The morning sun streamed through the gaps in my bedroom curtains, painting warm gold stripes across my desk where my chemistry textbook lay open to page seventy-three. I'd been staring at the same paragraph about covalent bonds for the past twenty minutes, but my mind was a million miles away—specifically, on the text message notification that had lit up my phone exactly eighteen minutes and forty-two seconds ago.
From Kaiden H.: u awake yet flairr???
I'd typed out three different responses before deleting them all. Yeah just studying was too boring. Been up hours thinking about u was way too honest. Just got up, what's up? was safe enough, so I'd sent that one two minutes later than I should have, just to make sure I didn't seem too eager. Not that Kaiden would notice—he never did. He'd always been the type to fire off messages whenever something crossed his mind, never worrying about timing or how his words might come across. That was one of the things I loved about him. Well, one of the many things.
I pushed my textbook aside and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, my bare feet meeting the cool hardwood floor. It was Saturday—October 12th, 10:17 AM—and I already knew this day was going to be different from every other Saturday we'd spent together since seventh grade. I could feel it in the way my chest tightened every time I glanced at my phone, in the way the air in my room suddenly felt too thin to breathe properly.
We'd met on the first day of middle school, both of us standing awkwardly by the water fountain in the hallway, too nervous to approach anyone else. Kaiden had been wearing a faded blue t-shirt with a cartoon dragon on it, his dark hair falling over his eyes in a way that made him look both shy and mischievous. I'd complimented his shirt—said I liked how the dragon's wings looked like they were about to burst off the fabric—and he'd grinned so wide his eyes crinkled at the corners.
"Right? My mom thinks it's too childish but I don't care," he'd said, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. "I'm Kaiden. Kaiden Huston."
"Jaden. Jaden Flairr."
And just like that, we were inseparable.
I pulled on a plain black hoodie and a pair of dark jeans—Kaiden always said he liked how I looked in dark colors, said it made me look "reliable" and "like someone you could count on." If only he knew how much those words meant to me. How I'd spent years trying to be exactly that person for him—someone he could always turn to, no matter what.
My phone buzzed again as I was pulling on my sneakers.
From Kaiden H.: good good!! i was thinking... wanna hang out today??? there's this new arcade place that just opened up near the mall and i heard they got that new fighting game u've been talking about plus they have those really good loaded fries u like
I felt a smile spread across my face despite myself. Of course he remembered about the fighting game—I'd mentioned it once, three weeks ago when we were grabbing milkshakes after our history midterm. And the loaded fries? I'd only ordered them twice in the six years we'd been friends, but he'd noticed how I'd gone back for seconds both times. That was Kaiden for you—he paid attention to little things, even if he didn't realize how much they meant to the people around him.
To Kaiden H.: yeah man that sounds great. want me to pick u up? i can be there in twenty
From Kaiden H.: YES PLZ!!! my mom's working and my dad's out of town so the house is empty lol plus u can help me pick out what to wear??? i have no idea what's cool anymore
I grabbed my keys from the hook by the door and headed downstairs, where my mom was making pancakes in the kitchen. She looked up as I walked in, her eyes narrowing slightly in that way she had when she could tell something was on my mind.
"Going to see Kaiden?" she asked, flipping a pancake with practiced ease.
"Yeah," I said, trying to keep my voice casual as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. "New arcade just opened up."
She nodded, but her gaze lingered on me for a moment longer than necessary. My mom had never said anything about how I felt about Kaiden, but I knew she'd figured it out a long time ago. She was good at reading people—probably why she'd become a therapist. Sometimes I wondered if she could tell just by looking at me how much I wanted to reach out and hold Kaiden's hand when we were walking down the street, or how I had to look away whenever he laughed too hard and leaned against me, his body warm against mine.
"Be safe," she said finally, sliding a plate of pancakes across the counter. "And Jaden? Whatever happens—he's lucky to have you as a friend."
I felt my cheeks heat up and mumbled a thanks before heading out to my car. The drive to Kaiden's house only took fifteen minutes, but I took the long way around just to give myself time to calm down. I'd spent so many years perfecting the art of being just his friend—keeping my feelings locked away where he'd never find them—that sometimes it felt like second nature. But every once in a while, like when he'd look at me with those bright brown eyes of his and ask for my help with something, the walls I'd built up would threaten to crumble completely.
Kaiden's house was a small two-story place with a blue front door and a garden full of sunflowers that his mom tended to every weekend. I parked in the driveway and knocked three times—our secret knock since eighth grade, when we'd made up a code so we'd know it was each other even if we couldn't talk. The door swung open almost immediately, and Kaiden stood there in his pajama pants and a t-shirt that was inside out.
"Dude, thank god you're here," he said, stepping aside to let me in. "I've been staring at my closet for twenty minutes and I still have no idea what to wear. Everything either looks too childish or like I'm trying too hard."
