"Everyone, thanks to you, today was pretty fun! Well then... let's meet again tomorrow! Next time, we'll really start training for real... cough...!"
"You're not even feeling well, sir. Please don't push yourself too hard."
"Th-this is just a mild cold! A mere cold can't stop the man who'll command the universe..."
After that late-night comedy routine finally wrapped up, I left Momota behind as he desperately tried to explain himself to the kids and started wandering outside the school.
'...Whew. This is a mess.'
I had promised to visit Oma's dorm at dawn, so I needed to wait for a gap when the children weren't around. More than that, I needed time to think about how the hell I was supposed to save Momota.
'How do I stop Shuichi from saying, "Momota won!" and keep Harukawa from tearfully confessing to him twice?'
I drifted through the dark streets in a daze, but no sharp solution came to mind. Which made sense. His illness was basically an unavoidable checkmate.
In other words, if I wanted to do anything about Momota's disease... I'd need outside help, or help from the Mastermind.
But judging by the fact that Ikusaba had come here through "negotiation," the Mastermind was at minimum on equal footing with outside forces, if not outright superior. That meant outside help was a long shot.
And naturally, I couldn't count on help from the Mastermind either. [Book of the Dead] had already been used on me, so it couldn't be used again... and the odds of Momota being the Mastermind were vanishingly low.
'...Damn. If only I could somehow persuade Monokuma... wait. Monokuma? The Monokubs?'
I had been agonizing over it for a long while when that thought suddenly hit me, and I stopped in my tracks.
'What if I try buttering up the Monokubs?'
If that worked, I was fully prepared to sincerely apologize for calling them the Boringkubs all this time and start calling them the Hilariouskubs every single time they popped out.
'Wait. Now that I think about it, this might actually be possible...?'
Of the Monokubs still left, Monodam and Monotaro were both worth trying to persuade.
Maybe it was the butterfly effect, but Monodam was still alive, and if I handled him carefully, he felt like someone who might cooperate. And Monotaro's whole setting was that his memory was catastrophically bad, so there was a very real chance I could fool him with a well-placed lie.
'Yeah. Hope exists. I can't give up without even trying.'
Once I'd managed to piece together a plan with at least some chance of success, I finally relaxed a little and turned back to go meet up with Oma, when...
"H-hiiiiiiiiik!!"
"...Iruma?"
"Y-y-y-y-you, why are you here..."
"I was out doing some exercise with the kids for a bit... no, not exercise, just chatting. Why?"
"That prior engagement... that was it...?"
"...What?"
"Y-you bastard! Don't come any closer!!"
"......"
Judging by the situation, this idiot seemed to be high.
I knew because I'd messed with drugs briefly in my old world. You absolutely should never touch that stuff. Once you fall in, your life starts rotting away.
So when I'd found out Iruma was using drugs back when I was a teacher, I'd been horrified and forced her to straighten out... but now that her memories had reset, it looked like she'd gone right back to it.
'But are there even drugs here...?'
Well, during her self-introduction, Iruma had said that inhaling large amounts of certain chemicals could make you feel like you were on drugs... so maybe she'd been stockpiling medicine from the storage room and using it as a substitute.
"Hey. Where are you going right now?"
"I-I'm... going to the fourth floor... no, wait... the storage room..."
"The storage roooom?"
"W-what!? Why do you care if I'm going to the storage room!?"
"......"
No matter how I looked at it, as a teacher, this wasn't something I could just let slide. I was meeting Oma at dawn anyway... which meant I had more than enough time to chew Iruma out.
"You. Come with me."
"L-like hell! Don't screw with me!! I knew you'd pull something like this, so I made a self-defense electric stun gu—"
"...Ikusaba, Tojo, don't come out yet. This isn't turning violent."
"S-sorry..."
Iruma had half-drawn a pistol-shaped device that looked like a toy water gun from her clothes, but the moment the two of them silently fixed her with gleaming eyes from the distance, she shrank in on herself and lost all will to resist.
"...Then let's go to my research lab, no... actually, let's go to yours. I can check on Shirogane while we're at it. Would that make you feel better?"
"...W-what are you going to do to me?"
"What do you mean, what? Obviously, counseling..."
"Y-you're gonna rape me, aren't you? And after that you'll lock me up underground and train me for days and days... until you finally turn me into your woman, right!?"
"What kind of insane bullshit is that!?"
"I-if you're gonna do it... at least be gentle..."
"You crazy bitch!! If I did that, I'd get arrested!!"
Trying to calm down the trembling, shriveled-up Iruma only got me blasted point-blank by her obscene nonsense beam, and my sanity started to reel.
"If you were gonna get arrested, that would've happened back when you had a kid in middle school, you trashy bastard!"
"Shit, I'm actually twenty-three! A fully legal adult!"
"D-don't give me that crap! Anyone looking at you would think you're seventeen!!"
"That's because I look young!"
