AKIHIRO ATLAS
Even when I managed to stand up, I couldn't really feel myself standing up as the coldness of the stone floor of the corridor was gradually receding from my body. It's like my body is moving, but my mind was still stuck a few minutes ago. The face of my master Shu. Eyes. Tone of voice. Every word he said to me. They were all echoing in my mind over and over again, and no matter how much I tried to get away, I couldn't escape them. What was growing inside my chest was no longer just sadness; it was a heavy, dirty, non-breathing feeling similar to a person's disgust with himself. Because sometimes a person is devastated not by losing the person he loves, but by removing that person from himself with his own hands. And I... that's exactly what I did.
I didn't even realise I'd stopped walking at one point. I looked out along one of the open arches of the corridor. The night lights of Cistern shone Decently among the endless columns below. The sky was dark blue. The central towers of the huge Sacred Domain rose in the distance, and they were all magnificent as usual, but for the first time I felt really alone in this city. Because for years, whenever I was confused, whenever I was afraid, whenever I made mistakes, I always returned to the same place; to Shu. Even a few of his sentences were enough for me. But now... now it was as if I had destroyed that port with my own hands, too.
I clenched my teeth.
And then my body turned into lightning bolts.
In an instant, the hallway was filled with blue and white lights. Electrical crackles echoed between the stone walls, and even my thoughts began to become uncontrollable as my body Decayed and turned into pure energy. I was moving like lightning through Cistern's night, but even this speed could not silence my mind. Every time I passed, the lights of the towers left lines in my eyes. Below me, the roads, training grounds, huge stone bridges and team buildings were mixing together. But I wasn't really looking at any of them. Because there was only the same thought going around in my mind.
"What have I done?.."
I couldn't forget that moment when Shu was looking at me.
Especially that last look.
Because for the first time I felt a stranger about me in that look.
And this thought was tearing me apart.
When I reached the roof of the team building, the lightning bolts scattered from my body and my feet landed hard on the stone floor. Normally I'd go straight down. I would talk to people, hear Hikari's ridiculous screams, answer Kai's excited questions, and feel comfortable around him despite Mizu's stern gaze. But now... now I wasn't in a position to stand any of it. Right now, someone is asking me, "Are you okay?" I really felt like I was going to fall apart.
So I went straight to my room.
I did not use the corridor as usual.
I entered through the window.
The moment I opened the window and stepped inside, the darkness of my room fell on me. The moonlight was hitting the scattered papers on my desk. There were half-left notes, mission files, maps on the edge of the table. There was still that familiar smell of mine in the room; the smell of old books, metal, rain and slightly burned electricity. But none of this gave me peace today.
I closed the door quietly.
The jacket on me was starting to feel heavy.
I took it off slowly.
I left the gloves on the side of the bed.
I unbuckled my belt.
And while I was doing all this, I didn't look in the mirror even once.
Because I didn't want to see my face.
I noticed that my hands were shaking when I was changing. My fingers have buttoned the buttons incorrectly several times. I finally gave up and walked over to the bed and put myself directly on top of the bed. The moment I buried my head in the pillow, everything I had been holding on my chest collapsed in an instant.
And I started crying.
It started quietly before.
But within a few seconds, I couldn't even control my breathing.
I punched the pillow.
I clenched my teeth.
But my tears wouldn't stop.
"Idiot..." I whispered in a muffled voice. "You really are an idiot..."
My shoulders were shaking now.
"You couldn't even protect the most important person in your life..."
My throat is knotted.
Because it wasn't just about my master yelling at me.
The point was that he was moving away from me.
And the reason for this was that it was completely me.
"I told the person who trained me for years..." I gasped, "I told him that I hated..."
The moment I thought about it again, my chest tightened.
I buried my head harder in the pillow.
"I'm a really disgusting person..."
My crying became violent again.
"You promise to protect people, but you only break them... you broke Jared... you let your team down... now your master..."
My hands covered my face with trembling.
"How can I be so incompetent?.."
I didn't know if minutes had passed. My sense of time had been lost. The silence in the room was filled only with the sounds of my breathing and muffled crying. And just when I was trying to calm down a little…
The door knocked.
My body is stretched.
There was silence.
Then a familiar female voice was heard outside the door.
"Aki?.. May I come in?"
Aurelia.
I closed my eyes tightly.
I didn't want to see anyone right now.
No one.
That's why I didn't answer.
I stayed silent.
I was hoping maybe he'd think I wasn't in the room.
There was silence outside the door for a few seconds.
Then Aurelia's voice came again.
"Aki. I know you're in there."
I bit my lips.
I tried to catch my breath.
But my voice was still breaking.
"...You can come."
The door opened slowly.
