I ended up barely cinching the spell before the night came. My dinner was a set of Horker tacos with onions and hot sauce. Lokjun got another big bowl of Horker paste that it ate ravenously. Once we were both full and satisfied we turned in for the night. As I drifted to sleep I soon found my mind in a strange place. The landscape was one of fog and nightmarish plants that shifted constantly. I could only groan in annoyance at this as I recognized these details, as best I could from the books I'd read at least.-
"Is there some reason why you princes all seem so enamored with me?" I asked out loud.
"Hehee! Such a bold little mortal aren't you? Even here in my domain you remain so composed." a dark female voice answered me as the fog parted for the creature that floated into view.
The creature, for what else could it be called, was neither large nor small. It held human proportions and wore a shimmering purple robe that a pair of skeletal feet hung out the bottom of and two scaled three fingered claws hung out the sleeves lazily. The head was a strange sharp V shaped bug looking thing with no eyes and no mouth that had a deep green glowing serpent coiled around the throat of.-
"Vaermina, prince of nightmares. What is it you are here for?" I asked while maintaining my composure.
She circled me casually and ran a sharp claw teasingly under my jaw.
"Such hostility. Why I don't believe I've ever done you harm little mortal." she said with a teasing tone as she toyed with me.
"I'm far from foolish enough to trust you of all beings. No, you want something from me. The question is what exactly?" I said calmly.
"Hehee! Clever mortal! Correct you are as well. Mephala whispered to me about you and I couldn't help but come see for myself. Such a delicious little morsel you are too! So unique, like no mortal before you. I want your memories, your dreams. I want them in my collection." she said with a hint of mania.
"Careful now. A little of Old Sheo is showing." I said making her pause as the very air shifted.
"You rang?" A new male voice trilled as a weight settled on my shoulder.
"Madgod!" Vaermina hissed at the presence.
"Vaermina, dearest sibling mine! It's been an eternity since last I smelled your repugnant splendor! Or was it just yesterday? One tends to lose track of time when it loses track of you after all!" the new voice said cheerfully.
I turned my head warily to peer at the thing on my shoulder and had to hold back a laugh at how silly it looked. It was a purple cat, no bigger than normal but it was wearing a half maroon half lime green suit and had a top hat with crab pincers on it's head.-
"You aren't welcome here!" Vaermina hissed at the cat angrily.
"Reeeeaaaalllly!? I could have sworn I was invited. Hey mortal you invited me didn't you?" the cat asked me with a tilt of it's head as it's yellow demonic eyes bored into me.
"I might have unintentionally invoked you here yes." I said genuinely nervous.
"Well aren't you just a tart! Sheogorath, at my pleasure!" the cat said grandly as it did a little bow.
"Begone Mad one, this mortal is my plaything!" Vaermina said as a wave of nightmarish changes radiated from the surroundings as a dark glow covered her form.
"Harrumph!" that was all the cat shaped god said in reply before Vaermina and the nightmarish surrounding were banished and replaced with something out of a fever dream.
A vast field of flowers and mushrooms filled with butterflies and and strange looking fish flying through the air.
"Terrible company that one! Why I almost plucked that wagging tongue right from her! Speaking of speaking, speak or be spoken for!" the cat shaped god said as he jumped off of my shoulder and onto a purple and green spotted giant mushrooms cap.
"Alexan of Riften, acquainted with your mad self." I said with a small twirl and deep bow.
"No no no, not that name the other one! The one from the other place that isn't this one but might be if it wasn't." he said with narrowed eyes and a cheshire grin as his head twisted around like an owls.
"And what do you know about THAT place?" I asked with alarms ringing in my head.
"You really should turn those off, noisy little pests. Why they almost make me want to pull off your ears and hang them on my chamber pot! HAHA!" he said with a throaty laugh and a darker tone.
"You didn't answer my question." I pointed out.
His head tilted and a confused expression crossed his face.
"Didn't I? Eh, probably was important if I forgot. So little mortal, I have swooped in and saved you from the not so big really quite bad nightmare mommy. Mehaps think i'm owed some recompense? How about those eyes? Can never have enough of those!" he said grinning unnaturally.
"Counteroffer! Something you've never had before!" I said trying to get out of this safely.
"Something i've never had before? Does that exist? CAN it? You've got my interest little mortal. Not a good thing at all, unless you're partial to being flayed alive that is?" he asked intrigued.
"I never had your interest, except when I did didn't I?" I asked leaving him frozen for a moment.
"Don't push it. Now then what's this thing that I'm sure with uncertainty exists that you maybe don't have?" he asked with a slight warning before he randomly started chewing on his hat.
I flipped my hand and an assortment of candies that I've made appeared floating in mid air.
"From among these things you'll find something you've never had before. You can have one of them as your recompense." I said with a grin.
"Confection? You think mere treats are equal to saving your tiny mortal self from Vaermina? Because that's madness! I love it!" he said eagerly as the candies danced through the air and a single one among them hopped out and unwrapped itself before popping into his mouth.
"Ah! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you went for the candied cheesecake bite." I said with a chuckle.
"I simply ADORE cheese! Even when I don't! And this? This is crazy! Who in their right mind would think to make cheesecake into candy? No one! And you did it didn't you? I think i'll let you live, good for you. Off you pop now!" the cat said and I finally woke up.
'I'm going to need to get some anti-daedra wards put up. This is fucking ridiculous!' I thought with a groan as I sat up.