Chapter 15: XVNotes:life decided to kick my ass in between chapter 14 and 15 :/ sorry for such a long delay
Chapter TextBellatrix was still asleep when Hermione woke up the next morning, the older girl sprawled out on her bed, blanket kicked to the bottom, long, toned legs on display due to her nightgown, and hair as wild and knotted as ever. The scene was slightly ruined by Fatty, curled up in the corner of the bed at Bellatrix's feet, silently watching all of her movements, obviously visibly annoyed at her presence in the room. Hermione hesitated only a moment before she righted the disrupted blanket back into place and quickly left the room.
Andromeda was in the hallway, having just come from the shower, wet hair pulled into a sloppy bun atop her head. She gave one look to the room Hermione just exited and then looked to her, a mocking grin that looked too much like Bellatrix now on her face. "Morning, Hermione," she said cheekily. "Did the love birds make up? You didn't sleep in our room."
Much to her chagrin, Hermione couldn't stop the blush that overtook her face the moment Andromeda spoke, even as she rolled her eyes. "I had to talk to Bellatrix, and didn't want to make Narcissa switch rooms again, so I slept in her bed."
"And how are you and Bella? Is she done being a right pain in the ass?"
"We talked it through," Hermione said simply, seeing no reason to discuss the actual details of her and Bellatrix's conversation, even to Andromeda. "We're on the same page."
"Screamed it through, more correctly," Andromeda responded, dodging the slap Hermione tried to get her with. "I'm glad you two are fine now. You're a bit hot and cold, you know? Never can tell when you're good, unless of course you're kis-"
"Okay!" Hermione said quickly, lightly knocking the girl aside so she could walk down the stairs, ignoring both Andromeda's teasing laugh and the way her cheeks were way too hot right now. Why did Bellatrix have to get drunk and confess they had kissed to Andromeda? Why couldn't it have been to Narcissa?
Fortunately for her, she did find reprieve on the first floor, as it was only Narcissa in the living room, too involved with a book to do anything more than nod good morning, and so Hermione went to the kitchen for another day of basic food. Her shock was palpable at finding the fridge full of recently purchased food, along with a note on the counter.
Auror business. Will return eventually. Don't do anything stupid. Keep your eyes and ears open at all times.
Short and to the point, lacking any sign off. Hermione crumbled it up and used magic to light it on fire, figuring its what Moody would have wanted, even if the note revealed nothing.
She got started on breakfast, trying to fend off Andromeda from adding the weirdest things possible to their pancakes, before Narcissa joined in. Though Bellatrix slept through breakfast, when she eventually shuffled down the stairs in the early afternoon, hair wet and spiky from a recent shower, she nodded to Hermione and stole a piece of banana from her sister, and the four of them spent an afternoon in easy, comfortable peace.
The rest of the vacation was relatively uneventful, as Bellatrix was no longer hostile and rude to the others, and joined them for food, though she did not partake in helping to cook anything. She did hang around in the kitchen watching them prepare things, occasionally throwing in her opinion on how something looked or smelled ("That looks absolutely vile", "That smells like our Uncle Charis"), and were always silenced by Andromeda threatening to throw food, Narcissa warning her to behave, or Hermione and her getting into a (somewhat) playful argument with one another.
Before they knew it, the holiday came to an end, and the four of them had to straighten up their borrowed rooms and pack their meager belongings, though they had not seen Moody since Christmas night. He did show up on the day they were set to leave the safe house to go to King's Cross to board the train back to school. He looked rough, with various small cuts across his face, a deeper one covering the bridge of his nose, and a partially healed black eye. His clothing was travel worn, torn and ruined in some parts, and Hermione wondered what sort of battle he had gotten into with whatever target the Aurors were after. Was it one of Voldemort's wizards, or someone completely unrelated? No one had said anything to the four of them about Bellatrix's provided information helping to capture anyone, but Hermione knew that wasn't unusual for the Order- they tended to keep the information to themselves.
But he was there now, leaning against the wall of the front door when they all walked down with their bags that morning.
"I've spoken with Dumbledore," he said by way of greeting, "regarding how Cygnus Black could possibly interfere with your schooling."
That got all of their attention immediately. It was a topic they had all stressed over during this time, something at the back of their minds every day.
"He has assured me that, while it is within Black's power to pull Narcissa and Andromeda from Hogwarts, it would not be an easy task. It is something he would have to take up with the Ministry of Magic and the school's governors. It isn't often that students are removed form Hogwarts halfway through the year. More than likely, despite his probable rage at Bellatrix leaving on Christmas Eve, Dumbledore does not believe he would go as far as to do that."
That was something, at least, and Hermione looked to Bellatrix to watch the subtle relief she showed at hearing those words- her shoulders relaxed just a fraction, her hands uncurled.
"I don't think I need to remind the four of you to keep your mouths shut about being here. Dumbledore trusts you with the location of this house, and therefore I am as well." He looked at them all, finally settling on Hermione. "There will be many more things to discuss in upcoming months, but I suspect we will be seeing one another soon enough. Until then, remember to maintain a constant vigilance, and keep your wits about you."
The only sort of goodbye Hermione figured they would get, and they all nodded their agreement, though Bellatrix did have a few choice words to say to the man, as the two of them had hardly gotten along during their time together, but everyone else merely ignored her. A moment later, Hermione was grabbing Andromeda's hand while Narcissa took Bellatrix's, and the four of them apparated away to King's Cross Station.
Shortly afterward, it was a thing of luck they were able to get an empty cabin once on the train, though Andromeda did have to leave them for Prefect duties for the first while of the trip. Not that it mattered, as Bellatrix and Fatty spent that time in and out of sleep, occasionally waking up whenever the train became too loud or too bumpy, while Narcissa continued to read a book Hermione had seen her have often, and Hermione herself read ahead on the next weeks lessons for a class. The time passed easily, and before they knew it the sun had set and the train was growing ever darker.
When Andromeda returned to the cabin and sealed the door shut behind her, they all knew they needed to have a very serious conversation, one they'd all pushed off during the holidays.
It was Narcissa who asked first. "What is going to happen when we get there?"
"We have to pretend like nothing happened. If anyone asked, we stayed the whole two weeks at Black Manor, played Quidditch, and did our assignments. It was simple and boring," Hermione said, frowning as she spoke. "We need to protect the Order, that's nonnegotiable- you heard Moody. No one can know about them."
"And Rod and Rabastan?" Andromeda now, looking at Bellatrix as she spoke, all of them wanting to gauge the oldest girl's reaction. "Rod knows the truth, and most likely would have told Rabastan too."
"I'll take care of them," Bellatrix said flatly, her eyes dull and her posture nonchalant.
Oh, Hermione had a very, very bad feeling about that statement. Coming from anyone else, it could have been interpreted as Bellatrix just going to talk to the guys to make sure they stay quiet, though they all knew that wouldn't work. However, Hermione knew Bellatrix, and knew that would not be the path taken. She almost didn't want to ask though, if only to keep the innocent idea still a possibility. Unfortunately for her, Andromeda asked for clarification.
Bellatrix said, entirely serious, "I'm going to kill them."
That was exactly what Hermione was afraid of.
Sure, she had managed to get Bellatrix to abandon Voldemort's cause, had even gotten her to share information to Moody to help the Order, which meant that the future was already probably most likely saved, but, how did Hermione know what things could change that?
Who was to say that if Bellatrix did actually murder Rodolphus and Rabastan, she didn't eventually find her way back to Voldemort and his army? She would have already been a killer by then, so what difference would it make?
"You cannot kill them," Hermione said strictly, her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth pulled into a frown.
Bellatrix just blinked at her. "Watch me."
"Bella, we need to remain as inconspicuous as possible right now, while everything is still being figured out. You murdering two Death Eaters from a very prominent pure-blooded family, is not inconspicuous."
