I noticed Dan talking on the phone on the balcony. At first, he seemed normal, but soon his expression turned tense. He ended the call and received another one, his face looking even more anxious. I wondered what was happening. Eight minutes later, he hung up, took a deep breath, and his expression started to relax. He tried to appear calm as he approached me with a smile, just like he always did when he wanted to ease the atmosphere.
"Dan, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Oh, you were watching me?"
"Yes, always."
"There's something I need to think about," Dan replied, gently reaching for my hand.
I looked at his small, sweaty hand and then at his face. I was really worried.
"Jay."
"Yeah?"
"Hey, you..." Dan scratched his neck, looking restless. "Jay."
"Yeah?"
When Dan was worried, he would call my name several times without saying anything, as if he didn't know how to start the conversation.
"Dan."
"Yeah?"
"What's going on?"
"Actually... there's something important I want to talk to you about."
"Yeah."
"It's about your mother. It's a strange thing, but my mother knows your mother."
I held my breath, waiting for further explanation.
"Even though it was just for a short time, they exchanged letters about thirty years ago. And my mother still has those letters. Do you want to see them?"
...Letters from my mother.
My mother once wrote letters to Dan's mother thirty years ago?
"Yes," I answered without hesitation. My hands trembled, my heart pounding fast. "Letters written by my mother?"
"That's right," Dan nodded.
"I want to see them. May I?"
"Of course," Dan let out a long sigh. "It was so long ago that my mother only remembered because of your unique name."
"I see."
"Shall we go now?"
"Yeah."
In the car, I clasped my sweaty hands together. I realized that I was about to go to Dan's house. I had always been curious about what his house looked like, and I wanted to meet his mother and his nephew, whom he often talked about. The trip from the gym took almost an hour. Dan led me inside the house. Out of habit, I looked around, scanning the place. We arrived at the dining room, where only one woman was waiting. On the table was an old, dusty cardboard box.
"Jayden, hello," Dan's mother greeted me with a warm smile. I bowed respectfully to her. She looked just as worried as Dan. I could tell that both of them considered this topic to be something sensitive for me.
"These are the letters I exchanged with Jane more than thirty years ago when I was in college. Back then, we didn't have communication like we do now, so we talked through letters. There was a magazine for finding pen pals. I put my address and a message, and Jane responded. Look," she pushed the box toward me. "I don't have all the letters—it's been a long time."
"Yeah." I sat down and started taking all the letters out of the box. I wanted to read from the first one, so I arranged them by date.
"What are you doing?" Dan asked, sitting next to me.
"Sorting them by date."
"Can I help?"
"Yeah."
Dan helped me arrange the letters from the first to the last. As I began reading, Dan moved back slightly, perhaps feeling it would be impolite to look.
"Do you want me to stay here with you?"
I nodded.
"I'll leave the room," Dan's mother said before walking out, leaving just the two of us.
I opened the first letter with trembling hands.
For Khun Mew
Hello, I'm Jane, I'm twenty years old. I saw in a magazine that you were looking for a pen pal. I also want to have a pen pal, so I decided to write this. We are the same age. I hope we can be friends. How are you? The weather is cold, take care of yourself.
I will be waiting for your reply.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
My mother's handwriting... Mother at twenty years old, fourteen years before giving birth to me.
I quickly opened the next letter.
For Khun Mew
Thank you for saying that we will be friends. I was nervous because I don't have many friends, and this is the first time I'm writing to someone. Is it difficult to read my writing? I tried my best. If it is, I'm sorry. Your handwriting is very beautiful. I want to get to know you better. I am studying at XX University. I'm not very close to my classmates.
I'm not good at making friends. I feel lonely, so I was happy when you replied. What are you doing right now? If you don't want to say, that's okay. Thank you for caring about my health. I will be waiting for your reply.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
For Khun Mew
I understand. Since we are friends, I won't be too formal as you suggested. I need time to adjust. I will write informally like your example. Are you studying business? I am too. Do you like it? I don't feel suited for it. I'm studying because my family wants me to. I will graduate to continue the family business.
