"The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk."
Inside the Smith household, the whole family was eating cereal and Jerry was being Jerry.
"That sounds like something to appear on a life hacks video right after they show you how to use liquid nitrogen for extra plates." Deadpanned Lorimer.
"Jerry, get a job." Said Beth calmly before turning to Lorimer. "Lorimer, that was cold."
"Ayyyy!" "Ayyy!" "Ayyy!"
Ayyy! Get it? Cause liquid nitrogen?...i just embarrassed myself didn't i- MOVING ON.
Beth, Rick and Lorimer pointed finger guns at each other with smiles on their faces. Interrupting their little joke, knocking on the front door was heard.
"Uh, w-why don't you get it, Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job." Said Rick with a smile.
Jerry sighed dejectedly and stood up to get the door. He opened it and instantly backed away as he saw a slob like robot thing called a Courier Flap, i don't know how to describe it, behind the door.
The...flap entered the house and flew towards the dining table before speaking.
"Delivery for Rick, Morty, Summer, Beth and Jerry."
"Gross, what is that thing?" Said Summer dropping her spon in shock and disgust.
"It's a Courier Flap, it's like the Intergalactic version of UPS but less off-putting." Said Rick calmly.
"Oh, sh*t." Said Lorimer his eyes widening as he remembered what today was.
"DAMN RIIIIGHT! It looks like an egg-vite from Birdperson! It must be time for his annual Oscar party. By the way, our TV signals take lightyears to reach his planet, nobody tell him that Braveheart wins." Said Rick cheerfully after pulling a metallic egg shaped object from the flap.
Rick's cheer was quickly thrown into the trash the moment he cracked the egg shaped object to reveal the message.
Birdperson was getting married to Tammy. A very very dangerous situation considering who Tammy really was.
"Oh my God! My friend Tammy's marrying Birdperson!" Exclaimed Summer in surprise.
"What the hell is a 'Birdperson'?" Asked Jerry in confusion.
"He's Rick's best friend." Clarified Morty calmly.
"So my sister's friend is marrying her grandpa's friend?" Said Lorimer feeling disgusted by what he just said.
"It sounds so wrong when you put it like that." Said Beth in disgust.
"Good." Deadpanned Rick. "l-l-let's not get carried away."
"Would you like to RSVP or send a gift?" Asked the courier flap.
"No, weddings are basically funerals with cake." Said Rick calmly. "If I wanted to watch someone throw their life away, I'd hang out with Jerry all day."
"Yup. Love is an empty emotion in this black hole we call life." Added Lorimer calmly.
"Was that a reference?" Asked Rick raising a brow.
"And someone's wedding vows." Added Lorimer calmly.
"Good one." Said Rick with a smile before noticing the Flap still in the house. "Why are you still here?"
"Affirmative. Returning to sender."
"No! Hold on, stay...'Courier Flaps.'" Said Beth causing the Flap to stop leaving and return to the dining room. Beth turned to Rick and spoke. "Dad, you have a friend that's getting married. That's a big deal."
Jerry scoffed. "It's a big deal he has a friend."
Really, Jerry? You're going that route?
"What do you know about friendship, Jerrrry?" Asked Rick with a frown.
Jerry couldn't reply before the flap started trying to put him inside its body.
"Confirm, shipping Jerry." Said the Flap before flying away very quickly.
As Beth and Summer panicked over what just happened, Lorimer groaned like he never groaned before.
"F*k"
This is gonna be a bloodbath...i think? I don't know, I'm just the narrator. I just get my script and read.
I'm gonna get fired, aren't i?
"Alright, season finale. How do we deal with this?" Lorimer said to himself as he was 'preparing' in his room. "DNA gun for sure. Maybe add bear arms in some way just to make a joke about the right to bear arms. What else?"
Lorimer looked throughout his room and drawers for something. He soon was able to find it under his bed.
"Birdperson, i think i should save him. Mostly because he's easier to take down before the robotic modifications." Said Lorimer calmly as he pulled out a box from under his bed. "So how do i deal with Tammy without having Birdperson want to end me?"