"Quit spewing bullshit, you manwhore!"
And so, after exchanging a truly humiliating barrage of insults for a while, Iruma and I eventually got tired at the exact same time and stopped arguing.
"Huff... huff... fine... I get it... I'll take the counseling..."
"Haa... haa... then you should've just said that from the start... why even bother fighting me on it..."
"Y-you just kept sticking to me all wet and clingy until I got conquered..."
"I'm begging you, can you please stop with the dirty talk?"
"Shut up! I don't wanna hear that from a guy who lets his dick do whatever the hell it wants!!"
"......"
It felt like if I said one more word here, I'd lose even the energy to do the counseling at all, so after that I clamped my mouth shut and entered Iruma's research lab with Ikusaba and Tojo stationed by the entrance.
.
.
.
.
.
"Wow... you stacked this many chemicals in your drawer?"
"W-why are you..."
"You're seriously asking? This is confiscated. That's how it is."
"W-wait a sec..."
"There's something suspicious here."
"T-there are inventions stored in there..."
"Found them. Around twenty bottles."
"Ah... ahhh..."
Once we entered Iruma's research lab, the very first thing we did was start a full search and seizure.
Iruma had hidden bottles all over the place, so Tojo and I managed to uncover quite a lot ourselves, but the one who truly shined was Ikusaba.
"Sniff sniff... I smell something here..."
"N-not there, that's the floor...!"
"...So there was a basement in a place like this."
"Shit... what are you, some kind of drug-sniffing dog...?"
Because of Ikusaba, who crawled around Iruma's research lab sniffing out hidden stashes of chemicals, we managed to eradicate the drugs within ten minutes of entering the room.
"I'm... done for now... maybe I should just kill myself..."
"Iruma, get a grip."
"No... I wanna stay like this... just leave me alone..."
Iruma stared blankly for a moment, then slumped limply into a chair with the expression of someone who had attained enlightenment and muttered gloomily.
"Shit... it was already suffocating enough being trapped in here... if I don't even have the drugs anymore, what am I supposed to use to feel pleasure now..."
"...Do you absolutely need pleasure?"
"S-stay back!! Don't train me!! Don't conquer me!!"
"No... that was a question... I was asking you..."
"I-isn't that how you seduced women? M-maybe the girls standing on either side of you fell for that cheap act, but it won't work on the genius Iruma Miu-sama and her golden brain cells at all—"
"Hm? I feel like I've seen that thing somewhere before..."
"...Kyaaaah!!!"
Iruma had been glaring at me warily, but the moment I looked at a machine on the desk with puzzled eyes, she suddenly freaked out, snatched it up, and hid it behind her back.
"...What's that?"
"Th-this is... well..."
"Ikusaba, take tha—"
"S-shit!! It's a dildo! It's a dildo, okay!?"
"......"
"The crystallization of high technology, complete with vibration mode, textured protrusions... and even a discharge function..."
"...I won't look, so just hide it already..."
When I said that in the voice of a man who had transcended earthly suffering, Iruma hurriedly shoved the dildo(?) into a drawer.
'But... for a dildo, it looked kind of rectangular... am I imagining things?'
I spent a brief moment wondering about the dildo, then immediately got hit by a wave of self-loathing at the realization that I was imagining Iruma's dildo in the first place, so I violently shook the thought out of my head and walked over to her.
"H-hngh... hnghh... the drugs... the withdrawal..."
Iruma had suddenly started trembling violently.
"A-a sedative... I need a sedative..."
Dripping cold sweat, Iruma pulled a syringe from the drawer and tried to inject herself in the arm, but her hand was shaking so badly that she dropped it.
"Hah... hahhh... hahhhh..."
After dropping the syringe, Iruma collapsed to the floor. A moment later, she started struggling to breathe and looked up at me with desperate, pleading eyes.
"S-save... save me..."
"...Good grief."
I let out a brief sigh, picked up the syringe from the floor, and injected it into her arm.
"Th-thank... no, but why are you helping meee..."
"Hey. Never do drugs again. I told you before, but I know because I've tried them... if you keep this up, something seriously bad will happen. Got it?"
"O-okay..."
Iruma answered weakly, then promptly lost consciousness and collapsed.
"...What the hell? Don't tell me she's dead?"
"...Looks like the sedative kicked in."
"Ikusaba, do sedatives normally work that fast?"
"No. I've used them a few times in war, so I know. It usually takes a while for the drug to take effect. Most likely... that idiot inventor modified it so the sedative would hit her system faster, since she was planning to use drugs."
"...Iruma, don't tell me you could invent pharmaceuticals too."
I'd been underestimating Iruma this whole time, but I guess an Ultimate really was an Ultimate. Then again, looking at the inventions she made in the original story, something like medicine might be child's play to her...
'Wait. If Iruma can make medicine that cures Momota's disease...?'
It looked like I'd just found one more possible way to save Momota.
"...I don't think she'll be waking up for a while."
