"... why?" I cried for real this time, "Why did it have to be him? Why a gay man?"
Why can't I actually be a man? This thought made me cry even more. That maybe it would be better if I was Connor instead of Layna.
I loved being a woman… I find it lovely… and yet… just because I'm in love, I yearn to be a man so at least I can get a chance with him.
"Shit…sniff… I hate you, Xav… why can't you like me?"
I fell asleep after I cried myself out. Trying my best to stifle the sobs.
Maybe this was the best I could do right now since I only have one option for these feelings… and it's to forget I ever fell in love with him.
"I'll get over it," I told myself, convinced of my determination. "Tonight's kiss, I'll take it as my first love's farewell."
When I opened my eyes the next morning I felt as if I had been punched for all the crying. However, I needed to get over it. And fast.