The dim light of the room struck upon her face as Aurelia entered. Her long light-colored hair was falling down her shoulder. She had the usual calm expression on her face, but the moment she saw me, that expression changed.
Because it was obvious that I was crying.
My eyes were red.
My breathing was still irregular.
Aurelia looked at me for a few seconds, then without saying anything, she quickly came to me and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"God..." she whispered slowly. "Aki..."
Even the tone of voice made me feel worse inside.
I turned my head.
I didn't want to look into her eyes.
But she wouldn't let me run away.
"Take your hand off your face." she said in a soft voice.
I did it slowly.
And the moment she saw my face, her eyes softened even more.
"Aki..." she said again. "What is it? Why are you crying and, uh... why are you half naked?!"
I wasn't even in the mood to laugh and have fun with Aurelia's embarrassment.
My throat is knotted.
I couldn't speak for a few seconds.
Then I closed my eyes.
And I started to tell everything that happened at the meeting.
The charges against Kuren and Kazami.
The execution order. Shu's defense of them. For me to ruin everything. What happened in the hallway.
And finally…
That sentence.
"I hate you."
My voice completely broke when I said this.
Aurelia said nothing.
She just listened to me in silence.
And when I finished talking…
I felt smaller than ever.
After waiting for a while, Aurelia put her hands on my cheeks and gently pulled my head towards her and rested it on her chest.
After that moment when Aurelia pressed me to her chest, the silence in the room had changed. It was no longer the kind of silence that suffocates a person; it was more like a heavy and tired silence that fell on a destroyed city after a storm. I was still crying. My breathing was still irregular. My shoulders were shaking involuntarily and my tears kept wetting his clothes, but even so, for the first time, I felt that the pain inside me did not belong entirely to me alone. Aurelia's hands were running slowly through my hair, she was not trying to quiet me Decently, nor was she saying "be strong". Maybe that's why I was crying more. Because all my life, what people expected from me had always been the same; I had to stand up, fight, protect, lead, smile, not collapse so that people could have hope. But at this moment, for the first time, I felt like a human being next to Aurelia. Like a person who could fail, be afraid, do wrong... and even that feeling hurt me. Because the moment I accepted that I was human, the weight of everyone I couldn't protect came down harder on my shoulders.
The more I tried to suppress my crying, the more my throat was knotting. Shu's look at me was not going out of my sight. That look... that moment when the person I've trusted the most in my whole life looked at me like a stranger for the first time... it was like a spear stuck into my mind. I was starting to feel like it was his fault and not his student. And this thought was so terrible that even breathing was becoming exhausting. Because Shu wasn't just my master. That was my way of learning to think. It was the basis of my view of the world. Even my desire to protect people was based on things he had told me over the years. From him I first learned that a person's strength comes not from his fists, but from being able to carry the burden he is carrying by trying to remain human. But today... when he looked at me today, there was only anger in his eyes. And for the first time in my life, I hated myself in his eyes.
Aurelia waited for a while without saying anything. It was as if he was waiting not for my crying to end, but for all the knots inside me to be untied a little. Then she gently stroked my head, and her voice spread softly into the dimness of the room. The moment I heard that voice, I understood again why everyone felt safer around her. When Aurelia spoke, one did not only hear the words; it was as if one also felt the thoughts, emotions and compassion carried in those words.
"Aki..." she said slowly. "I want you to stop doing this to yourself now. Because you don't realize it, but when you're trying to carry everything on your own, you're actually tearing yourself apart. You want to protect people, you want to save everyone, you're trying to take everyone's burden on your own shoulders, but you're also a human being. And the fact that a person lives constantly crushing his own heart... does not make him a hero. It just destroys it gradually."
When her fingers passed through my hair, I involuntarily hugged her tighter. Because what they said hurt me. But it also touched a place in me that I've been hiding for years.
"What happened at the meeting today was terrible, I understand." she continued in a calm but deep voice. "I can understand how much it shakes you to hear what has been said about Kuren and Kazami. Especially since the word execution... Aki, you're someone who can't even get used to the idea of killing people. That's why it's normal that you're falling apart like this right now. But look at me..." She lifted my face slightly with his hands, but I couldn't find the courage to look into his eyes. "What you're going through doesn't make you a bad person. It makes it fragile. And fragile people... are much more valuable than you think."
My eyes filled up again. Although I tightened my lips, my breathing began to deteriorate again. Because the more someone told me I was a good person, the more guilty I felt. I saw myself in Jared's room. What I told Shu. My dissipation in public at the meeting. They were all mixing together.
Aurelia tilted her head slightly to the side as if she understood this, and this time her voice sounded more determined.
"And about Master Shu..." she said. "Do you really believe that he hates you?"
This question stuck in me.
Because I didn't want to believe.
But I was afraid.
Aurelia will have understood this from my face, she gave a deep sigh.
