A cup of coffee was placed in front of Diana.
"Any milk or sugar for you?" Jean Valjean asked, as if everything were perfectly normal. "I make sure to stock only the best."
"No… black is fine." Diana picked up the cup. "Thank you."
Jean Valjean simply gave her a nod before turning toward the coffee machine and going about making his own cup. The bizarre man didn't even seem inclined to question her sudden entrance.
Diana took a slow sip as she tried to reorient herself.
She had expected things to get rather… strange, but it seemed her estimations had not been nearly high enough. Walking directly into what appeared to be a villainous interview was a first even for her. Years spent battling villainy warned her that this situation could only end in a fight.
Even with the door closed, she could still faintly make out the shuffling and muttering of the villains on the other side.
Strangely… none of them seemed to be leaving.
Was that Jean Valjean's so-called "Fortune" at work?
Diana had recognized quite a few faces among them, after all. If they all attacked her at once, she would be in for a difficult battle. Worse, Bruce had already informed her that Jean Valjean had armed his tower quite heavily.
She was beginning to understand the exhaustion both Bruce and Clark seemed to experience whenever Jean Valjean was involved.
Still, while her first meeting with the man had certainly left an impression, Diana of Themyscira was not so brittle.
Jean Valjean hummed softly as he returned with his own cup and settled into the seat across from her.
Diana steeled herself.
Whatever schemes or strange plans Jean Valjean had in mind, she would weather them all.
—
Man… what the hell do I do now?
I sipped my coffee as I tried to figure out how to salvage this. Sure, I'd told the League they could drop by anytime, but… come on. Who the hell just came in through the window like that?
Ugh. I could already bet the crowd outside was whispering.
Something to deal with later. Right now, I'd rather avoid having a pissed-off Wonder Woman duking it out in my home.
"So…" I set my cup down and gave her my best professional smile. "I presume you wanted to hear about my time on Apokolips and my new job."
Diana nodded. "Of course. The League would be very grateful for any information you can provide."
"Well, my new position as an 'advisor' hasn't netted me a whole lot yet, but I did learn a few interesting things…" I pulled open a drawer, retrieved a packet, and slid it across the table toward her. "Is the League aware of an organization called… the Light?"
Diana quickly picked up the packet and began scanning the pages. Her eyebrows rose higher and higher before her expression steadily twisted into a scowl.
The speed of her reading picked up as she flipped through page after page.
Yeah.
I'd take that as a no.
"This is… concerning." Diana scowled as she nearly slammed the packet closed. "I'll pass this on to my comrades. You have my thanks, and the League's, for bringing this to our attention."
"Of course." I gave a small nod. "I'll endeavor to keep you informed for as long as I hold this job. Still, I am taking quite a bit of a risk, so…"
Diana caught on immediately. "Would you like the League to compensate you?" She paused for a moment. "While that isn't usually within our charter… I believe we could work something out. Funds could—"
"Oh, no, no." I quickly raised my hands. "The Justice League has done so much for the world that it's only right I do the same. I wouldn't be so crass as to ask for money. No, I just need one small favor."
"What kind of favor?"
"Well, I'm guessing you saw the crowd outside." I motioned toward the door. "Before you arrived, I was actually interviewing for a… personal assistant."
"Quite the hiring pool." Diana shot me a dry look.
I chuckled. "Well, in my line of work, I need someone with a certain set of skills. So…" I leaned forward slightly. "I would be deeply grateful to you and the League if you helped me… interview my applicants. I obviously can't handle the more physical aspect myself."
Honestly, I'd planned to use my gargoyles for the next part, but hey, when life gives you lemons.
Diana simply hummed, but I could've sworn her eyes gleamed for a moment as she caught my drift.
"Well…" Diana leaned back slightly. "I can't say I'm not interested, but are you certain? Not many people desire to fight me. You may find yourself with a sudden lack of applicants."
That was true.
Most of the people I'd actually considered hiring were the level-headed ones who wouldn't throw themselves at one of the strongest superheroes in the world.
But there was an easy solution to that.
