This way, all one has to worry about is grades and what their youth will become, instead of facing heavy workloads every day, unpleasant colleagues, overbearing superiors, performance pressure, endless loans, a spouse's complaints, and children's tuition fees.
"I write light novels. I want readers to feel relaxed and happy when reading them—not like they're reading survival records of corporate drones. That's why I choose high school students as the subjects of my stories. Is there a problem with that, Yukinoshita-san?"
The activity room fell silent. Yukinoshita Yukino repeatedly clenched and relaxed her fists.
Ishikawa Hikaru watched the reactions of Yukinoshita Yukino and Hikigaya Hachiman with great interest. A moment later, he saw exactly the response he had expected.
After a moment of serious thought, Hikigaya raised an eyebrow.
"Is that your declaration of a perfect crime? When you're indicted, I'll submit that statement as evidence."
Ishikawa froze, then turned pale.
"Hachiman—you bastard! Are you trying to ruin my perfect crime?!"
"Is that even a perfect crime? Stop insulting the phrase 'perfect crime.' Go watch Conan and learn something."
"Fine," Ishikawa said with a sinister grin. "Once I finish watching Conan, I'll use a perfect crime technique from it to kill you."
"Get a grip," Hikigaya said dryly. "Detective Conan isn't scientific enough to create a real perfect crime."
"I strongly disagree," Ishikawa shot back. "Are you saying the Nine Dragon Balls from The Legend of Kenyu and the Dragon Balls don't exist either?"
"Those aren't even from the same series!"
Yukinoshita watched the two boys argue red-faced about anime logic. Suddenly, arguing with them about such trivial matters felt pointless. She simply sat down again, reopened her book, and began reading while they continued their childish quarrel.
---
6. So, Will the Problem Child Cosplay Dragon Ball?
At 3:47 PM, Ishikawa Hikaru and Hikigaya Hachiman erupted into a heated argument in the clubroom.
Both of them were practically red in the face.
"Theoretically, Jotaro Kujo could learn Hamon from Joseph Joestar and use it during the Egypt arc to seriously injure Dio," Ishikawa argued. "Hamon is a manifestation of life energy that excels in physical combat, while Stands represent the spiritual realm. If Jotaro mastered Hamon, he could dominate Dio completely."
"Dio can also use Hamon, and vampires are strongest at night," Hikigaya countered. "Besides, Jotaro isn't necessarily a natural Hamon user like Joseph."
"Wrong," Ishikawa replied immediately. "Silver Chariot's strength comes from Polnareff himself, which proves that a Stand reflects its user's ability. If Jotaro trained his Hamon further, he could—"
Creak.
The sound of the clubroom door opening interrupted Ishikawa's explanation.
Everyone turned to the newcomer.
"S-Sorry to interrupt…"
A pink-haired girl stepped inside timidly.
"Hiratsuka-sensei sent me… Huh? Why are Ishikawa and Hachiman here?"
"You're Yuigahama Yui from Class 2-F, right?" Yukinoshita said.
She stood up, moved a chair beside her own seat, and gestured politely.
"Please sit down."
Yuigahama visibly relaxed.
"You know me?"
"After all," Hikigaya said, "she's memorized the names of every student in the school."
"I haven't," Yukinoshita replied with a faint smile. "In fact, I didn't even know someone like you existed."
"I see."
Hikigaya fell silent awkwardly.
Beside him, Ishikawa suddenly pulled out his phone.
"I smell lies."
"Ishikawa-kun," Yukinoshita said coldly, "if you have nothing better to do, you can leave."
"This must be Yuigahama-san, right?"
Ignoring Yukinoshita's irritation, Ishikawa turned on his phone's recording function and held it like a microphone.
"May I ask why Hiratsuka-sensei sent you to this club?"
"Ah… well…"
Yuigahama fidgeted.
"I wanted people to taste the cookies I made… but I'm not confident in my baking…"
"I see! Love cookies!"
"No! They're just thank-you cookies!"
Hikigaya added dryly, "Couldn't you just ask a friend for help?"
"I-I don't really want people to know… And the atmosphere here feels more serious than with my friends… Besides, Hiratsuka-sensei said this club grants students' wishes…"
"That's unfortunate," Ishikawa sighed dramatically. "If your wish were something like becoming five years younger or secretly growing five centimeters taller, we couldn't help. This club is basically a Dragon Ball cosplay group—it can only grant wishes like obtaining a beautiful girl's panties."
"Eh—?!" Yuigahama stammered.
"Please ignore these otaku," Yukinoshita said calmly. "Their minds have already drifted too far into the world of two-dimensional fantasy."
"Please don't lump me together with Ishikawa," Hikigaya protested. "At most I'm just an anime and light novel fan. Ishikawa is the one whose brain has been damaged by excessive otaku culture."
"In any case," Yukinoshita said, cutting them off, "you came here because you want to bake cookies that taste good, correct? Come with me. If we ask Hiratsuka-sensei to use the cooking classroom, we should be able to help you."