"I have known him since the time of the academy. I realized how much Master Shu loves you a long time ago, Aki. He's not someone who connects to people easily. Most of the time he looks down on everyone, finds most people stupid, hides his real thoughts even when talking to most people. But when it came to you... for the first time in years, I could see that you really cared about someone. The fact that he's angry with you, yelling at you, even being disappointed in you is actually proof of this. Because people get so angry only when the things they care about can break them."
I buried my head in her chest a little more. Because I couldn't stop my tears anymore.
"But..." I finally said in a muffled voice. "I... told him so..."
"Yes..." said Aurelia softly. "And it was a terrible mistake."
It surprised me that she was so honest. But she kept going.
"But people sometimes make the most incorrect sentences at the moment when they are most afraid. Because you hate yourself right now, you threw out all the pain inside you at that moment. That doesn't make you unforgivable. Only the injured do. And Shu is smart enough to understand that."
I closed my eyes. I had a headache from crying now. But despite this, I didn't want to stop listening to her words. Because for the first time in a long time, someone wasn't just telling me to "be strong." She was trying to figure out why I was broken.
Aurelia was silent for a few seconds, and then she spoke again.
"We still have a chance for tomorrow," she said. "A team can be sent to Earth. Someone can go after Hiroshi and Daleth. We can protect Kuren and Kazami. It's not all over. And your relationship with Shu is not over either. But first you have to stop destroying yourself completely, Aki. Because you're constantly punishing yourself. You fill everyone's pain into yourself and then try to figure out why you can't breathe."
My hands involuntarily gripped her outfit tighter.
"I..." I said in a trembling voice. "I just... I don't want to lose anyone..."
As soon as I said this, my voice completely fell apart.
Aurelia said nothing.
She just grabbed me.
And I realized at that moment that sometimes it's not big words that keep a person going. Sometimes you can keep from falling apart just because someone is sitting next to you without letting you go.
But despite this, I didn't stop crying.
Because I still had the same fear inside me.
What if I'm really too late now?
As Aurelia's words slowly spread into the heavy air inside my room, I was still leaning against her chest, trying to breathe. My crying had eased a little, but it hadn't stopped completely; it was just quieter now. Sometimes it came to such a point that even tears got tired. My chest was still tight. Shu's face, Jared's voice, the looks in the meeting room... all of them kept spinning in my mind, entangled with each other. But just then, something passed Decently through my thoughts. It came so suddenly that my body moved involuntarily. I lifted my head from Aurelia's chest, and she looked at me, slightly surprised by this sudden movement of mine.
I probably looked terrible right now. My eyes were red. My eyelashes were wet from crying for minutes. My breathing was still irregular. But despite this... despite this, a small thought stirred in me for the first time. Maybe it was a very small possibility. It's a very fragile hope. But there was still.
I slightly parted my lips as Aurelia looked at me silently. At that moment, a weak smile involuntarily formed on my face. It wasn't really a happy smile. It was more of a broken smile worn by a shattered person trying not to worry the person in front of him more.
"The system..." I said slowly.
Aurelia's eyebrows were slightly furrowed.
"What?"
At that moment, my hand was slightly raised in the air, and a few seconds later, familiar blue lights began to flicker in front of me. Transparent, geometric lines took shape in the darkness of the room. Subtle symbols were connected together. Then a huge translucent window opened in front of me. The moment that image appeared, I saw real astonishment in Aurelia's eyes for the first time. Because this thing... didn't look like the technologies at Cistern. It was also not like the ordinary systems used by Sacred Domains. This was different. It's deeper. It's more structural. It seemed as if a mechanism embedded in reality had come to the surface.
Aurelia remained silent for a few seconds, with her eyes fixed on the window, and then turned to me.
"Aki..." she said carefully. "What's that?"
I took a deep breath. After closing my eyes for a few seconds and trying to recover, I looked at the window again.
"This is... one of the structural context tools that Kings and Queens can use," I said slowly. "During my time on Earth... I have learned some things. The connections of Sacred Domains with each other, structural communication systems... people with some special powers can reach each other through this system."
Aurelia still looked puzzled.
"So right now... can you talk to someone on Earth?"
I shook my head slightly.
"Yes. However, it has to be one of the kings and queens and I have already contacted him."
While giving this answer, my eyes began to scroll inside the system window. Countless data was streaming in front of me. Some connections were closed. Some of them were locked. But a few names still appeared.
And then…
My eyes are caught on a name.
Magnus.
At that moment, something suddenly went dark inside me.
Even the broken feeling of hope just now was stifled for a few seconds. Because even just seeing that name brought so many things to my mind at the same time. A destroyed house. Conversations held at nightfall. The gaze of a monster trying to understand humanity. And finally... he's real.
