Music became my escape as a small child. When my parents started fighting, my older sister placed headphones over my ears so I wouldn't hear my dad's screams or my mom's cries. Brynn didn't know that those moments would help form the core of the person I became. The woman who is writing this today.
I participated in the theater club at my middle school, which is around the same time that I learned guitar from my music teacher, Mrs. Rayne. She also inspired me to write my own songs. She became my mentor. Without her guidance, my life would have been void of direction.
I stayed in touch with her, even as I entered high school. She became the reason that I joined chorale. Chorale led to meeting my best friend, Coey. Together, we started a high school band called HiJinx.
HiJinx was an all-girl band that consisted of myself as the guitarist and lead singer, Coey on the violin, Brooke pounding the drums, and Wrenn strumming her bass. Mrs. Rayne and Brynn were our biggest fans. Brynn allowed us to practice in her garage; while, Mrs. Rayne helped us produce music videos with the help of her daughter, Ruby Rayne. Ruby was a manager for smaller, lesser known bands in the industry. She pulled strings and make amazing things happen for us. One of those things was introducing us to Damon Salazar.
At the time, we thought the man who wanted to turn our lives into a reality show was a blessing. He promised that working alongside him, under the scope of Ryze Entertainment, would give us our big break.
We were four seventeen to eighteen year old girls on the verge of graduating high school when Damon waved fame and fortune in front of us. We each had something we wanted to escape or a dream we wanted to chase. Of course we took his bait, but it wouldn't be long before we realized that nothing in this new bright and shiny world that we were experiencing came without a cost.
The bigger that our reality show, 'The Singing Sisters,' became, the more we lost ourselves.
The show followed us as we chased our dreams, while also juggling our families, friends, and our complicated love lives. The production crew placed us in uncomfortable situations, baited us against each other, and meddled in our private matters behind our backs. Every move they made was intended to get a reaction to increase our ratings.
Brooke was the girly-girl. They painted a picture of her always going out on dates, getting her hair done, and gossiping at nail appointments. They didn't show that she was smart or let the world know that she attended college while filming the show and working with our band. But, when her eating disorder became known to production, they used it for every view it was worth. They never worried that they were triggering more bad habits or causing more hospital events. They just saw dollar signs, and maybe that was the catalyst for everything that would unfold.
But, we're not there yet.
Wrenn was the chaotic one. They loved to show her out at a party, throwing back drinks, and making terrible decisions. The story about her arrest for drunk driving lasted for weeks, but they never delved into the reason why. They never discussed that Wrenn lost her sister to cancer at a young age, after years of taking care of her while simultaneously tip-toeing around her parents to give Lauren a chance to live. All of the chaos was born out of her need to live for herself and Lauren. Only the people closest to her saw how soft and loving Wrenn became when the noise stopped.
Coey was the beautiful, energetic one. They used her romance with Taylor Law, her high school sweetheart, as their main focus. Sometimes they were riding on four-wheelers and having playful mud fights; other times Taylor was begging to get her attention as Coey juggled all of the roles in her life. Their breakup in the third season was the most viewed episode in the show's history, even though Damon promised Coey that it wouldn't air.
Then there was me. I purposely stayed cold and withdrawn, giving me the mean girl vibe. When I did speak up, it was only in the moments I felt it necessary. Otherwise, I stayed in the background, getting most of my screen time from the moments I spent with Coey. I also stayed focus on my goal of making it in music, which meant they had opportunities to film my time spent with some big names. When I started up my first serious relationship with Leo, a fellow musician who asked me to feature on a song with him, I tried to keep the show out of it. Leo didn't like feeling like a secret, which was our demise. Ryze didn't like me keeping secrets, which led to our falling out. I tried so hard to protect myself from them when I saw their true colors.
After two seasons of dealing with her eating disorder being used as a storyline, Brooke cracked. She was the first to leave the band and refuse to renew her contract with Ryze Entertainment. By the fourth season, Wrenn felt like the third wheel because production spent so much of their time focused on Coey and me. They cornered her into quitting by staging fights that always turned us against her, leading her to opt for a quiet life with her serious boyfriend, an actor named Bennett Hall. The fifth season became about Coey and I traveling with The Trinnity Band. Coey played violin while I provided backup music on their Broken Spirits world tour.
