Echoes of Divinity: The Gospel According to RNGSUS
(by the absolute degenerate who probably needs therapy but hey, at least the waifus are hot)
Fuck me sideways, dear reader—yeah, you, the one scrolling through this trash heap of a story on your phone at 3 AM while ignoring your crumbling life. My name is Lucen Arde, your average 17-year-old horny bastard who's about to graduate high school next year (if Truck-kun doesn't get me first, spoiler: he does). I'm balls-deep in my favorite gacha game, Echoes of Divinity. It's pure dogshit—predatory rates, pay-to-win mechanics that'd make a casino blush, and a story so convoluted it feels like the devs snorted coke off a hooker's ass while writing it. But fuck, I can't stop playing. The waifus? Chef's kiss. Especially Lilith Akumaor—goddamn, her tits are massive, her ass is sculpted by the gods, and her last name screams "demon bitch who'd peg you in hell." Not many know that tidbit, but I do, because I've sunk my life savings into this pixelated pussy.
Her banner's live right now. I've got one guaranteed pull hoarded like a virgin's first nut. I'm thinking, "This is it—my last wish before real life fucks me." Hoping it'd become real, like some isekai fanfic wet dream. But nope, life ain't a hentai plot. A goddamn truck barrels out of nowhere, turns me into roadkill. Splat. Lights out. I see the light—heaven? Hell? Nah, it's worse: the domain of the ultimate troll god.
"Come, my child," says this bearded (wait, no beard? Kinda off) white dude who looks like Jesus after a bad shave and a gym phase.
I sit down across from him, glancing around like a paranoid crackhead. "So, is this heaven or am I in hell? Because if it's hell, at least the demons might have big tits."
"No, my child, you are in my domain. I am RNGSUS, the Lord and Savior of all gacha gamers such as yourself. The one who blesses your pulls with SSRs or curses you with endless dupes."
"W-w-what? No fucking way! You're real, my lord and savior!" I drop to my knees like a simp in a camgirl stream, praying harder than I've ever prayed for a pity pull.
"Child, you may stand and face me." I scramble up, staring at this glowing prick.
"My child, you are a great gacha warrior—addicted, broke, and eternally horny for 2D waifus. But unfortunately, you've died and entered the realm of the gacha players. But not for long! I'm sending you down to your favorite game world. Spread my influence across the land, my warrior. I'll give you a system like in the game—cheats, OP skills, the works. But if you dare stop worshipping me or slacking on religion-spreading, I'll smite your ass until you die... again. And trust me, respawns ain't free."
"Yes, my lord! I'll follow you till I die—or till the servers shut down, whichever comes first!"
"Good. Now fuck off. And good luck, because holy shit, you'll need it. This world's full of racist elves, horny demons, and plot holes bigger than your mom's—never mind."
Flash of holy light. Bam. I'm in Echoes of Divinity. Reincarnated with my normal appearance—kinda average, not ugly but not Chad-tier—and some mid-ass medieval clothes that scream "level 1 fodder." Starting loot? Absolute garbage. But hey, I've got enough strength to one-shot a low-level slime if I swing hard enough. "RNGSUS, why the fuck did you spawn me in the middle of bumfuck nowhere? I love you, but come on, man—throw a brother a bone!" Well, better start walking. It's an endless grassland field, no end in sight, like the author's lazy worldbuilding. I keep trudging in one direction until I spot the capital city of Humility and Pride: Hattusa. Fancy as hell, but I'm broke as a joke, so nothing to do but window-shop like a peasant.
The city looks like any normal fantasy capital—towers, markets, NPCs hawking overpriced shit. But soon enough, I spot the female main character, Luna. Oh man, she's a baddie—top-tier body, curves that could make a priest renounce his vows, tits like melons, ass like a shelf. Personally? Her personality's meh—generic tsundere bullshit. And her party? All female, of course. This game's got a harem fetish; out of 100 playable characters, only like 10 are dudes—archer, shielder, healer, assassin, warrior, the basics. The rest? Waifus galore, because who needs gender balance when you can sell skins to horny weebs? If I join up with them, I can't steal their kills and grind money, so fuck that—time to dip.