That's the terrible truth.
My fingers tightened involuntarily.
Aurelia will have noticed that she turned her gaze to the screen.
"Magnus..." she muttered. "Don't tell me you're who I think you are."
I stayed silent.
Because even talking about Magnus was tiring now. I didn't know what he was doing in Cistern yet, but he had been exiled from here. Besides, there were a lot of people besides Cistern who hated him too.
I was one of those people.
Aurelia thought for a few seconds and then spoke in a calm voice. She said a sentence I wasn't expecting.
"You could try asking him for help."
The moment I heard this sentence, my face involuntarily stretched. My eyebrows are furrowed. I turned my head slightly in the other direction. Aurelia was surprised to see this, but she didn't understand why I reacted like this. Because she didn't know. No one knew.
And they wouldn't have known.
I couldn't tell anyone what Magnus told me.
Because if people sometimes heard certain truths, they wouldn't be able to continue living anymore.
Even I could hardly stand it.
The thoughts that were passing through me became heavy. Magnus's voice echoed in my mind. That calm, terribly calm voice... those sentences that he says as if he were tearing apart reality... that distorted structure behind the Earth, people, Sacred Domains…
No.
No.
I couldn't tell anyone about this.
No one could have believed that their lives were spent in such a big lie. No one could handle the fact that his own will, his own past, even his own sufferings could be part of another structure. And the scariest thing is... Magnus wasn't lying when he said that.
That's why I couldn't ask him for help.
Because I didn't trust him anymore.
Maybe there was still a part of me that didn't want to see him as a completely bad person, but that didn't change anything. The truth that Magnus was carrying was so heavy that it could shatter people's souls.
And I couldn't put that burden on anyone else's shoulder.
So I just took a deep breath and shook my head.
"No," I said quietly. "Not that."
Aurelia looked at me, but she didn't force it. Maybe he understood what was in my tone. Because at that moment there was not only anger in me. There was also disappointment. There was also longing. And the scariest thing of all... was that I still hadn't completely forgotten about Magnus.
I turned my gaze back to the system screen.
And I stopped at another name.
Nyoko.
The moment I saw that name, the weight in me changed a little. Because Nyoko... was still one of the people I could trust. Maybe we weren't as close as we used to be. Perhaps wars, tragedies and years had passed between us. But I still knew that she would listen to me.
My fingers moved on the system screen.
The message window has opened.
And I couldn't write anything for a few seconds.
Because I didn't know what to say.
"Save Kuren and Kazami." is it?
"Cistern is coming to kill them." is it?
"Please help me." is it?
None of them seemed enough.
Finally, I took a deep breath and started writing.
As I wrote, my chest got heavier again.
I told you about what happened at Cistern. I told him about the meeting. I told her about the execution decision. I told her that Hiroshi would be sent to Earth. I mentioned the seal on Kuren's body. From Nirvana. From Gehenna Engine. What Kazami did to save Kuren. And finally…
"They will kill them." I wrote.
My fingers stayed in the air for a few seconds.
Then I added one last sentence to the screen.
"Nyoko... please protect them."
As soon as I sent the message, the light on the system screen flickered slightly.
And I realized at that moment that…
For the first time, a small hope was born in me.
But there was also a very deep fear.
Because things weren't just staying in Cistern anymore.
Now the whole world was being sucked into this darkness.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I could notice that my hands were still shaking slightly. Maybe my crying had slowed down a little, but the weight it had left on my body hadn't gone away. It was as if tons of things had been ripped out of my soul and only emptiness was left. Aurelia's presence calmed me, but at the same time, even this calmness hurt me, because sometimes a person realizes how broken he is when he has a really good person next to him the most. I didn't say anything for a few seconds as I took my eyes off the faint light of the system screen and turned to the ceiling of the room. My thoughts have been wandering Decadently through everything I've been going through these last few days. The silence I heard in Jared's room... the desperation on Mizu's face when he was yelling at me... the way I was crushed under everyone's gaze in the meeting room... my master's hands slamming me against the wall... and that terrible sentence coming out of my own mouth.
"I hate you."
As this sentence echoed in my mind, the guilt in me was stirring again. Because sometimes it wasn't the big wars that ruined a person's life. Sometimes what destroys a person... was a single second. A single moment of emotion that he can't control. One sentence. And no matter how long a person lived after that second, he could no longer be the same person. I realized that today. The human spirit was not as strong as I thought. Maybe it never was. During my years on Earth, I had learned how fragile people are, but I still kept myself out of that fragility deep down. Because I was a general. I was the one who was supposed to protect people. I was the one who needed to stay afloat. But now when I turned around and looked at myself, I saw only a tired child. He's a stupid kid who doesn't notice the collapse in himself when he's constantly trying to save someone.