"What need is there to be inconspicuous?" Narcissa countered suddenly. "It isn't as if Bella would do it on Hogwarts grounds, or around others. The only people who would think we would have anything to do with it would be the Dark Lord, our parents, and Dumbledore. As far as anyone else is aware of, we have no connection to them outside of Bella's friendship to Rodolphus."
Hermione closed her eyes as she sighed, knowing this conversation would be as painful as pulling teeth, especially now that Narcissa was on Bellatrix's side. She forgot sometimes, how alike the eldest and youngest Black daughters were. Andromeda might have been Bellatrix's when it came to physical appearance and temperament, but it was like looking at a mirrored imagine when ways of thinking were taking into account. Narcissa most likely was the one to share similar thoughts to Bellatrix, more so than Andromeda ever would.
It shouldn't have come as a surprise that Narcissa viewed Rodolphus the same way Bellatrix did, except now Hermione needed to argue against both of them to make sure Bellatrix didn't commit any murders while at Hogwarts. The last thing any of them needed was the girl being sent to Azkaban now.
"Like you said, Narcissa, Voldemort would know if we did something to Rodolphus. There is no way him or Dolohov said nothing about us in the hall at Black Manor. How would it look if Rodolphus was killed when we all got back together at Hogwarts, so soon after they would have told their lord about Bellatrix's betrayal?" Hermione countered, thinking of all the ways their deaths would cause them too many problems. Problems they didn't have the time or skill to handle, not right now. "We need to remain as uninteresting as possible to all of them. Voldemort can't be happy Bellatrix backed out of the initiation and is now giving information to our side." She made sure her voice was as low as possible. "The longer we can stay out of his radar following her defection, the better. Trust me."
"Hermione is right, we all know it," Andromeda sighed, head leaned back against the car's wall, eyes half closed from tiredness. "Rodolphus has to live, unfortunately. At least for right now. Maybe Bella can kill him later," she shrugged, slowly blinking at all of them. "For now, he has to live."
They didn't have time to finish the argument as the train rolled to a stop at Hogsmeade, and everything immediately became chaotic as all the students were excited to exit the train and return to the castle. Andromeda, having been too caught up in the conversation, rushed to handle her duties once more as the other three grabbed their things and filed into the line of bustling students to get to the carriages and the Great Hall, knowing a very good meal would be had soon.
As they all moved, Hermione's mind wouldn't let her not think of Bellatrix so easily claiming she was going to kill Rodolphus and Rabastan. She said it without any sort of hesitation, remorse completely lacking in all of her features as she stared them all down. Hermione didn't doubt the girl for a minute. She knew that if it truly came down it, there was not a single person Bellatrix wouldn't kill if it meant protecting Andromeda and Narcissa.
Unfortunately, that wasn't a very comforting thought, and it continued to plague her as they entered a carriage, rode to the school, and all shuffled into the Hall for another welcome back feast.
"Welcome back, I do hope everyone had the most enjoyable holidays," Dumbledore began his speech, standing at the head of the Great Hall as always. "Professor Kettleburn has asked that I make the following announcement, primarily to the seventh years involved in his Care of Magical Creatures course, but also as a broad announcement for all students to keep their eyes out." That created a few wondering whispers with the students as Dumbledore continued with, "It seems, right before the start of break, we lost one of the Brownies the course was studying. If anyone has any idea of the creatures whereabouts, please see Professor Kettleburn." A long look in the direction of Hermione and Bellatrix, a barely there hint of a smile on his face. "That is all. Enjoy the feast!"
Food immediately appeared on the tables courtesy of the elves working hard down below. They all rushed to dig in, Hermione and then smiling to themselves at the mention of Fatty, who they would be returning to the shed tonight, after hours. Andromeda would be using her powers at Prefect to sneak them out of the castle so they could all say their goodbyes. Bellatrix hadn't said much about it, but it was obvious the girl was not pleased with this decision.
It wasn't too long into the meal that Steve moved to sit beside Hermione, a pleased grin on his handsome face. "Hello, Potter," he said, giving a similar greeting to Bellatrix and her sisters as he nodded to them. "I just talked to Sasha Caron." The Slytherin player Hermione had replaced, the one who took a bludger to the head. "As it seems, her parents do not wish for her to continue playing this year. They would rather her sit on the bench for the semester and resume her position next year."
With all the of recent events taking place over the last two weeks, Hermione hadn't had much time to process that she was most likely not going to be playing Quidditch once they returned to Hogwarts. It was such a trivial thing to stress over when compared to Death Eater initiations, Rodolphus and Antonin Dolohov threatening them, Andy and Narcissa possibly being removed from the school... she had no time for anything else. But now- now, Steve was sitting before her, telling her she would be continuing the rest of the season, and she couldn't help but smile widely at the admission.
"I'm sure Victoria won't mind playing chaser a bit longer, if you're still interesting in being on the team?" Steve asked, the tone of his voice suggesting he knew exactly how Hermione felt about remaining on the team, and was now just teasing her.
"Of course I'm interested!" Hermione couldn't help but exclaim loudly, gaining the attention of those sitting around them, and she smiled sheepishly. "I'd love to keep playing, Steve."
"Well thank Merlin," he laughed, "We didn't have a spare player and would have to forfeit had you said no. And then who would deal with B pouting so much?"
Bellatrix looked up at the sound of her nickname, scowling in their direction, and Hermione couldn't help but say, if only to tease Bellatrix that bit more, "She is unusually pouty for someone supposedly so tough, hm?"
The affronted look the dark witch sent them both held a promise of violence if they continued, the look only making Hermione and Steve laugh as the Quidditch captain held his hands up good-naturedly. "I'm out before she turns her wand on me. You're the the best Bella-wrangler we have, so I leave this in your capable hands. By the way, practice starts up in two days."
With that he left, throwing a wave to the younger two Blacks as Bellatrix scowled at his retreating form, turning quickly to Hermione and snapping out, "You're dead, Potter."
For some reason, Bellatrix's tone of voice just had Hermione blushing, coughing part of her drink back up her throat and making her choke on it slightly, her cheeks burning much too fiercely for any sort of logical reason right tin that moment. The sight made Bellatrix laugh, a genuine sound that just made Hermione's blush that much worse as she forced herself to look at her plate and finish her meal, not looking back up as she knew she'd find Bellatrix, cocky and grinning, watching her.
"Bella." Hermione caught the older girl in the hallway, coming up and grabbing her arm to keep her still. "We need to talk," she said as she pulled Bellatrix away from the busy cluster of all the students returning to their dorms. Hermione guided her into an empty classroom, making sure the door was closed behind them before they started talking.
"Your talks tend to end with you either confessing secrets, threatening me with your wand, or screaming at me," Bellatrix said, the corner of her mouth tilted upward. "But by all means, Granger."
"You aren't... serious about Rodolphus and Rabastan, are you?" Hermione had to ask, had to know for certain that Bellatrix wouldn't try to do anything stupid if she thought it would keep them all safe.
The shrug Bellatrix gave was not reassuring in the slightest. "Do you trust Dumbledore to handle this?"
Yes. No. Hermione didn't know. Dumbledore had a way of.... letting things play out, to whatever end. "Dumbledore will do whatever he believes is best at the time." Not an answer, not really, but it was the only truthful one she could give, and she was tired of lying to Bellatrix.
"I am not risking my sisters' lives over him doing whatever he 'believes it right' in whatever moment. Rodolphus is not going to be as nice as to offer letting Andy and Cissy leave the next time we face him, not now that he knows I am on your side. Think whatever you want of him, but do not forget that he is an exceptionally talented dueler, and if Dolohov is with him next time? They will not stand a chance." Bellatrix's voice was hard, unrelenting and unforgiving as she glared at Hermione.
