Even torn up by his emotions, Bran had a sharp head on his shoulders. He ran far enough to be taken by the dark, for his tears to be swallowed up by the desert wind. But not too far to risk being swallowed up by something else. The camp's lights shone in the background, calling back for both of them.
Liron jogged after Bran. The boy sat behind a small dune, burying his face in his knees. He fought against his sobs, trying his best to rein them in. Zonis' words were fresh in Liron's mind, a deep wound bleeding. It drove him forward. But he had hoped his way to Bran would last forever. Better than facing the consequences of his actions.
Harras, Bran was shaking. Liron's stomach turned at the sight. He did this. How many times had he hidden away to cry after the townsfolk had bullied him? How many insults had rattled him to his core, strengthening his many insecurities? Once he had learned to retaliate, to hone his words into cruel tools, he had relished in doing so. Every asshole that had tried to come at him, he had punched back ten times harder. Nothing had felt better than beating them at their own game. But none of them had cried.
In his pursuit to fight back, he had become the asshole.
Bran heard his footsteps, knowing it was him. He steadied his voice, pushing down a sob. "Go away!"
"Bran… I'm sorry… I didn't…"
"Yo… you meant what you said."
"I didn't. I… I just wanted to hurt you. I just said things 'till one got you and then just hammered that one."
Bran sniffed. "No… no, you… everybody did laugh at me."
"That wasn't 'cause of 'em hatin' you. It was 'cause my joke was just good. Would have been funny if I'd said it to Emma. Probably more now that I think about it."
Bran snorted, his tears receding. "You fuckin' ass."
"Aye, last time I checked I had one. But Bran… I really didn't mean it. I… I'm fuckin' sorry. What I said went way too far. You're not stupid. And your ma would have been proud of you. I… I had to say this shit 'cause I was losin' to you."
"Y… you were?"
"Are you kiddin' me? O' course. I'm still as green as any youth. I've got no idea o' what to do or think. And, aye, I can be full o' myself. All o' that I know about myself. Just didn't like hearin' it from you."
Bran raised his head, looking at the endless desert in front of them. "I'm… sorry for what I've said. No one should speak about someone's dead folk. You were right. No fun in mockin' the dead. And… it's not your fault what happened in Kupferrang."
"No, you were right with that one, too. It was my fault."
"Don't say shit like that. I was just like you. Wanted to hurt you. You don't need to agree with me so I feel better about myself."
"Fuck you, I don't," Liron said. "I am sorry for what I said, but I didn't just come here to pat you on the back. Your points were solid. If I hadn't set foot in Kupferrang, the folk there would still be breathin'."
"And you weren't the one doin' the killin'. That was Adenius. Or are you the good Emperian, takin' blame for the one above you?"
Liron had to laugh, the tension alleviating between them. "See, you're not dull. That was funny."
Bran turned to him. His face wet with tears, the brutish boy appeared so vulnerable. Liron had seen the same expression whenever he caught his reflection. "You mean it? You think I'm smart?"
"Aye, that you are."
Bran turned around again, hugging his knees. "You… I think you made some good points against me, too."
"Come on, Bran. Truth be told, you're quite the asshole, but you're not…"
"Not that, you ass. I mean… I am not the sharpest. And I do think that…"
Liron sat down next to him, making Bran startle. "Don't start with that shit," Liron said. "Believe me. I know these thoughts better than you think. Feels safe in 'em, right? Like you belong. It's… familiar."
Bran studied Liron, searching for ill intent. He found nothing. He nodded after a pause.
"It's not right to think o' your own folk in such an ill manner," Liron said. "At the end, you're just usin' 'em to insult yourself yet again. Was your mother a good one?"
"The best," Bran said with no hesitation.
"Then why the fuck would she ever think such a thing o' you? As far as I know, you haven't given her a reason for it. She'd be proud o' you."
"You talk about her like you knew."
"Oh, I did. Quite well. Some would even say I knew every part o' her and her…"
Bran shook his head, his lips moving upwards against his will. "You bloody cunt."