But wait, dear reader—yeah, you, the one probably jerking off to this instead of touching grass—here's where the plot kicks in. A strange-looking fellow (me, duh) walks up and says: "Hello, everyone! My name is Lucen Arde, for I am a Prophet of RNGSUS and would like to join your party!"
The party whispers like high school mean girls, then nopes out because my level's too low and stats are trash. Luna hesitates—maybe she senses my protagonist aura—but nah, they all bail. Well, I took my shot. Can't get stats without killing monsters, though there's a quest to pick a Sin or Virtue side. Problem: if I wanna spread my own religion of RNGSUS, aligning with those assholes is a no-go. Unless I let someone else do the dirty work and steal the rewards? Genius, but I just got here and I'm homeless. Guess it's slum time.
Enter the slums: poverty, crime, the works. Huh, a gang fight—perfect, current timeline is game start. There's a gang with a wolf symbol; their boss is the first main story encounter. Not the symbol, the wolf dude—furry fucker with claws and rage issues. I pick up a rock, yeet it at some thug's head from afar—crack!—and bolt like a pussy. Time passes, I'm safe. Oh hey, a homeless kid like me. I sit next to him; he wakes up scared but resigns to fate, calms down.
"Am I going to die?"
"Not sure, kid. I'm broke and homeless too."
"This is it for me... I'm going to die."
"Well, nothing much I can do but pray to RNGSUS."
"Who's RNGSUS?"
"The most realest god out there—the one who blesses gamblers and fucks over the unlucky."
"The most realest god? Never heard of that shit."
"Because he's a forgotten god—the world erased him to keep people from true power. But I'm different; I keep believing, keep gambling, even if there's no end. I walk the path forward, balls out."
"Wow, I wish I could be like you—motivated as fuck."
"Then right now, let's pray to him."
"Okay, big bro."
We pray. Ding! Bit of XP. Achievements give XP? Sweet! "Watching the Sunset" achievement—thanks to RNGSUS and this kid. Still got a way to go.
"Big bro?"
"Yeah?"
"If I die, will I meet RNGSUS?"
"If you pray hard enough, sure."
"Okay, then I'll believe as hard as I can!"
With that, a mushroom falls on my head—like RNGSUS yeeted it personally. I give it to the kid; he refuses at first but chows down.
"BTW, kid, what's your name?"
"John Smith."
My mind shatters. "You mean THE John Smith?!"
"Yeah, my name's John and Smith. What's so special about a boring name like mine?"
"It's not boring—okay, maybe it is—but John Smith becomes the richest motherfucker in the world! And your face... it's him! Couldn't tell under the dirt and hair, but after the gang fight, a rich family adopts you, then assassins kill them, turning you into a ruthless killer whose wealth hides his crimes. To think I found you on the street like a stray dog!"
I lay down; John sleeps next to me. Middle of the night: explosion. Wolf Gang's back—because of that goddamn rock. "If I knew that rock would cause this much bullshit, I'd have kept walking!"
"John, time to run!" I grab him, sprint through alleys, cracks. Dead end. Gang corners us, gives the usual villain monologue: "Blah blah, you're dead, motherfucker, blah."
"John, I'm throwing you over the wall."
"But you'll die!"
"Haha, come on—you know me for like one hour. Oh wait, yeah you do. Well, let me tell you: a man like me never dies." Yeet! Kid's safe. Gang jumps me; I duck—they all headbutt each other unconscious. RNGSUS on my side! Loot 'em—nothing great, but a weapon's a weapon. Feel bad faking my death to the kid, but hey. Buy a room for three nights at the inn, crash hard.
