"Bert, you've got to be joking."
Effie saw the three-wheeled contraption, and for the first time in a long time, she felt a moment of fear. Not Bert continued to guide her toward the street.
"It's a bicycle built for two!" He laughed. "Come on. It will be fun!"
Effie's head lowered as she whispered. "Did you forget I couldn't walk as a child? I never learned to ride!"
"There's no time like the present to learn a new skill."
"You mean right now? When we are about to be chased by hundreds of adoring fans?" Effie shook her head.
"Exactly! Think of it as extra motivation." The man ushered his wife onto the rear seat as he took the lead. "Here we go!"
The steward of Bastion did not have time to think before the metal contraption lurched into motion. She instinctively placed her feet on the pedals, gripping the rear handlebars so tight that they bent under her palms.
Curses escaped her lips. Her braid flew back, whipping in the wind.
But then…peace.
The cataclysmic crash that would have taken out at least a building or two did not occur.
Not Bert remained calmly in front of her, pedaling away from the crowd as if it were a common occurrence. He smiled at her over his shoulder. "See? You are a natural."
"I am?" Effie looked down. Her feet had fallen into rhythmic movement as they bumped along the stone path. "I guess you are right, Franklin. Who would have guessed?"
Not Franklin laughed heartily. "I did, obviously."
"Smart, handsome, and romantic– Shaun, you are the whole package." Effie relaxed, letting the afternoon sun warm her as the delight of the exercise brought beads of sweat to her bronze skin. "Whatever made you think of this for an activity for our date?"
"I heard it in an old song. Back before the dark times, a bicycle built for two was one way to get married." Not Shaun relayed the history lesson with confidence.
"That's fascinating. I guess it makes some sense. Technology was primitive back then, like it is now…" Effie mused. "Ah, they knew how to have fun. I didn't think it would be this easy to learn to ride, or I would have done it when Aiko first brought the bicycles here."
The man nodded. "All it takes is balance and speed. You have both of those things to spare."
The woman's smile turned mischievous. "Speed, you say?"
Her legs started moving at an inhuman speed. The bike, which had been moving at a brisk pace, accelerated down the trail.
Effie whooped, her newfound freedom of motion filling her with exhilaration.
"Ah, this is living!"
"We need to slow down!" Not Shaun said as they hit a particularly deep pothole.
The bike bounced in the air, barely recovering before continuing to careen down the thoroughfare.
People, who had been stopping to watch the couple pass, now backed up against the buildings as the bicycle barely maintained control.
Effie laughed. "Come on, George. Where's your sense of adventure?"
Not George only managed a single word. "Bridge!"
Looking ahead, Effie finally realized the source of her husband's panic. They were heading for a canal which had been dug to connect the Mirror Lake to one of the many rivers around Bastion. The bridge over it had been specially constructed to split and lift so that large boats could pass to the palace with supplies.
Just now, the bridge was midway through lifting. The steep incline was becoming steeper by the moment, and when the operation was completed by the workers, the road would be a wall.
There was no space to stop and nowhere to turn. So rather than try, Effie gave the pedals all her muscle.
The smell of burning rubber surrounded them as the tires were pushed beyond their limit. There was nothing Not George could do except leap from the vehicle or stay and keep the wheel steady. He opted for the second option.
The bicycle bounced onto the moving bridge amidst an outcry from the workers. But they, too, were helpless under Saint Athena's strength. Reaching the end of the break, the wheels lifted into the air. For a moment, the bike was free from all restraints of the natural world as its passengers sailed through the air.
But gravity claimed its captives all too soon. The front wheel barely managed to gain traction on the now-lowering bridge, and Not George's forward lean gave the bike the leverage it needed to keep from tipping over.
The luck was not to last. When the front wheel hit the solid earth of the street, it had had enough. The spokes bent, and the tire released a loud hiss. The bicycle flipped end over end, ejecting the two occupants from their seats.
Not George turned enough to grab Effie by the waist and pull her close. The pair crashed into a food stall, sending wood, meat, and dishes in every direction.
When they finally came to a stop, the man released his wife. "Are you alright?" he asked reflexively.
Effie looked down at her husband's concerned face as the splinters of wood continued to rain down around them. "Alright? I am just perfect. I can always count on you for a good time, Seymour!"
Effie planted a kiss on her husband so long and hard that the man was concerned he might suffocate. But he didn't mind. His wife was worth it.
After paying for the stall and all of its contents, the couple headed on their way on foot. Behind them. The owner of the establishment waved happily, already writing his next advertising campaign for his new shop.
"Saint Athena crashed here," he mumbled excitedly to himself.
Effie held two fistfuls of meat skewers as she ambled along. The cubes of meat were the only ones not damaged in the crash. "These are quite delicious, Barnaby. You sure know how to spoil a girl."
Not Barnaby rubbed the back of his neck, tossing aside a rogue splinter lodged there. "My intention was romance, my dear, but if wild rides and destruction are what bring you joy, then we can certainly add more of that to the rest of our day."
The Saint considered his proposition. "No, I have enjoyed your plans so far. I want to see them through."
Not Barnaby led them through the streets to shop and visit the little gems that Bastion had to offer. The fashion boutique provided evening wear that would rival any gala. Not Barnaby had resisted getting a new suit, but Effie had insisted that it made him look divine. He got it and a gown for her without another word.
By the time the sun was hanging halfway down the sky, they found a little park by the lakeside for a picnic.
"I know I am not one for jewelry," Effie smiled as she dug into the sandwich which was prepared, "But this bracelet right here will look good even in a fight. There are so many diamonds that it might blind my enemy! Thank you, Cyrus."
"I am glad you like it." Not Cyrus was very pleased with the purchase as well. His wife's expression just now was worth the exorbitant amount of coins he had spent that day. "Now finish eating. I have one surprise left."
"Oh," Effie raised one eyebrow at him. "What is it?"
Not Cyrus shook his head. "You'll see!"