They sat in silence, watching the night sky. As the stars reflected in Bran's eyes, he opened up further. "I'm sorry for how I treated you and your sister. Wasn't right. I didn't even give you a chance."
"All good. I didn't give you reason to give me much of a chance."
Bran lowered his head, his eyes fixed on his feet. "No, it's still not right. I… my anger is gettin' the better o' me. I hate it. I don't want to be like this. But it feels like… the world is against us. All folk that don't stand already with us have to be against us. I… it's a lie, but a good one. Makes everything easier. Gives reason to be angry all the time and gives a target."
Liron stared at Bran. He had found a kindred spirit in the boy, after all. Perhaps that was the reason they had clashed as they had. "Aye, I get that. Feels… good. But afterward you're… empty."
Bran nodded. "Like wakin' up after drinkin' too much booze."
"Well… I guess. I don't know what that's like, but I'm sure it fits."
"You were never drunk?"
"Nah. Folks my age from the town I'm from stole beer and got drunk, but they didn't want me around. I think you can tell why. And I got plenty o' reason to not touch that stuff. My pa was a bit too fond o' it."
"Yeah, mine, too. Hit us when it got bad. Yours, too?"
"No. Never laid a finger on us."
Bran looked up again, silhouettes soaring above them. Liron and Bran were too small to be prey for them. Too insignificant to be worth their attention. For once, this was a blessing.
"My pa was a bastard," Bran said. Liron straightened, knowing that Bran would have kept the following words locked for no one to see. "Bloody ass. Was ten years older than my ma. Won her over when she was my age. He knew what to say to make her leave her parents for him. Same as any predator," he said, pointing at the birds above.
"She tried to leave him a few times, but once I was around, she couldn't. The bastard played it well. Knocked her up as soon as possible to force her to stay. 'Cause he knew she could have left. My ma was a bright one. Could have made it far in the Resistance. My pa was an agent, and he knew she had him beat on every level. If things had been different, she'd still be around. Solia knows where she'd be now. If only…"
Bran never finished the sentence. Liron knew the answer to it. Another thing they had in common. How often had he wondered the same thing?
"Come on," Liron said, standing up. He clapped Bran on the shoulder. "Let's go back before they think something happened to us."
Bran nodded, his tears dry.
Wordlessly they walked back to the others. There were things left unsaid, but neither boy knew how to. So, they left them hanging, the silence a weight they had to carry.
As they reached the camp, neither of the group said anything. Zonis gave him a nod, his eyes still sharp with disappointment. But at least there was hope to regain the Whisperer's trust. Emma patted Liron's arm, giving him a quick hug before she climbed into their tent.
Bran checked his gear, going for his own tent. He paused, turning to Liron. "Thanks for… I… good night."
"Good night, Bran," Liron said.
The boy wrung his hands, and he threw Liron a thumbs up before hurrying into his tent. Liron pulled out a water bottle, his throat dry as the sand.
"That was impressive."
Liron jumped, throwing the water bottle into the air. Shae caught it without issue, handing it back.
"Thanks," Liron mumbled, taking it. "Harras, you scared the shit outta me. But… what did you say?"
"I said it was impressive. You actually apologized and fixed what you broke. Not everybody would have had the courage to do so. You found the right words."
Liron blushed, clearing his throat. He turned his face slightly away from the lamps. Hoping Shae wouldn't notice his face turning red as a tomato. "Well… I… thanks. Should be a given to do so."
"It's not. That's what makes it impressive."
"Ehr… I… aye, I guess. But not that impressive. I mean, I fucked up to begin with. I was an asshole. Still am, if I am honest. Not much of a surprise after all the shit that happened. Gotta be… you know… cautious to not become worse."
The spark returned to Shae's eyes. She looked at Liron as if she had seen him for the first time. Or an aspect of him she hadn't expected. Her stoic mask cracked, revealing something somber hidden underneath.
"I understand."
With that, she wished him good night and left. Liron looked after, feeling light as a feather. He cooled off before going to sleep. A long day. And the following ones promised to be longer.