Pst… Pst…
These voices wouldn't stop.
Maybe if it's not so damn quiet, they wouldn't be this loud.
My eyes glance at the woman next to me, named Tammy.
Maybe she could help me to ignore these voices with a conversation.
Should I say hello to her?
Or should I talk about the weather… which is about to rain.
Neither feels right.
So what is?
I have to say, this is a lot harder to do since she slapped me in the face just now. I'm not sure what the right approach is here to break that tension.
Maybe a philosophical question could work here, just had a feeling. Well, here goes nothing…
I turn to the sky, "How real do you think we can get?"
"Let's not," she sighs, "I'm bad at dealing with people your kind."
"... my kind?"
"PTSD."
"I don't think I have that."
She looks unsurprised, "Really? I think otherwise. You were rambling about… something just before you asked me to wake you up. Honestly, if that's not some mental shit, you're creeping me out right now."
If anyone's to creep out, it's me. Where you are now was Sohee before. Everything has shifted to somewhere in time in the blink of an eye.
"So," she continues, "Either you're dealing with something… or you're just high."
"No. Rather, I'm feeling down right now. Anyway, if you don't mind me asking, where's Sohee?"
"She's with Nelly now."
"Ah…"
"She felt bad leaving you here, that's why she asked me for a favor to look out for you. So, did you go through something?"
"Do I… have to answer this?"
"Yes. As I said, either you're someone who needs help or just a creepo. If you turned out to be the latter, I have something to say to the school out of concern about my Nelly."
I wonder what her relationship is with Nelly. If I have to guess, she's her mother. Just with dimmer eyes than hers.
But maybe not. She looks the same age as me. If she is indeed Nelly's mother, then she must have been pregnant with her at… a very young age.
"Hey. Don't just look at me, I'm asking you a question."
What was it again? Ah yeah. She was asking if I am crazy… or a creep?
"Well, since you put it that way, and that I am a reasonable person, I'd say I was being crazy."
"Your word, not mine. You're not on drugs, are you?"
"I don't think so."
She leans forward… and her face crunches, taking a sniff at me. Then she backs away, nodding. "Well, you don't smell like it."
"It has smells?"
"It does?"
"How so?"
"Like a hospital."
Glad I don't smell like that place. I wonder how she knows this. Is she a drug expert or something? Note that, when I say drug expert, what I imagine is just a junky. Which she doesn't look like one.
What she did just now does look like something I know. A dog, sniffing for a clue for the police.
"You know, I have to say, it's not every day someone sniffed at me that obviously. It feels' weird."
She stares daggers at me.
I think I need to correct myself before something comes out of those eyes.
"Uh… Weird, in a good way, of course."
"That doesn't make it sound any better."
"Oh, really."
But it does feel weird in a good way. It is like when a girl slowly unbuttons your pants with her teeth.
The conversation is about to die. I have to keep it up if I don't want these voices at the back of my head to fill in our silence.
Huh… maybe I am crazy.
"So, are you good with your nose?"
She looks at me strangely as if catching on that I was trying to get a conversation going. "I am. If I have found out you're on drugs, I'd drag you to a station."
"Wouldn't that upset Sohee, though?"
"Bringing a druggie to their place is helping. I'd do you and her a favor."
"Like you slapped me on the face?"
"I'd do it again if you mention that again to make me feel guilty about it."
"Are you?"
"I'm not sorry… damn."
Somehow, she doesn't actually appear to be sorry. I understand that, I'd be guilty too if I slapped someone who is not right in the head… even when they asked for it.
"Forget about it all right here, take one."
Says Tammy, as she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and brings it close to my arm.
I'd take one, but I don't think this body has one before. Starting smoking is a choice I'd have to consider longer.
Not now.
"I… don't smoke."
"No need to keep the act. None of your students is here."
"No, I meant that."
"I know a smoker when I see one; I rarely get mistaken about this."
What makes her say that I am? Did she catch a whiff of tobacco on me when she sniffed me earlier? I'm pretty sure I haven't smoked… in this life, that is.
Ah.
She sees me.
It is quiet now.
But the voices had stopped.
The sky is already spitting a little.
"We should head in," I say.
Tammy didn't budge. Instead, she lights a cigarette and takes a smoke. The green peeks at me, "So, still not taking it?"
She brings the pack up again.
"If I want one, I'd prefer the one you already put between your lips."
She snickers, "Guess you quit being one."
Those eyes of hers are really something, aren't they?