We'd been on Tanalorr for about a week. During that time, I studied the local fauna and flora, and also searched for traces of the Jedi and the Nihil. The latter, most likely, came into the Star Wars universe from the "New Canon." I'd long since realized I'd ended up in a strange, mixed salad of both versions of Star Wars. And the Nihil here were precisely evidence of the new canon. Good thing lightspeed ramming wasn't practiced, well, at least that was something... In my head, though, thoughts were starting to stir that Luke here might be just as fucking crazy as in the Abrams/Johnson films... But I quickly dismissed those thoughts. If I'm going to influence the fate of the Galaxy — and I'd long since decided I wouldn't sit on the sidelines — then Luke a priori won't be what he became in the last trilogy, where they turned him into another senile Jedi, just to introduce new heroes into the narrative... By some amazing coincidence — rejuvenated and appealing to young people, new fans of the universe, not old geeks like me who examined every comic under a magnifying glass... Well, something like that. Anyway — if at first I had questions, now I just decided to live, accumulate resources and strength, and at the right moment do what I must to change the situation according to my worldview.
Tanalorr... Was a unique planet. The planet-source of the Force provided simple immersion into meditation. Here it was easiest to manipulate the Force. Consequently, it sped up training. And while Celeste and I, as already mature, sentient, Gifted individuals, were starting to notice that our explosive growth in the Force was coming to an end, and further training had much less effect, Jaro was settling in pretty well for his prescribed training. What even is this "lesser effect"? It's a phenomenon that gradually arises as a Gifted individual develops, and it manifests in everyone... sooner or later. Roughly, the progression of a Gifted can be divided into several stages. The first — manipulating the Force. The initial stage, when the Gifted is just being introduced to the matter and learns the simplest manipulations of the Force. I breezed through it fairly quickly, either because of my initial talent, which was already significant, or because of my understanding of where I'd ended up, as well as my awareness of my own giftedness... So to speak — "ended up in Star Wars? Here's a deus ex machina to the head." Though at first, I felt more like I had a huge target on my back, knowing full well that people with my level of giftedness don't live long and prosper. There's always some organization that would want to take me. The Jedi just reacted faster here. The second stage — explosive. It begins when a young Gifted gets an idea of the Force and knows how to manipulate it. And it manifests best in children... Because many adults, even after seeing "miracles of the Force," can still do their best Stanislavski impression with their signature "I don't believe it." Also, children are preferred because it's easier to raise a child within the paradigm of a certain philosophy than to reforge an already formed, adult personality.
And I'm the perfect proof of that, because from a philosophical standpoint, I turned out to be a frankly crappy Jedi. My views have always been more my own, right from the start of training, than Jedi views. The third stage — progress stagnation (stability stage). During the explosive stage, one way or another, the Gifted forms their foundation. A full list of techniques and directions in which they train the most and will be most successful. In the stabilization stage — progress slows down... If during the explosive stage — you form a list of directions and, in principle, can even start mastering things you have no talent for... Then during the progress stagnation, the decline, you'd better focus on what you've already mastered, especially your specialization. And the decline is essentially the third stage...
Celeste and I are exactly at this stage. We can develop our best techniques, we can even master new ones. But we will never reach the heights in them that we would have reached had we started training in them much earlier. For example — Force healing in my case only works on my own body; healing others... well, maybe I could close a scratch, or somehow miraculously keep a wounded person alive until they reach a professional. But nothing more. And I can heal myself if something happens. So Celeste, HK, and IW and I studied the planet from a geographical perspective. There was only one continent here, huge, containing all the significant locations. There were caves with crystals and ore deposits, which I marked on the map. The ocean that washed the single continent also held many mysteries... It was on the ocean floor that there was a deep-sea, though not flooded, cave from which the greatest amount of Force energy emanated... That's where the crystals with the most potential were kept, as I understood it.
Now it was clear why Dagan Gera was so fanatical about Tanalorr. This planet — holds incredible potential. He considered it almost the work of his entire life. And the Order's withdrawal from it — he saw as an act of blatant betrayal. But overall, even understanding him, I hadn't changed my opinion of him. He's just a crazy, whiny teenager in an adult's body, who immediately started cutting down his own people, just because he and the organization had suffered a setback. Yes, you can whine a bit about how everything turned to shit. But whining won't help... You have to keep living. And Dagan whined so much that he started attacking his own.