Next day: only one believer so far. At this rate, I'll be here forever. Time to farm levels—I'm level 3, surprisingly (gang knockouts counted as my kills). Boss is level 10, so monsters or thugs? Guild time—get the pass to unlock "gacha" and battle pass rewards. No real gacha IRL, so what'll they give? Sign up: blah blah card, quests, dailies. Grab "Defeat 5 Thugs" quest—good XP. Back to slums.
Luna's party arrives, fighting thugs.
Sara the archer: "Man, there're so many of these hoodlums!"
Bella the tank: "No kidding—who alerted all these fuckers?"
Susi the healer: "Ahh, help guys!" Luna takes 'em out. "Thanks, Luna!"
"No problem."
They go under a bridge: Wolf Man boss on a ripped couch, ripped clothes, staring like a predator. Attacks the healer; party fails to defend. Healer down, archer down, tank down, Luna slashed and KO'd. John walks by with a knife, rage-face, tears—charges. Wolf about to smack him; Luna stabs from behind, lets kid shank the leg. Wolf kicks kid, slams Luna's face into the ground. Victory for Wolf? Nah.
I stroll in with five dead goons. "Ooo, so this is the big boss of Act One, huh? Furry piece of shit."
Wolf confused, attacks—I parry.
"Not to be mean, but you're an NPC, and I'm a player. Even though you're four levels higher, I can still win this, you dumb cunt." Slash his arm—nearly off. Follow-up slashes leg (the stabbed one)—down on one knee. Final blow: dead.
Easy. Quest done, boss kill, level 9. Lucky—party took half HP. Kid fainted, Luna's group too. Check vitals: only Luna and John need healing. Save them, ditch the rest. Hours later, they wake.
"If it wasn't for RNGSUS, you both would be dead right now, you ungrateful shits."
Luna confused: "Where's my group?"
"Gone. Abandoned your ass."
"No, that can't be—I don't believe it!"
"Don't believe me? I'm the only one who saved you—the faithful follower of RNGSUS."
"Just who the fuck is RNGSUS?"
"The god of gods, the being made of luck, the one who gambles, the gacha god, the one full of second chances, the god who shall bring judgment on all you sinners!"
Luna looks lost, thinks I'm batshit. Kid hugs me: "Big bro, I'll pray to RNGSUS—he brought you back to life!"
Oh yeah, John thought I died. Works for me.
"So, Luna, take this kid to the orphanage, okay?"
"Big bro, you're leaving me?"
"No, not at all. Keep praying to RNGSUS—we'll find each other no matter what."
"Okay, big bro!"
"Why the fuck do I have to take him?"
"I gotta go to the guild, claim I killed the Wolf Gang boss."
"Oh, so you want money, huh?"
"Well, can you not just take the child to an orphanage?"
"I can."
"Good, now cya." Dip.
"Damn it... well, kid, let's go."
Man, good day. John's gonna meet his new rich family—hopefully, as his "friend," I get some cash. Bump into a brown-hooded woman—hood falls. "Humility?!"
Sword to neck: "How do you know my name? Trying to bring me back, you prick?"
"Hey, hey—I'm not part of those assholes! Just a faithful follower of RNGSUS!"
"RNGSUS? What the fuck are you talking about?"
Confused face. "You do know he's your grandfather, right?"
Strange look: "I don't have a grandfather. Why are you lying? Wanna die, motherfucker?"
Shake head: "Wait, hold on—I'm not here to do shit. Just... wanna come home with me?"
Blush, realization: "Well, seems like this is my only chance for a place to stay. Sure, but if you try anything, I'll gut you like a pig." Sword away.
We head to the inn, my room.
"There's a public bath if you wanna use it."
"Are you saying I stink, you bastard?"
"That's not very humane of you to say." Her face saddens. "Yeah, I know the fight with Pride corrupted you a lot... but you're safe here." Hug. She leaves for bath.