Thank you for saying my handwriting is beautiful. It's funny how just reading your letter makes me feel like you are a kind and lovely person. Your name is nice too. Should we exchange photos? If not, that's okay. I will be waiting for your reply.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
A photo...?
My heart pounded. I quickly opened the next letter.
For Khun Mew
I'm so happy you agreed to exchange photos. I searched for the best one I had. You are so beautiful, like an actress. Thank you for caring about my studies. I feel stressed because I don't like it, but I have no choice. If I don't graduate, my family won't forgive me. Congratulations on studying something you like. I don't know what career I want. I feel less stressed because there's a teaching assistant who helps me. He is kind and makes me feel at ease.
Do you have a boyfriend? You must have many admirers.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
I finished reading and searched for the attached photo… My breath stopped. It was a photo of my mother, smiling. I bit my lip. Mother… This is really Mother.
"Hic." Tears flowed uncontrollably. My body trembled. There were too many emotions for me to process, and I couldn't think. All I knew was that this was my mother… Her smile, which had blurred in my memory, was now clear again. I hugged the photo tightly.
Mother… Mother.
The person beside me embraced me in silence, letting me cry.
"Hic… Thank you… for keeping my mother's photo."
"It's very clear."
I looked at the photo again.
Mother was beautiful… She always was.
"Hic, huff," I sobbed even harder, unable to hold back my tears anymore. All the memories came rushing back. I missed Mother—her voice, her smile, her embrace.
All those memories returned with pain, reminding me that no matter how much I longed for her, Mother would never come back. No matter how much I cried, she would never comfort me again. I cried until my head ached. When I became aware again, a warm hand was stroking my head. Slowly, I looked up to see who it was.
Dan… I grasped his hand. Warm… just like Mother.
"Dan."
"Yes?"
"Don't leave me. Hic. I'll do anything, just don't leave me," I pleaded between my sobs. When Mother died, I was still a child and couldn't do anything. Now, I could do everything, even die.
I wouldn't let it happen again, like twelve years ago.
"Stay with me, Dan."
"Of course. I'll stay with you, I promise."
I couldn't stop sobbing. I could only bury my face in Dan's shoulder. I only needed Dan, I didn't want anything else.
"Thank you."
I didn't know how long I cried until I finally stopped. Slowly, I pulled away from Dan. He went to get a towel and gently wiped my face. It had been a long time since I last cried, and this time, I cried so much that my eyes were swollen. Once he finished, I immediately opened the next letter.
To Khun Mew
I'm glad to hear that you have a boyfriend. I hope you're happy with him and that he's very kind to you. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even have friends, let alone a boyfriend. Thank you for saying that I'm beautiful. You're the first person to ever say that. I blushed.
Maybe I should try your hairstyle—what do you think? I have exams coming up soon. Do you as well, at your university? I'm stressed because my previous exam scores weren't good. Do you have any tips for improving? If so, please share them with me.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
To Khun Mew
Thank you for sharing your tips. I'm not sure if I can follow them, but I'll try. As for the hairstyle, I think I won't try it after all. If I did, I'd be criticized at home. I want to ask you something. Do you remember the teaching assistant? His name is Ayden, he's Scottish. I don't know if he treats other students the same way, but he's very attentive to me, always listening and giving advice. He often brings me candy or drinks.
He's so sweet that I think I might like him. Do you think he feels the same way? I hope so. When I'm around him, I don't know how to act. Since you have a boyfriend, may I ask for advice? I have no experience and no one else to turn to for help.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
I remember Mother once told me she met Father at university. Is this how it all began?
To Khun Mew
Thank you for your support. I made some sweets for him, as you suggested. He seemed to like them. Being with him is the happiest time of my life. He's handsome, has a good job, and is kind. The woman who marries him will be the luckiest woman in the world. I want to be that woman.
I dream of having a child. If it's a boy, his name will be Jayden—with the letter "J" from my name and his. A nice name, right? He will be a good father and a leader for our family. I haven't thought of a name if it's a girl yet. Love makes me daydream. Every love song makes me smile. Do you feel the same way?