The culmination of our stay was when Celeste decided to undergo the trial of finding a new crystal for her lightsaber. By her own admission — the crystal she had was starting to reject her lately... That happened to me after "that reboot," so to speak. Back then I went to Tatooine, where I managed to obtain crystals from krayt dragons, which were considered the most powerful of all. I remember in the KOTOR game they had a bonus to attack characteristics. This isn't a game... Both of my pearls as crystals enhanced the cutting ability of my blades... Though my native pontite wasn't a weak crystal either. But the pearls, by classification — elevated my swords to a level close to "legendary artifact.".. Probably, when I die, my swords will become such. And they'll either be placed in my grave, if I even have one, or some unique individual will expropriate them for their own use. Though it's worth considering that my crystals are too attached to me, so it might also happen that no one else can use my swords. At least — Jaro couldn't; he said my sword felt several times heavier than, say, his lightsaber, even though it should be lighter. He uses a full staff... Only Celeste managed to use my blades, and even then, probably because of our Force bond.
"She's taking a while," Jaro noted.
"Everyone has their own time," I remarked philosophically.
"I finished faster than everyone on Ilum," the Lasat replied. "That's why I think she's taking a long time..."
"That's surprising. Usually, arrogant ones like you were on Ilum get the hardest and longest trials in the pursuit of a crystal. The point isn't to find the crystal. The point is to overcome yourself during the search."
"And what trial did you get?" the Lasat asked me.
"Hmm... I used to think I knew how to live properly, planned everything from A to Z, excluding improvisation... Everything was supposed to go according to plan and exactly as I imagined, no other way... Heh," I chuckled. "But the cave threw me off balance. My path looked straight, as I thought, but unexpectedly — it was riddled with various obstacles. I had to adapt quickly... Ilum taught me that not everything goes according to plan... And that, in general, a plan can be shit... Later I realized that despite my plans seeming perfect to me — they can be shit."
"And you still called me arrogant, Master..."
"I did, because I had every right to. I called you that not when I was a youngling myself, but when I became a Knight, with changed views. Thanks to the cave and my own Master, Lorm... He, though he mostly taught me to fight, our life together wasn't just about battles..."
"What was your Master like?"
"Hmm... A cynical and rather materialistic Jedi... He kept to himself. Truth be told... At first glance, he was a bit of an asshole. His training — often pushed me to the brink of life... But... He cared about me and more wanted to raise me not to become like him... But he wanted me to be ready."
"Ready for what?"
"For everything," I replied. "Didn't you notice during those missions with Celeste? The Galaxy is a dangerous place. And you have to be ready, Jaro, if you want to do more than just survive. Ready for anything. I trained you the same way Master Lorm trained me — and Revan. Though the fact that Revan's image trained me — only Celeste knows. And she decided to keep quiet about it, given the ambiguity of his personality." Yes, it's cruel. Yes, I would want my Padawan to learn without risking his life. But otherwise you simply cannot become stronger. To change something, you have to give something. You can't just meditate and become equal to a High Council Master. You have to spend your time, your nerves, maybe your resources, or even risk your life... Overcome the obstacles that stand in your way. And only then — can you overcome anything... But often such overcoming happens after overcoming yourself. Only by going through such training will you become a true Jedi, ready for anything your chosen path might throw at you. In the future... You will face the Jedi Trials. Quite interesting trials, I must say.
"Can you tell me about them... Master?"
