"Erase her memory? No... even if I did, her soul would find a way to knock on Hell's door with a Ouija board just to stalk Tyler's profile."
"Prepare yourselves!" Astaroth roared, raising his staff. The molten gold light in his eyes was as bright as a volcanic eruption. "We are sending this girl back. But first... check the account of this 'Tyler' person. If he really cheated, I will personally bring him here, to the special room where Madison will give her presentation!"
Madison clapped her hands. "Asti, you're the best! But if Tyler comes, please don't show him this stained t-shirt. He'll think 'She still hasn't moved on' and get all cocky, the jerk."
Suddenly, the room filled with a light so blindingly luxurious that Madison thought Tyler had finally "seen the light" or her phone flash had gone off. But no, this was something much more high-end.
In the middle of the sulfur-scented, smoky, "Early-Skeleton" themed decor of Hell, a figure descended in a perfectly pressed, snow-white suit, looking like he stepped straight out of a toothpaste commercial. Archangel Gabriel, a.k.a. the "PR Manager of Upstairs," was there in all his glory. His wings were so radiant that Madison's cheap highlighter looked like a dim candle beside them.
"What is happening here?" Gabriel thundered. Unlike Astaroth's dark bass-baritone, his voice echoed like diamonds falling into crystal glasses. "Astaroth! You are violating boundaries. What is a mortal with breath still in her lungs doing in these levels? We have a Red Alert in the 'Department of Fate and Records'!"
"Honey, Wait a Sec, We're Talking About Something Important Here!"
Meanwhile, Madison was crouched next to a massive, muscular demon who had recently resigned from Lilith's army, his horns drooping sadly. She was showing him something on her phone.
"Look, sweetie, I know Lilith dumped you," Madison said, waving off Gabriel's divine light with a 'one-minute' gesture. "What she did to you is total ghosting. First, she love-bombed you, saying 'You're my right hand, the most handsome legionnaire in Hell,' and then poof! Gone! Now, what you need to do is a rebound relationship. You need to act like you're seeing a cute little succubus and pop up in her algorithm. Jealousy is food for the soul, darling, not just for Hell!"
The demon, holding Madison's phone with his clawed hands, sighed. "So... should I go and check the profile of every demon who liked this post?"
Gabriel narrowed his sky-blue eyes. A bolt of lightning flashed within them. "Astaroth... Is this girl currently teaching manipulation tactics to a demon? To Lilith's ex-boyfriend?"
Astaroth dropped his staff as if admitting defeat. "Do you think I'm doing this on purpose, Gabriel? I've tried everything to send her back, but when I tried to erase her memory, she negotiated, saying 'I won't go unless you delete Tyler's number too.' She's explaining the concept of 'gaslighting' to my men. Last night, three demons hugged the sinner they were supposed to be tormenting and cried, saying 'The reason I treat you like this is my attachment issues!'"
Gabriel took a step toward Madison. As his flawless aura approached her 'Ex-Boyfriend's Tears' stained t-shirt, something changed. Normally, a mortal would fall to their knees in repentance before this light, but Madison just stared at Gabriel's shoes.
"Oh my god, I love these! Are they real leather? Or some divine material?" Madison said, trying to straighten Gabriel's collar. "Also, the cut of this suit is great, but an 'oversize' look would suit you better. You look so tense. You're definitely a workaholic. Did your girlfriend dump you too because she 'needed space'?"
Gabriel froze. His authoritative expression wavered. As he looked into the depths of Madison's eyes, he saw not just a 'stalker' or an 'cringey' but a very familiar piece of the most ancient and dangerous energy in the universe.
Gabriel's hand hung in mid-air. He turned to Astaroth, his voice now a whisper, but cold as ice.
"Astaroth... This girl... is no ordinary mortal. In the fabric of her soul, there is the glow of that ancient 'Conspiracy and Chaos' exiled thousands of years ago. Is she... Is she really HER?"
Madison, ignoring Gabriel's serious tone, pulled out her phone. "Asti, Gabriel... Stand next to each other so I can take a selfie. I'm going to post a story: 'Stuck between Heaven and Hell (Literally).' Tyler is going to lose his mind when he sees this!"
Gabriel's porcelain skin turned a grayish hue as he realized the blackened texture within Madison's soul.
"Astaroth..." Gabriel said, his voice no longer like crystal, but like shards of broken glass. "This girl's soul bears the soot stains of ten thousand years. She is not just a mortal; she is the Ancient Witch that the Inquisition turned to ash every single time—only for her to return, angrier, every single time!"