Look, dear reader—I know what you're thinking: "Public bath? Mixed? Naked chicks and dudes everywhere?" Yeah, because humility, okay? We all need to be humbled by seeing saggy balls and floppy tits. True story. But here's my mega-lore dump, you lovely degenerate: This world's built on 7 Deadly Sins and 7 Heavenly Virtues (not viruses, that's a typo from the author's drunk ass). Each has a rep—all siblings to some hobo named Terence and his wife (forgot her name, sue me). Adam and Eve vibes—Eve had the original sin, game never explained what (apple? Banging a snake? Who knows—author died before endgame, so fuck it). Daughters close to mom: Sins (cuz women, amirite? Joke, don't cancel me). Close to dad: Virtues. But since siblings, they can swap—Pride overpowered Humility, beat her ass. Details? Don't know—played 10 hours a day, still forgot. Wow, you're mean for thinking I'm bad. Oh wait, you're thinking the author needs more words to hit 20k and finish quick? Yeah, probably right. Anyway, I can't wait to do some super holy things to Humility—lick lips, rub hands like a perv.
She returns: "Sorry for the wait!" Swings hair—smacks my face—as she sits.
"Oh, no problem. But the real problem is that corrupted Pride inside you, you sexy bitch."
Looks down at legs.
"Oh, don't worry, my lovely lady—I'll clean your insides out. You'll be naked in no shame, free from pride, standing tall just like that naked guy down the street—dick swinging in the wind."
Flustered, mad, disgusted—bold claims sound like I wanna get in her pants for public kinky shit. But bold might work; she's suffered under corruption more than you can imagine, you porn-addicted reader. This perverted man might cure her—or she kills me, steals my cash, sends me to afterlife as a "gift."
"For you see, madam, if we pray to—why the fucking hell are you taking your clothes off?!" I stare, bewildered—first time seeing a woman naked IRL (or isekai-real). Why the fuck would she strip for no reason?
"What, didn't you want this?" Confused face—did he not want sex?
"Woah woah woah, what is wrong with you, woman?! I just wanted you to pray to my lord and savior RNGSUS and use his power to cure you!"
Realizing wavelengths off, she thinks of excuse: What mental gymnastics made her think this religious weirdo wanted sex? Was she horny? Gone crazy from isolation? Forgot what he said—if she remembered, blame him for "clean insides." Nah, she's coo-coo, forgetting, in her own world.
"You said we gotta be naked like the man down the street, so I got naked!" Happy expression—remembers half. Goldfish attention span, stupid bitch.
I think: How monkey-brained is she? I just wanted to spread RNGSUS's influence, but this woman wants sex! With my new body, am I attractive? (Narrator: Fuck no.) Will I fall to lust? Nah—pray to RNGSUS.
He answers: Drops a belt. Why? Only thought: hit her. Do I want to? Why give it? No doubt—grab, swing full force—smacks face, sends naked body to ground, hits wall.
"Ow, what the hell was that for?!" Holds cheek, gets up.
"I'm going to beat the sin out of you, making you pure and humble again! The greatest god RNGSUS shall forgive everything you've done, you vile succubus!" Beat the defenseless naked woman as she yells. I laugh maliciously.
Someone breaks in: "What are you doing to her?!" Points like it's a crime.
"Oh sir, don't you know women are objects after they're married? So I can do whatever—stay out, let me beat her ass."
Woman beaten, battered, face swollen—words illegible. Guy can't help, leaves because nothing against law.
"You're right, but keep it down—some people sleep." Closes door.
I eye her naked body for more pain. For Humility: understands they're married, this is right. Wanted to get along with mom and Sin siblings—mom hated her humility, Sins bullied her weirdness. Even Virtues ignored her pain—careless or didn't care? Only dad loved her, but absent with work and 14 kids. Marriage strange—she never felt love. Is this it? He loves her, shows by beating? Her understanding—so she enjoys it. I beat till morning, stop, lay tired.