I followed him up the stairs to his bedroom, my heart beating a little faster than usual. His room had changed a lot since middle school—gone were the posters of superheroes and video game characters, replaced with band posters and framed photographs of us at various school events and birthday parties. There was one on his desk from last summer, when we'd gone camping with some friends. Kaiden was grinning at the camera, his arm slung around my shoulders, and I was looking at him instead of the lens, a small smile on my face that I'd tried to hide when the picture was taken.
"Okay, let's see," I said, walking over to his closet and pulling open the doors. "What's the occasion exactly? Just hanging out at an arcade, right?"
"Yeah but… I don't know. I want to look nice," he said, flopping down on his bed and hugging one of his pillows to his chest. "Plus there might be people from school there. I don't want to look like a total loser."
"You could never look like a loser," I said without thinking, then quickly turned my attention back to his clothes so he wouldn't see the way my face had heated up. "How about this one?" I pulled out a dark gray long-sleeve shirt and a pair of black jeans that fit him perfectly—he'd bought them last month and I'd told him they made him look good.
"Really? I thought this shirt was too plain," he said, sitting up and taking the clothes from me. He held them against his body and looked at himself in the mirror on his closet door. "Do you think it makes me look… I don't know. Mature?"
"You look mature," I said honestly. Kaiden had always been smaller than most guys our age—slim build, delicate features that sometimes made people mistake him for being younger than he was. But when he wore clothes that fit him well, when he stood up straight and looked people in the eye, he had a presence that made people pay attention. I'd noticed it more and more lately—how other guys at school would look at him, how girls would giggle when he walked by. It made something twist in my chest every time, but I pushed those feelings down like I always did.
"Okay, I'll wear this," he said, heading into his bathroom to change. "Hey Jaden? Can you grab my hoodie from the chair? The gray one with the white stripes on the sleeves."
"Got it," I said, picking up the hoodie and folding it neatly on his bed. While he was changing, I straightened up his room a little—picking up empty soda cans, putting his textbooks on his desk, folding the pile of clothes that had been thrown over his chair. It was something I'd started doing years ago, back when his parents had first started working longer hours and he'd struggled to keep up with things. He'd never asked me to do it, but I knew it helped him feel less stressed, and that was enough for me.
"Thanks," he said when he came out of the bathroom, dressed and running his fingers through his hair to try and get it to lie flat. "You always make things better."
I felt my chest tighten at the words. If only you knew how much I wish I could make everything better for you, I thought, but all I said was "No problem man. You ready to go?"
The drive to the arcade was filled with Kaiden talking animatedly about the new game he'd heard about, his hands gesturing wildly as he explained the different characters and gameplay mechanics. I kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the gear shift, trying not to look at him too much even though I wanted to memorize every little detail—the way his hair fell over his forehead when he leaned forward, the way his lips curved when he was excited about something, the tiny scar above his left eyebrow that he'd gotten when we'd been playing basketball in eighth grade and he'd tripped over my feet.
"I can't believe you remember all this stuff about the game," he said, looking over at me with a smile. "I feel like I'm barely keeping up and I've been watching videos about it for weeks."
"I pay attention when you talk," I said simply. It was the truth—every time Kaiden opened his mouth, I found myself hanging on his every word, even when he was talking about things I didn't really care about. He could tell me about the history of paper clips and I'd listen like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
We pulled into the parking lot of the arcade ten minutes later, and Kaiden practically bounced out of the car before I'd even turned off the engine. "Come on come on come on!" he said, already heading for the door. "I want to be the first ones to try that game!"
I laughed and locked the car, following him inside. The arcade was bright and loud, filled with flashing lights and the sound of electronic music and people cheering as they won games. Kaiden immediately headed for the back corner where the new fighting game was set up, and I watched as he practically lit up when he saw it.
"Holy shit, it's even better than I thought it would be," he said, pressing his face against the glass of the machine like a kid in a candy store. "Jaden, look at the controls—they're all custom made!"
I walked over and stood beside him, keeping a small distance between us even though I wanted to be closer. "Want me to get us some tokens so we can play?"
"Yes please!" he said, already starting to read the instructions on the side of the machine. "And can you grab us those loaded fries while you're at it? I'm already starving."
"Sure thing," I said, heading over to the counter. The girl working there smiled at me as I ordered two large orders of loaded fries and a bucket of tokens, and I made small talk with her while she rang me up, all the while keeping an eye on Kaiden, who was now talking to another guy about the game. The guy was leaning against the machine, smiling at Kaiden in a way that made my jaw clench. I recognized him from school—Tyler something, played on the football team. He was the type of guy who always seemed to be looking for attention, and right now he had his eyes fixed on Kaiden like he was something he wanted to take home.