"I'm not asking you to risk their lives right now, Bellatrix. I am asking you to not do anything rash or stupid while we are at Hogwarts. Rodolphus is smart, you know that, he wouldn't try anything under Dumbledore's nose. He'll wait until we are finished this year before he tries anything- if he tries anything."
Bellatrix took the time to look around the classroom, taking in the same walls and features they've seen for the past seven years, if only to delay her response and drive Hermione that much more annoyed and stressed. Finally, she turned back to her, a scowl in place. "I was supposed to marry him, you know," she said, completely unexpectedly, watching the way Hermione's eyes widened immediately, her cheeks getting darker, all out of her control. "There was no formal declaration or anything, not yet, but my parents had been in talk with his, and were most likely looking to have us wed by the end of summer."
None of this was exactly news to Hermione, as they were married in the future, had gone to Azkaban for torturing Neville's parents together, but now... Hermione had never been quite able to figure out what exactly they were to one another yet. Friends definitely, but anything more.. Bellatrix had always been so elusive in what was going on in every aspect in her life. Somehow though, hearing Bellatrix confirm they were something together made a small, uncontrollable part of Hermione tighten and seethe with jealousy, and she didn't know what to do about that.
"I'm telling you that only so you will understand me when I say I know Rodolphus Lestrange very well. And his brother. So you will believe it when it is not a matter of if he tries anything, but when. And I will not let my sisters be harmed because you are afraid of drawing attention to us. That is the possibility here, not their lives."
Hermione needed to get control of the situation again, needed to steer them away before Bellatrix truly did something stupid. "Rodolphus is a terrible person, he will be an even worse person later in life, and I do believe the world would be a better place if he were dead. My very good friend would have a much better life if Rodolphus dies now. But there are too many things we can't risk right now. Please, Bella, think this through before you act."
"Oh, I've thought everything through, and exactly how I'm going to kill him. It'll be a very cathartic event, and will make all of us that much happier."
She was insane. Hermione took back ever thinking this Bellatrix wasn't crazy.
"I'm doing it."
"Please don't."
"I'm-"
"Please, Bella. Please." Apparently, Hermione was not above begging in this scenario, not above doing whatever it took to make sure Bellatrix didn't ruin this for all of them. "Wait. That is all I am asking. If you are so dead set on him dying... just wait, please. We will keep Andy and Narcissa safe, I promise you that. But you can't protect them if you're in Azkaban for his death."
It was quiet for some time after that, Bellatrix merely staring at Hermione with an unreadable expression on her pale and gorgeous face. At one point she stuck her tongue out to wet her lips, and Hermione couldn't help but track the movement, even as Bellatrix grinned wickedly at that. But she did say, "He dies eventually."
Not truly what Hermione wanted, but she would take it for now, would accept that deal if it meant keeping them safe in the present and putting off having to deal with it later. Hopefully much later.
"Now leave me alone," Bellatrix said, her voice much less hostile than it would have been months ago, a slightly pleasant grin on her face as she moved away from Hermione and left the room, going to do whatever it was she got up to by herself. Most likely terrorizing the first years. Hermione couldn't help but smile at the thought, even as she shook her head and began making her way to the Slytherin common room, surprisingly excited to see her other classmates every two weeks away.
Later that night found Hermione with Andromeda and Bellatrix, Narcissa having claimed no interest in sneaking the Brownie back into the shed, and Andromeda only partaking as they could use the excuse of her being a Prefect to keep them away from prying eyes.
"Fatty, I can't say it was a pleasure, but... you know," Andromeda patted the Brownie's head, only to be swatted at by his paw, to which she scoffed and said to them, "I'll be waiting outside," as she quickly left.
"Are you okay?" Hermione asked slowly, having noticed that Bellatrix had been uncharacteristically quiet, just staring at Fatty as he became reacquainted with his nest.
"Fine," Bellatrix said flatly, reaching out to gently swipe at his paw, earning a gentle squeak in return. "Why does he need to go back?" She finally huffed. "He liked living with us."
He liked torturing the elves and bothering them, more likely. Hermione didn't voice that out loud, of course. Instead she said, "He belongs with the others like him. Besides, he was a terrible cleaner." Kettleburn had said their species was meant to clean. The fat Brownie either defied that stereotype, or their professor needed to correct his information.
"He was above such lowly work." Bellatrix's voice was rough, low and quiet, as she took his paw in her hand and said, "Go kick ass and cause problems out in the wild, Fatty." She slid a small pile of food into his nest that he immediately attacked, not sparing either of them a second glance.
Hermione held back her huff of laughter as Bellatrix scowled at the creature, giving him one last look before she turned on her heels and marched out of the shed, leaving the brunette quick to follow, rushing out to keep up with the other two girls as they began the slow walk back to the castle.
The atmosphere around them was oddly peaceful, despite the heart breaking event of leaving Fatty taking place moments before. Andromeda was farther ahead of them, giving them the slightest feeling of privacy as they walked beside one another, even though none of them had talked much since leaving the shed.
"I've been thinking," Bellatrix said slowly, her voice unusually soft and hesitant. "I can't get your arm out of my mind."
That had Hermione pause in her walking, turning to face the other girl head on, her eyebrows furrowed together. Bellatrix stopped as well, her gaze hard and unflinching even as her lip was sucked between her teeth.
The darker witch said, very quickly, as if rushing to get the words out before she changed her mind, "I was to do a muggle hunt on Christmas Eve." Her shoulders were tensed as she spoke, her jaw clenched. "The Dark Lord felt I did something stupid before, that made me look weak. This birthday gift was supposed to redeem me."
A muggle hunt? Hermione's skin crawled at just the thought of what that would entail, of the torture and violence those poor muggles would experience at the hands of such sycophants. And to picture Bellatrix there, chasing down people for their own amusement. It made her want to vomit, but she fought to keep her face blank, if only not to ruin this rare moment of honesty and openness with Bellatrix, who always kept things to tightly locked up.
"When... when did you know about this?" Hermione was hesitant to want to know the answer. For Bellatrix had known what she was getting into at this party. Did Andromeda and Narcissa know as well? Their father would have sent them all upstairs before it happened, but had they been informed prior?
Bellatrix kicked a small rock a few feet ahead of them, and Hermione knew enough about the girl to know she was buying time, most likely deciding what all to tell Hermione. "The night you healed my face... that was the night I did something stupid, and the bruises you saw were punishment for that."
When Hermione had been in the common room in the middle of the night and had taken Bellatrix by surprise when she also entered. At the time, the dark witch had been bruised and battered, her mouth swollen, finger shaped bruises on her wrists and biceps, blood on her face. Hermione had healed her, and the next morning Bellatrix had demanded Andromeda no longer be friends with her. Never once had Hermione asked where the injuries had come from, just had offered to heal (after arguing) and they went about their lives pretending Hermione didn't know, just as they did about the scars.
"Then the night Hogsmeade was attacked, I got a letter the next morning. From my father, saying: Perhaps if you had not embarrassed our family in front of our Lord you would have been invited to join the fun. Your sister's injury is due to your failure, Bellatrix." How often had she read it, to have it so ingrained into her memory, she could recall it perfectly even after all these weeks? How long had she sat there and read it, over and over again, blaming herself for Andromeda's injury? "My fuck up that night could have cost Andromeda her life and-"
A sound that very well could have been a sob had it come from anyone else escaped Bellatrix's mouth, but her eyes were still clear, and she sucked in a deep breath to regain herself. When she started talking again, she also started walking, a slow unhurried pace, despite them no longer having Andromeda in sight. It didn't matter, they'd figure out a way back in anyway.
"I wasn't told about Hogsmeade because of that, but the Dark Lord said I could redeem myself to him during the muggle hunt on my birthday. After I captured, tortured, and killed a muggle, I'd receive my mark, and well-" Bellatrix waved a hand at nothing. "I suppose you know how that storyline would then go."