And despite this…
Despite this, it was still strangely beautiful to be human.
Because despite all this pain, I was still thinking about others. I was still thinking about Kuren. I was thinking about Kazami. I was thinking about Jared's loneliness. I was wondering if my master was really looking at me with hatred. My heart was torn apart, but still, somewhere inside me was still trying to protect people. Perhaps that was the essence of humanity. To be broken, but not to be completely broken. To suffer but still care about someone else's pain. Losing, but still trying to get back up the next day.
I turned my head slowly to Aurelia. He was still quietly watching me. There was that familiar warmth in his eyes. The kind of warmth that is in the eyes of people who can listen to people without judging. The moment I saw those looks, something inside me ached slightly because for the first time in a long time, someone was just trying to understand without trying to correct me.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds. Then I started talking slowly. My voice was still tired, but this time there was something else in it. Maybe acceptance. Maybe fear. Perhaps it is that heavy awareness that is just beginning to form about what is called a human being.
"Do you know, Aurelia... for a long time I thought that saving humanity was about being strong. By being faster. By being smarter. By killing more enemies. To be able to protect more people. But my years on Earth have taught me something else." My eyes slowly shifted to the flickering lights on the system screen. "Humanity is actually something like the sum of its flaws. The being you call a human being is a creature that makes mistakes constantly, is constantly afraid, is constantly broken. But despite all this, they still continue to love. And I think... that's what really makes them human."
I took a deep breath. My chest was still heavy, but I kept talking.
"The gods can be perfect. Founders can be invincible. Kings can rule worlds. But only people... even though they are shattered, they choose to get up again the next day. And I think that's why humanity sometimes becomes something even more beautiful than the gods." I turned my eyes again to Aurelia. My lips trembled slightly, but I still smiled. "Because the human soul is precious, not because it is perfect... but because it still continues to throw for others, despite being broken."
The air inside my room was still heavy. The warmth left by my body, tired from crying, seemed to spread over the bed, and although my eyes burned, I felt like I could really breathe for the first time for a few minutes. Aurelia's presence next to me had even changed the silence of the room. The fact that a person can lighten the darkness inside another person just by his presence... I have learned how rare it is during the years I have spent on Earth. Most people were talking without trying to understand each other. Most people only saw their own pain. But Aurelia has never been like that. She was always seeing places that a person could not describe in words. I could feel it when you looked at me right now. She sees the fear, fatigue, and vulnerability in my eyes, but despite this, she still had that warm expression on her face. It was as if she could say to me, "You are still the same," despite all the collapse inside me.
After what I said, she didn't say anything for a few seconds. She just looked at me. But that silence was not disturbing. On the contrary... it was peaceful. Because some people could understand what was in front of them even without talking. So was Aurelia. After the slightly overgrown expression in her eyes slowly softened, that familiar smile began to form on the edge of her lips. The moment I saw that smile, I felt the weight in my chest lighten, even if it was a small part. Because when Aurelia smiled, one could believe for a moment that the world might not really be a bad place. Her smile was not ostentatious. It wasn't extravagant at all. But that's exactly why it was real. It was like a silent light. A light that slowly penetrates into a person, gives peace without shouting.
"Aki..." she finally said, her voice so soft that it was as if she was carefully touching on my broken thoughts. "You don't realize it, but... you've really changed." She averted her eyes for a few seconds and laughed slightly. "You used to be someone who wanted to protect people, but you didn't really show that you were really trying to understand them. It was more like... you were acting like someone who was supposed to save them. But now when I listen to you talking, for the first time I see not just a general trying to protect people, but a person who really loves humanity."
I involuntarily fell silent because of his words. Because I wasn't expecting to hear this. Perhaps because for a long time all I had heard about myself was blame, frustration and inadequacy, I had forgotten how to react when I heard something beautiful now.
Aurelia went on. Her eyes were still looking at me, but this time there was something else in her gaze. Pride.
"Do you know," she said, slightly bowing her head, "Yhe most beautiful part of you has never been your strength, Aki. People may remember you with your thunderbolts, your battles, your titles, but I never loved you for them." She smiled. "I loved you... because of your heart. Because no matter how broken you are, no matter how tired you get, you're finally thinking about others again. That doesn't make you stupid." Her voice trembled slightly. "It makes you... human."
The inside of my chest ached again, but this time the pain was different. Because for the first time, someone was telling me about the fractures inside me not as if they were something bad, but as if they were something valuable.
Aurelia took a deep breath and then moved a little closer to me on the bed. Her movements were slow. As if she didn't want to scare me.
"And I think," she said in a much quieter voice this time, "You're finally stopping hiding the light inside you."