Hell, maybe I could make a whole event out of it.
I could already smell the money.
"...If you can't handle it, that's perfectly fine, of course." I gave her a mischievous smile. "I'll limit it to just a few."
Diana raised an eyebrow. "Really? Do you think that will work?"
"Hmm? I've no idea what you're talking about." I looked away innocently. "I just don't want you getting hurt."
She snorted as she rose from her chair. "An obvious bait." A surprisingly wide grin spread across Diana's face. "Yet I find myself interested all the same. Allow me to show you the might of an Amazon."
"Wonderful!" I grinned as I jumped from my chair and headed for the door.
The crowd of potential villainous hires visibly twitched as I stepped back into the room with Diana right behind me.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" I clapped my hands together. "There's been a slight change to the second stage of the interview. From now on, anyone who wants the position will have to battle our honorary guest, Wonder Woman!"
A baffled silence descended over the room as everyone simply stared at me.
"Fuck that!" a man shouted from somewhere in the crowd. "Why the hell should I risk fighting Wonder Woman?"
"I'll pay everyone three hundred thousand dollars just to fight her," I continued, drawing a collective gasp from the room. "And whoever wins gets a bonus of ten million!"
Another long silence followed.
Then the room exploded into screams, hoots, and jeers.
Diana stepped up beside me, looking almost eager for the fight.
[Feat Achieved! Wonder Woman: Guest Interviewer]
[+1 Silver Gacha Ticket]
—
Bruce let out a quiet sigh as he leaned back in his chair in the Batcave.
Simply being able to do that without some old injury immediately complaining was still something he hadn't quite gotten used to. Jean Valjean remained a vexing problem in almost every conceivable way, but Bruce couldn't deny that his potions were miracle workers.
"Ha. You taking a break?" Jason snorted as he walked into the cave. "You sure you're not a Bizarro?"
Bruce glanced over at him. "I am capable of taking breaks."
Jason rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. Then why the hell are you sitting in the cave?"
Bruce grunted. "I'm waiting for Diana to report back."
He felt slightly guilty about letting Diana handle Jean Valjean, but tactically, she had been the best choice. For the sake of Gotham and… his own sanity, Batman probably shouldn't meet Jean Valjean again anytime soon.
Jason stared at him for a moment.
"You didn't see it already?"
Bruce frowned. "See what?"
Jason chuckled before walking over to the Batcomputer and bringing up one of the larger displays.
The screen showed Jean Valjean standing at the edge of a massive floating platform, microphone in hand as he enthusiastically addressed a roaring crowd.
"And Wonder Woman takes another direct hit!" Jean shouted, his voice booming through the speakers. "But can Cheetah actually capitalize on it, or is she about to get launched into low orbit?!"
On the platform itself, Diana traded blows with Cheetah hard enough to send shockwaves rippling through the air.
She wasn't alone.
Several other villains were attacking her at the same time, darting in and out whenever they saw an opening. Energy blasts streaked across the platform while chunks of stone shattered beneath their feet. Somewhere in the background, a small-time villain Bruce vaguely recognized was hurled screaming over the edge before one of Jean's gargoyles swooped down to catch him.
Thousands of spectators surrounded the arena on raised platforms, cheering wildly with every impact.
Bruce stared at the screen.
Jason leaned against the console, openly grinning now. "Looks rough."
Diana caught Cheetah by the wrist, pivoted, and hurled her directly into two other attackers.
Then she laughed.
A full, exhilarated laugh as she launched herself straight back into the fight, all of it happening in full view of cameras streaming the entire spectacle directly to the internet.
Bruce slowly rubbed a hand down his face.
"She's living it up compared to you two," Jason said as he poked Bruce in the shoulder. "You mad she didn't suffer like you did?"
"...No."
Jason's smirk widened. "Took you a second there."
Bruce sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "Go get me some popcorn or you're grounded."
"I don't even live here—"
"Go."
Jason threw his hands up, chuckling as he turned and headed out of the cave.
Bruce leaned back in his chair again and returned his attention to the screen.
…Goddammit, Diana.
***
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