Hermione's throat was dry, her heart racing as she watched the other girl. This... was nothing like what her mind would have conjured about an initiating for the Death Eaters. Even knowing how digesting, bigoted they were, how little they valued any life that wasn't a pureblooded witch, she never would have guessed this if she was told to. "I want to ask if you truly would have taken part in that vile hunt, but I guess I do know how that story goes."
"I was given the option, months before I met you. My father got word that the Dark Lord was interested in me." History (future-history, that is) told Hermione that Bellatrix's parents never joined Voldemort, but their beliefs aligned with Britain's darkest wizard. If Cygnus had heard his daughter was wanted for such a cause, he probably would have celebrated. "My father told me about it, and said it was an offer our family would not be refused. One of us would be joining his ranks." A pause, a slight wobbling of a bottom lip. "Then he said if I didn't want to pledge myself to the Dark Lord- fine. I didn't need to. He had spares."
Spares. Spares. To refer to his own children as spares, and to use them as leverage against Bellatrix, knowing how much she treasured and protecting her younger sisters. The more Hermione learned of Cygnus Black, the more she wished he would suffer a long, painful death.
This conversation had to be hurting Bellatrix emotionally, to recall of the information she had so very clearly buried deep within herself, but she pressed on, showing no more signs of stress. "The Dark Lord is not a stupid man, and he knew having the support of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black would be a considerable ally. If he couldn't have me, he would have one of them."
The thought of Andromeda, of reckless, loving, wild-hearted Andromeda, sworn to serve Voldemort... even of Narcissa, of the girl with quiet steel in her heart who loved to read, who, despite her young age, was the one to keep her two sisters from killing one another during a stupid fight....
Hermione had been wrong. Bellatrix's obsession to her Dark Lord had not been born from devotion, but from necessity. An impossible decision made to keep the sisters she so loved safe.
"There is to no end that I would not go for my sisters. Nothing I would not do to myself or others to keep the two of them safe. I would burn this whole country down and everyone in it if I needed to." "If the cost of keeping them safe is ruining my soul, is killing muggles, well... I would rip my soul into a thousand pieces."
It would end up being her downfall, in the end. This sacrifice to the two people she loved more than anything. Andromeda leaves this life behind, runs off with Ted and gets branded a blood-traitor. Narcissa stands by her husband when he becomes a Death Eaters. Bellatrix would have drove herself to insanity for nothing.
"Look down upon me all you want," Bellatrix kept talking. "But I will never apologize for that."
In another life, Hermione might have. She might have walked away from anyway willing to kill innocents, but now it only made her heart clench, made her appreciate and be in awe of Bellatrix's strength that much more. With that in mind, she didn't let herself reconsider the action before she was slipping her hand into Bellatrix's, squeezing it tight once, a silent, I'm here, I understand.
Bellatrix understood the action, but still she said, "I won't apologize for doing whatever it takes to keep them safe, but... I do not think doing that to your arm had any connection to them, did it?"
Hermione didn't want to think about that Bellatrix doing that to her, not now, but she forced her mind to allow it, forced herself to recall the look in that Bellatrix's eyes as she was pinned to the ground.
"Narcissa was there with you, but I can't speak of what your relationship is like with you. I'm tortured because you think I have information about something very important to the war." Hermione saw the devastation on Bellatrix's pale face, the sight so unusual and not meant to be there, that she added quickly, "Some part of your dedication to finding out that information could be wanting to protect your family, I don't know. Like I told you, you spend so many years in Azkaban, I have no idea the sort of relationship you have with her."
"Like I said, I would do anything to protect them, but... I never thought I'd go as far as to purposefully scar someone like that. I told myself that I wouldn't do that to someone, not when-"
She cut herself off, but her ruined back still flashed into Hermione's mind, exactly as she knew it flashed into Bellatrix's, and knew that would be the reason why she felt as such.
"Then I suppose I should... apologize," the words sounded so foreign coming from Bellatrix, from the girl that so unabashedly was herself and never stopped to consider how that would impact others, save for her sisters. "For so many things. But mainly for that, and also how I treated you when you first got here, and then how I reacted when you finally told me the truth."
This was progress, a testament to the development of their relationship that Bellatrix felt any sort of compulsion at all to apologize, or to even acknowledge all the wrongdoings in her life.
"When my professor first brought up this mission," Hermione began to confess slowly, feeling the need to tell something of her own after Bellatrix had made herself so unusually vulnerable. "I wanted to say no. Every part of me was terrified to see you, to be completely honest, even though it would be teenage you, and not a crazed Death Eater. But, I said yes. And I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to my friends before my professor said I had to leave. So I risked everything to come here, and I hated you. I hated you so much. It was.... impossible for me to separate this you and that you, and I didn't even bother to try. But I became friends with Andromeda, and then you and I- well, it then became impossible for me to not like you. And it confused me, how I felt about you here and how I felt about you there. But... I don't see any of my world's you when I'm with you. Sure, you're a stubborn ass," she cracked a smile, and dodged the shoulder Bellatrix tried to hit her with, "but I wouldn't change a single thing about you. You don't need to apologize for scarring my arm because you didn't do it. I'll accept the apologies for you being so volatile when we first met though."
Bellatrix laughed, light and open and slightly watery, her hand just brushing the back of Hermione's as they moved.
Hermione continued with, ignoring the way her heart stuttered at the contact, "I will never fault you for protecting your sisters, Bella. Never. Me and my friends have all done questionable things to protect one another. I even set a professor's robes on fire once." At the sight of Bellatrix's intrigued look, and how she opened her mouth to question it, Hermione hurriedly spoke over her. "Like I said, I don't know if your actions in the future are to protect Andy and Narcissa, but I do now know that's how it started, and I will never blame you for carrying all of this weight in the desperate hope to keep them safe. It's a very strong thing to protect the ones we love."
They made their way into the castle and didn't say another thing as they quietly snuck through the halls back to Slytherin's common room and into their dorm.
After the long talk with Bellatrix and finally getting some insight on her life, things moved rather quickly at Hogwarts. January eased into February, the weather just as cold and unforgiving as ever, and made Quidditch practice and games that much more brutal. Hermione finished each one sweaty on the parts of her body heavily laden with clothing, and frozen to the bone everywhere else. Bellatrix, it seemed, could complain about everything in life that didn't have to do with Quidditch (unless they were losing) and seemed to step off the field each time perfectly fine, hardly winded even with her hard and rough play style.
Hermione wouldn't complain though, not when she was so relieved to still be on the team. Even though the cost had been a girl being injured for her to be placed here, she was ever so thankful that the original chaser she was set to replace had decided to finish the year off sports free, and so Hermione would spend the rest of her time at Hogwarts competing for the championship title with the rest of her friends.
In fact, the most interesting thing to even happen to them all over the next nearly two months was Andromeda taking points away from Slytherin when she found a bunch of fourth years out of bed late at night. Bellatrix had been furious, yelling at Andromeda for taking points from their house when they were so closely tied for first place, every point would count. The result ended up both of them screaming at the other until Andromeda decided it would be much more worth it to tackle Bellatrix in the common room, in front of nearly the entire house.
Narcissa had not been happy at that, and then spent the next thirty minutes yelling at both of them for being so stupid and aggressive. Every time Bellatrix tried to cut herself off to remind her that Andromeda was costing them points, Narcissa would just speak louder, refusing to give in to the idiocy. When that had finished, Bellatrix sought Hermione out to rant to her for a while as they walked the castle grounds together.
That had also been happening more and more as the days went by- the two of them hanging out one on one. It was nice now, nicer than it had ever been before, as Hermione no longer had the weight of her lies hanging over her head, reminding her that she was faking everything every time she enjoyed Bellatrix's laugh, smile, anything. But now she was free to do so (and did often), as they had taken to going for walkings or finding empty classrooms to study nearly every day.