"Man, this sucks—how am I supposed to show RNGSUS's love if I beat their god?" Roll in bed. Wait—if I build a church for RNGSUS, people will worship 100%! Need money—lots. Huh, should've thought first. Bad writing from author, yep. Time to go. Pick Humility, tuck in bed. Minutes later, she wakes, naked, covers with blanket. Feels strange in heart—is it love? Up to you, reader—but that's another time.
"Man, this sucks! Damn you, Tyler!" At blacksmith shop—swords, shields, spears, fantasy shit organized. Me and Tyler: goblin in rundown brown shoes/shorts. Typical—goblins love money, cheap on clothes, yet fat as fuck. Never made sense. Why yelling? He's a filthy goblin jew—scamming with 40% markup. Arguing prices. Why not pray to RNGSUS or use belt? RNGSUS weapons restricted—belt only on women (not bad, but need universal). This damn goblin jew pushing markup.
"Oh come on, dear customer—this top-tier item! Since you're weak as a limp dick, it'll make you strong. Prices stay!" Rubs hands, licks lips hellish look. Child molester looks better.
Won't budge might kill, steal shop. Then he farts nasty as poison gas. Grab sword, slice head off. Ain't dealing. Head flies. Good excuse: farts literal poison. Jump out fresh air, almost died. At least sword. Store unusable 10 years.
Next: money for church. Guild—new quest? Emergency mandatory: goddamn dragon. Annoying boss—big, flies, like any game dragon. What sucks more, reader? Author writing this—you're right. Level 50 raid boss—for friends/randoms. No friends, hate randoms so die repeatedly to this dumb fuck named Bob. The mandatory raid quest is bullshit. Everyone in the guild hall is panicking—screaming about a massive level 50 dragon named Bob circling the skies above Hattusa, torching farms and shitting fireballs like it's personal. The city's defenses are useless against a raid boss this early in the timeline. Players are supposed to team up, coordinate, die a hundred times until they figure out the mechanics. But Bob doesn't give a single fuck about helping anyone. He just wants everything dead. I'm level 9 now after the Wolf Gang grind, still clutching that stolen goblin sword that smells faintly of fart poison. I could ignore the quest, let the city burn, and farm slimes in peace. But no if Hattusa falls, no one's left to convert to RNGSUS, no money for a church, no spreading the gospel of glorious RNG. Plus, dying to a dragon sounds faster than starving in the woods. So I sign up solo. Guild clerk laughs in my face. "Kid, you'll be ash in ten seconds." "Bet you ten gold I'm not," I say, already walking out.
Let me drop a secret on you, dear degenerate reader, something every sweaty tryhard who ever played Echoes of Divinity knows, but apparently no one in this "real" world has figured out yet. There's an exploit to level up huge, one-time only, baked into the lore. Back in the ancient war between humans and dragons (humans won, obviously no dragons flying around anymore except this asshole Bob), there was a half-dragon half-human traitor on the dragon side. Dude could open portals from the dragon realm. War dragged on forever because he'd just hide in a corner, porting in reinforcements. Then dragons captured a smoking-hot prisoner, the half-breed fell in love like a simp, got used, betrayed his own kind, and humans genocided the dragons because no more dragon-sized portals fit through the gates anymore.
