East Kingdom, Present Day
— Camilly! — Madson shouted, running toward me and pulling me into this tight, squeezing hug
I smiled a little and wrapped my arms around my best friend's waist, hugging her back just as warmly. Ever since what happened in the woods near the castle a year ago, Madson's been so much more affectionate and clingy with me, she really blames herself for me begging the queen to spare her and her boyfriend's lives. I've told her hundreds of times that none of it was her fault, that she's my family and even if she tried she couldn't have stopped me from doing what I did. Even I was surprised by my own actions that day, everyone in this kingdom knows begging isn't exactly my thing, the red lioness like they nicknamed me. But that moment, when I realized Freya would actually kill Madson and Sam, I couldn't think about my honor or my ego or my reputation, all I could think about was how much it would hurt if Madson died, that torturous intense pain of losing someone you love
To my surprise though the queen spared both of them and even me. After I kissed Freya I thought I was done for, she was definitely going to kill me without any mercy for being that bold, but she didn't, sure she shattered my heart for the second time when she told me to act like that night never happened, but she didn't kill me, didn't even punish me for what I did. The question of why Freya spared our lives that day has been haunting my mind ever since, and no matter how many hours I spent trying to figure out why she'd do something like that, I never discovered it, in the end the ice lady would always be an enigma to me
— Someone missed me i see — I said, kind of amused
Madson rolled her eyes but smiled while shaking her head, I know she hates when I make these cocky comments but I also know after I spent almost two days away she wouldn't fight me on it
— You were gone almost two whole days, of course I missed you — Madson said, staring at me with those big blue eyes. Tears welling up made them look like they were sparkling
I grinned hearing her answer, I'd been out of the kingdom so long because of a battle that ended up dragging out way longer and getting more violent than we expected. The kingdom next to ours allied with the Southeast army, we weren't expecting an alliance like that, also weren't expecting the enemy army's numbers to increase as much as they did. Our casualties were heavier than we anticipated but despite everything going wrong we still won, like we usually do
— Missed you too blondie — I admitted, kissing her forehead
Madson smiled hearing me confess that, it's not exactly common for anyone to hear anything sentimental coming from me and one of the few people who did hear it regularly just ignored and rejected every word. Ironic right
— Come on, tell me every detail about your battle, you know I need all the references I can get, especially this year — Madson said eagerly
I breathed deep remembering that sometime this year Madson would fight her first battle. I couldn't, or maybe didn't want to, imagine Madson on a battlefield, I knew what it was like, what it felt like, what it does to your mind. I still remember my first battle, I was two years younger than Madson is now, I'll never forget the sounds of swords clashing mixed with people screaming in agony, I'll never forget the green grass getting covered by that thick red layer of blood and debris, and especially I'll never forget the smell, the smell of blood that soaked into your nose and made you want to throw up, everything in that place had that smell. Everything smelled like death
— I promise I'll tell you everything later — I forced a smile, looking at her — But right now I need a shower and maybe some sleep, I'm exhausted — I was being honest, I felt completely wrecked — See you later blondie — I said goodbye to Madson and kissed her cheek
I walked past her heading toward the castle. I know I can't run from Madson forever, know the right thing would be to tell her everything I know about wars and battles so she wouldn't have any nasty surprises, but right now I wasn't ready. I'd fight twice as many battles and wars if it meant Madson never had to deal with any of this, but I know that's not possible, there's no stopping her from fighting, Freya kidnapped and trained us for this, to be soldiers. I know Madson's strong and talented but the thought of losing my best friend in one of these battles absolutely destroys me
I let out a long sigh and shook my head trying to push those thoughts away. I'll have to learn to deal with it and trust Madson's potential, same way she trusts mine
When I reached the entrance of the great ice castle my heart actually felt happy to finally be home. Sure this place was never really a home, but compared to battlefields this place gets more and more cozy in my eyes. I entered the castle and started walking toward where our quarters are. I passed through the main hall where the queen's throne sits and my eyes automatically locked onto that spot, a sigh escaped my lips remembering who that throne belongs to, I stopped walking and just stared at the huge ice throne for a few seconds, it's amazing how perfectly carved and detailed it is. It was flawless, just like its owner
I smiled like an idiot at that thought, it's no secret that everything involving Freya is perfect and breathtaking. If the queen herself is, why wouldn't everything else be right
I decided to stop rambling about her majesty, I know very well that the more I think about her the harder it gets to control this overwhelming feeling growing inside me. And that's definitely not something that can happen. That's one of the things that confuses me about feelings, how can I still be completely in love with the woman who's hurt my heart so many times? It's so easy for my brain to recognize that having feelings for Freya will only hurt me and I need to stop, but then why is it so hard for my stupid heart to understand that
— Admiring the queen's throne?