Today was one such day, both of them in an empty room on the fourth floor once classes had finished. Hermione was working on a History of Magic essay, or trying to, as Bellatrix had at some point decided to forgo any sort of homework, and was now entertaining herself by shooting harmless sparks at Hermione. They would all disintegrate before they reached her, but it was working to aggravate her, which was undoubtedly Bellatrix's goal.
"Are you five?" Hermione couldn't help but snap when one of the sparks nearly reached the parchment she's spent the last hour writing on.
"Perhaps," comes Bellatrix's response, followed by a slight chuckle and another spark, green this time. "Is that one of the things you enjoy about me, Granger? My possible childish personality?"
"It's not a possible personality. You are childish," Hermione grumbled, ignoring the slight heat in her cheeks at Bellatrix's statement.
This had also been happening more and more- sort of flirting, Hermione definitely blushing. Sometimes Bellatrix made fun of that, which made it worse, and other times she would say nothing about it, but Hermione always saw the small, pleased smile on the dark witch's face.
Hermione wouldn't have been able to say who started it, which one them took that step after Bellatrix had so hatefully decreed that she regretted everything that transpired between them before Hermione told her secrets. Somehow, one of them had started it up, more so than before, when Bellatrix had been subtle, sometimes mocking in how she did it, and Hermione had been hesitant. Now though, Bellatrix didn't make any sort of effort to pretend she wasn't flirting, and Hermione never knew what to think of it.
"You're going to Hogsmeade this weekend, yes?" Bellatrix changed the subject, moving until she was closer to Hermione now and sitting on the desk, nearly on top of the parchment. She pointedly ignored Hermione's annoyed looked. "Well?"
"I am."
"Come to the beach with me afterwards."
They hadn't been back to the beach since they were drunk and kissed for the first time. It felt like years ago, when in reality in had only been a few months. The entire Slytherin team was there, and yet none of them had noticed Hermione and Bellatrix in their own world, kissing in the middle of Black Lake as if their lives depended on it.
Hermione didn't even need to think on it, to hesitate, before she was breathing out, "Okay, yes, of course."
The smile Bellatrix gave her at the agreement was more than enough to get her to forget how much the girl had ruined studying for the day and was currently sitting on half of her unfinished essay.
Chapter 16: XVIChapter TextIt was the day of the Hogsmeade outing, and all Hermione could think of was Bellatrix.
The offer of going to the lake together had been on her mind since Bellatrix asked, and now that it was the day of, she could focus on nothing else. Not even the Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, where Slytherin desperately needed Gryffindor to lose, and cheered madly every time Hufflepuff scored. Hermione barely reacted to any of it, too caught up in her own world, to the point that she was even able to block out Andromeda's teasing. She completely missed Gryffindor catching the Snitch and winning, bringing them that much closer to overtaking Slytherin for second place. It brought the two teams, as well as Ravenclaw who still held first, very close together in terms of points, and the championship very well could still go to any of them.
It had everyone on edge once the match ended, and still Hermione thought little of any of it.
And had no time to think of it again as a letter arrived for her to meet with Dumbledore in his office as soon as possible. She quickly said goodbye to her friends to make the short trip to the gargoyle, using the password their headmaster provided to get up the stairs, and found the old man at his desk once more, a thing of tea sitting on the top.
Hermione had not had a conversation with the man since that night she raced here on Christmas Eve, desperate to save Bellatrix and damn near willing to agree to anything to accomplish that. But now he sat before her, arms on either side of his wide chair, smiling at her.
"I do believe it is time for us to discuss a matter of the utmost importance," he began, his voice soft and raspy as ever. "Tea? Biscuit?"
"No, thank you," Hermione said with a frown, silently running through all of the things they could possibly have to talk about right now. Most obviously would be Bellatrix, but they had been back for nearly two months and he had never tried to discuss any of the things Bella told Moody, so it didn't make sense for him to do so now.
"I suppose you would prefer I just come out with whatever this is about?" Dumbledore asked, not unkindly, but Hermione still blushed anyway, not realizing her face must have given away her thoughts. "That is reasonable, and I do not think this is a topic that we should toy around with."
Get it out, just say it, Hermione thought, her heart racing slightly as her mind kept coming up with the most outrageous possibilities.
"When you arrived here back in September, I asked Professor McGonagall to assist me in finding a way to return you to your correct time period when the situation arose."
Oh.
Oh my-
Hermione hadn't even... she hadn't... there was nothing-
"It took sometime, as you can see, however we do believe Professor McGonagall has come across a promising spell," Dumbledore continued when Hermione failed to respond.
But how could she answer right now? For all these months, that thought has weighed in the back of her mind, keeping her up at night, a small voice saying she would never find her way back to her friends in 1998.
"You were sent here to ensure Miss Black is dissuade from joining Lord Voldemort's cause. A job which you did complete, admirably, I should add. Not only has Bellatrix turned from Voldemort, but she has also provided the Order with a list of names of Death Eaters. Information we would not have been able to obtain otherwise."
The headmaster was just talking as if he hadn't dropped the biggest bombshell onto Hermione's plans as possible. Only minutes prior she was obsessing over meeting Bellatrix at the lake and all of the implications of what that meant, and now here she was, being told there was a way for her to return home now.
But what of her home here? Her friends? Andromeda, Narcissa, everyone on Quidditch, Daniel?
Bellatrix?
Hermione would leave here, leave the relationships she's built and the life she's created, to go back to what? A war she would no longer have much clue what was happening in. The date would be correct, but would Voldemort's army still be approaching within hours? How much would have changed if he didn't have Bellatrix as his lieutenant?
The prospect of seeing Harry and Ron again, Ginny and Luna and Neville, all of the Weasleys...
Dark brown eyes and untamable hair flashed into her mind, followed immediately by the wicked grin Bellatrix always had, the mocking way she talked to Hermione, how she always knew the quickest ways to get her riled up.
Absent-mindedly, Hermione twiddled with the necklace around her neck as the dark eyes in her mind became a fraction bigger, the hair that much lighter, but they too changed to an icy blue, the hair lighter still until it became strikingly blonde.
A flat piece of parchment was placed on the desk between them, and Hermione only had to look for a second to recognize the handwriting. She's seen it for the last seven years in every Transfiguration class, and could already picture McGonagall meticulously copying the spell and steps from whatever ancient book she discovered it in.
"It is yours to do with as you see fit."
Hermione didn't reach for it.
This is what she's been waiting for, this is what she's dreamt of since first arriving here.
So why wouldn't her brain tell her arm to grab it?
Dumbledore noticed it, as he noticed all things. "There are many things we must do in life that are hard, Hermione. You have already done one such thing in agreeing to come back thirty years into the past, and now it is time for you to decide what to do once more."
Hermione's throat was dry, her voice rough, as she choked out, "Thank you." Still, her hands stayed by her side, her fists tightly clenched.
"I must advise, however, should you choose to stay, it will be of the utmost difficulty to avoid running into your younger self." She knew that, knew what would happen if she ever met young her. That did nothing to quell the sparkle in Dumbledore's eyes as he added, "It will be the utmost difficult, but not impossible. Please keep in mind, you will always have a home here."
The words made her throat constrict even more, her lip sucked between her teeth, and she had to fight back the tears that wanted to spring forth into her eyes. She knew Dumbledore did not mean Hogwarts in general, not the Hogwarts of her time, but here, now, in this Hogwarts with these people. She merely said, "Thank you," once more, and forced her arm to move, forced her hand to clench around the smooth parchment.
"I'm sure there are people waiting for you to join them at Hogsmeade. Enjoy your afternoon, and do take your time regarding the spell. You would not want to regret the decision you make." With that, Dumbledore stood from his desk, and with a nod to Hermione, walked further into his office, off to do whatever it was he does when not giving cryptic advice to students.
