I am nothing.
I shall never be anything.
I cannot even will myself to be anything.
And yet, within me, dwell all the dreams of the world.
***
Silence gathered, and time stilled across the Ashen Barrow.
Death.
Death, once again.
Zachary had only felt it once since arriving in this world — at Dahrio's hands, when he had accepted with resignation that he would not return from the Nightmare. But this time, it was different. Compared to that first desolation, he had never experienced such...
Such finality.
What a joke it is: no matter how much one dances, cries, and laughs, death always arrives at the end. It's almost ironic — we know that from the day we are born: our days are numbered, and we decide to ignore it. We grow blind to that harsh truth, not in pursuit of life, but out of avoidance of that fear.
The fear that death is the endpoint of all things, and that we're just waiting in line for it to claim us.
Ernest Becker already said it, 'That is the terror: to have emerged from nothing, to have a Name, consciousness of one self, deep inner feelings, an excruciating longing for life and self-expression — and with all this yet to die. It seems like a scam... What kind of god would create such a complex and fancy food for worms?'
Zachary remembered reading about this Greek philosopher...
What was his name again? His mind was clouded; he couldn't remember exactly. Anyway, he had said that the thought of death is irrelevant to us — we shouldn't fear it. After all: when we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are no more. It is true in hindsight, perhaps, but it isn't true in the moment.
The process of dying is terrifying in itself, yes. But the most important thing is that with death, being no more marks the cessation of existence; everything we have achieved reaches its end.
And yet... this thought shouldn't be taken in lamentation.
Memento Mori.
"Remember that you will die." We have to know — not fear — know, that one day we're going to die. And there's nothing wrong with that. Death gives meaning to the life we leave behind; it is the possibility of the impossibility of any existence at all.
Heidegger mentioned it: we are "beings-towards-death" (Sein-zum-Tode). The awareness of our fated death should invite us to live authentically. At the same time, death individualizes us — it makes our existence uniquely our own, because no one else can die for us. So we must live.
Memento vivere.
As you know you're going to die, don't forget to live. Do not remain trapped in finitude — shed that fear. Only once you have lost everything are you free to do anything. The present is ours, and we must live, create, dance, and fight. Let's make our time in this world worthy enough; let's do enough so that whatever we leave behind carries our will after our eyes close.
Go onward unto death, Zachary! Become the nail in your own coffin!
"Ahhhh…" Zachary exhaled tiredly. His breath carried the stench of death; he didn't have much time left. He tried to turn his head toward the gaping wound in his stomach, but he couldn't move. In fact, he realized with a cold clarity, he couldn't move any part of his body.
Finally, his eyes regained focus.
The world had come to a standstill. The Forgotten Shore lay bathed in an unnatural tint of grey. He understood immediately: at death's door, searching for an answer, his Mind had accelerated beyond what his Body could follow. Fortunately, Cinder Eyes allowed him to perceive everything around him.
In the distance, Nephis was running toward him — his stomach wound… and the Demon's scythe still piercing through it.
Speaking of the Demon, Zachary didn't know if it was because of the distance, the strange closeness between them, or maybe their mutual hatred, but he was able to feel a little of what the creature was feeling right now.
Joy.
The damn bastard was actually feeling joy. Makes sense, if you think about it — in its eyes, it must believe it has finally gotten rid of its worst enemy.
But that raises a question… Are Nightmare Creatures really capable of feeling joy? Or was this just some sick coincidence born from Zachary's Attribute interacting with this particular Demon that was being controlled?
Zachary forced his Mind back to what mattered most. He couldn't allow himself to wander — not now. The most pressing concern was his wound. By some sick twist of luck, the scythe had barely missed his spine… but the end was near. A wound like this wasn't something one could simply walk away from.
And yet, Zachary refused to go down. Not for some grand purpose. Not for the promises he carried in his heart. But out of sheer desperation — how could he go through so much shit, fight to remain himself, survive the Nightmare, his damned Flaw, and the first stretch of the Forgotten Shore, only to throw in the towel here? To this… Demon?
