After Drelan left last night, my head was a mess and I couldn't stop the overwhelming guilt I felt for all the decisions I've made throughout the course of my life, that has brought me to this very moment.
I should have just accepted to accompany him and save myself the problem I caused us all.
I ended up drinking the entire bottle of wine to block out the never-ending memories that kept flooding in. For a while, it felt like everything happened yesterday and I was still reliving it all again.
By the time I woke the next morning, my alarm had been screaming into the void for who knows how long.
I fumbled for my phone and silenced it, squinting against the sunlight that poured through the windows and spilled across my room without mercy.
When my vision cleared enough to focus on the screen, the time stared back at me.
2:17 p.m.
I blinked.
Then blinked again.
I had officially slept the entire day away.
A slow exhale left my chest as the reality settled in. I didn't make it to breakfast with both our parents.
This was a mess.
But there wasn't any text from either Drelan or mine parents about missing it.
Regardless of how much sleep I got, my head still hurt with every little movement I made, and the lights coming from the windows hurt my eyes.
I groan, nuzzling back into the comfort of the bed, wanting nothing more than to sleep the rest of the day away.
I did not even want to think of how Drelan ended our conversation and what it could possibly mean for our relationship.
Just when I'd made myself comfortable again and was drifting off, the faint sound of the bedroom door creaking open brought me back to reality. I jerked up immediately, pushing the covers back off my body, ready to stand and defend myself if needed.
But the door was already pushed open and Drelan walked in, he seems startled by my action, like he wasn't the one coming into someone's house unannounced.
He stared at me for a few second by the door, before he moved towards me and place the gentlest of kiss on my hair. "Hi beautiful, did I wake you?" his voice was soft, so unlike yesterday that it sent me on a loop.
I blinked blankly at him, especially when he sat down by the edge of the bed. "Remi," he said, voice still this strange calm, and when I remain silent. He chuckled, the sound a low hum that vibrated in his throat, putting my hair behind my ear, "Come on baby, are you still asleep?"
"Drelan?" I called out, my brain still fuzzy with sleep as I tried to come to terms with this behaviour, it almost seems like nothing happened yesterday, or he had just decided to ignore the heated match we had last night.
But still, this was better than him giving me that disgusted look and the shame and guilt that came with it, I honestly did not want to feel any of them.
"Yes?" he answered, "did I wake you?" he repeated his question.
"Uh...no?" I said, but it came out more of a question and as I looked at him, taking in his brown hair and brown eyes with that lazy smile on his face.
I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that washed over me.
I really wanted to ask him what was going on, but I also would like not getting into another fight with him right now.
I guess if he wants to pretend like last night never happened, we could do that.
"I knew I had to come get you or else we're gonna be late." His words confused me a first, but he said nothing more. And as I stared long into his eyes, I suddenly recalled the gala that we were supposed to attend together.
"The gala," I whispered, my voice unsure and weak as I stumbled to get off the bed, anything to break the staring contest we were having, it was beginning to make me uncomfortable. "Right, I... I'll just get right to it."
Without waiting on his respond, I rushed into the bathroom, where I proceed to shower, brush my teeth, also did my skin care before getting ready for the night.
I decided to put on a black dress.
The material was soft but heavy enough to drape properly, falling all the way to my ankles in one clean, uninterrupted line.
I stepped into it slowly, pulling it up over my hips and smoothing it down my torso. The fabric clung in all the right places, outlining my waist before skimming over my curves.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, palms resting lightly against the edge of the sink, and studied the woman staring back at me.
My features were sharp in the bathroom light. My black curls framed my face in soft defiance, untamed in a way I'd never bothered to fix. The dark dress deepened the warmth of my caramel skin, and the silver jewellery at my neck and wrists caught the light just enough to feel intentional.
And then were my eyes, dark grey eyes that held mine in the reflection, and for a second, my breath stalled.
Because they looked too much like his.
No matter how much time passed, no matter how much I convinced myself I had moved forward, I could never hold my own gaze for long without seeing him staring back at me.
I swallowed, my fingers tightening slightly against the sink.
It was unfair, how memory could live in something as simple as a colour.
The feel of Drelan body against mine cut through my thought, his arms wrapping around my waist and he held my stare through the mirror.
"You look beautiful," he murmured, briefly kissing my neck.
The compliment sent warmth through my body, "Thank you." I whispered. It was silent again and Drelan just continued to stare at me.