As Hermione stood up as well to leave the office and find her friends, her mind once more went back to Bellatrix, but this time it had nothing to do with what was in store for them at the lake.
"Are you alright? Why do you look so pale?" Andromeda frowned as Hermione finally caught up to them, coming to a stop beside all three Black sisters outside of Honeyduke's. It was a positively surprising sight to see Ted in the mix as well, standing closely to Andromeda, and Bellatrix having nothing to say about it.
"I'm fine," Hermione lied, her tongue darting out to wet her dry lips. She couldn't bring herself to mention any part of her conversation with Dumbledore, not when they were out in the open around so many people, and not when Bellatrix was staring at her in a way that almost looked concerned.
They had plans soon, Hermione had to remind herself, use the fact to ground her to this, and think nothing of the spell folded into her robes. She wouldn't ruin whatever Bellatrix wanted to do at the lake with this, not right now.
"What's in the bags?" Hermione jerked her head to the bags hanging from Andromeda and Ted's hands, heavy looking and filled to the brim. "Are those all candies?"
"Not quite, though if you continue to judge I will not be sharing," Andromeda huffed, scowling at Hermione. "Narcissa refused to carry her purchases, so some of this is her things as well."
A look to the blonde in the group, and she shrugged as if to say, am I supposed to carry it?, making Hermione laugh and some of the tension sticking to her bones ease. She fell in with them easily, walking beside Bellatrix who gave her one more long look before quickly getting into another pointless argument with Andromeda, this time about the Quidditch match they had all watched.
As the two sisters bickered back and forth, Hermione looked to Ted, finding him watching Andromeda with a found smile on his face before he caught her staring at him, and smiled at her as well.
"Entertaining, isn't it?" He asked, motioning to the two girls, whose voices had raised slightly, but their argument remained relatively playful, even as Andromeda said Bellatrix's hair 'made her look like she was constantly suffering from static shock', and Bellatrix tried to shove her, only to be broken apart by Narcissa, of course.
Hermione would miss all of this so much. "It really is," she mumbled, her heart too heavy in her chest. Was she really ready to say goodbye to all of this? Even if she missed Harry and Ron every single day, would she not feel the same about the three girls before her? Would she not miss them so much? And how much worse would it be, to see the adult version of the three of them, thirty years down the line, and wonder what they thought of when they saw her? Would they have these memories as well, or would she fade from their mind with time, and when they looked to her now, they would only get an odd feeling of deja vu?
She didn't want to think of it, not when this very well could be the last time they all had a trip to Hogsmeade together. She wanted to be in the present, enjoying every second with them all. Determined to do just that, Hermione shook herself out of her thoughts and joined into the argument with Andromeda and Bellatrix- taking Andromeda's side, of course.
"She's right, you know," Hermione smiled as she spoke, knowing this would go right through Bellatrix. "Gryffindor deserved that win. They're a better team. The best team, and house, actually."
Ted blinked in confusion at the statement, most likely wondering why Hermione would support Gryffindor, whereas the three girls rolled their eyes, Bellatrix adbmately auguring back that that was entirely preposterous.
"Don't start a fight you cannot finish," Bellatrix threatened, only relatively joking.
"I'm just saying," Hermione antagonized. "Gryffindor-"
"I'm reconsidering going to the lake with you."
That shut Hermione up, but didn't wipe the grin off of her face, which only grew as Bellatrix announced to the others the two of them would be leaving now. Andromeda yelled at their retreating backs for Hermione to watch out and make sure Bellatrix didn't try to drown her.
The lake was thankfully empty of any others when Hermione and Bellatrix arrived (and that thought had Hermione pausing, as why did it matter if others were around or not? But something kept pushing her to want to be alone). They settled down near the spot where the Quidditch team had once passed around the bottles of firewhiskey, and Hermione hunkered down a bit more into the warmth of her robe to block out the chilly breeze.
Bellatrix sat the carton of chocolates she slipped from Andromeda's bag down between them, not bothering to open them up yet as she stared out at the ocean, and Hermione couldn't help but watch her.
"Let's play a game," she heard herself say, voice barely above a whisper.
It was clearly loud enough for Bellatrix to hear, for she turned to look at Hermione curiously, one corner of her mouth crooked up in a way that typically meant she was about to say something mean.
"Two truths and a lie?" Hermione's brain was scrambling to catch up to her mouth. Luckily she was never in short supply of thoughts.
"That sounds terribly muggle."
"Hush. The point is to see how well you know the other person. So you have to guess which ones are the truth and which ones are the lie. The more outrageous the lie, the easier it is to guess." She had played this before as a kid, but never with her friends from Hogwarts. There was never any point, not when none of them kept anything from the others, and she knew everything there was to know about Ron and Harry.
But Bellatrix was different, had always been different, and there was so much Hermione didn't know. Besides, Hermione would do about anything to distract herself from the parchment in her pocket. Anything to take her mind off the reality she wasn't quite ready to face.
"Muggles clearly live very boring lives," Bellatrix groaned, but then surprised Hermione by rolling her eyes and say, "Well? Say your lies and truths."
How entirely Bella... Hermione couldn't help but laugh, but she obeyed, and began with, "I love to read, my favorite food is Sheppard's pie, and my favorite color is orange." When Bellatrix just blinked at her and said nothing, Hermione laughed again and said, "Now you tell me which one is the lie."
"Your favorite food is steak and kidney pie," Bellatrix said as if it were the most obvious thing in the entire world, eyebrows crinkled and looking at Hermione as if she were less than intelligent. "This is dumb," she added, but sighed and said, "I am the brightest witch the Wizarding World has ever seen, there is no one better at dueling than me, and I like dogs."
Hermione didn't even bother trying to hold in the soft chuckle at all of Bellatrix's claims, laughing to the point that her body rocked and a bit of her tongue poked out between her face. By the time she finally got herself calmed down enough to explain, the affronted look on Bellatrix's face just made her laugh again. Eventually, she was able to say, around a large smile, "I'm guessing you hate dogs then, but that isn't how you play. Your first two are claims, not truthful statements. Anyone could claim to be the best witch."
"Then they would be lying. I, however, am."
"I met my best friends when I was thirteen, my favorite book is 1984, and my birthday is in September." Hermione didn't bother to argue that Bellatrix's weren't truths. She knew in the girl's mind that they absolutely were. Somehow the thought just made her smile more.
Bellatrix had answered Hermione's first round far too confidently, and so she had added things this turn that were sure to throw the witch off. Given that she had never mentioned when her birthday was, and Bellatrix would not know any muggle books, nor would she know much about Hermione's life before coming to this time, any one of those things could be a lie. Good. That should knock the insufferable witch down a peg or two.
But no, of course Bellatrix would not do as was expected. "You didn't meet your best friends at thirteen."
"How do you-"
Bellatrix just grinned, her skin a bit crinkled around the eyes. "I'm guessing eleven, as that's when we started school. I think it's you who isn't that great at this game, Granger."
"My mistake," Hermione laughed again, and so the game continued, both of them going back and forth and even arguing over points they believed the other had lied about, which Bellatrix did so often. Of course, she refused to admit as much, and so refused to admit that Hermione was quite close to having guessed almost the same amount of lies as her.
The longer they played, the heavier Hermione's heart became, to the point that it was nearly unbearable. Bellatrix knew so much more about her than she ever would have figured. For so many months, the two of them had gone head to head quite violently, enough so that Hermione would have assumed Bellatrix pretended she didn't even exist unless they were directly arguing with the other. But this proved otherwise, as Bellatrix continued to guess what was a truth or lie based on things Hermione had never said, but Bellatrix would have had to watch her to pick up on.
It made her want to smile and cry all at the same time, and made the parchment in her pocket that much more of a focus in her mind.
