Orthrix sighed, exasperated by what he came back to after hunting for the day. His treasures once arranged in neatly organized piles are now cleaned, polished, and lined up in tidy rows on shelves he didn't even know he had.
Instead of his gold being sorted by "not shiny", "shiny", and "very shiny," it now all sits in one gigantic chest. Each piece polished brilliantly, looking the same as the last. His gems piled by color and clarity instead of by village it was extorted- ahem- donated by. Weapons laid on weapon racks by type instead of piled by age.
After looking around his lair in distress, his eyes zeroed in on the source of the "Cleanliness". The princess he had kidnapped the other day out of boredom is STILL here. Not rescued by a brave knight, not cowering in fear, not even having ATTEMPTED to run away from him.
"Princess. What. Is. This?" He huffed.
"I cleaned it."
"Wh-WHAT? What do you mean cleaned?! It WAS clean and-"
"PILED. It was PILED. All around the lair." Mara cut him off in a flat, no-nonsense tone. "It was dirty, disorganized, and I was bored."
"Why did you touch my st-"
"There was mold on a crown." She cut him off again with a stiff glare.
"That mold had HISTORICAL significance! I had everything exactly how I like it! I had a system! A perfect system!" He roared at her, his nostrils flaring dramatically with each breath. "You polished away the rich history of each and every piece! I didn't ask you to! Where is your knight in shining armor to rescue you? Where is my epic battle with battalions of troops to rescue their princess?!"
Mara just stared at the dragon like he'd lost his mind. "You can't organize things by pile! That's absurd! And the gold is much better when its all shiny! How are you supposed to doze off in a pile of DIRTY gold? That's unsanitary and gross! What are you some kind of oversized dirty lizard? Or a strong majestic dragon?!"
She snapped back with irritation equal to Orthrix's. "Only a dragon can have treasures this shiny and well organized… unless of course you're not the dragon you pretend to be."
"A lizard?! Did you just call me a lizard?! Just because I like my gold with its history intact doesn't mean I'm any less of a dragon!" Orthrix declared angrily while rubbing his snout with a paw, the headache very much here. "Just- Just don't touch my stuff! I had it how I liked it!"
"Well, I think it's better this way" Mara said with a 'hmpf' while crossing her arms. "Its more dignified."
"Whatever, I'm taking a nap! Wake me when your knights arrive. And don't ruin my battle! I expect you to behave like a proper damsel in distress when they get here!" Orthrix said as he moved to his bedchamber.
Mara opened her mouth, clearly going to nag at him with some other asinine human expectations. Orthrix cut her off before she could get anything out "No, no! I don't wanna hear about whatever torturous 'organization and cleaning' you have in mind next! Goodnight!"
**<3**
After laying down for what felt like barely a minute, Orthrix was roused from his slumber by annoying repeated slaps on his snout. "Ughhh… who? What? What do you want?" He grumbled as he groggily opened his eyes to see a very annoyed looking princess mid-slap.
"Its time to wake up, you lazy lizard! You've been sleeping for a whole day! Honestly, how do you get anything done like this?" Mara asked with irritation as she continued to smack his snout.
"What are your knights here to rescue you?! Is it time for my battle?!" Orthrix asked excitedly as he shook his head like a wet dog, dispelling the last vestiges of drowsiness. "Oh, how many are there? How glorious will this battle be?! Or should I feign defeat? A long battle where…"
He paid no attention to the princess's ever-changing expressions as he got lost in his own imagination. Maybe he'd play it by ear? If the knights were strong enough, he'd feign defeat. If they were weak, he'd blast them out of his lair with a triumphant dragon breath! "Yes, yes…" he mused to himself "that may just work."
Mara just gave her captor a blank stare, one that Orthrix couldn't quite decipher. Then she sighed "No, no knights yet. You just need to wake up, sleeping that long can't be good for anyone. I also need some food, water, and ya know a bed to sleep in. You can't expect me to keep sleeping on the floor can you?"
At this Orthrix tilted his head, not understanding the problem. "Don't you have a bed? I'm sure I procured enough straw for you to sleep comfortably?" He asked hesitantly as he glanced at a large pile of hay in the corner of the lair.
"The last princess I stole had no problem sleeping with these accommodations! …well, not until the third day."
Orthrix let out a sigh that made her hair and dress flutter in the breeze, conveniently ignoring the strange stare Mara was giving him.
Drawn back into his musings Orthrix suddenly declared in a loud voice "And you! No knights? After 2 whole days? What kind of kingdom are you the Princess of?! What a lame kingdom!" He huffed. "Fine fine, I'll go get you a deer or something. You can roast that for the time being, and there's a water crystal somewhere for you to use. I'll go exto- I mean, I'll have an inn donate a bed for you to sleep in."
Mara paused for a second, seemingly stunned by his words."Extort what?! You can't just threaten an inn into giving you a bed! You have plenty of gold! Just take some and buy a bed with it! What kind of winged lizard are you, to extort a measly BED out of an Inn?! Any self-respecting dragon only threatens kingdoms for gold and treasures! They would not lower themselves to threatening a lowly Inn!"
Orthrix stops at that, his scales bristled at being called a lizard once again. "I am NOT a winged lizard! I can buy a bed with gold just like any other glorious DRAGON!" He roared in irritation and indignation.
As he walked away from her to the edge of his lair he paused. Looked at his chest of gold. Looked at Mara. Then looked literally anywhere else, hesitating with his next question.
"What's the issue, oh great and powerful lizard? Why aren't you grabbing any gold?" Mara asked with a slightly mocking undertone that scraped against Orthrix's pride.
"How… how do I buy a bed?"