"Yukinoshita-san!" Yuigahama said gratefully. "You're so reliable!"
Ishikawa put away his phone with disappointment.
"A girl who can't even take care of herself wants to take care of others. How shameless."
"Ishikawa-kun," Yukinoshita said coldly, "are you hallucinating because of the stress of being a light novel author?"
Hikigaya immediately joined in.
"Yukinoshita-san, I actually agree with you. The moment he wrote a novel titled Transmigrating to Another World with a Smart Toilet, he qualified for a psychiatric certificate."
"The opinion of fools," Ishikawa said proudly.
"You mortals cannot understand the loneliness of a super genius. The gap between us is larger than the gap between Yamcha and Frieza. I've only revealed a tiny fraction of my power, yet you still can't catch up. You're like Raditz, suspecting your scouter is broken."
"Wow!" Yuigahama exclaimed, impressed despite not understanding anything. "Everyone here is so unique!"
"If I had a choice," Hikigaya muttered, "I'd already be home rotting peacefully."
"A hero must not flee the battlefield," Ishikawa declared, grabbing his shoulder.
"Do you know how much effort Hiratsuka-sensei put in for you? In half a day she introduced you to two beautiful girls, yet you want to go home and rot. As your best friend, I cannot allow that."
"Best friend?" Hikigaya said in horror. "Since when does that setting exist? And you're standing too close. Respect personal distance in Japanese society or I'll report you for harassment."
"Hoo-hoo! Then let me check whether you're developing normally!"
Yukinoshita felt accepting Hiratsuka-sensei's suggestion had been the worst mistake of her life.
"Just ignore them," she told Yuigahama, before leaving the clubroom.
Yuigahama glanced awkwardly at the two boys still wrestling and hurried after her.
---
7. So, Will the Problem Child Make Friends?
Home Economics Classroom
"I need to add five hundred milliliters of water… Oh no, I added too much… Then I'll add more flour…"
"Maybe some coffee… and sugar…"
Ishikawa suddenly chimed in.
"Should we add some Uranium-235 for flavor?"
"Ah, yes, Uranium-235…"
Yuigahama suddenly froze.
"Wait—what's Uranium-235? Is it a rare seasoning?"
Hikigaya replied dryly.
"Yes, it's a mineral extracted from rocks, just like ancient salt. Add it to any dish and no one will ever complain about the taste."
"Really?"
"That's nuclear weapon material," Yukinoshita said, pressing her hand to her forehead. "Uranium is radioactive. How could anyone think it's a seasoning?"
"I-I see…"
"Actually," Ishikawa said, examining the dough, "it would suit the cookies she's making perfectly. After all, they're basically lethal weapons already."
"T-That's rude!" Yuigahama protested.
"Not really," Hikigaya replied. "It's a very precise professional term."
"I-I mean… they might just taste bad… they shouldn't be lethal, right…?"
"Even if they are," Ishikawa said reassuringly, "Hachiman-sensei will be the taste tester."
"So if he dies, you'll have contributed greatly to society."
"Then my existence really is an apology to society," Hikigaya muttered.
"Don't belittle yourself," Ishikawa said kindly. "Even trash has uses. I heard China is building waste incineration power plants. You could work there—as fuel."
"How about you get your frontal lobe removed first," Hikigaya replied.
"If you two are going to continue this childish farce, leave," Yukinoshita snapped. "Yuigahama-san is here to learn how to bake cookies."
Yuigahama tried to calm things down.
"I actually think they're kind of interesting…"
"You too, Yuigahama-san," Yukinoshita said coldly. "Stop trying to please everyone. It's unpleasant to watch."
Yuigahama froze, gripping the dough nervously.
Ishikawa raised an eyebrow.
"That's a bit harsh. She may be clumsy, but she's not a bad person."
"Japanese society values superficial harmony too much," Yukinoshita replied sharply. "That's why bullying persists."
"If Yuigahama-san became a target of bullying, the harm would be far worse than my words."
"But you're assuming bullying will happen," Ishikawa said lightly. "If she makes true friends, why would that happen?"
"True friendship?" Yukinoshita scoffed. "High school students are immature."
"The pressure of society, the environment, and group mentality crush most people. Many students fear standing out and instead resort to gossip and subtle cruelty."
"But you can endure it," Ishikawa said.
"Because I am strong."
"Then the problem is already solved."
"What nonsense are you talking about?"
"If you're strong enough to fight bullying," Ishikawa said with a smile, giving her a thumbs-up, "then when Yuigahama seeks help from you, you'll protect her."
"So if she becomes friends with you, the possibility of bullying disappears."
"That's why I said the problem is solved."
"But we're not friends," Yukinoshita replied immediately. "And the Service Club teaches independence—not dependence."
"Then," Ishikawa said calmly,
"you might need to redefine what friendship means."