Prologue
There was a recurring dream I could never escape.
In it, I reached out my hand, and a strong, full hand met mine—steady, unyielding, as if it carried a lifetime of trust.
And yet, in that brief, perfect moment, a shadow of fear crawled across my chest:
that hand would slip away, leaving me grasping at nothing.
Hum ne saalon ek doosray ke saath hansna seekha tha, magar alvida kehna kabhi seekha hi nahi.
And when reality replaced dreams,
the emptiness it left behind cut deeper than I could bear.
Chapter 1: Innocence and Walls
I grew up in a home where love was layered with strict lessons.
My parents, though caring, had tempers that flared with the smallest mistake.
They gave me everything a child could need—food, education, safety—but there was one thing I never had: protection from fear, from the shadows of my own home.
School was no refuge.
There was a day when a teacher's accusation, unfounded and cruel, hit me like a physical blow.
No one believed me, not even those I trusted most.
I had to fight through shame and humiliation silently,
and in that silence, I learned to armor my heart.
Despite it all, I found small escapes—unique passions that the world around me could not touch.
I was different, always striving to create my own path, my own rules, my own world.
I loved animals—they were honest, forgiving, and pure, unlike the people who judged me.
Cats, in particular, became my silent companions, my softest confidants.
Yet, despite my independence and resolve, I carried a deep loneliness.
Friends and peers treated me as fragile or strange,
but no one truly understood the storm inside me.
Even so, I gave love freely, respect without measure, always hoping the world might one day be gentle in return.
Chapter 2: Silent Anchors
Then came the friend I had never expected:
someone who appeared in the digital spaces of my adolescence,
a voice that seemed to understand the chaos of my mind.
He treated me like family, guided me through my mistakes, and became a beacon of trust and encouragement.
We spent nearly eight years building this unspoken connection.
Though he treated me with the care of a parent,
I never confessed the deeper feelings growing inside me.
His presence alone was enough to make life bearable.
I began to understand that love doesn't always have to be spoken to exist.
Some people, some connections, just anchor you in ways the world cannot see.
Chapter 3: When Life Chose Another
The day I learned that fate had already decided my path,
everything around me froze in silence.
The friend who had been my anchor, my light,
the one whose voice had guided me through my darkest nights,
was suddenly beyond reach—
and the life I had imagined with him
was torn from my hands before I could even name it.
I walked through the streets, seeing familiar faces blur.
Every sound, every laugh, every casual greeting felt sharp, like glass cutting my skin.
Inside, my heart broke in pieces I didn't know how to gather.
Even in the small moments, the betrayal stung:
a glance at a wedding invitation,
a whispered congratulations,
the knowing smiles of those around me who had no idea
how fragile my soul really was.
I tried to hold myself together—
to be the strong one, the dependable one, the one everyone could lean on.
But at night, in the dark,
the tears came anyway.
And when sleep tried to visit, the dreams of hands slipping away returned,
mocking me with their perfection and inevitable loss.
Chapter 4: Alone Among the Living
I became a master of appearances.
To the world, I was composed, even successful.
I laughed, I smiled, I carried myself with dignity.
But beneath the surface, a storm raged:
memories of childhood fights, of betrayal, of unseen support,
of love that was never claimed,
and of loneliness so deep it could swallow the sun.
My pets became my only companions,
creatures who accepted me without judgment.
Their warmth, their quiet presence,
was the closest I had to comfort.
Yet I still worried for everyone around me—
my family, my siblings—while my own needs were neglected.
I learned, painfully, that loving for others
does not guarantee love returned.
And still, through it all,
my thoughts returned to him:
my childhood friend, my digital confidant, my ideal,
the one who had saved me in so many ways.
He remained a light I could see but never touch,
and the world had no idea
how much I carried silently, every single day.
Chapter 5: A Marriage of Love and Imperfection
The day of my marriage arrived quietly,
the kind of quiet that makes the world seem distant.
He—my husband, a longtime friend—was kind and caring,
someone who truly loved me and wanted my happiness.
Yet, even in his love, there were moments that cut,
moments when misunderstandings or harsh words left me aching,
reminding me that even good people are not perfect.
The ceremony went on,
the vows were exchanged with smiles and promises.
The world saw a happy couple.
I saw a life that was safe, secure, and loving—but not the one I had imagined with him,
not the life I had dreamed of silently for years with the friend I had loved from afar.
Even amid love, the ghost of absence lingered—
a quiet ache, a reminder of what my heart truly longed for.
And in the silence of the night,
I felt the weight of choices I could not undo,
and the hands that had slipped away
Chapter 6: Fragments of the Self
I became adept at living with contradictions:
I had a husband who cared for me deeply,
who wanted to see me happy,
and yet, sometimes his words and actions left bruises,
small but persistent, reminding me that even love is not free from pain.
At the same time, my heart still remembered
the friend who had saved me in ways no one else could,
the one I had loved silently, endlessly.
I carried both the warmth of love I had,
and the emptiness of love I lost before it could be mine.
I wrote letters I would never send,
dreamed dreams I could not share,
and slept nights haunted by hands slipping away.
Even so, a quiet voice whispered:
"You survived everything.
You still have your mind, your heart,
and your light—no one can take that."
But that light was fragile,
flickering in a storm that showed no signs of ending.
I fell asleep one night,
and for the first time in years,
I let the tears come without shame.
The dreams returned, but I no longer reached for the hand.
I only watched as it slipped away…
Kiii
And so life moved forward,
but not in neat chapters or tidy conclusions.
The friend I had loved from afar—
did he ever think of me?
The life I had been given—
was it truly mine, or only a shadow of what could have been?
I walked the streets, still searching,
still hoping for a hand to hold,
still dreaming of someone who might finally see me.
And maybe, one day, I will find it.
Or maybe, I will learn to exist
with the ache of everything that slipped away.
The story ends here,
not with closure,
but with the fragile pulse of a heart
still beating in the dark.
Hum ne saalon ek doosray ke saath hansna seekha tha, magar alvida kehna kabhi seekha hi nahi.