No. It wasn't over yet.
Clenching his teeth and steeling his resolve, Zachary accelerated his Mind further, searching for anything — an answer, a thread, a straw he could cling to. And in that desperation, he found it.
Not a miraculous epiphany, but a feeling — a promise of something more.
Unity.
With his accelerated Mind and the hypersensitivity of his Body, he finally put a name to it — the missing piece in his Balance. That nagging feeling at the back of his head, that itch at the farthest edge of his existence, the source of that dissonance… it was none other than himself.
At death's door, in the requiem of his existence, when everything he had fought for was being denied, he finally found the answer. With bloody lips and a low chuckle, Zachary muttered to the skies above:
"I alone Am under the heavens." (天下之下,唯我自存)
This was not a declaration of power, nor an egotistical mantra, nor a statement born of pride or confidence in his own sovereignty. It was a humble truth. He wasn't claiming that his existence stood above the heavens, among the gods — he simply recognized his place within creation. Zachary existed as himself — not as fragments, but as a whole.
He was not his Soul; he was not his Body; nor his Mind. He was simply Zachary — Zachary, born from the sum of all his parts.
From the very beginning, he had gotten everything wrong. That was where the feeling of Unbalance came from. Unconsciously, he had been forcing himself to remain separated. But now, he had reached it — Unity. The harmony between his Mind, Body, and Soul.
The self is not any one part, but the seamless whole. His existence justifies itself by simply being what it is — himself. Just Zachary.
Only when Zachary voluntarily assumed the responsibility of being himself could he finally claim it — the Unity needed to reach one hundred percent of his Balance… and take it to new heights.
In fact, this realization was one he had carried within him all along. How many martial arts novels and webtoons had he read where the protagonist reached the same conclusion? But now he could feel it, Balance Control was stirring, finally being complete, and Zachary understood what had been wrong from the beginning.
Unity allowed him to use a hundred percent of his Balance at any time. This was something he should have discovered from the very beginning. But things had gone wrong — just like with his Flaw. His Soul had grown suddenly, and not even his Aspect Ability had been able to keep up. Thus, this Unbalance had come to be — a natural consequence, yet also a means to solve his situation.
And through it, Zachary discovered a secret of his Ability, something that should have normally taken him a great deal of time and effort to uncover.
Once a golden ratio was established between his Body, Mind, and Soul, Unity would push his Balance even further. Now, Zachary was able to exert [120%] of his power.
He could have stopped there — this realization alone was enough. But he could feel it. He was standing at the gates of something greater. 'Ahh, I see. So this is what it's all about, huh?'
'We can have the same answer, but the process of reaching it is solely our own responsibility. Making that answer our own is an arduous task — one not everyone can achieve.' Zachary could feel strength returning to his Body. Time itself began to move again. 'In the end, the destination is less important than the road. We must pave our own path toward it — creating our True Path through experience, knowledge, and…'
"Hoh… so this is it, right? Enlightenment. The True Path of our life."
He had reached it — the answer long forgotten in this cursed world. With a warm heart, this Noble Truth nested and flourished deep inside him. And with it, something that had always been there finally bloomed.
[You have attained an Attribute.]
Zachary didn't pay attention to the Spell's words. Instead, with a reignited Soul, he clenched Ender's Solace as time began to flow once again. Blood splashed as he gripped his sword, and twisting it, he plunged the blade into his abdomen — severing the remaining flesh and freeing himself from the Demon's scythe.
Zachary fell. For a moment, he nearly lost his balance — but he remained standing, refusing to kneel before this creature.
'Fuck, how uncomfortable it is to move with a hole in my stomach.'
He was completely underestimating the seriousness of his situation. With his core muscles torn apart, he shouldn't even have been able to stand. Yet, relying on the strength of his back alone, he forced himself upright, raised his sword, and pointed it at the Demon.
