my eyes at first .
My mother answered
She didn't say "hello".
She only said "what ?"
There was silence on the other side.
Then her voice changed.
The phone slipped from her hand.
"He's gone!" she shouted.
She tried to speak again, but no sound came out.
I sat up my heart beating too fast.
Gone where ?
I didn't understand the words.
I only understood her scream.
She was crying and shaking calling my father's name again and again, like he could hear her through the walls. I stood there,frozen. My mind was blank my body didn't know what to do.
My mom was shaking. That even scared me more.
Her mouth moved her hands searched the air, and I realized i had never seen her this helpless before.
"Gone" didn't feel like a real word.
People went places .They came back.
Gone felt unfinished , like a sentence someone forgot to complete.
I was 17years old in the house.
My sister she had no words, She was too little to understand .
Someone said it was my Fathers friend.
Someone said Hospital.
Someone said Accident.
I kept thinking i would make a mistake.
That one wrong call would make things worse.
Even though i didn't know how worse could exist.
I picked up the phone with shaky hands and called my relatives
Who lived far away. Too far
I had never made calls like this before.
My fingers didn't listen to me.
I called my friend.
"Please bring your bike ?" I begged
My voice didnt sound like mine.
I didn't know where we were going.
I only knew nothing would be the same.
I didnt scream.
One thing on my mind.
"""What should i do next ?"
Outside the road was dark.
Inside, my childhood had already ended.
And i didn't even know it yet.
Morning came without asking us.
I could hear dhols in the distance.
Someone was laughing outside.
It was Bihu.
The same day people wore new clothes, our house stayed dark.
No music, No greetings.
Someone nearby played music louder, as if happiness needed to be proven, I wondered how the same morning would belong to two differnt worlds.
The world had decided to celebrate.
We hadn't even learned how to breathe yet.
And somewhere between the loud music
And my mother's silence,
I realized something i was too afraid to say out loud ____.
"""This was only the beginning".