I gritted my teeth as I stared at my drawing.
I was in the middle of art class, and we were practicing drawing things based on observation.
It was 3rd period on Monday morning so I was only half alive.
And that moment, I was attempting to draw the pencil container in front of me.
'I have to start over. There's no fixing this. If I erase all of it, it'll be covered in lead marks.'
Resisting the urge to crumble up my paper and rip it to shreds, I raised my hand.
I was going to ask for a new paper.
Perhaps it was a dumb and immature thing to do.
After all, many famous and influential artists say that there are no mistakes in art or that you can fix things without starting anew.
But, in my opinion, sometimes things can't be fixed.
And that was okay.
So I got a new paper, and began again.
I wasn't giving up, just finding a better use of my energy.
That was what I thought.
**
"Why's the sky blue again?" I asked.
"Science," Tristan answered.
"So you don't know?"
"Nope."
Tristan and I walked laps in the gymnasium with our classmates.
It was now phys ed, my 4th period class.
And this was our usual routine.
As I talked with Tristan, a few thoughts came to mind.
Those thoughts caused a semi-solemn expression to appear on my face.
"Tristan," I called out.
"Yeah?" Tristan responded.
"Do you think…something might be going on with Soriel?" I asked.
Tristan shrugged.
"Probably. I won't get involved though," Tristan said.
"Obviously, you never get involved," I said casually.
"True," Tristan replied.
Soriel's slightly different demeanor hadn't changed, even though it had been almost a week.
Honestly, it was unsettling.
'Did I do something wrong? Maybe she's upset with me specifically?'
Quickly, I began to allow anxious thoughts to flow into my mind.
Before, I might've not had these doubts.
But after what happened with Aurora, I wasn't sure.
I didn't want someone else to leave me because of my inadequacy.
That would have been unbearable.
So as I walked, I considered every possibility I could. Every possibility that would allow me to continue being Soriel's friend.
I latched onto those possibilities.
I had to.
If I didn't, I was almost certain the whirlpool of self doubt I had built would consume me.
Then, there'd be nothing left.
Except regret.
**
In the school cafeteria, the four of us sat at our usual table. Tristan, Nishimoya, Soriel and I.
I ate a spoonful of my chicken and rice and chewed it.
After I swallowed, I spoke out.
"Nishimoya," I said.
Nishimoya made a curious expression.
"Yes?" Nishimoya responded.
"Is there anything your parents didn't force you to learn?" I asked.
Nishimoya took on an expression of deep thought and took a few seconds before answering.
"Romance…?" Nishimoya answered hesitantly.
I snapped my fingers and pointed towards Nishimoya's direction with an expression of realization.
"That makes a whole lot of sense," I said.
Soriel, who had been silent before, entered the conversation.
"So have you not read or watched anything about romance?" She asked.
"Nope. Not a single thing," Nishimoya replied.
I tilted my head to the side in curiosity.
"Is it because you aren't allowed to?" I asked.
"That's correct. I am not allowed to watch romance!" Nishimoya affirmed jokingly.
Soriel frowned.
"That's not good. Romance is amazing! Oh! I know. How about we binge a whole lot of romance movies and shows together once we're adults? That should be possible, right?" She suggested.
Nishimoya stared at Soriel for a few moments before nodding frantically.
"That sounds great!" Nishimoya agreed.
Soriel smiled.
Seeing this, I also smiled.
'She looks okay. I guess nothing is wrong after all. Everything is fine.'
I took the chance to reassure myself. And it almost worked.
Until, for just a split second, I saw the smile on Soriel's face falter.
**
The school bell rang, signaling the end of the school day.
I was in the social studies classroom so I got up from my seat, picked my bag, and left.
Of course, I said "have a good" day to Ms. Marvel like usual as I did.
That was just being polite.
Still, the second I left the classroom, my stomach twisted.
'The music room. If Soriel's there, I can talk to her about this. And get to the bottom of it. I won't have to worry pointlessly anymore.'
I hadn't asked Soriel about meeting up in the music room beforehand so I had no idea if she'd actually be there.
I just had to hope she was.
So, instead of going home, I walked in the direction of the music room.
It didn't take long to arrive. The social studies classroom wasn't far after all.
When I did, I took a deep breath and went inside.
The second I entered, I was met with the sound of the piano playing.
It was much different than her other songs. Much quieter. Much more erratic.
Like a dam that was about to break.
Not long after I entered inside, Soriel stopped playing and noticed my presence.
"Elliot?"
"Yo," I greeted.
"For some reason, I didn't expect you to come here today," Soriel said.
"That's weird. I didn't expect you to come here either," I replied.
Soriel hadn't played after school with me there ever since she started acting differently. She always had something to do.
Walking over to the piano, I noticed Soriel had scooted over to make space for me, so I sat down.
"Is something wrong, Elliot? You seem a bit different."
"That's actually what I wanted to ask you."
"What do you mean?"
I paused for a second, and then spoke again.
"Are you okay, Soriel?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm good," Soriel replied.
"Are you sure?" I asked again.
"Yes," she answered.
"You've been acting differently lately," I said.
"I have?" Soriel asked.
"Yeah. Are you really okay?
"Um yes, I'm fine," She answered again.
"Are you sure?" I asked once more.
I felt like an idiot to keep asking the same question over and over again.
Like I was just bothering her without reason.
Yet, I didn't stop.
Because deep inside, if there was a chance I could help Soriel out.
I wanted to.
"…Yes…" she answered again.
"You know you can talk to me if you need anything," I blurted out.
I felt sick.
The audacity I had. To say something like that Soriel.
I hadn't even known Soriel for that long.
She had no reason to trust me with anything about her feelings or thoughts.
I didn't deserve such trust.
I wouldn't have been able to help or improve anything anyway.
I knew that.
Even so, this time, Soriel let out a long sigh.
And spoke.
"I'm tired, Elliot."