I didn't know what to say. I really didn't know. Because the feeling that formed inside me at that moment was too complicated for me to describe. There was shame. There was gratitude. There was peace. And in a strange way... it had a will to live.
Just as I was trying to answer her, Aurelia suddenly bowed slightly.
And she put a little kiss on my cheek.
It felt like time had stopped for a few seconds.
My eyes involuntarily widened. Aurelia's face turned crimson at that moment. It was as if she couldn't even believe herself that she had done this. At the moment of her retreat she averted his eyes, and for a few seconds did not know what to do. Then she suddenly stood up. Her movements were so fast that it was as if someone else had come in a panic instead of the calm Aurelia who had just left.
"I-I..." she said in a stumbling voice. "Well... good night!"
Then she really ran away.
The way she opened the door, hurried out, tried to hide her face as he left... it was all so unexpected and so unique to Aurelia that for a few seconds I just stared blankly at the door.
And then…
I smiled sincerely for the first time in months.
It was a small smile, maybe, but it was real. It wasn't fake. It wasn't forced. At that moment I realized that someone had just reminded me to breathe again in the place where the darkness inside me was heaviest.
I gently rested my head on the pillow. My eyes were still slightly red as I watched the ceiling, my body was still tired, my mind was still complicated. Kuren and Kazami were still in danger. The fracture between me and my master was still standing. When I woke up tomorrow, all the problems would be there again.
But despite this…
For the first time, I felt like I wasn't being crushed under them all.
I spoke quietly inwardly while slowly closing my eyes.
"Thank you... Aurelia."
And for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep without my mind tearing me apart.
When I woke up in the morning, I stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, forgetting even where I was. The pale daylight that filtered in through the window of my room was spread between the cracks in the ceiling, and the wind seeping through the edges of the curtains caused the papers to move slightly Decently. Normally, the moment I woke up, I would feel a heaviness in my chest because of the thoughts that filled my mind, but today... today was different. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was really sleeping. It was as if my body had been able to let go of the fatigue it had been carrying for weeks for the first time. When I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I knew of course that not all of the suffocating weight from last night had disappeared inside my chest; there was still Jared, there were still Kuren and Kazami, there was still the fracture between me and my master. But underneath all of this, for the first time, there was a sense of order, albeit a small one. Because I wasn't just panicking anymore. I was thinking. I was making plans. I was starting to move. I've noticed that sometimes a person can get up again even if only when he has gained a sense of purpose.
As I slowly straightened up and sat on the edge of the bed, Aurelia's words echoed in my mind again last night. "You're finally stopping hiding the light inside you." As soon as I thought about this sentence, a small smile involuntarily formed on my face. Because for the first time in a long time, someone didn't just tell me what I was doing wrong. Most of the people were trying to break it up when they saw a mistake. Aurelia, on the other hand, was able to look at my fractures and still see something good. Maybe that's why people felt a little less lonely next to him.
Leaning my head back and looking at the ceiling, I started thinking about what I should do today one by one. I had to find my master first. I couldn't run away from him after what happened yesterday. Having said those words to one of the people I've cared most about my whole life, I couldn't just let it go. I should have apologized. No matter how scared I was, I had to face him. Then I was going to check if there was a response from Nyoko. If we could actually send a team to Earth, there was still hope for Kuren and Kazami. Then I had to talk to my team. Mizu, Hikari, Kai... all of them. Because no matter how much I scattered, they were still looking at me. And I didn't want to be someone who ran away all the time anymore.
As these thoughts began to sit in my mind, the confusion inside me calmed down a little more. I got up from my bed and opened the closet door. My team uniform was still in order as I left it. As soon as I touched your fabric, a strange feeling came over me. Because this outfit was not just a uniform. It was like a concrete version of the responsibility I've been trying to carry for years. I looked at my reflection in the mirror for a few seconds while he put it on me. The slight bruises under my eyes were still there, but my face was calmer than yesterday. I was more alive. It was as if the pieces of my mind that had completely collapsed last night were starting to hold together again.
"Okay," I muttered to myself. "I'm going to start fixing everything today."
I really wanted to believe when I said that sentence.
The next second, my body turned into lightning bolts and disappeared through the room.
The sky had not yet fully lit up when the morning air of Cistern hit me in the face. The city, draped with huge columns, seemed to breathe in shades of gray and gold. As I was passing over the streets in a lightning state, I could see people below. Those who opened their shops, families who took their children to school, soldiers who changed their guard... After my years on Earth, my view of people had really changed. I used to see them only as beings that I had to protect. And now I could realize that each of them carried invisible wars inside. Some people lived with their fears. Some with their losses. Some were just trying to get to the next day. And despite this, life went on. This is exactly what humanity was. A species that constantly breaks down, but still continues to walk.