End of the war had one final showdown: Bob (the last pureblood dragon) versus some random overpowered human uncle named Infinite. Bob barely escaped through a closing gate, went into hiding to regen HP/MP/stamina, planning one last revenge attack. In the game, that revenge fight was supposed to be the second-to-last boss before Pride solo only, no co-op, no NPCs, just you and one character. Players looked forward to it because you either git gud or overlevel like a coward. But here's the cheese: people discovered if you climb a certain ledge in the arena, Uncle Infinite's AI can't path find up it. He just swings at the wall while you plink him to death slowly. Takes forever, but safe. Most rush to at least level 15 first so they jump straight to 25-ish after the kill. I hate that cheese. It's boring. But I'm doing it anyway except I'm level 9, undergeared, and. My plan: find the old trap the half-dragon planted to suck humans into the dragon realm. Still works. Still barely used. Perfect shortcut. I sprint to the outskirts, dodge fireballs raining from the sky, and step right onto the obvious glowing rune trap like a dumbass protagonist. Whoosh. Air hits like sulfur and blood. The sky's dark red, dripping like it's bleeding. Everything around me is ancient dragon ruins, temples, castles, stairs, all twenty times bigger than human size. I spawn at the top of a massive staircase leading to a gate. I shove it open with both arms, grunting like a virgin on prom night. Inside: open arena, destroyed pillars, endless void drop below. Old man sitting on the edge, staring out at the ruined dragon lands. Gray beard, scarred armor, eyes glowing faint red. Uncle Infinite stands, turns, stretches out his arm, some cursed dragon-forged greatsword flies from a distant pile of bones straight into his hand. He looks way more terrifying in person. Murderous intent rolling off him like heat waves. One step. Two steps. Three steps shit, he's fast. I bolt left, spot the famous ledge, jump fingers barely grab the edge. The new world gave me slightly more muscle than my old NEET body, thank RNGSUS. I'm pulling myself up, thinking this might actually work…
Uncle Infinite leaps the entire height in one smooth motion and lands right next to me.
Oh. Right. Real physics. No pathing AI. One slash faster than I can blink. Sword rips through my torso. I fly across the arena, blood everywhere, health bar (if I had one visible) flashing critical.
1 HP.
I'm on the ground, dying, vision tunneling. "This is it… fucked by reality…"
Ding.
Achievement Unlocked: God's Blessing – Survive on 1 HP.
+1 Level. Full HP restore.
"THANK YOU RNGSUS, MY LORD AND SAVIOR!"
Uncle Infinite stops mid-step, staring like I'm a glitch. How the hell am I standing up, fully healed, no damage? His confusion buys me a second. He zones in hard murder focus maxed.
He lunges for my heart. I barely spin-dodge, counter with a wild swing at his neck. Clean hit barely scratches him. He bites down on my sword like a dragon himself, teeth cracking steel, then charges headfirst.
No weapon. No chance. I do the only thing left: pray to RNGSUS out loud like a madman.
He actually slows, head tilted—genuinely baffled why this random kid is screaming about some forgotten god mid-fight.
I dodge the charge. He skids to the edge of the arena, teetering over the void.
Tackle time.
I slam into him full-force. He's stronger way stronger starts pushing me back. This isn't a game anymore. No scripted moves.
So I do what any real man would do.
Cheap shot straight to the balls.
He doubles over, eyes bulging. Strength gone. I shove with everything I've got—over the edge he goes, screaming into the endless black.
"I WON! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO!"
I jump in celebration, nearly fall off myself, land flat on my back laughing like a psycho.
Wait… no reward window. No level-up. Nothing.
Panic sets in. Hands shaking. Sweat pouring. If this doesn't count, no massive level jump. City dies to Bob while I'm stuck here. No believers. No church. RNGSUS forsaken.
I squat, rocking, brain spiraling maybe climb down? Fight Bob myself? Restart?—
Ding.
System window finally pops:
[Victory: Uncle Infinite defeated (Unorthodox Method)]
Reward: Infinite's Dragonforged Greatsword acquired.
Level 10 → Level 20.
I scream, jump, try to hug the holographic window—phase right through it like a ghost. Roll around on the ground, flipping, crying, praising RNGSUS at the top of my lungs.
Fucking finally. Author really edged me there, the sadistic bastard. Probably waited for the body to hit bottom or whatever.
Sword feels heavy, humming with power in my hand. Stats through the roof.
Now… how the hell do I get out of the dragon realm?
To be continued, you filthy degenerates. RNGSUS wills it.