"Yeah. Then... let's head out."
Resolving to ask her first thing tomorrow morning to develop a drug that could cure Momota's illness, I headed for the entrance of the research lab to keep my promise with Oma.
"Please save me!!!"
"W-what the—!?"
Out of nowhere, a thin, pitiful scream rang out from somewhere nearby. What now?
"I-I'm just an innocent civilian who attended a cosplay event...! Men in suits kidnapped me, and when I woke up, I was trapped here!!"
"Shirogane...?"
When I turned my head, I saw Shirogane, who had been unconscious inside what looked like a prison cell, now awake and shouting at us with desperate eyes.
"This place is hell! A bunch of lunatics keep running around talking about being 'Ultimates,' and some blonde woman grabbed me and did horrible experiments on me... w-wait, what? It was you people? You're with those psychos, aren't you!?"
"...Let's go."
"Yeah."
"Understood."
"W-wait! I'm sorry for saying you were with them! Please help me!! Please!!!"
Leaving behind the screams of Shirogane, once the former team leader of Team Danganronpa, we exited Iruma's research lab and headed back toward the dorms.
.
.
.
.
.
"Nishishi... so what exactly were you doing with Iruma this late at night, K?"
"How the hell do you even know that... haaah, forget it. I'm done asking."
"K sure has it nice! I wanna be as popular as you are someday!"
"...That's a lie, obviously, right?"
"Yep! I don't wanna become a pervert like K!"
After leaving Ikusaba and Tojo waiting at the dorm entrance, I met Oma alone, and for the past several minutes I'd been stuck serving as the conversational chew toy for this damned gremlin.
"Come to think of it, don't those two standing outside ever sleep? You do pay overtime, right? DICE always pays overtime properly..."
"...You're not even trying to hide it anymore?"
"What's the point of hiding anything in front of the great Ultimate Prophet who knows everything? Nishishi..."
If this pointless small talk went on any longer, I felt like my mind would actually snap, so I cut him off and threw out a question.
"Besides prophecy, do you have any other superpowers? Like shooting beams from your eyes... turning invisible... or maybe—"
"Let's get to the point already. What are you actually trying to say?"
"Ah, just wait a second! The Mastermind's side should be catching on right about now!"
I had no idea what Oma was talking about and was staring at him in confusion when Monodam suddenly popped into the middle of the room, glared at us with wary eyes, and began to speak.
"Abnormal phenomenon... detected... you two... what did you... gggk! Gggggk!!"
Then Monodam abruptly twisted his whole body and started rolling around on the floor.
"W-what the hell? What's wrong with him?"
"Nishishi... honestly, I thought he'd stop functioning the instant he appeared... guess the Monokubs really were built with some pretty high-end technology!"
"Wait... don't tell me you...?"
"Yep. Since you already know everything anyway, I guess it doesn't matter if I tell you! I just activated one of the miniature EMP bombs Iruma made for me!"
I hadn't been able to imagine how he planned to discuss a strategy for crushing the Mastermind while avoiding the Mastermind's surveillance, but I never expected him to set off an EMP bomb. Wasn't that way too extreme?
"What are you gonna do if the Mastermind marks you for this?"
"Nishishi... even then, I bet I'd still be less marked than you are, K."
"...Ah."
"And if my guess is right, even if the Mastermind knows this bomb exists, they won't intervene directly! Right?"
"...."
"Hey, why are you making that face when you supposedly know everything? Don't tell me you're testing me right now?"
"...Forget that. What are we doing about him?"
"Who knows...? Maybe just leaving him like that is one option."
Even while we were talking, Monodam kept screaming and writhing on the floor.
"System! System error! Damage! Critical damage!! Attempting recovery... recovery... recovery impossible!"
"If he breaks down like that... would that count as violating the school regulations...? Ah, no. The rules only prohibited violence against 'Monokuma.'"
"...Exactly! So there's nothing to worry about. We can just quietly sit back and watch him break—"
"Everything... everything... is connected..."
"Huh?"
Monodam, who had been babbling and thrashing around, suddenly calmed down and began speaking in a strained but distinct voice.
"Confirming the elimination of Shirogane Tsumugi... confirming the elimination of Shirogane Tsumugi..."
"W-what is this?"
"You know everything, and even you're panicking... looks like something pretty interesting just happened!"
"...Confirming the elimination of Hoshi Ryoma... connecting to the ringleader selection system... automatically searching for the next ringleader..."
"The ringleader... selection system...?"
"Nishishi... it really was something interesting!!"
I was thrown into confusion by the sudden turn of events, while Oma looked thoroughly entertained. Meanwhile, Monodam continued speaking from where he lay on the floor.
"Confirming the next ringleader... the next... ringleader is..."
Monodam struggled for a long time to force the words out. Then, wringing out the last of his strength, he spat out his final line—before sparks burst from his entire body and he broke apart.
"...Momota Kaito."