We decided together that the fifth season would be the last. Coey continued traveling, having found the love of her life in the Trinnity Band's dummer, Niles Pratt. Trying to hang on to the success of 'The Singing Sisters,' Ryze offered them their own show. Instead, the pair opted to have a secret wedding and buy their own tour bus so that they could continue traveling together after the tour came to an end.
I put my mind to building my own solo career. I had plenty of money stashed away in my bank account from my grandfather's passing, and even more tied up in investments. I had time and ideas to build my career without the red tape that came with contracts or figures of creepy men like Damon Salazar hanging over me. I built an online streaming channel called Rae's Corner, where I posted personal blogs for the fans that followed me on 'The Singing Sisters.' I also posted videos of the new music that I was recording on my own. I put time into curating the perfect music video for every song, finding my own venues, actors, and video producers. I created my own merch and sold it on my own website. I booked myself shows and even landed myself on the records of fellow artists.
I put in enough work over a year's time that when Ryze Entertainment saw my name at the top of the country charts, they asked Damon to start calling me again. He called with label deals and TV show offers. He called me so often that I began to wonder if it was his only job. Each time that I said no, a new rumor would be posted about me online. They were all made-up stories about me being pregnant with a married man's baby or being arrested for drunk driving. I ignored them and continued my work, which must have enraged him because he went out of his way to set me up.
And then the news broke. Brooke was marrying Leo Skyes, my ex-boyfriend who helped me clinch my place in the industry with our duets. Brooke didn't even give me a heads-up that they were dating. I found out about their relationship through their engagement announcement. She never acknowledged that he was my ex, but she asked me to be a bridesmaid, along with Coey and Wrenn. I forced a smile and tried to be happy for her, but every picture that I saw of them crushed my heart to pieces. I thought of Brooke as one of my closest friends and I still loved Leo. For those reasons, I decided to support them and not to play the role of the bitter ex, though their relationship did feel deliberate. As though Brooke had a vendetta against me that I didn't understand.
Wrenn planned her an epic bachelorette party at a private beach house in Florida. There were at least sixty people there, with catering and an open bar. Our old friend, Lennox, was the DJ. I drank away my misery and opted to use the night to have fun with Coey. I didn't notice Damon slither his way into our the gathering.
Nobody saw him slip something into my drink, either.
All anyone remembers was that I somehow ended up naked in bed with Leo.
Pictures were posted everywhere.
Brooke called off the engagement, refusing to hear us when we said we don't know how it happened. We tried so hard to convince her-and ourselves-that nothing had even happened. Nothing we said mattered. Leo and I were thrown into a personal crisis. People we loved turned their backs on us. He was made to move out of his house with Brooke, while the numbers on my channel skyrocketed, only to then plummet as more and more videos and pictures from that night became public.
I felt myself spiral as I decided that if everyone was going to hate me over something I didn't do, I would rise to the occasion and hate myself, too. Because, the more evidence that was revealed, the more it became clear that I couldn't trust myself. I couldn't trust my own memory or intentions. And though I didn't remember what had happened that night, something happened.
I was the source of Brooke's pain. When it was reported that she was in the hospital battling symptoms caused by a flare up of her eating disorder just a few weeks after the bachelorette party, I felt my heart drop into my gut.
I knew that she and the whole world would be better off without me. This notion was followed by six weeks of self-sabotage. Six weeks of drinking, scrawling my final thoughts into a notebook, and trying to find the courage to end it all.
Which leads me to April sixteenth, 2026. The night, Coey showed up with no invitation.
"Hey baby," she chirped as she let herself inside. "You had me worried. I have been texting you all day since you said you were up all night puking."
She stood in front of me wearing a black button-up shirt, a pair of skin tight blue jeans, and black cowboy boots. Her dirty blonde hair was perfectly curled and there was a glimmer in her green eyes. She pulled me into a hug, smelling like a vanilla cupcake.
Meanwhile, I was in an oversized plain white t-shirt and I hadn't even had the strength to get into a shower that day.
"I brought some things." She held up a plastic bag. "Some-some hydration…" She shoved a bag towards me. "And, a pregnancy test."
"I swear that nothing happened between Leo and me, Coey. I don't even see a reason to take this test. I told you it was a stomach bug."