What sweet treats do you like? Ayden said my sweets are delicious, so I'd like to make some for you. Do you know how to send them?
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
When I finished reading, I gritted my teeth, feeling a tightness in my chest. Mom… Mom loved Dad so much. After that, the letters became less frequent. The next letter only came two months later.
To Khun Mew
I just recovered from an illness, so I haven't written much. Ayden took such good care of me. Thank God for giving me this man. Even though we've only been together for a short time, I love him so much. If we could be together forever, it would be perfect. I daydream a lot. But no matter how much I daydream, you never scold me—you just go along with it. You're a great friend.
Thank you for the knitted scarf. I will take good care of it. I tried knitting, but the result was a mess. Forgive my lack of skill. I will send sweets as usual. It rains a lot here—how is it over there? Take care of yourself.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The following letters were conversations. Many were missing. They shared stories about their lives. I kept reading about Mom and Dad until I reached the last letter.
To Khun Mew
I've decided to stay with Ayden. I've heard enough from my parents. They never understood me. They controlled me since I was a child, preventing me from having friends. They didn't let me socialize. They were strict, but they were never there for me.
I tried to talk to them, just like you suggested, but they wouldn't listen. Dad hit me. They insisted that if I stayed with Ayden, we would have to cut ties. And so, that's how it ended. I would rather be with someone who loves me. Ayden loves me more than they do.
You might be worried, but I will be okay. Ayden is returning to Scotland soon, and he wants me to come with him. I will go. I've packed my things. I can't bring all your letters, though I've taken good care of them. But I have your address. I can keep writing from another country.
I will write when everything is okay. Take care. I love you very much.
From Jane
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Was this the last letter…? I searched inside the box, but there was nothing else.
"Dan, may I speak with your mother?"
"Of course."
Dan led me outside to the garden, where his brother, Tiger, a little girl, and his mother were.
"Mom, Jay wants to talk to you."
"Of course," she nodded and approached me, leading me to a quieter place. "What is it?"
"The letter where Mom said she was going to Scotland… was that the last one?"
"Yes. I waited for her letters, but none ever came. Then I graduated and moved away."
I fell silent, and she looked at me with concern.
"Are you okay?"
"Thank you for being my mother's friend. Thank you for talking to her, giving her advice, and being kind to her. Thank you for keeping the photo."
"The photo? Oh, we exchanged photos. I almost forgot. May I see it?"
I showed her the photo, and she smiled.
"Jane… I miss her. Jane was a wonderful friend, even though we only spoke for a year and a half. Thirty years have passed, and meeting her son is incredible. In the end, Jane named her son Jayden."
"…Yes. Do you want to… ask anything else?" I read her expression.
"No."
"You want to know… if Mom was okay, don't you?"
"Eh, no." She waved her hand nervously. "You don't have to say anything."
"But she was your friend," I said quietly.
She pressed her lips together. "That's true. I always wondered how Jane was, if she was doing well, if she was healthy. Why didn't she ever contact me?"
I think Mom wanted to reach out to her, to tell her how she was doing.
"I don't know much about their life in Scotland. When I was born, Mom and Dad had already returned to Thailand because of Dad's job. Mom was thirty-four when she had me. She said she wanted to have children earlier, but it was difficult for her. She sacrificed her life to take care of me. I was with her every day. She loved baking and gardening. She planted red roses in the garden. Mom was a kind and strong person. When I was six, she passed away."
She looked shocked, her eyes filled with sorrow. She whispered, "At forty?"
"Yes."
"Jane…" She furrowed her brows as if she was about to cry, but she didn't. She took my hand.
"I'm sorry if I bothered you. Thank you for telling me."
"Yeah."
"Jane always said she wanted to have children. It was her dream. She said she would love them and take care of them."
"Do you think… Mom is happy now?" My voice trembled.
"I think she just wanted you to be happy and okay. And if you are happy now, then Jane is happy too. As a mother, I only want my children to be healthy and happy. That is enough for me. Jane must have been the same."
I remembered Dan's words.
"I want to see you grow, happy, and healthy."
I tried to hold back my tears.
"Thank you."