A few seconds passed before I couldn't stand it anymore, looking down at his arm that rested on my hips. I bit my lips, meeting his gaze again before the words left my lips. "I'm sorry about missing breakfast,"
But Drelan was already cutting me short before I even finished, "That's okay, you had a stressful day at work yesterday, it's only fair that you rest."
And immediately I took note of how he still wouldn't mention the argument, only acknowledging how tired I must have been.
I nodded, "But still–" I went to say.
"Remi," Drelan sigh, turning me in his arms to face him. "It's fine, okay?"
And when I gave a small nod, he kissed me.
It was gentle at first, then it turned heated as it got deeper, Drelan was partially stealing my breath away.
A moan slip passed my lips whether I wanted it to or not, and it only fuelled Drelan in his endeavour. I hummed placing my hand over his chest to gently nudge him back a little.
Both our breaths were heavy as we pulled back and he smiled at me.
"Let's go." He spoke.
By the time we arrived at the event, night had fully settled in.
The drive here was on the long side, given the late-night traffic that dragged on for minutes on end.
The sky was ink-black, the kind that swallowed the city whole. Cold air brushed sharply against my exposed arms the moment I stepped out of the car, biting at my skin in a way that almost had me regret the sleeveless choice.
The ballroom opened up before me in a wash of gold and soft shadow. Classic chandeliers hung low from the ceiling, crystal catching the light in delicate fractures that shimmered across the polished floor. The glow was warm and intentional.
Gentle jazz drifted through the air, smooth and steady, wrapping itself around quiet laughter and the low hum of expensive conversation.
It was packed.
Men in tailored suits moved in confident clusters, watches flashing at their wrists. Women glided past in gowns that whispered across the floor, diamonds at their throats and ambition in their eyes.
Drelan hand remained on my waist as he led us through the crowd, occasionally, we would stop to make conversation with people I assumed were his colleagues, with Drelan introducing me as his fiancée.
And finally, after what felt like hours but only a few minutes, I could make out both of my parents ahead, but as we approached them, my stomach dropped from right under me.
They were standing, casually making conversation with no other than Dario and Eloise Valentieri, of course.
I swallowed.
My heart beating a mile a minute the closer we got. And the side look that Drelan was giving me didn't help, it was almost as if he was watching for any type of reaction I would have, being in closer proximity with the Valentieri.
But I wouldn't show any, I could feel my hand get sweaty and was thankful that I wasn't holding hands with Drelan.
In fact, the hand he had around my waist suddenly felt suffocating and I strangely didn't want Eloise to see his hand on me.
Just then Eloise turned in our general direction, and her eyes lit up, with a bright genuine smile stretched across her face.
My stomach lurched.
I did not deserve to be smiled at. Especially not by her.
Forcing the thought down, I struggled to fix a pleasant expression onto my face as I approached the group. Each step felt heavier than the last.
Eloise pulled me into a tight hug the moment I was within reach.
"Look at you," she murmured, pulling back to cup my cheek. "Look how beautiful you've grown. How have you been? We've missed you back at the manor."
I tried not to flinch at her words.
The manor.
How could I return after everything that had happened?
Her son had been missing for two days. When the authorities were finally called, the investigation had been half-hearted at best.
And I knew why.
I had watched her go through the agony of waiting. The desperation. The hope that he would walk through the doors. Only to be let down.
I couldn't stomach it.
So, I stayed away. I cut them off.
And I never looked back.
Everyone had stuck to the story, and yet, I was the only one still haunted by the truth—that we had dumped her son's body into the sea like he was nothing.
"I've been okay," I lied, forcing my voice steady. "Work has been keeping me busy."
It was a weak excuse. Eloise knew it.
She studied me, her smile unwavering, but I could feel her curiosity, the quiet assessment in her eyes.
My stomach twisted as I looked away, finally acknowledging my parents.
"Mom. Dad." I nodded in their general direction but made no move to leave Eloise's side.
As expected, my mother's sharp gaze raked over me, lips pressing into a thin line.
She was not pleased.
"Nice of you to join us," she said, voice clipped.
And I knew right away that she was still upset about this morning.
I turned out the conversation that when on between them, only zoning back in when Drelan kissed my side temple with his words ringing in my ear, "My fiancée."
Dario and Eloise eyes both zeroed on me immediately. And then they exchanged a look almost like they were communicating through their gaze, that is until Eloise linked ,our arms together, separating me from Drelan as she said, "Come tell me about being a surgeon."