Lorimer pulled a sugar cube like object then turned to a hairy potted plant on his desk.
"Sorry, hairy potted, daddy needs some tranq darts because brainwashing and memory erasure never ended well for anybody." Said Lorimer as he snipped the plant's hair like tranquilizer with some scissors.
Lorimer grounded the hair to dust, added water and put the mix into darts.
"Lori! C'mon! Everyone else is done!" Lorimer heard his mother calling.
"Almost done! Just wait a sec!"
Lorimer sighed before messily putting on a tux and tie. He took a bag, put in some flowers poking out of the bag for decoration and put the rest of the items he needed where no one could see them.
"Lorimer!" Beth called out once more this time in an angry tone.
"I'm done! I'm just heading down right now" Yelled Lorimer.
"We both know that's a lie, Lori! I'm right in front of your room!" Replied Beth.
Lorimer opened his room's door and lo and behold, Beth was standing right there all ready for the wedding
"Do i have to go?" Asked Lorimer with a deep frown.
"Yes." Deadpanned Beth.
Lorimer couldn't help but sigh as he was forced out of his room and into Rick's ship.
"Rick Sanchez, you psycho bag of Squanch!"
The Smith family landed onto the planet where the wedding was to take place and were met with a bipedal cat creature named Squanchy.
The Smiths greeted Squanchy cheerfully and the cat creature greeted them back.
"Hey, what's up, Squanchy?" Greeted Rick.
"Heya Squanchy." Said Summer and Morty in union.
"Hello, Squanchy." Greeted Lorimer.
"Morty, Summer, Lorimer!" Said Squanchy replying to the greetings. "And you must be Beth. A squanchè." He said kissing Beth's hand.
"Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?" Asked Beth with a smile.
"Beth, Squanchy culture is more...contextual than literal." Rick corrected calmly. "You just say what's in your squanch and people understand."
"Oh, okay... I squanch my family." Said Beth cheerfully.
Rick and Squanchy looked at Beth as if she had committed sins that would freak out the devil himself.
"Uhh..." Squanchy was speechless, but thankfully, Lorimer was there.
"I think you did it wrong. Here, let me try." Said Lorimer before turning to Squanchy. "I squanch my family." He said in a tired tone.
"I get it." Said Squanchy nodding.
"Yes! First try!" Lorimer celebrated
"Totally agree." Said Rick calmly before he, Squanchy and Lorimer went inside the building as Lorimer threw the sugar cube like object behind him.
Beth was speechless, didn't see the unknown object, and just resigned to her fate of not speaking Squanch.
Seriously, who can't speak Squanch? Just look.
I squanch you all a very pleasant evening. You are the squanch of my life, the squ to my anch.
Maybe i should become a poet. Hey, reader, do you think i should become a poet? Should i just quit this job and delve into the neverending possibilities of poetry?
It seems like an interesting- oh, right...you're not here for me.
"What do you mean you wanna go to the bathroom? We barely stepped inside." Asked Beth with a deep frown. "Your dad JUST arrived in the courier flaps and got dressed."
"I didn't have time to do anything because you dragged me before i could!" Exclaimed Lorimer with a frown.
"Ugh, how long will it take?" Asked Beth crossing her arms.
"...i don't know-"
"What do you mean you don't know?!"
"How am i supposed to measure that?!" Asked Lorimer in confusion.
Beth pinched the bridge of her nose with an angry look on her face.
"Fine, but be quick." Said Beth sternly.
Lorimer nodded and ran to the bathroom as fast as he could. There, he found the biggest crime against humanity.
"A kitty litter box?" Said Lorimer in horror. "Professionals have standards; I'll just pee in a jar."
"I know, right?" Said an unfamiliar voice, causing Lorimer to turn around.
The moment Lorimer saw the source of the voice, his eyes widened. It was a fly federation guy.
Lorimer immediately pulled out his DNA gun while the fly thing pulled out a laser gun.
Both froze as each had the other in their line of fire.
The next move will decide the fate of the whole episode.
ON THE NEXT CHAPTER OF LORIMER.