Wait, wait, wait- a long wait... And two months have passed...
Finally, it's July 1, 2008, and the school reopens.
Finally, I can see him... These two months felt like 2000 years to me... For the first time in my life, I hate summer vacation... but now I am happy. At least I can see him daily after school...
July 01, 2008
Then, finally, after school, I saw him, but this time it was raining heavily. He was smiling and playing in the rain with his friends...and in that moment, all my pain and worries vanished in a second, when I saw him enjoying the rain, I was only wishing, " O God, please, I want to see his happy face always in my life.
I think I love his smile more than him. I don't know-maybe I am just madly in love with a boy, but I didn't know his name. From his height, it seems he is my senior, and even his cute puppy face makes him look like a baby...But I really want to know his name this time!!!
And finally, I took the biggest step towards him my heart skipped a beat but still I moved forward toward him just to say hi
Suddenly one of his friends shouted his name 'Daksh'
Hey Daksh come here!!! And I was standing near him but he just crossed my path and went to his friend and they started playing in the mud in heavy rain and all I was doing was staring at him while he was playing... but he didn't notice me!!
My bad luck may be!!! Maybe next time!! But I am happy at least now I know his name 'Daksh' what a cute name!!! 'Daksh' whole night I was thinking and pronouncing his name again and again!!!
02 July, 2008
The next day in school, I saw him outside of my class roaming in the corridor so l asked my teacher for the washroom and I followed him, he was blunking his class and I started following him from a distance to see his class I really want to know his class i am sure he is in XII standard and then he suddenly went inside Class X he was in X class!!! Fuck he is my junior Fuck!!!
He is in XA and my brother is in XB like seriously, I have had a crush on a junior student for 3-4 months!!! I want to dieeeeeee Fuck! Fuck!! Fuck!!!
That day I didn't have my lunch and the whole day I was thinking about him... Can I have an undo button in life....l know he is younger than me he is my junior still I am not able to suppress my feeling now i am falling more and more for him!!! What to do!
Samless me again came to see him after school....l cannot control my heart anymore.... the whole day in school I was thinking I will not go today to see him, I will not go but again I am here even after knowing everything about him...
But he was not there the weather was clear so l thought maybe today he went early and I was very hungry, I didn't have lunch so I thought to buy a chips packet that he usually used to buy
I went to the shop and suddenly he came he was also buying the same chips and then the shopkeeper said to me," I have no change of 500 rupees. Buy some more items for at least 20 rupees and I reply, I only need 1 packet suddenly Daksh says to the shopkeeper no issue, I will pay for her chips too it only costs 5 rupees, and he gives 10 rupees to the shopkeeper and goes to his friends i have no time to say thanks i really want to thank him
For the first time, I have listened to his voice and seen his Adam's apple from very close his skin his hair his bracelet and a ring in 2 minutes i was just looking at him while he was talking to the shopkeeper
I don't eat these chip packets even if I was hungry it was the first thing he had given to me...l washed that packet and kept it in my room...l really don't know what to do next...my feelings are messed up... I am crying
03 July, 2008
This time I have a change in my pocket so l can buy a packet of chips for him and after school I was waiting for him, maybe this time I can say hello to him...
After waiting for almost 20 minutes he came out of school most of his friends were already gone, and then I saw him with a girl...she was really very pretty even in that school dress. They were both having some conversation and laughing and again he crossed the path and didn't notice me, not even for a second...
I thought I was special to him, that's why he bought a packet of chips for me but nothing like that!! He was just helping me... Humanity maybe I was so stupid that I thought like that, I mean look at him he is so perfect, I guess any girl can fall for him, then why will he choose me!!!
Maybe I should quit this feeling....l am not good enough for him...
I really wish I could have made that decision that time...if I had quit or stopped myself from loving him...l would be a better person now....my life would be totally different...what it is today…..why ?? Why?????????
I love him so much ...
I will never forget the date July 03, 2008, because I saw something in the evening on 03 July that changed everything...and my love for him will change? Or it will destroy me Forever!!!