Qi Zhimu fell silent.
Clarisse tilted her head and found something rare on his face:
A hint of confusion.
She waited quietly.
After a long moment, he finally spoke.
"There may not be a single standard way to understand that sentence."
"If I must give an answer, then I think: the meaning of life isn't to escape the maze, but to collect the moments worth remembering as we wander through it."
"In the certainty that everything will eventually vanish, memory is the only thing we can carry. It is also the gentlest resistance against nothingness."
Clarisse thought.
His answer didn't feel like it fit her.
Maybe because… his understanding leaned toward pessimism?
When life ends, aren't the memories carried away as well? Doesn't that still mean nothing remains?
"You don't need to force it. Some questions have multiple solutions."
"Life will end in death. What road we walk before that—each person chooses."
"Let me tell you a short story. I read it once in a book."
He recalled it and spoke gently:
"A young couple is about to part. The husband has a terminal illness and won't live long."
"Before he dies, he gives his wife a bracelet he knitted himself and says—"
"After I die, let it accompany you for the rest of your life. When you think of me because of it, I will have lived once more through you."
"What a romantic story…" Clarisse sighed.
"Romantic is one way to read it. My reading…"
Qi Zhimu said softly.
"…is cruel."
"C-cruel?" Clarisse stared, stunned.
"When a person dies, nothing of them remains—except perhaps this: you may still exist in someone else's memory."
His voice was light, hollow.
"…Is that wrong?" Clarisse didn't understand.
Qi Zhimu continued:
"The dead return to dust. The living must eventually say goodbye to the past and look forward."
"The husband giving the bracelet isn't wrong. But that line…"
"Without meaning to, he locks his wife inside the past. The bracelet becomes a shackle."
"Death is death. Why make the person you love most unable to let go?"
"Letting go or not is the living person's right—not something the dying should control."
"If the husband truly set everything down and asked his wife not to live trapped in memory, perhaps that would be the deepest love he could leave behind."
Clarisse's chest tightened.
A thread of sorrow seemed to seep into the air after his words.
She couldn't help thinking:
Was Mr. Qi… a pessimist?
Was it because he was a doctor?
Doctors had to brace for the worst outcome and drag lives back from the river of death.
Perhaps over time, that turned into this worldview.
Otherwise, she couldn't understand how someone as warm as winter sunlight could be a pessimist.
"But… isn't it also cruel to ask the wife to let go? They love each other so much…"
"If you only smile, keep silent, or simply say goodbye, it won't be cruel."
"Facing life and death, wanting to be so open-hearted… must be difficult," Clarisse said quietly.
"Heh… that is the choice. Everyone faces it."
Qi Zhimu smiled, catching Little Orange as it bumped into his arms and scratching its chin.
"And that is where meaning lies—depending on what meaning life leans toward."
Clarisse's heart grew complicated.
"…Mr. Qi—if I were about to die, would you be willing to remember me as much as possible?"
"Of course."
"Why?"
"It doesn't need a reason."
"But I want to know… please~~" Clarisse's voice turned soft and sweet, trying to coax him.
If her classmates saw her now, their jaws would hit the floor.
The girl who never befriended anyone, who lived nearly as isolated as an outcast—was acting like this?
Qi Zhimu sighed, smiling.
"Because Clarisse is steady, resilient, filial, grateful… and—well—very cute. Beautiful, too. And you carry yourself well."
He added the last line on impulse.
Compared to "virtue," perhaps a girl preferred being praised as cute and beautiful.
Seeing her cheeks redden, he knew he'd guessed right.
"…If it were you, Mr. Qi—forget it. It's nothing."
Clarisse realized the question was improper and swallowed it.
You shouldn't attach "if" to someone else's death.
"You wanted to ask: if I were about to die, would I want to be remembered—by others, by certain people, or by one person. Right?"
"…You still saw through me. Yes. Please forgive my rudeness."
"It's not rude. The short story I told you—that interpretation is my answer."
"…Oh…"
Clarisse rubbed her eyes—and froze, shocked.
Mr. Qi was sitting right beside her, yet in the medical room she saw several "afterimages" of him.
And somehow, she could understand what those afterimages were doing.
"Mr. Qi… y-you… you…"
"What is it?" Qi Zhimu asked, confused.
Clarisse hesitated.
In the end, she didn't mention the visions. She lowered her voice instead.
"To cure my mother's amnesia… have you always been your own test subject?"
Qi Zhimu froze. He instinctively wanted to deny it.
But under the trembling starlight in her eyes, he effectively admitted it.
"How did you guess?"
"Because you're a shut-in who never socializes. I've never seen you leave these mountains—where would you find volunteers…?"
Clarisse forced a smile and turned her face away.
She was afraid her eyes—already wet—would betray her.
It wasn't a guess.
I saw it.
Even without medical training, Clarisse knew that conquering a difficult illness demanded enormous sacrifice from doctors and clinical volunteers.
Mr. Qi had shouldered it all alone.
And she knew clinical trials carried risk.
Especially for memory-related conditions—one mistake and Mr. Qi's own memory could be damaged.
She already owed him more than she could ever repay.
-------
My : pat*eon*com/RuneA
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