As we approached the team 5 area, I reduced my speed. I thought I would find my master here the most. Shu would sometimes sit on the rooftops near the team building, watching the scenery for hours. At first glance, it would seem that he was just staring blankly at the city, but in fact, his mind was constantly working. Even his silence was heavy. Even if a person didn't talk next to him, he would start thinking.
When I stood on the edge of the roof, I turned my body back to its former state. I just stood there for a few seconds doing nothing, just feeling the coolness of the morning on my face, watching the high-blowing wind blow my hair back. Cistern's mornings had a strange beauty. The darkness of the night would not have completely Decayed yet, and the city would be suspended between two different times, as the pale light appearing on the horizon would fall on the stone buildings. While one side of him still carried the silence of the night, the other side would gradually wake up. And that morning, this view had no meaning. I was not interested in the color of the sky, nor the activity that started on the streets below. There was a restlessness in me that I have not yet been able to name. It wasn't for no reason; it was just that my mind hadn't found the reason yet. My eyes involuntarily shifted to the center of the city, to the area where the big stone bridge rises. That bridge was one of Cistern's oldest structures. In the morning light, the stones were turning gray, the surface of the river passing under them was forming small waves under the influence of the wind. Everything looked as normal as it should be when viewed from a distance. People were walking, the city was breathing, the sky was lighting up. But then my eye caught on two small figures standing right in the middle of the bridge.
At first I couldn't understand what I was seeing. My eyes had chosen the shapes, but my mind was refusing to make sense of them. A person had to make sense of what he saw before accepting it, and my mind was consciously delaying making sense of it in those few seconds. Because one of the figures standing on the bridge had a long sword in his hand, and the tip of that sword was inside the body of the other. Despite the distance between us, that image became clear Decently before my eyes in all its details. I was out of breath for a moment. It was as if the world had absorbed all the sounds around me, leaving only that image to me. The wind kept blowing my hair, but I couldn't feel it anymore. I could see people talking in the distance, but no sound was reaching my ear. I felt my heart beat once, and then it felt as if it was forgotten inside my chest. I blinked my eyes. Maybe I was seeing it wrong. Maybe it was a game of light. I thought maybe two people were leaning against each other from a distance. But the image has not changed. And then my body decided before my mind. Before I had a chance to think, I felt that familiar vibration of lightning in my veins; the next moment, my body turned into light and was thrown down the edge of the roof. The city broke into lines before my eyes, the air cut my face, and in a few seconds I found myself on the bridge. But even at the moment when I landed, my mind was still a few seconds behind. It was as if my body had already entered into the incident, while my soul was still trying to figure out what it had seen on the roof.
The first thing I noticed when my feet touched the stone floor was the smell. The metallic smell of blood mingled with the cool air of the morning. It was intense, warm and undeniably real. That smell was enough for me to realize that what I was seeing was not an illusion. I slowly raised my head. And the image I saw at that moment turned into a memory that will be engraved in the deepest places of my mind. Ryugu was standing in front of me. The General of Team 8. He seemed calm, as if the weight of the place where he was did not touch him at all. The expression on his face was so calm that this calmness sounded even more terrible than it did. A person could see anger, fear, anxiety or regret after a murder. But there was none of that on his face. There was only that familiar, unsettling smile. The tip of the sword in his hand was still pointing downwards, and on the other end of that sword was the man I had thought unshakable all my life. Shu Prryhi. My master. The man who taught me not only how to fight, but also when not to fight. The man who confronted me with the person I was when I didn't understand my own strength, who asked me why I fell instead of belittling me when I failed, who can sometimes tell more with a single look than with a hundred words he can say. To see him in that state was not just to witness the murder of a human being. It was the disintegration of my past, my faith and all the meanings I had established about myself in front of me at the same time.
When the dark red stain spreading over Shu's white clothes caught my eyes, I felt something slowly collapse inside me. As the blood expanded on the fabric, it was also erasing the last traces of whiteness left behind. The thing that scared me the most in that image was not the blood; it was the immobility of my master. I've seen him in action all my life. When you are fighting, talking, walking, using your hands when you are angry, when you tilt your head slightly to the side when you are telling me something... The presence of that man was synonymous with movement in my mind. It was as if if Shu Pryhi stopped, the world would stop too. But the man in front of whom I was now standing was motionless. His eyes were half open, and his gaze was no longer reaching any point. I knew him. I knew what those eyes meant. And yet part of my mind was rejecting all this. A small, helpless, childish voice inside me kept saying the same thing: No. He was saying that this could not happen. My master was saying that Shu couldn't die. Because we think of some people outside the concept of death. Even though we know that they are mortal, we put them in a place in our minds as if they are independent of the rules of the world. Shu was like that for me. Therefore, no matter how clear the truth was in front of my eyes, accepting it felt like betraying my mind.