The game was coming to an end, Hermione could tell, as they both took longer and longer to come up with more mundane things to say to the other, so Hermione finally closed her eyes and said her last three things, knowing it would stop the muggle pastime.
"I used to want to go to a muggle university in America before I found out I was a wizard, I have a cat named Crookshanks, and.... Dumbledore found a way to send me back to my correct time."
The grin slipped from Bellatrix's face, replaced instead with hardened rage as she sat up, backing up one, two, three steps, and snarled, "What?"
Hermione stood as well, quickly and in a jerking manner, one hand out as if trying to calm a wild animal. Her heart was beating too quickly right now, her palms sweaty. "I needed to tell you, I didn't want to keep anything else a secret but-" already she was regretting saying anything, regretting ruining the purity of this moment. It had been a moment of wondrous peace in between threats of death and destruction. She hastily removed the parchment from her pocket, holding it out for Bellatrix to see, the words hard to make out due to the wind rippling the paper.
In a quick motion Bellatrix snatched the paper, her eyes reading over every single inch of writing, most likely recognizing it as McGonagall's as well. When she was done, she threw it back and Hermione jumped to grab it before it could land in the sand. Bellatrix's eyes were unforgiving as she looked up into the them, as the girl snapped, "Go on then. Go."
"Bella, listen-"
A useless request, Hermione knew as much. The dark witch was inconsolable when she was angry, an emotion she was most definitely feeling very strongly right now, but- but Hermione could see something else on her face, barely there and damn near impossible to make out, especially as Bellatrix began to walk towards the edge of the water.
"Bella! Wait!" Hermione huffed, her walk turning into a run as she raced to grab Bellatrix's wrist, keeping her still. Bellatrix was quick to shrug her off, spinning to scowl at Hermione once more. "Listen you bloody idiot!" The brunette finally snapped, her anger growing nearly as quickly as Bellatrix's. "Will you not even talk to me about this?"
"And what is there to talk about, Granger? You're leaving, so fucking leave!"
"I want to talk about this with you, Bellatrix! God, are you even listening to yourself!" Hermione screamed, her voice rivaling Bellatrix's. They were lucky none of the other students or residents of the village were around to hear them, not that that would really be able to stop either of them at this point. Both of them had once again let their emotions get the best of them, and so quickly as well. "This is what Dumbledore told me when I went to office. I just found out! And the very first thing I wanted to do is talk to you about it!"
Bellatrix kicked a small rock, the objet arching slightly before it crashed into the water, the girl spinning around with her hands outstretched at either side. "Too fucking bad! I have nothing to say about it! Go back to your shitty fucking timeline, when I'm a shitty fucking murderer, with your shitty fucking friends that you've known since you were fucking eleven for all I care!"
Every single part of Hermione's being was aching to scream back, to knock the girl to ground, even if history had taught her that that would be a fight she'd lose once again, except...
Bellatrix wasn't angry.
Well, she was (Hermione's convinced the girl's lives in a near perpetual state of anger), but there was something else, something stronger, that was upsetting her. She was jealous.
Time to change tactics, then.
Hermione stepped forward slowly, hoping Bellatrix wouldn't revert back to old ways and lash out with a spell but not taking that off of the table completely. They had come far from their first few interactions together, but Bella would always be Bellatrix too.
"Can I talk?" Hermione tried, her voice low and gentle, her tongue darting out to wet her dry lips. "Please, just... hear me out." She took another step, now only a few feet separated the two of them. She waited until Bellatrix looked at her, and ignoring her racing heart, ignoring the way she could barely breathe, she managed to say, her voice clear and steady so her words would be unmistakable, "I don't want to leave."
It was the truth she had not wanted to face, the one thing she did not want to acknowledge, but it was accurate. She wanted to make the most selfish decision of her entire life and stay here, for as long as she possibly could, with her friends.
With Bella.
It would hurt her, she knew, to never be with Harry and Ron like she has been for the last six years, but she also knew it would absolutely kill her to not be with Bellatrix, Andromeda, and even Narcissa. They had become her pseudo family in this time, Bellatrix had become... something more, and even the thought of never seeing them as they were now broke her.
She added, her eyes closed once more, a sudden urge to cry coming over her, "I don't want to leave you."
The silence that answered her possibly shattered her heart, and when she forced herself to open her eyes, Bellatrix was just staring at her, pale and quiet and unmoving.
It should have deterred her. It did not. "Even just picturing never seeing you again, at least not like this... I can't stand that thought, Bella." From her position, Hermione could see Bellatrix swallow at the confession, see her mouth open and close, again and again, but no words came out. Hermione pressed on. "I- I want to stay here. I want to stay here with you. Even when you drive me bloody mad, and make me want to curse you until I'm blue... I want to stay here with you."
She does. More than anything. Hermione wants to stay here with Bellatrix. There wasn't a single clue of what she would be returning to when she went back to her time, had no idea what sort of mess she might have caused by coming back thirty years. Where would Bellatrix be? Would she even be a part of this war, on their side? Or would she had disappeared somewhere? Met someone now that she wasn't tied to Voldemort and spending years in prison? Maybe she started a family, had some babies, and now had nothing to do with either side?
The thought enraged Hermione more than she thought possible. She didn't ever want to think of Bellatrix married with children, didn't ever want to think of Bellatrix with anyone... anyone that wasn't her. Now that thought had her pausing, but she didn't have time to think about how deep that went, not now, not with Bellatrix looking at her like that.
"I don't-" Bellatrix's dark eyes looked anywhere but at Hermione, and for the first time Hermione saw the girl truly knocked off kilter, entirely unsure about herself and the conversation. She jerked a hand through her hair, a sure fire sign she was uncomfortable. "Hermione-"
"Let me talk, please," Hermione said quietly, wanting little more in this moment than to reach out and touch Bellatrix, just to comfort her. She had never seen the girl look so confused and hesitant. "I didn't... I didn't tell you this to hurt you, or to upset you, or anything like that, I promise." She hoped she sounded sincere, hoped Bellatrix knew how serious she was taking this. "I'm telling you because the thought of keeping even one more secret from you is killing me."
Hermione paused, only to suck in a deep breath. She chanced a step closer, now only a few inches separating them.
"I have two amazing friends in my timeline. People I would die to protect, like you for your sisters. I have friends, and a life, and a war to win to save us all. And I want to throw that all away. For you. I want to say goodbye to all of that, to be here, with you."
Bellatrix blinked at her, her lip sucked between teeth, a crinkle between her eyebrows, but she no longer looked furious.
It was encouragement for Hermione to continue, to confess everything on her mind and heart.
"I'm willing to throw away everything I have ever known, Bella, to be here. With you. For you. Because I... because I like you, more than I ever thought possible, more than probably what is responsible, but for once I don't care. I don't care about any of that. I... I want to do something selfish, and I want to stay here with you."
Every single part of Bellatrix looked as if she wanted to run from this interaction and never look back. It would be the most unlike her to run from a fight, but this was no longer a fight, was it? This was a deep conversation, a confession of something, and that had never been Bellatrix's forte.
Hermione would be heartbroken if the girl did flee, but she'd have her answer on whether or not she should stay.
Even if her heart had already made the decision, and she knew, if Bellatrix reacted positively to this, she'd be marching right back to Dumbledore's office and returning the spell to him.
She'd see Harry and Ron and the others eventually. In thirty years, everything would happen as it should, and she would still get to see them once more. Not as she had known them, and always from a distance, but she'd see them.
It would be worth it.
The girl before her, clenching and unclenching her hands, looking as if she didn't know whether to scream or run, was worth it.
"I want you, Bellatrix. I want you. I want everything to do with you. I see every single part of you, and it infuriates me and excites me all at the same time. I've never felt more alive than when I'm with you." Never felt more anger, either, but that didn't need to be said. "And I think you want me too, and if you do, say it, and I will stay here forever. Just say it, please, that's all I'm asking. And if you don't... well, I'd understand. I will."