"Who the hell do you think I am?!" Zachary roared, then burst into thunderous laughter. He was ecstatic — euphoric, even — but he didn't let it cloud his judgment. He didn't have much time.
In front of him, the Demon brandished its scythe with hate and fury, intent on finishing the job once and for all. Time slowed. His enlightened Mind worked in tandem with Cinder Eyes, sharpening his perception beyond measure.
He was fully aware of their situation.
Nephis was running toward him — she would reach him in the next thirty seconds.
He would probably bleed out in twenty.
And long before that, the Demon's scythe would cleave him in half — in one.
And even sooner… Zachary steeled his will to reap death upon this damned bastard before him.
Zachary moved. He deflected the scythe, diving beneath it. With his newfound Unity and one hundred and twenty percent Balance, he could now do far more.
[19:13]
The Demon was enraged to see the Blasphemer fighting back. But now things were different. Compared to their previous exchange, Zachary was pressing forward. Blood streamed from his lips as he weaved beneath the pincers, and with a swift, decisive motion, he severed the upper part cleanly.
[16:11]
Zachary had entered the Zone. Reading the Attack Lines, he wove between them and struck whenever the opportunity arose. The state of Flow allowed him to channel his newly achieved Unity with instinctive mastery.
[14:07]
Yet, it still wasn't enough. He was barely able to keep up with the wounded Demon. Had he been in better shape, he might have turned this into a battle of attrition and won — but he didn't have the time. He lacked the decisive potency to end it once and for all.
[12:05]
Fortunately, Zachary knew exactly where to draw that missing strength from.
[12:00]
Zachary had long tried to command his Soul. According to the description of his Aspect Ability, he should have been able to control that part of himself. But the truth was — there had been no Soul to command.
Despite his Ability, despite all his experiences, his Soul had remained Dormant. And as such, it remained unresponsive. Repeating the same action while expecting a different result was a Fool's endeavor… But foolish endeavors had always been Zachary's signature move.
He could feel it — from now on, things were going to be different.
[10:46]
Zachary began to resonate with his Body and Mind, and through their Unity, he drew forth his Soul. It shouldn't have worked. What he was doing was an unorthodox method of control — and yet… it worked.
[08:33]
His body ignited, and warmth began to flow through his veins, bringing newfound strength to his being. It was such a foreign feeling, yet… it felt as if this was something he should have had from the very beginning — a rightful piece finally returning to the greater whole.
[05:20]
Zachary jumped into action immediately. The essence coursed through his veins with sharpness and precision, like a well-oiled machine. He pushed forward, step by step, forcing the Demon to give ground.
He was going to end it now. The determination to bring this creature down was the only thought left in his mind. With a nimbleness his mangled body shouldn't have possessed, he dodged the pincer's Attack Line and, using the same momentum, twisted his sword upward, severing the Demon's appendage.
[04:13]
Suddenly, a faint glow began to coat the edge of Ender's Solace. The blade felt sharper, more resolute — it shared his wielder's desire for finality. Using the severed pincer as a foothold, Zachary steadied his legs and leapt forward.
[03:02]
Zachary's senses flared; Cinder Eyes screamed in warning. An attack was coming — the Demon's final act of defiance. But he ignored it. Zachary was certain his strike would land first, and his would bring finality.
A breath later, Ender's Solace found its rightful place in the Demon's heart — the same old wound it had never managed to heal, the one Nephis had once struck. The Demon trembled in agony, its attack cut short by fatal spasms.
And finally… it was dead.
[You have killed an Awakened Demon, Carapace Praetor.]
The Spell whispered to him, and beyond its mocking tone, another voice called — faint, distant, screaming his name. But Zachary could no longer hear it. The only sound that reached him was the loud ringing in his ears.
The Soul flowing through his body granted him a few more fleeting moments of vitality. But that was all — the wound was still fatal. His legs weakened, and cold tremors coursed through his body. Yet… he refused to fall. So he stood there, ready for—
Suddenly, he felt a pair of warm hands touch his back.
With a calm smile, Zachary finally fell into unconsciousness.