I tried to Decipher a sound between my lips, but no words formed in my throat. I wanted to take a step towards him. My legs didn't move. It was as if the floor of the stone bridge had nailed my feet to it. Then Ryugu's hand moved towards the hilt of the sword. As I watched that movement, all the thoughts in me fell silent for a moment. That sound that came out when the sword left Shu's body was like a second blow that stuck in my memory. Then, my master's body staggered backwards slightly. It was such a short moment that a person could have missed it if he blinked his eyes. But I saw it. I saw his body lose its balance, the wind gently tossing the skirts of his clothes, his feet straining backward with a weight that no longer belonged to him. Then Ryugu reached out his hand and pushed him down the side of the bridge. When the body of my master Shu was removed from before my eyes, I felt as if the last crumb of hope in me had fallen down with him. I didn't extend my hand. I couldn't lie down. The lightning was moving around inside my body, but I couldn't use any of it. The power I've had all my life meant nothing to me in those seconds. Because even if you had all the power in the world, you could still feel helpless at that moment when you were just watching a person fall.
And then Ryugu turned to me. That's when the real break happened. When our eyes touched each other, the calmness on his face changed its whole meaning. He was no longer just the General of Team 8 in front of me. I no longer cared about Cistern's order, Decrees or hierarchy among generals. The person standing in front of me was the person who took one of the most precious people of my life from me. That little smile at the edge of her lips became a little more pronounced. It was as if he knew how I felt, even he was pleased to see it. At that moment, another side appeared in me that I had known existed for years, but had never seen in such a naked form. It wasn't just anger. Anger is still a controllable thing in a person; you can give it direction, put it out, make decisions together with him. What was rising in me was a much more primitive impulse. It was that terrible reaction of a person's mind before logic when he lost a loved one. I didn't want to stop Ryugu. I didn't want to punish him. I didn't want him to pay for what he did. There was none of this in my mind at that moment. All I wanted was that what was in front of me would never be able to move again.
The lightning began to gather spontaneously around my body. First they moved around my shoulders in subtle vibrations, then they strengthened and turned into bright lines that cut through the air. The stones of the bridge began to crack under my feet. The pressure in the air changed; the wind suddenly began to rotate irregularly around me, as if it had lost its direction. Normally, when using my power, there was a perfect harmony Decoupling between my mind and body. I would know which lightning bolt would fall where, how much force I would use, how destructive my attack would be. But I wasn't doing any calculations at that moment. As if my power was not at my disposal. It had turned into a physical extension of the anger inside me. With every beat of my heart, the lightning grew a little bigger, the air around me became heavier as I breathed. When I squeezed my fingers, I could feel electrical vibrations in the palms of my hands. But in the midst of all this, a single image was spinning in another part of my mind: the fall of Shu. That last look. That brief moment. Words I couldn't say. I will never get the opportunity to apologize anymore. And the worst of it was that the anger I had directed at him in our last conversation was still vivid in my mind. When you lost a person, you didn't just lose the past; you were condemned to carry with you forever all the phrases you couldn't say, all the mistakes you couldn't right, and all the possibilities that began as if you wished.
Ryugu, on the other hand, only bowed his head slightly in the face of all this. The smile on his face has not disappeared. It was as if the enormity of the outrage in front of me did not bother him, but rather gave him a strange satisfaction, as if something he had been waiting for had finally come true. Then, despite all the terrible silence between us, his voice came out Decently, almost as if he was starting a casual conversation. "Hi." When I heard that one word, something completely snapped inside me. Because the ordinariness of that word was making the gap between what happened a few seconds ago even more terrible. He killed a person, sent him down from the bridge, and then greeted the person opposite as if he had met a friend he had known for a long time. At that moment, I realized that the war in front of me was not going to be just a war between Ryugu and me. This was the first Deconfliction between the person who remained inside me and what was about to be born at that moment.
And perhaps the thing that scared me the most was that at that moment the person inside me began to lose. Because I was Akihiro Atlas. I was someone who had sworn to protect people, used his power to save the lives of others, and tried to carry the meaning of the title of General given to him on his shoulders. But on that bridge, while I could still smell the smell of my master's blood in the air, all those principles were losing their meaning one by one. The voices in me were silent. Mercy had withdrawn. Logic was crushed under the anger. All that was left was a naked will shaped by pain. And that will was telling me one thing: the person who took my Master Shu from me would pay for it. At that moment, I didn't know yet where this would take me. I didn't know what I could turn myself into yet. I only knew this: the person standing on the bridge was no longer Akihiro, who had jumped down from the roof a few minutes ago. That morning, with the fall of Shu Prryhi, something else had also fallen inside me. And I, without even realizing it yet, had taken my first step towards the shadow of my own anger.
END OF CHAPTER