8.1 Relationships Are a Basic Human Need
Humans are biologically wired for connection.
Loneliness can feel similar to physical pain in the brain.
Connection is not just emotional — it is part of our survival system.
From early human history, bonding increased safety, cooperation, and survival chances.
8.2 Attachment Theory – The Science of Bonding
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, explains how early childhood bonding shapes adult relationships.
The way we were cared for as children often reflects in how we connect as adults.
There are four main attachment styles:
1. Secure Attachment
Trust
Emotional balance
Healthy boundaries
2. Anxious Attachment
Fear of abandonment
Overthinking
Constant need for reassurance
3. Avoidant Attachment
Emotional distance
Discomfort with vulnerability
4. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Desire for closeness
Fear of trust and intimacy
Attachment is not personality — it is an emotional blueprint.
8.3 Emotional Dependency
Love and dependency are not the same.
Dependency patterns often include:
"I am nothing without you."
Self-identity fully dependent on a partner
Constant need for validation
Healthy love is based on choice.
Dependency is based on fear.
8.4 Red Flags in Relationships
Controlling behavior
Gaslighting
Emotional manipulation
Constant criticism
Silent treatment as punishment
Toxic patterns usually develop gradually, not suddenly.
8.5 The Formula for a Secure Relationship
Open communication
Mutual respect
Personal space
Emotional safety
Accountability
Love is not just a feeling — it is daily behavior.
8.6 Chapter 8 Summary
Connection is a survival need
Attachment develops in childhood
Love and dependency are different
Secure bonds are built on emotional safety