My eyes opened after a nightmare. The room was dark, and the night was silent. There was no one besides me except half-dead bodies lying around.
"Hopelessness"
This was the only thing I could think of for them. Suffering was the only thing they could experience.
Some were lucky because they could not experience hopelessness. After all, they were basically just living corpses.
I looked through the window.
Some relatives of people might have been thinking that they wanted these people dead, some for their money or property, or some because they don't want their loved ones to suffer more.
I wish someone thought about me like that.
At least there is someone in the world who cares for them., prays for them , loves them.
Did anyone ever actually care about me? Or are they just sympathizing with me because I am pathetic?
I had done everything in my power to make everyone love me. I don't want to be hated.
Did I do anything wrong with those people whom I killed?
Didn't I cleanse this world by killing those who are corrupt? They should suffer, and the people who loved them too, despite knowing their loved ones are corrupt.
That lady died because of his husband's sins.
It is not my fault.
What should I do? What am I supposed to do?
I scratched my arms in silence.
Can it be that I was wrong?
No, I was right.
I did right by cleansing this world.
I cheered up and sat, despite the pain I felt.
The night was dark, very dark, but still the slightly glowing moon tried to calm me, but my senses overwhelmed me. The room wasn't all dark at all because of it. It was like it was the only thing that was kind to me.
It was visible from the window, but the grey smog made it difficult to see it.
The atmosphere was strange. I was wearing the dress I don't remember. I was at an unknown place at a supposedly unknown time except for this moon or the darkness; I couldn't talk to anyone.
I noticed something; a silhouette was sitting on a chair at some distance. The face was not visible, but the dress it wore was dark, and the way the silhouette looked, the person was probably male.
The silhouette rose and walked towards me.
"So, you woke up?"
He asked me—
"Are you good now? You suffered a minor heart attack."
I sighed in relief.
It was the doctor and not a killer sent for me.
But I don't know; maybe he is. I don't know. There is only one thing I can do, and that is trust my instincts.
I was given water.
I took the glass from his hand; my hands shivered from the possibility that he could be a killer.
"Sorry, I am not thirsty right now."
I must confirm it.
"Do rivers bleed because of you?" I asked.
"Huh? What does it mean?" he answered, confused.
He doesn't know it! Then there are three possibilities: either he is just a doctor, not a killer, or, second, he knows it, but he doesn't want me to know it and is here to assassinate me.
In "London Cleaner Company," every killer knows about this phrase. If he doesn't know about it, he might be a killer who is not associated with it. If he is a killer and hired by someone else, he might not tell me, but why would someone target me?
"If you don't eat or drink anything, you might die from weakness."
Why is he so kind to me? Can it be he is showing off his kindness to lure me into his trap and then kill me?
"Why are you so kind to me?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Huh? Isn't it a doctor's job to take care of patients?
I don't know, but if you tell me what happened and why you are so stressed, I might be able to help."
"You will help—you can't do anything," I yelled.
"Do you even know what I have been through? No, you don't. Do you even know what absolute humiliation is? What happens when you are thrown out by people from your own home? Why? Why? Just because of some money."
"This…is not justice." I grabbed my chest.
Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain inside my chest.
My breathing increased.
The doctor didn't flinch; he continued to stare at my soul and grabbed my back to give me support.
"Your heart needs rest."
Early the next morning, I stood up; the hospital was no longer silent.
The doctor came and greeted me.
"Good morning, mister."
"Good morning. "I couldn't see in his eyes; my soul didn't allow me to. "
He didn't kill me; if he wanted to, he could've killed me.
I couldn't trust anyone, but somehow, I felt kindness. Even though I did nothing to earn it.
A nurse came and served me food.
I didn't hesitate to eat it; my hands didn't shiver.
"You know what, mister? I thought about our conversation a lot, and I think that yes, your life was difficult, so what? Work harder so from this point your life gets better."
People care about me? I don't think so; even if I die, people will forget about me like I never existed, like Dad! Even though he was loved, he was forgotten. There is no one for me, so I am already forgotten.
I asked him to grant me leave; he told me to rest for a few days and that I should stay for a few days until he is alright, but my work called for me.
I put on my coat, took my hat, and walked out of the door.
In the corridor, the doctor stood; he didn't wear his old black dress with multiple blood stains.
I reached him.
"Did something happen, Doctor? Why are you wearing a white coat now?"
"Oh, you might not know, but there is a person named Louis Pasteur… but still, our hospitals have banned black dresses."
I didn't understand a bit; I think I am also stupid. What could I have said?
I started moving toward the exit of the hospital, and I turned back.
"This white coat looks good on you."
"Thanks, man. I hope we meet again and you don't come with another heart attack," he laughed.
I exited the hospital; it was still too early in the morning. The sun was not in sight, but the light was there.
Like usual, smog covered the whole of White Chapel; a small amount of light made it look almost like frosted glass in the whole air.
I don't know where I am going. Can I go back to the circus? No, I can't. What will I say that I forced the hospital to release me? I can't go there, I think—
Suddenly I saw a crowd standing.
A few people were standing there when I reached them.
"What happened here?" I asked.
"A murder. A young lady was killed by someone."
I ran in front of the crowd. My eyes widened. A lady was brutally strangled to death by a wire, which seemed to be a metal wire; her eyes were about to pop.
A lady was lying beside her who looked old and unconscious; there were cuts on her hands, and maybe she was hit so hard that she went unconscious. Maybe she was trying to save her.
A detective entered the crowd; an officer guided him.
"Come here, Sir Edward Huckel."
I saw something lying on the ground.
"tarot card?" An officer picked that card.
Can it be Ripper? Is he still killing people? That bastard, what does he think he is… I will execute him no matter what. Even if I die, I will make sure I come back and execute him. I will kill him so mercilessly that his soul will be scared to reincarnate.
Just wait for me, Ripper!
I don't know what is in my destiny or what my goal is, but I know one thing: I will not let anyone meet this fate again ever.