"Maybe it is. Or maybe it's all the drinking." She shrugged her shoulders as she gestured towards the collection of empty wine bottles on my coffee table. "Or, maybe it's not. Either way, I am here. We can do this together."
"Fine then. You pee on the stick." I handed the bag to her. "I'm going to go back to lying in my bed and hoping that whatever illness has found me kills me."
"Rae." She grabbed hold of my hand before I could run up the stairs to my bedroom. "I'm not leaving you until we figure this out. Mostly because I am terrified of what you're going to do to you can't take back if I leave you alone after that text you sent me last night. But, also because I know who you are."
Coey's voice was usually silky smooth. I always thought she sounded like a talk show host, but that night I could hear the crunching gravel in her words as she tried to fight off her emotions and be strong for me.
"I know your heart, and I don't believe for a second that you were conscious for any of this. After doing some digging with Ruby Rayne's help, I do believe that this was all a guise to help Brooke get more preorders for her book release. A setup completely condoned by Ryze Entertainment to take down the shining star that got away from them and collect the cash from Brooke's book deal with them. And, I'll tell you another thing. You're not going to let them win. I won't allow it."
I felt a burning rage rise up from my stomach into my throat.
"So you think…you think that I was drugged? And so that would mean that Leo was a part of it, right?" My voice trembled against my will.
"No, he swears to Ruby that he was drunk. He was drunk and he remembers Brooke herself telling him that it was okay. That you wanted him back and she was going to give him to you. It sounds crazy, which is why it is so on brand for her, Rae. And, I am so sorry. So is he. He cried to me on the phone all night last night. He's so worried for you, but you won't answer his calls or texts. I told him you wouldn't even talk to me, but then you sent that text. Now, I am here and there's no other place I wanna be. Because, I love you, Rae. I love you so fucking much."
I nodded at her as my eyes blurred with tears.
"Take the test and we will go from there," she said, her voice calm and reassuring.
"Okay."
I disappeared into the bathroom. This wasn't my first pregnancy test, nor the first time I prayed it was negative. But, it was the first time I looked at the test and saw two lines.
"What now?" I asked through tears as Coey's eyes widened at the results of the test.
"You tell me," she answered, leaning back against the wall and hugging herself as she narrowed her eyes. "We can talk to Leo and figure this out with him."
"Just kill me, Coey," I grumbled.
"Or…" She shrugged her shoulders. "We can meet with your doctor and make like this never happened."
"No," I said as I started down the hallway. "No, Coey. I'll drive my car off the side of a mountain before I ever let an innocent life pay for my terrible choices."
"Hey babe," she hurried to catch up to me as I fell backwards onto my couch, using the sleeve of my hoodie to wipe the tears from my face. "This wasn't your choice."
"Yes, but the choice to keep this baby is my choice, Coey!" I screamed as I threw myself up on the couch. "Apparently, it is the only choice I have in this whole situation. Because, I know I didn't choose to lay down with Leo and let him touch me. I know that I didn't choose to be betrayed by somebody I loved so freaking much. And, I damn well didn't choose to have everything I've worked to build snatched away from me by some spoiled rich brat like Brooke. The only person I know who has never had to work a day in her life or wonder where her next meal was going to come from. Do you get it now? Do you understand why I told you that I never trusted her? Do you finally believe that I was never the one stealing your joints out of your dresser drawer?"
"Yes." She laughed as she sat down in front of me, grabbing hold of my shoulders. "There's my best friend. There's the fighting spirit I know. Nice to see you again, Rae. I thought I lost you."
"Hmm." I grabbed my blanket, pulling it over me before I flipped to face the back of the couch. "I am going to bed."
"I'll see you in the morning." She kissed my cheek, a gesture I didn't know I needed. "And, please believe me when I tell you that you're not alone. You never were."
"I can't sleep if you keep talking," I grumbled, burying myself deeper into my overstuffed couch.
"Okay." She sighed as she stood up. "I'll be in my room if you need me."
She turned off the living room light, leaving me in the darkness to face my worst fear. I never wanted to be a mom. I couldn't be a mom, not when I never really had one. I also couldn't extinguish an innocent life and live with myself. Not that it wasn't a choice that every woman deserves to be able to make for themselves.
But, it wasn't my choice. Even if I didn't know what that meant for the baby, Leo, or myself.