"You already know them. The Trial of Skill, the Trial of Courage, the Trial of Spirit, the Trial of Body, and the Trial of Insight. Each of them — is meant to put you in a special situation... Overcoming them, you can earn the rank of Knight. The Trial of Skill — tests your body, your abilities... For example, the ability to perform several actions simultaneously while in an unconventional position. Like holding a platform under your feet with telekinesis and walking forward, placing another platform ahead of you. The same things you did in the Temple on the planet Koboh — those are the Trials of Skill. The art of overcoming the path... I'd call it that. The Trial of Courage — I think you already understand this. It's the ability to challenge what could kill you. Fear is a dangerous emotion, but necessary in battle. Though, the essence of the trial is to demonstrate that you are not afraid of what might lead you to death... Both of these trials, I believe, can be credited to you. You navigated the obstacles of the High Republic on Koboh, or rather, the Jedi Order of that period. That's one. And two, you fought a Dark Side Gifted on Veynae. You weren't afraid of him and fought him, even though he was clearly more experienced and definitely stronger. The Trial of Spirit — is a confrontation with your inner darkness... Yourself... It happens during deep meditation, where you can see what you are rejecting... The darkness... All the vilest things you have, everything that leads to the dark side of the Force — manifests in this trial. Few people like what they see then. I passed it in a rather painful way. You will have to pass it too. The Trial of Body — is the ability not to break when enduring pain, when physical harm is inflicted, or when overcoming yourself, the limits of your body. There have been situations where Padawans defeated Sith Lords and were credited with the Trial of Body. You, by the way, haven't passed it yet... You'll have to push yourself, Jaro. But if you don't go through something on our missions that I could count as the Trial of Body, you'll have to face the Council's will on the matter. The Trial of Insight — is one of the most important. Sometimes, even killers like me, or defenders — shouldn't just cut down everything they see, but stop and think. A Jedi who can't think with their brain — is practically already a Dark Side Gifted. Want to know what someone like me prefers to do with them?"
"Well, you spared the witch," the Lasat noted.
"I made sure she wouldn't cause harm. A blinded woman, under the control of a powerful creature that wouldn't want trouble for itself... I learned to distinguish lies, and I did the right thing, I believe... But if Ki'zhara hadn't backed down, I would have killed her."
"And Renak Albin?"
"You still remember that kid?" I asked my Padawan in surprise. "Renak didn't show even a drop of remorse. Didn't even try to think about whether his new beliefs were wrong. He gave himself over to the darkness and didn't even try to resist... He reveled in the 'power he received,' and paid for it..."
"But how do you feel the line between those who should be spared and those who should be killed?" Jaro asked. "You're a Shadow, the Order's Punisher."
"And I'm also a Jedi who swore allegiance to the Republic and Democracy," I chuckled. "Besides, as a Jedi, I'm obligated to preserve life. Actually, this is, in my opinion, my strangest ability. I seem to feel..."
"But you said you need to get rid of that... I mean... Aren't you describing the Will of the Force right now?"
"This isn't the Will of the Force," I objected. "It's something... Elusive, on an instinctual level, I suppose... Maybe you'll develop it in yourself too."
"Unlikely," Jaro replied sadly. "I think this is a manifestation of your sensory perception, probably the Weak Point you were mastering... You just understand something on a completely different level."
"I had no talent for it," I objected.
"But you said yourself that persistence can achieve a lot, and besides, there's your nickname... Training Maniac."
"That's what the Masters in the Temple called me... The problem was that from the very first history lesson in the Temple, I realized that those who have as much talent for the Force as I do rarely live a calm and peaceful life. So I started training... It would seem. With my talent for the Force, I could not strain myself and just go with the flow. My talent would justify itself and still make me, more or less, fairly strong. But I never slowed down... Hence my nickname. Mmm?"
We were in a dark cave, lit only by the light sources we'd brought and strange, natural crystals protruding from the walls. The only way out was through the water, diving and surfacing in the ocean. Such a strange place... To swim here, we used a gas filter, a special device that allowed us to breathe underwater. The difficulty was compounded by the need to constantly use sensory perception to feel predatory fish, which didn't shy away from humanoids and navigated perfectly in the water. And in the water, I could mostly just swing my lightsaber, though not as effectively as on land, or push the creatures away with telekinesis... Using pyrokinesis, or Force lightning underwater — I hadn't thought of that... And I hope I never do. If pyrokinesis just wouldn't ignite, then what would happen to lightning underwater, I don't even want to think. Most likely, the shock would hit me too. Which I'd rather not.
A silhouette emerged from the dark passage, which was hidden behind a strange substance we first encountered on the planet Koboh. This strange substance ignited easily, burned out quickly, but immediately restored itself, at least here. And now Celeste had just set it on fire to leave the cave.