I recognized the voice immediately, unfortunately. I snapped out of my thoughts and turned toward the woman standing there staring at me with that familiar malicious look, I could see the malice and wickedness inside Megan just by looking into her gray eyes. She's a physically beautiful woman, her black hair like night against her pale skin and light gray eyes would make many men and women kneel at her feet, she's a very beautiful woman, I can't deny that. But her inside is so rotten and horrible it ruins any trace of beauty on her outside
— Took you longer than I expected to come bother me — I said sarcastically
I crossed my arms defensively and stared at her, Megan's gaze carried so much hate, it's always like this when she looks at me. She hates me intensely, that's nothing new
— Thought your incompetence on the field wouldn't be called out brat — she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms just like me
I clenched my jaw hard trying and failing to contain the rage burning inside me. I couldn't believe this woman was accusing me so unfairly
— It wasn't incompetence! There's no way I could've known about the secret alliance between the southeast and our enemy kingdom, you can't blame me for not knowing something like that — I defended myself, my voice already rising. Megan kills whatever tiny bit of patience I might have left
— I don't care about that! — she answered back with the same tone — As commander of that battle you should have considered something like this could happen, your army needed you to consider every possibility — as Megan threw all this in my face she walked toward me — That was your duty as commander, so know that every single death beyond what was predicted was your fault — she stopped walking, now face to face with me, Megan gave me this wicked smile — It was like your own blade cut through them — she said close to my ear
My stomach twisted at Megan's words, I know she doesn't care about any of our soldiers who died but she knows I do and that everything she threw at me like knives hit me deeply. Especially because I know everything she said was true. I looked away toward the floor trying to escape Megan's accusing eyes but she wouldn't let me, she grabbed my chin and lifted it forcing me to face her
— Don't be a coward brat, deal with the guilt. If it wasn't so hard for me surely it won't be for you — Megan said smiling
She stared at me a while longer enjoying the hate radiating from my eyes toward her, then let go of my chin and walked past me leaving me alone again. I brought my hands to my face covering it, breathing deep trying not to let Megan's words sink into my mind. When I felt more centered I took my hands off my face and decided instead of going to sleep in my room which I wouldn't be able to do anyway I'd go to the lake in the woods near the castle, take a bath and try to relax
_
After stopping at my quarters to grab a towel and my body and hair products I went to the beautiful lake in the East woods, the lake sits right in the middle of this huge forest, I discovered it by accident and kept it as my "private" place ever since. It's like a natural bathtub made by mother nature, its water believe it or not is warm, there's even a little steam rising from it, that's the only reason I can get in it, since in a place like the East kingdom you don't exactly have the luxury of getting into cold water. Unless you want to die of hypothermia that is
As soon as I reached the lake I left my products and towel on the rocks along its edge. I got rid of my clothes and quickly jumped into the lake because of the cold, within seconds underwater I emerged and threw my wet hair back, letting out a satisfied sigh feeling how relaxing the warm water was on my tense muscles
— I see my secret lake has been discovered
I recognized that voice too but it had completely the opposite effect on me than Megan's did. I turned around and stared at Freya standing at the edge of the lake with her arms crossed looking at me with this unreadable expression, I swallowed hard
— I didn't know this was your private spot, I found it by accident and started using it occasionally — I said quickly and kind of nervously
Freya was right there in front of me staring while my naked body stayed hidden under the water
— I'll overlook it this time — she walked over to where my pile of clothes was — You seem quite comfortable here don't you — Freya asked
She picked up my underwear and dangled it slightly toward me. I felt my cheeks heat up seeing the queen holding my underwear, Freya seemed to notice my panic and immediately dropped the piece back on the pile. She smiled teasingly