I grabbed the fries and tokens and made my way back over, setting the food down on the small table next to the machine. "Here you go," I said, my voice coming out a little sharper than I'd intended. Kaiden looked up at me with a bright smile, completely oblivious to the tension between me and Tyler.
"Thanks Jaden! Tyler was just telling me about how he's been playing this game online for weeks," he said, gesturing to the other guy. "Tyler, this is my best friend Jaden. Jaden, Tyler."
"Nice to meet you," Tyler said, holding out his hand. I shook it briefly, my grip tighter than necessary. He just smiled, clearly noticing but not saying anything about it.
"You guys want to play a few rounds?" Tyler asked. "I've been looking for someone good to play against."
"Hell yeah," Kaiden said, already grabbing a controller. "Jaden, you want to go first or should I?"
"You go ahead," I said, sitting down at the table with the fries and watching them play. Kaiden was good—really good. His fingers moved quickly over the controls, his eyes focused on the screen as he dodged and attacked with ease. Tyler put up a good fight, but Kaiden won the first two rounds easily, throwing his hands up in victory and grinning at me every time he scored a point.
"You're pretty good," Tyler said when they finished their third round, setting down his controller. "We should play again sometime. Maybe we could get a group together and have a tournament or something."
"Sounds cool," Kaiden said, wiping his hands on his jeans before reaching for the fries. "Jaden makes the best team—he's really good at strategy even if he doesn't like to admit it."
I felt my cheeks heat up as both of them looked at me. "I just pay attention to the patterns," I said, pushing the fries closer to Kaiden so he'd eat more. He'd always been bad about remembering to eat when he was focused on something he enjoyed.
Tyler stayed and talked with us for a while longer, but I could tell he was trying to find ways to get Kaiden alone—asking him if he wanted to come to a party next weekend, if he'd ever thought about joining the gaming club at school, if he wanted to exchange numbers so they could play online. Kaiden just nodded and smiled and answered his questions, completely unaware of what Tyler was doing. I kept quiet for the most part, just watching Kaiden and making sure he was okay, my hand resting on the back of his chair like a silent claim.
Finally, Tyler looked at his phone and said he had to go meet some friends. "It was good playing with you," he said to Kaiden, giving him a smile that made my skin crawl. "I'll text you so we can play again soon."
"Cool, sounds good!" Kaiden said, waving as Tyler walked away. He turned back to me and grabbed another fry, grinning. "He's pretty cool, right? And he's really good at the game—way better than I thought he'd be."
"Sure," I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. "If you say so."
Kaiden looked at me, his brow furrowed slightly. "What's wrong? You look like you just ate a lemon or something."
"Nothing," I said quickly, forcing a smile. "Just tired, I guess. Didn't sleep great last night."
It wasn't a complete lie—I'd spent most of the night thinking about Kaiden, like I did most nights. Wondering what it would be like to kiss him, to hold him close, to tell him how I really felt. But I'd never do that—not if it meant losing him. Our friendship meant more to me than anything in the world, even if it meant I had to keep my feelings locked away forever.
"Aw man, I'm sorry," he said, reaching over and patting my arm gently. "We can go if you want. We can go back to my place and watch movies or something instead."
"No, it's okay," I said, covering his hand with mine for just a second before pulling away. "I'm fine. Let's play a few rounds—you can teach me some of those moves you were using against Tyler."
Kaiden's face lit up again, and he grabbed another controller and handed it to me. "Okay but fair warning—I'm not going to go easy on you just because you're my friend," he said, settling into his chair and grinning at me. "I'm going to kick your ass."
"I'd like to see you try," I said, feeling some of the tension leave my body as I picked up the controller. This was what I was used to—just me and Kaiden, playing games and joking around like we always had. No distractions, no other guys trying to get his attention. Just us.
We played for almost two hours, taking turns winning and losing, laughing when one of us made a stupid mistake or pulled off an impossible move. Kaiden kept leaning over to point out things on the screen, his shoulder brushing against mine, his hand resting on my arm for a second longer than necessary every time he wanted to show me something. I tried not to let it affect me, tried to keep my focus on the game, but every time he touched me I felt like I was on fire.
"I'm starving," he said finally, setting down his controller and stretching his arms above his head. His shirt rode up slightly, revealing a strip of pale skin just above his jeans, and I had to look away quickly before he noticed where my eyes were. "Do you want to grab dinner somewhere? There's that burger place you like just down the street."
"Sure," I said, already starting to gather up our things. "My treat."
"You always pay," he said, frowning slightly as he followed me out of the arcade. "I should pay this time—I invited you out, remember?"
"It's fine," I said, opening the car door for him. "I just got paid for helping my neighbor fix his fence last week. Plus you know how much I like their milkshakes."
Kaiden rolled his eyes but smiled anyway,