"What can you offer me in exchange. I already have everything." Sagan, the head of the night blade clan, asked. I had come to accept that he was not the sweet boy I once knew, but it still hurt to hear him talk to me as if I were nothing.
He had already made it clear that I meant nothing ever since I arrived alone in his outer compound. He let me wait in the hot car in the summer for a day before he finally let me in. He then made me wait in line with his lackeys, who came to report on business. The line lasted two hours, and I could tell he was taking his sweet time as if he wanted me to give up already.
I was not going to. This time I was not going to give in this time. Besides, there was nowhere left to turn. It is better the devil you know than the angel you don't know. Our clans used to see eye to eye not long ago, before they went their separate ways. I never knew the reason, but sagan the Night Blade heir, was once someone I could even call a friend before things fell apart. The night blade suddenly sent its heir abroad after a tragedy befell it.
My clan, the red sun, had been doing just fine, and I could not have predicted that my father could suddenly die, and the clan that had once accepted my older sister as heir had suddenly turned into chauvinists who did not want a woman to lead. They demanded that a man sit in my father's empty seat. The Red Moon had never been led by a woman, and it was not going to start now. That is what the whispers curried inside the red sun clan.
In this game, you have to kill or be killed. It's better to kill first. That is the lesson my father always taught my sister and me. A lesson I refused to learn. Perhaps it's because I was a rainbow child, and when I was born after my mother had three miscarriages, I was born with a fragile heart and was not supposed to live as long as I have. My father, though ruthless, had let me live in my small bubble since I was not supposed to live long. But I had. Though fragile, I had defied all odds and lived longer than I should have. My weak heart had miraculously healed when I turned twelve, the year it was supposed to stop.
By then, it was too late to teach me what I was supposed to learn, and so my father could only swallow his words and take responsibility for thinking I could die more than I could live. My older sister, however, had not received the privilege I had, and she had been taught how to lead a clan since she was old enough to walk.
An even bigger tragedy for her was that my father had not been able to bear a son because my mother could not carry another pregnancy, as she had grown sick. In a mafia clan, only the child of the legal wife ruled. So my father had made my sister the son he did not have. I wish I could say that my sister and I were loving siblings, but blood ties in a mafia clan only ended at convenience and loyalty. I'd be loyal to her till I died, and so would she. Feelings are something we can't afford to have.
Dina, my older sister, the rightful heir, always held her head up in pride, and now the only thing she had worked for her entire life was being threatened and was about to be taken away from her. With the death of my father, she needed stability more than anything, and that meant only one thing.
War
War was going to break out within the clan before order would be restored. I had already lost my mom and dad. Dina was all I had left, and if a war broke out, then there were chances she could die, and the clan would fall into the hands of my uncle, who I did not need to be told was the one brewing the rebellion.
He had everything to gain, and my sister had everything to lose. Her rule had not even started. The initiation ceremony had not taken place, and she was a woman after all. My uncle was using it as a ground to debate and drive a wedge in the clan. That if Dina got married outside the clan, the clan would even fall into the hands of our enemy clan.
It's not that I hadn't talked to Dina before. She was not a lover girl nor did she indulge herself in matters of delusion. To Dina, the clan came first, and yet the men who had always learned to bow to her when my father was alive and recognize her as the heir were now stabbing her in the back.
I knew it was bad because Dina never discusses clan matters with me; she came to me two weeks ago on the eve of the night and just sat in the middle of my room. There were no words exchanged between us, but I could tell that Dina was distressed, and she had come to the only place she felt safe and to the only person she could trust.
"How bad is it?" Even though I never got involved in clan business due to my late start, I was never completely oblivious. I knew the outline of how the clan ran, and since our father passed, I could also feel all the tension brewing.
"Zara, you have to leave and never come back," Dina had said after they had sat in the dark in silence for a while.
"And leave you?" I asked in a low voice.
"You know the clan comes first, Zara, I can't protect both of us," she said in a steady voice, and I could read between the lines.
Dina wanted me to run in case they could use me to make him submit. I was Dina's weakness. She might never have been allowed to show emotion since she was to lead the clan, yet I knew she cared about me. I needed to run so i wont be held over her head. It's what she meant.
"I don't want to leave," I said, tears welling in my eyes.
"I am the clan leader, you will obey me," she answered, not looking at me, even in the dim light in the room. I could have sworn I saw a tear fall down her face.
"You can marry me off to a strong clan. It will reinstate your position. The moon shadow or night blade." I suggested. I knew that was the only option we had. The night blade is the leading clan in the mafia world, followed by the moon shadow, then the moon shadow. Even though the clan leader of the moon shadow already had a wife, I could be his second wife or third. I was the only family Dina had, and it was clear that marrying me off was the only way out of the situation we were in.
With a string clan like the two backing me up, the red sun clan would think twice before threatening Dina because then they could not stand by and watch their in-law be torn apart.
"I won't. Father said you were born with many complications, and he vowed that if you survived, he would never force you into anything. I will not break her word," Dina said in a steady voice.
"You know it is the easy way out, Dina. I'm lucky to be alive, and I have lived happily under your and father's protection. Let me do this one for you." I said, desperation seeping into my voice. Between being in a forced or loveless marriage and watching my sister die, I guess the answer was clear.
"The moon shadow clan heir is a womanizer, and he will make you suffer. Sagan of the night blade is no longer the boy you remember him to be. He will treat you even worse, and he will never love you after…" Dina started to say, then stopped herself. "I will find another way, a way that doesn't involve me breaking even father's word," Dina said, and I knew she meant every word she was saying. There was no more space to argue. "I have prepared a fake passport for you and money that will carry you through lifetimes. You won't come back even at my funeral." Dina added standing to her feet, and my heart fell to the pits of my stomach. I could not stop my tears anymore, and they fell freely.
"Do you understand? This is an order from your clan leader. That is, if you think of me as one. You must obey." Dina said, and my heart shattered into a million pieces.
"I-I understand." My voice broke. She looked my way for a while, and even in the small light, I saw her hand wipe at her cheek. Was this how we parted? Would I never see her again?
"Good," she said and threw the items she had been carrying all along before walking out. She did not even say goodbye.
My world shattered there and then.