— Well since you're already here and even brought your toiletries I'll keep you company — Freya said starting to undress right in front of me
I felt my heart race and started panicking, god I can handle wars and death but this is too much
— I was just leaving — I said nervously swimming toward where my towel and clothes were
When I grabbed the towel Freya put her hand over mine stopping me from taking it. I lifted my head and stared at her, the queen crouched in front of me and still holding my hand brought her face close to mine, her blue eyes seemed to read my soul
— I know you just got here — the corner of her lips curved into a smile — It would be disrespectful of you to refuse keeping your queen company — Freya said teasingly
She let go of my hand and stood up. I shut up knowing there was no escaping this, Freya seemed to love torturing me slowly and deliciously, I swam back to the middle of the lake, when she continued undressing I felt my breath get stuck in my throat. Little by little Freya's pale skin became completely exposed, I felt my body burn watching the naked woman in front of me. When she noticed I couldn't look away from her Freya smiled, she walked to the edge of the lake and entered it slowly and sensually, I could bet my cheeks were bright red right then. After entering the lake the queen swam slowly to where I was, an irresistible smile on her lips, that's when I knew one thing for sure
Freya wanted to kill me, there's no other explanation
— You look surprised — she said sarcastically
— You're beautiful
That sentence came out so naturally I didn't even have time to stop it. Freya seemed surprised by my comment, I think she expected something more provocative than enchanted but I wasn't lying, she really is beautiful. The queen stopped swimming when she was face to face with me, she smiled and brought one hand to my hair, sliding her fingers through one of the strands
— Always so sweet aren't you little lioness — Freya murmured tracing my lion mark with her fingertips
My whole body reacted to her touch and her voice, I hate and love the power this woman has over me, worst part is she knows every effect she has on me and loves using it against me
— Why do you do this — I asked quietly, unable to hold back — Why whenever I'm close to you you push me away, and when I keep my distance you pull me back? Why do you do this to me — I asked still quiet almost like a whisper
Maybe it was fear of what answers those questions would bring
— I don't know — Freya answered caressing my face with one hand
I closed my eyes feeling her cold skin against mine, it was so good and so painful at the same time, having Freya close filled this emptiness in my heart but when she left or said none of it meant anything she left an even bigger void
— Stop this please — I whispered feeling my heart ache
I couldn't survive Freya breaking it again
— Look at me my little lioness — I heard her voice ask while I felt her hand on my cheek
— I can't — I whispered eyes still closed — You know why
I'm still completely in love with her and if I look into her eyes I know I won't be able to deny her anything she asks
— I won't do anything I promise — Freya said calmly
I breathed deep and decided to trust her, I know Freya might be many things but she never breaks her promises. I opened my eyes and looked at her
— You're the only person in this world I never wanted to hurt, but ironically you're the one I hurt the most — Freya seemed sincere, she looked deep into my eyes while speaking — Don't love me Camilly, I'm someone who doesn't know how to handle this feeling, I'm the last person you should have any good feelings for. Do what I'm asking, I don't want to hurt you even more so don't start loving me — she said softly and calmly holding my face in both hands
— I'm so sorry your majesty but it's already too late — I said breathless. I felt like I was drowning in the sea inside her blue eyes
Freya stared at me deeply, she seemed unsure what to say or do, honestly I don't think she knew
— I think I loved you from the first moment my eyes met yours — I used this moment of sudden courage to say everything trapped inside me — I remember thinking I'd seen a look as haunted as yours only once, in my own reflection. From that moment I knew life brought me here for a purpose, to love you like no one ever had the courage to — I put my right hand over hers still on my face — Give me a chance to save you from this darkness that torments you so much, let me love you beyond promises, beyond sadness, beyond anger and pain, I won't ask you to love me back, I just want a chance to save you from this darkness — I asked with all the sincerity I could convey
