After that time, our lives had gone separate ways. As I drove my car to the front gate of my house, I started remembering Samayra's words, "Will it really be okay, Dylan?"
In truth, I wasn't confident about how this would all turn out either.
But I had to make this right myself. I couldn't let the same thing happen again, like it had 5 years ago. I calmed my mind and parked the car. As I stepped inside the house, I saw Nathan's shoes by the front door. He was already home. My worry grew bigger and bigger as I walked through the hall.
I entered the living room and saw him watching TV. I forced myself to move toward him with fake confidence.
"Hey, how was your day?"
He asked me with a wide smile on his face. I was confused, caught between the urge to speak and the urge to stay silent. Before I could say anything, he asked me again.
"Did something happen to you?"
I forced a smile, trying to radiate happiness.
"No, it's nothing. It's just—just—"
"Oh, forget it! You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to come home. I wanted to tell you some great news."
He walked toward the kitchen, talking excitedly about his day at work.
"You know, Ms. Alicia was so impressed with my presentation today. Not only that, she told me she is thinking of putting my name forward for the new manager position."
I looked at him with a soft, aching gaze. Regret and fear began to claw at me as he spoke. Why? Why had I done that? Why hadn't I told him earlier? Why did all of this happen?
I tried to cut into the conversation to tell him everything, but he didn't give me a chance.
"You know, at first, I was thinking of making this a surprise by taking you out on a date. But then I thought, how about I cook your favorite meal today instead?"
"Listen, Nathan, I want to—"
"I know, I know, I'm not that much of a good chef, but just wait and it will be ready."
As he spoke, it felt like I was falling into a pit. Silence gripped me from everywhere until I couldn't hear anything but the rhythmic, mocking tick-tock of the wall clock. It was happening again. My feet became numb; my hands trembled with fear. My throat was parched. That was the moment that girl's voice started pouring into my ears again.
"We will be together, right? Nothing will go wrong, I will handle all the consequences. No, don't leave me... you loved me. You love me, that is the truth."
I snapped back into my senses and shouted.
"NO."
Nathan went silent. He looked at me as I walked toward the kitchen and twisted the gas knob to the 'off' position. I didn't turn around; I just stood there in front of the half-cooked food. The smell of searing spices filled the room, suddenly feeling suffocating.
Nathan asked me, "What happened?"
I turned to face him, looking him in the eyes with desperate confidence. I had to do this. I couldn't let my fear snap away my honesty.
But something was wrong. He was looking at me with a hard, serious gaze. This time, he asked in a strict manner.
"Dylan, tell me what happened?"
I gulped, but the words wouldn't come out. Please, am I really this big of a loser? Am I going to hide everything even after being this honest with myself?
"Dylan, I can see your hands trembling. I know you are hiding something. I can see it... the guilt in your eyes trying to say something to me. So tell me, what is it?"
Before I could speak, tears poured down my face. The trembling stopped. I was fully present now. I smiled through the tears, looking right at him.
"I am sorry. I cheated."
[At the same moment, Samayra is standing in front of Julia and says the same words to her.]
"I am sorry. I am sorry. I should have told you this sooner. I made a mistake, but please forgive me."
I spoke as I cried. The words didn't come out properly, but I still did what Dylan told me to do. I was so nervous I couldn't even look her in the eye. I tightened my fists. My legs were shaking.
"Huh, so you actually did it?"
"...."
"I knew that you were a bitch, but I never thought you could be this big of a fucker."
"..."
"You cheated on me, and you're telling me this after six months of doing it?"
I sniffed my watery nose and looked at her. The expression she gave me started breaking all my hopes of being forgiven. I still tried to speak, but the words were jumbled in my mouth.
"I—I know what I have done is not acceptable, but still... trust me. This won't happen again. I promise I will never talk to him again in my life."
She smirked, a devious smile crossing her face as if she had already predicted what I was going to say. She started laughing in a manic, cold manner—a sound that had always scared me to my bones.
"You know, everything about you was always a lie. This wolf's face behind the sheep's clothing... for how long have you been wearing this?"
"What?"
"Three years for the time we were together? Or should I say... since the first year of your college?"
She started saying the words I never wanted to hear. My body shook harder. My mind started to slip, and she kept going, revisiting the memories I hated most.
"You remember when we met, and I gave you hope? I told you that you weren't wrong and that you should accept yourself. I guess I was wrong. You really are the kind of person those boys used to call you."
I fell to my knees and begged her to stop. My crying was so loud that I couldn't even hear my own pleas. I was begging her not to say it. But it was too late.
"You are a SLUT."
As she said it, the memories flooded my vision. Everything went black, like I was floating in an ocean of darkness. Chalk-like outlines of people whose faces I couldn't remember floated around me. I forgot everything except for the insults.
I screamed with all my heart. I wanted to run away—that was the only thought in my mind. But everywhere I turned, I saw people gathering, whispering one thing.
Slut. Slut. Slut. Yeah, that's what she is. Don't you know she's a slut? Don't be with her, she's ruined. You don't know how hungry she is for dicks. I heard she did it with ten men at once.
"Stop it! Stop now, everybody! It's not true, please believe me! Believe me, I'm not that kind of person! Please listen to me!"
My legs hurt. I couldn't run to anyone anymore. It felt like my body was breaking. The only thing I could use to comfort myself were the words Dylan had said: "Everything will be okay. Trust me."
I snapped back into reality, but I still couldn't look into Julia's eyes or stand on my own feet. I just sat there like a dead corpse as Julia started crying.
"And I was the only one in love. I always thought living with you would be the best choice I ever made... I guess I was wrong."
"..."
"Thank you. Thank you for proving me wrong."
I clung to her feet, refusing to budge. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want her to go anywhere. I tried to swallow my sobs and whispered in a murmuring voice, "Please forgive me."
"Stand up."
I looked up at her from her knees. She was looking me in the eyes. I stood up as she told me to. She grabbed my face softly with both of her hands. She smiled and asked.
"You want me to forgive you, right?"
As she said it, my hope flared up again. My heart was aching, but I saw the chance Dylan had promised. Without a second thought, I nodded. "Yes."
"But what do you think will happen if I forgive you?"
I looked at her, confused.
"You know, you never accept it when it's your fault, and you never face the consequences. Have you ever thought why this always happens to you?"
"What do—do you—you mean?"
"I am telling you: You are pathetic."
My eyes widened and my heart raced.
"You had sex with me, which means you love girls. but now it turns out you had sex with a boy, which means you were attracted to him in some way. What will you call yourself, even if I forgave you? Tell me, are you even worthy of a relationship with anyone?"
Then, she leaned in and whispered in my ear.
"Never forget this: this is what you are. You are not a whore... you are way worse than that."
I froze as she said those things and walked away. I fell to my knees, and this time, not a single tear fell. I was completely broken inside. That's when I decided.
"Yes, that might be the correct thing to do."