The voices in my head went quiet; the world itself seemed to have disappeared from my grasp.
The atmosphere swayed like jazz music, and my body felt like it was in flames.
A rush of sudden heat flooded my cheeks, and for a fraction of a second, the world seemed to pause completely.
The noise around me faded into quiet static as my brain tried to bridge the gap between what I had just heard from his mouth.
My first instinct was to wonder if I had heard correctly or if this was a joke. However, the man before me wasn't nearly done.
He grabbed hold of my hands once more, this time bringing them to his face and pressing the backs of my knuckles against his right cheek. His face tainted with a crimson flush.
His hand moved slightly, his fingers twitching as if he were torn between covering his face entirely or letting me see just how completely his composure had shattered.
My heart leaped as my fingers felt the warmth of his face. The blush on his face spread all the way to his ears, and seeing that, I stumbled out his name carelessly.
"Haider...?"
"I... prayed that you'd end up as my fate and finally cease my misery."
He sucked in a large amount of air, the soft glint in his eyes fluttering as he pronounced the words lovingly.
"My heart belongs to you, utterly and completely."
His lips trembled.
"I love you with a devotion beyond reason, and I could never love anyone more than you."
"I understood that a love that cannot be returned is too painful to bear, so I'm a madman engulfed by greed."
His gaze fell down, then returned to me. Even as the overwhelming emotions drained him, he was adamant about letting his decade-long yearning out today.
"You have taught me how to love, and that should've been enough. But no- I ask and beg that your heart would soften toward me and spare me a place."
"If you push me away, I promise I will bear it and wouldn't bother seeking your affection again. Yet I cannot promise you that I would ever stop loving."
I couldn't find the words to answer him.
Every confession seemed to leave me more breathless than the last, each one submerging me deeper than I could comprehend.
My fingers trembled within his grasp.
I wanted to say something- anything- but my mind remained painfully inundated by the weight of everything he had just placed in my hands.
His grasp slightly loosened, and he finally smiled with a guilt-woven expression, almost seeming relieved after getting the heavy weight off his shoulders.
"My Nur Hayaati, your lethal beauty is my salvation and the cure to my agony. My persistence may come as if I'm being tortured by the singularity, with my exceeding patience failing to condemn me any longer."
"However, I must confess. Even torture is more bearable than the excruciating idea of your dislike towards me. I fail myself to think straight, yet I'm much assured about the bliss I feel for you."
His long, lingering confession had drawn to an end, and his throat appeared to have gone dry. The continuous talking had made speech difficult further on, and both his hands rested on his knees while he couldn't meet my stare.
He waited for my reply, yet I couldn't come up with one. His love wasn't a burden, but the weight of it was too great to simply return.
It would surface as ignorant and half-felt to just return the pathetic attraction of mine; compared to the brevity of his ocean, mine wouldn't even be sufficient as a pond.
I cannot lie; it would be a crime.
He made me into his poetry.
He relished my presence and yearned for me in a way that he just wanted to be with me and nothing more or less.
His pure longing had brought us to our betrothal, the level of hard work and patience I would never come to understand.
Rightfully, this was a dream come true.
The feeble attempt of mine to learn and understand him made me only more confused and curious.
The silence was stretching longer; Haider's usual equanimity was no longer in sight. Right now, the man before me was vulnerable and shook with fear.
A whimpering kitten under the rain.
I slowly got up, his eyes mimicking my motion.
"...Please, I want to answer you properly. Spare me some time to myself."
Haider gulped and nodded, clinging tightly to the book in his arms.
His face didn't reveal much as I walked away towards his door. He just silently followed me and watched me return to my room.
The snowflakes outside turned the temperature cold, the heater turned on to keep us warm, and amidst the soothing song of the night, he and I shared a moment unforgettable.
I curled up in my bed, my socks tingling with the cold, yet my face remained warm for a man beyond my door.