# Chapter 4: The Weight of Happiness
The message arrived during the break.
*"I'll wait for you at the café after school."*
Yunar looked down at his phone screen, and something warm spread through his chest. Alya. His girlfriend. It still sounded strange, but it was the good kind of strange.
Eren appeared behind him and peeked at the screen. "Look at that! First official date?" He flashed a mischievous grin. "Try not to cry too much, man. You'll scare the other customers away."
Yunar rolled his eyes, but couldn't hold back a small smile.
---
The café was two blocks from school.
It was a small, welcoming place, with wooden tables and walls decorated with hanging plants. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and baked bread filled the air. A few students occupied tables in the corners, talking quietly or studying.
Yunar arrived first. He chose a table by the window and waited, hands folded in his lap.
The tears had already started. He wiped them away discreetly with his sleeve.
The café door opened, and Alya walked in. She had changed out of her uniform into a light blouse and jeans. Her hair was down now, falling softly over her shoulders. When her eyes found his, she smiled.
Yunar felt something tighten in his chest.
She sat across from him. "Hi."
"Hi."
For a moment, they just looked at each other. It was strange — the good kind. Being there with her, officially, without needing to pretend it was just friendship.
"Do you want to order something?" Alya picked up the menu.
"A cappuccino sounds good."
She waved the server over and placed the order. Two cappuccinos and a slice of chocolate cake to share.
While they waited, they talked. About classes, about boring teachers, about plans for the weekend. Simple, ordinary conversations, but filled with a lightness Yunar hadn't felt in a long time.
Then Alya stopped mid-sentence.
"You're crying again."
Yunar blinked and raised his hand to his face. The tears were flowing, as always. He hadn't even noticed.
"It's nothing." He wiped them away quickly.
Alya tilted her head, studying him. There was something in her expression — not pity, but genuine concern. "Will you tell me one day? Why it happens?"
Yunar hesitated. How could he explain something he didn't understand himself?
"I... don't know how to explain it."
"That's okay." She reached her hand across the table, and he took it. "When you're ready to talk, I'll be here."
The tightness in his chest came back. Stronger this time.
---
After the café, Alya pulled him by the hand. "Come on. I want to show you something."
She led him to a nearby park — not the same one where he had asked her out, but a larger one with recreational areas spread throughout. There was an old carousel that still ran, swings, and even a small lake with pedal boats.
"Seriously?" Yunar looked at the carousel with mild scepticism.
"Seriously." Alya was already climbing on. "Come on!"
He followed, feeling slightly ridiculous, but unable to say no.
The carousel began to turn. Cheerful music played from dusty speakers. Alya laughed, holding tight to the golden pole of a wooden horse. Yunar watched, and something about the scene — the simplicity of it, the uncomplicated joy — brought the tears back.
But he was smiling.
They took photos. Lots of photos. Alya insisted, saying they needed to "document the first official date." Selfies on the carousel, by the lake, under a tree with pink blossoms falling around them.
In every photo, Yunar had tears in his eyes and a smile on his face.
"You are the strangest person I know," Alya said eventually, scrolling through the photos on her phone.
"Sorry."
"That's not a complaint." She leaned her shoulder against his. "Just an observation."
They stayed in the park until the sun began to set, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink.
*Like the beach.*
The thought came without warning, and Yunar felt his stomach turn. He looked at Alya beside him, so real, so present. So why did part of him still feel pulled toward that other place?
---
Night had fallen by the time he got home.
His mother asked about his day. He said it was good. She didn't push.
Yunar locked himself in his room, fell onto the bed, and lay there staring at the ceiling. His phone buzzed with messages from Alya — photos from the day, a message about how much fun she'd had, and a "good night" that made his heart jump.
He replied, wished her a good night in return, and left the phone on the nightstand.
His body was tired. His mind, exhausted.
Sleep came quickly.
And with it, the dream.
---
Yunar opened his eyes.
He was lying on the sofa. Soft morning light came in through the curtains, casting golden stripes across the floor. The sound of birds singing drifted in from outside. A thin blanket was draped over him.
He blinked, confused. When had he fallen asleep there?
"Daddy, did you fall asleep on the sofa?"
Yunar turned his head.
The little girl was standing beside the sofa, wearing star-patterned pyjamas. Her silver hair was a mess, and she was rubbing her eyes with small hands.
"I want to lie down with you too."
Before he could answer, she was already climbing up, settling in beside him under the blanket. Her small warm body nestled against his, her little head resting on his shoulder.
"Of course. You can." The words came automatically, but they carried something he couldn't name.
The woman appeared in the doorway, wearing a robe over her pyjamas. Her white hair was pinned in a messy bun. When she saw the two of them on the sofa, a smile touched her lips.
Not a small or restrained one.
Pure happiness.
"Who wants breakfast?"
The little girl raised her hand, delighted. "Me!"
"And Daddy too." She added, looking at Yunar.
Yunar nodded, his throat too tight to speak.
---
The table was set simply. Bread, butter, jam, orange juice, and steaming coffee. The little girl was swinging her legs in her chair, already chewing a piece of bread with jam.
Yunar picked up the coffee cup and drank. The flavour was rich, slightly bitter, perfectly balanced.
*Real.*
He looked around. The small but tidy kitchen. The fridge covered in children's drawings held on by magnets. The window showing a backyard with green grass.
And the two of them. The little girl eating happily. The woman refilling the juice, that smile still playing on her lips.
Yunar felt something warm spread through his chest.
*Happiness.*
Was this it? Was this what it felt like?
After breakfast, the woman stood and took the little girl by the hand. "Come on, sweetheart. Time to get ready for school."
The little girl climbed down from her chair and ran to Yunar. She hugged him — tight, innocent, filled with unconditional love.
When she pulled away, she waved with both hands. "Bye bye, Daddy!"
Something broke inside Yunar.
He waved back, unable to speak.
The woman stepped closer. She was dressed now, ready to leave. She leaned in and kissed him — quick, soft, but carrying the weight of years of intimacy.
When she pulled away, she waved too. "Bye bye."
And then the two of them walked out the front door, leaving Yunar alone in the kitchen.
He raised his hand to his lips slowly.
The warmth was still there. The tingling. The feeling.
*More.*
He wanted more.
He wanted to stay. He wanted to belong to this place. To this life.
He wanted—
*"See reality."*
The voice exploded like thunder.
The world shook. The walls cracked. The golden light went out.
"No—" Yunar reached out, but there was nothing to hold onto.
Everything disappeared.
---
He woke up with a scream lodged in his throat.
He sat up in bed, breathing ragged, heart hammering violently. Cold sweat covered his forehead.
And the tears. God, the tears wouldn't stop.
He raised his hand to his lips.
He could still feel the kiss. Could still feel the little girl's hug. Could still feel the happiness — so real, so complete, so—
*False.*
*"See reality."*
But which one was real?
Alya? The café? The park?
Or that kitchen bathed in golden light, with a family that loved him in a way he couldn't begin to understand?
Yunar looked at his phone on th
e nightstand. 4:23 a.m.
A notification glowed on the screen.
*Alya: "Thank you for today. Sleep well!"*
He picked up the phone with trembling hands.
And for the first time, he didn't reply.
---
*END OF CHAPTER 4*