I truly wouldn't demand Freya return my love, I just wanted her to let me save her from that torment and darkness that hurt her
— No one can save me — she said reluctantly
— I can — I tried to show confidence — I told you when we met that I'd dedicate my life to saving yours, that includes your soul too, not just your body — I took her hands from my face and held her right hand, brought it to the red mark on my chest and put my right hand over hers — Let me try to save you Freya — I begged
Freya looked at our hands together on my chest then shifted her gaze to my eyes. She stared at them for a while then sighed looking defeated
— I'll give you this chance little lioness, but I want you to know there's a very good chance you'll get hurt from all this — Freya said seriously
I smiled widely hearing her permission
— I promise you won't regret it Queen, I'll save you even if it's the last thing I do in my life — I promised with all my heart. I knew this was one promise I'd keep no matter what it cost
— Always so stubborn — Freya shook her head but let a small almost imperceptible smile escape
— I think it's a gift
I tried to sound funny, my smile lasted until I realized we were still close, very close. I felt my face flush, pulled away from Freya and swam back a few inches which didn't help much since she swam toward me getting close again. The cold stones of the lake hit my back stopping me from moving further away, I swallowed hard knowing I had nowhere left to run
— Trying to escape me girl — Freya raised one eyebrow. She stopped right in front of me, only centimeters apart
— Of course not, I just... — I looked around trying to find a plausible excuse to give her. I saw my hair products on the edge right behind me, grabbed the shampoo — I just wanted to grab this, to clean my hair you know — I tried to change the subject nervously
God I'm terrible at hiding things
— Great, turn around
Her words caught me completely off guard, the smile on her face made me even more nervous
— What? Why — I asked almost desperately
— I'm going to help you wash your hair, come on turn around — Freya ordered
I swallowed hard and did what she said, Freya asked me to give her the shampoo and even reluctant I did, then I felt her body get even closer to mine, her arms wrapped around my waist underwater and I felt her pull my body back. The water stirred and splashed, my body was now closer, we were millimeters away from being pressed against each other. Before letting go of my waist Freya ran her hands along the sides of my body and then finally released me. She poured some liquid on top of my head, the sudden cold made me shiver, Freya put the bottle back on the rocks, she started massaging my scalp and spreading the liquid through my hair, her hands were light and careful, it felt so good my eyes automatically closed just so I could focus on feeling her touch
— I want you to do something for me — she said suddenly
— Your wish is always my command Queen
— Not a good idea to be so bold while you're naked and with your back to me don't you think — Freya whispered close to my ear
I shuddered. God she's really going to kill me like this
— You, um, haven't made your request yet — I said feeling foolish for stuttering. I could feel Freya's victorious smile against my back
— I know I was the one who ordered you never to speak about that day behind the castle — she started grabbing my attention — But I need you to promise me something — Freya said
I turned completely toward her and stared. I didn't need to say anything for Freya to know she could continue
— Promise me you'll never beg anyone for anything like you did that day, not even me — Freya said her eyes locked on mine
I didn't know why this sudden request, didn't even know what was going through Freya's mind, everything about her seemed like an endless maze full of questions with no answers. Still my answer came out as firm and sincere as all the others
— I promise
Freya smiled
— Only one thing left for me to be completely satisfied now — she said making me curious
— What would that be — I asked frowning
— This
Freya pulled me by the waist and captured my lips with hers, I felt on fire, burning under her hands, captive to every tiny movement she made. In that moment I knew it didn't matter what happened, if Freya never returned my feelings, if I never actually managed to save her or if she broke my heart a million times
I would love this woman forever