Silence once more. Silence, and then-
Bellatrix made the first move this time, her eyes still wide and her gaze still unsure, but she leaned into Hermione nonetheless, pressing their mouths together gently, slowly, without a care in the world for time.
There was nothing that could have made Hermione move away from the kiss, not as she felt Bellatrix's hands shaking as they were placed on her jaw, the touch featherlight and so very soft.
It was nothing like their last two kisses, where arousal had won out quickly, both desperate to move to the next step. No, it was nothing like that at all. It was just a kiss, just as simple and easy but world changing as that, and Hermione wouldn't have had it any other way as she kissed back eagerly.
This should have been their first kiss. As much as Hermione greatly enjoyed the other two, they weren't born from the right circumstances. One came from an alcohol induced stupor, but both were done when Hermione was holding the biggest secret about herself back. But now Bellatrix knew everything. Knew it all, and was not afraid of any of it.
She kissed Hermione as if to say exactly that, and Hermione kissed back much the same.
Hermione pulled back just a fraction, her entire body screaming at her not to, but she whispered, "I have been wanting to do that since Slughorn's party."
"Then why stop now?" Bellatrix asked back, leaning in to kiss her once more as Hermione brought her hands up to tangle into her thick mane of black hair. "Stay here, and you can kiss me forever."
Well, that sounded like the best possible thing Hermione could ever think of. She nodded rapidly, the kiss turning a bit harder, their hands moving a bit more desperately, but still it was the softest she had ever seen Bellatrix.
God, Hermione was so glad Dumbledore had given her the parchment today. Who knows how this day would have turned out otherwise. Certainly not without her confessing feelings she didn't even want to admit to herself, and definitely not with her deciding this was the time she belonged in.
She pulled away from Bellatrix once more when the kiss had slowed down, smiling widely at the stubborn girl before her.
Bellatrix's eyes were half closed, her mouth swollen, her hair more tangled than normal, and still she grinned down at Hermione without a care in the world, not as she leant down to kiss her once more.
"We should- stop," Hermione said, voice near breathless as she did the complete opposite of what she had just said, pulling Bellatrix ever closer and kissing her that much deeper. "Someone could see."
She could feel the way Bellatrix smiled against her mouth, and already knew some sort of teasing joke was on the way. She didn't need to wait long before the dark witch was whispering out, "Didn't stop you last time we were here."
"I was under the influence of alcohol," Hermione protested, feeling her cheeks heat up at the memory of them in the lake, half naked and pressed against one another. She truly hadn't shown a single care that the rest of the team was in the water with them, distracted as they were any one of them could have looked over at any time to see Hermione and Bellatrix in such a compromising position.
"Excuses," Bellatrix replied a second before she nipped Hermione's lip, the action causing the brunette to jerk closer, a soft moan escaping her mouth as well. "If you do that, we're never leaving this lake."
That sounded like the most appealing idea she had ever heard, even as her brain was telling her to overlook her arousal and be sensible. For once, there was not a single inclination to listen to her mind, not as Bellatrix's hands moved, one to her neck, one moving down her side, the feeling familiar by now, reminiscent of their first two kisses.
They were both completely lost in the feeling of one another, so focused on kissing, that they had tuned out the world around them. Until they heard a deep, commanding voice say, "Now this isn't how the heir of Black should be behaving."
Bellatrix moved at once, wand at the ready, spinning around in the direction of whoever said that, her body positioned just so so that Hermione was nearly entirely blocked. As if she would let that happen. She moved around Bellatrix, now standing by the rock to see who had caught them in such an act.
Cygnus Black the Third stood before them, elegantly dressed in a charcoal grey suit, a purple button-down underneath. His hands were in his pockets, his shoulders relaxed. Not a care in the world as he prowled forward.
The excitement and rightness of their kiss and Hermione's confession wore off in an instant as her body went into defense mode.
"Bellatrix," Cygnus began again, his voice terrifyingly calm. "It's time you knock this nonsense off."
Bellatrix stood tensed, wand out but lowered, her attention focused entirely on her father, who was staring back unflinchingly. There was nowhere for them to go now, unless they made a break for it to the woods, to get back to Hogsmeade and the others.
That sparked a thought into Hermione's head. Why now? Cygnus had frequently came to the castle to see Bellatrix, what would make now so different? And why wait until they were at Hogsmeade, away from the protection of the castle?
Something didn't feel right...
"Bella," Hermione said softly, reaching out to grab Bellatrix's wrist. The dark haired girl jerked to look at her, face so painfully unreadable right in this moment. "We should go back to the village."
"In a moment," Bellatrix shrugged her off, attention once more back on the man. "I wasn't aware I was partaking in any sort of nonsense, father."
"Your betrayal greatly hurt your mother, Bellatrix. You know how weak she can be at times. She hasn't left our bed in weeks." The tone of his voice suggested either he was lying, or did not care in the slightest about his wife's current condition. "She misses you, and wishes you to return home with me today."
Hermione palmed her wand, the action not unnoticed by Bellatrix, if the way she slipped into more of a fighting stance was any indication.
"Mother is sick, you say?" Bellatrix asked, taking one slight step forward, now once more partially blocking Hermione, who just moved to stand beside her again. "How convenient."
"Bella," Hermione whispered, her voice urgent as she too looked to the woods. There was nothing she could see, not from her position at least, but she could now hear rustling, the subtle crack of a twig as something heavy stepped on it.
"Do you not care about your mother, Bellatrix? Have you allowed this insolent girl to blind you to what matters most in life?
Bellatrix gave a partial nod to Hermione, the only indication she was aware of whatever was in the wood. "We're meeting friends here in a bit, father," the dark witch said suddenly, and Hermione fought to keep her face neutral at the lie. "They'll be here any minute. You should go, before they arrive. We wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about our family."
Cygnus smiled in a way that said he knew Bellatrix was lying, and was willing to call her bluff as such. "How inappropriate of you then, to kiss the girl like that in public, when any of your fellow students might arrive and see. And what if it got back to Rodolphus?"
He was playing with them. That much was obvious by how he spoke, so unlike the way he had at the Manor, when he had nothing to lose by demanding Bellatrix follow him into the office. He had been cold and brash then, but now he was confident, bordering on cocky as he spoke, a faux sweetness to his voice. A mockery of how a father should really sound.
"I will not ask again, Bellatrix," he growled when she didn't respond to his call out. Hermione's wand hand shook a bit, but she would not attack. Not just yet. She knew nothing of Cygnus' fighting style, but would bet Bellatrix did. And that's what was keeping her from attacking now.
Bellatrix didn't think it would be a battle they could win, even the two of them against him.
That thought did nothing to comfort Hermione.
"The Dark Lord is not pleased at your betrayal," he said suddenly, not caring that Hermione was there to overhear the conversation. Because he thought she knew about it already? Or because he didn't think she'd escape here to tell anyone? Again, not comforting. "He is willing to forgive our family, of course, he is a merciful lord. We could still be in his good graces, our family spared, when his reign begins, if only you come now."
Hermione chanced a glance at Bellatrix and found the girl's face impassive once more, not a single thought visible on her face.
"But, of course, as he has always said, he's not interest in you. He wants our family's name. And, of course, there are others to take your place." Cygnus waved to the woods, right where Hermione had heard the shuffling.
Both her and Bellatrix turned to face the woods head on, trying to see through the thick foliage to whatever Cygnus had been gesturing towards.
They didn't need to search for long before whatever was in there made itself known.
Four figures stepped out from the darkness, and right in that moment Hermione experienced a true sense of fear when she noted what two of the masked wizards were gripping.
Andromeda and Narcissa.
Bellatrix had gone deathly, deathly still.