"I see you succeeded," I noticed. In her right hand was a lightsaber hilt.
"Yep," an icy-white blade emerged from the hilt and illuminated the cave. "My crystal, as I said, didn't suit me."
"And Dagan Gera — just meditated over his crystal for a couple of seconds," the Lasat said. "If only it were that simple."
"In our trade, nothing is ever simple," I looked at Jaro. "Alright, let's go. We've already delayed enough here..."
"Getting wet again," Morne pouted.
"Don't complain," I replied, putting on the breathing device.
* * *
"So, did you accept your new self?" I asked, when the "Star Trek" was heading into hyperspace. Due to IW's development, I could delegate a lot of my ship's control to him. However, some things had to be done manually. Like taking off from a planet and entering hyperspace. After that, we could rest... We were jumping to the edge of the Koboh anomaly. And from there, we could jump to any other system.
"More like the crystal didn't accept the new me," Celeste remarked.
"Oh, this self-analysis. I used to have the habit of thinking about myself all the time, analyzing my character, my actions, as if under a magnifying glass."
"And now?" the woman asked.
"And now it's better to just live, without straining. Do what you must, and be what will be," I quoted my favorite phrase. "Though to get to that point, I had to go through a lot. What was your thing?"
"It was more like I was afraid of losing... My new chance. The chance you gave me when you pulled me out of Dreypa's Oubliette. I got attached to you then, even more than I could have been attached to anyone else... I wanted to remain a Jedi, but at the same time not miss the chance to get something new... Something unique in my 'old-new' life."
"And the relationship with me..."
"That's something unique... Plus — a princess should thank her prince. And how else should she thank him if not like this?"
"And I'd almost forgotten how much some Jedi women love pulp romance novels," I snorted.
"You may have heard this maxim more than once, but I'll tell you this: Jedi or not, I am a woman. No matter how much we shout that we don't feel attraction, emotions, no matter how much we shut ourselves off — it can't be changed. Though, this is also true for you. You could never refuse to have sex either... At least that way..."
"Well," I said thoughtfully. "Not with just anyone, but refusing something like that is stupid."
"See — you're a man, just as I'm a woman. In my opinion, and in yours, let's be honest, the Jedi make a very big mistake. The Order doesn't understand the sentients it undertakes to protect because... The Order's own members don't try to behave like sentients. How can we protect them if we don't understand their logic of action, denying what they value?"
"You're right about that," I noted, running my hand along the woman's cheek. "But you must understand, Celeste, that some things don't arise for no reason."
"Yes, I remember: 'don't get too attached'... Does that mean we can do anything in this context?"
"Depends on what you mean by anything. But I always considered this aspect only from the position that a 'Force bond' is needed, not just passion for the sake of passion."
"And you still dare to accuse me of loving pulp romance novels?" she asked mockingly. "A Force bond, Light, is precisely a manifestation of 'true love'... The kind described in those very novels. Heh-heh... And if you form a Force bond with another woman, what should I do? Step aside, or cut her down? And what about Jaro? You have a 'Master-Padawan' Force bond... Haven't you thought..."
"Never," I interrupted her. "And don't talk to me about same-sex relationships between men ever again. It's disgusting."
"So with women you have no problem... Ah, right... I saw what you had hidden on your computer in the 'special games' folder..."
"Celeste," I hissed.
"Alright, got it, got it. Can't joke around here... But you know, Light, seriously, I wouldn't want to share you with anyone... In the future. Though I know you, and you definitely wouldn't mind being with someone else too. And don't argue. Only your own mother knows you better than I do."
"Yeah, right now," I snorted. "I'll run off and gather a harem of every pretty girl I meet... Like some heroes from certain fiction. Don't talk nonsense. I've killed many beautiful women."
"You won't make every beautiful woman your enemy..."
"This isn't a matter on the agenda. And just drop the subject," I cut in. "Better prepare for the new mission."
"Mmm..." she said thoughtfully. "Listen, when we come out of hyperspace in the Koboh system and enter a new jump towards Ryloth — come back here. We'll prepare."