There wasn't a specific day I became "mature."
No birthday. No dramatic realization. No moment where I suddenly felt different.
It just… happened.
Slowly.
School became more serious. Marks started feeling heavier. Conversations at home shifted from "finish your homework" to "what are your plans?"
Plans.
That word used to feel far away.
Now it felt urgent.
Somewhere between assignments and expectations, I noticed something strange.
I wasn't checking for updates anymore.
Not intentionally. Just naturally.
Weeks passed.
Then months.
Seo Juhan's face stopped being a daily thought.
He became something stored in memory, not in routine.
I didn't wake up one day and decide, "I'm over it."
I just got busier.
And real life, when it demands attention, doesn't leave much space for imaginary worlds.
Sometimes I would see a random clip while scrolling.
My heart would react slightly.
Not the old warm calm.
More like… recognition.
Like seeing a childhood cartoon you once loved.
You smile. You remember. Then you move on.
I didn't feel embarrassed about my past phase anymore.
But I also didn't feel attached to it.
It was just… something that happened.
Growing up doesn't always feel empowering.
Sometimes it feels like replacing fantasy with responsibility.
Replacing "what if" with "what next."
One evening, while organizing old photos on my phone, I found screenshots.
Clips I had saved. Random moments of him smiling. Edits with captions like "comfort person."
I stared at them quietly.
Not cringing. Not emotional.
Just thoughtful.
This version of me had needed something.
And that was okay.
She wasn't stupid.
She wasn't delusional.
She was young.
And maybe a little lonely in ways she didn't know how to explain.
I didn't delete the screenshots immediately.
I just moved them into a separate folder.
Not hidden. Not displayed.
Just… archived.
Like a chapter of my life that didn't need to be read every day anymore.
That night, before sleeping, I didn't imagine bumping into him.
I imagined my own future instead.
It wasn't as cinematic.
But it felt more real.
And maybe that's what growing up actually is.
Not losing feelings.
Just redirecting them.
From someone unreachable…
To yourself.