Act 1, Scene 6
"Good morning, Subaru-kun. Did you sleep well?" Rem's voice eases me awake, just as it has the past three days. Sitting up, I turn to the side, a small smile crawling across my face as I see her plush form sitting in a bedside chair.
"Yeah. Aesclepius's sleeping charm works… like a charm, I guess," I chuckle. "But what about you? I've said it before, but sleeping in a chair isn't comfortable."
"Subaru-kun's sleeping face makes it all worth it!" She replies, and I'm not sure how to respond. "-Subaru-kun was watching Rem sleep for almost a year, so this is only fair, right?"
"I guess I can't argue with that…" I mutter, "I mean, there was a different intention behind my actions, but…"
"...Mm." Her grunt of affirmation is so quiet I barely hear it, and we fall silent for a moment.
"-Still, it's the big day, huh?" I ask.
"Yes!" She says. "Subaru-kun, Rem's new body is apparently going to be a child, so she'll be missing important weapons, but that won't mean she's going to back down!"
"Yeah! That's-" I cut myself off. No, hang on. Which weapons is she talking about here? "-Rem, you're talking about fighting your best, right? Not making me look like a criminal?"
Tellingly, she gives no response.
"Rem, please, I was just making fun of Beryl for getting along so well with Van Gogh…" I mumble.
"R-rem thinks it's wonderful how well Beryl-sama and Goghie get along!" She says - woah, she's using a nickname!? Come to think of it, she has been doing some kind of girl talk with Gogh and Gareth recently... "Especially the fact that they don't allow fears about appearances to come between them. Subaru-kun s-should remember that, um… appearance isn't everything, so…"
…Ah, jeez.
"You're that worried, huh?" I say, reaching out and pulling the little plushie body into a hug. "...As attractive as you are, it's neve been your appearance that-" Whoops, tone it down. "-I mean, I like you because you're Rem. I already rejected a shapeshifter with your appearance because she wasn't you, you know?"
"...That's right. Because Subaru-kun only likes silver-haired elf girls." GEH!?
"W-were you rewatching the recordings from the previous singularities?" I ask after a moment's thought.
"Mhm. Subaru-kun was really cool," She says. "Rem's hero has really grown into his role."
…I don't know how to respond to that, and silence falls until we're called away to Da Vinci's workshop.
***
Scene 7
"Alright, this is going to take about a half an hour, and Rem-chan's going to need to get dressed afterwards, so get out!" Da Vinci says. "Shoo, shoo! Gogh, you stay; Gareth, I don't think you'll be much help, but you can stay if you want."
-just as soon as I arrive, I'm dumped unceremoniously into the hallway again - a moment later, Gareth follows.
"Looks like Goghie's helping with outfit coordination. Lynette always said I was bad at that stuff, so I'll just stay out of it," The Lancer says with a sigh.
"You guys really did hit it off, huh?" I chuckle. I was a little worried because Van Gogh seemed like the shy type, but-
"Well, we're all part of the spurned women's support group, after all."
"GEH," I just about fall over. "-Wait, Van Gogh is-?"
"Ahhh… it's kind of complicated," The Lancer shrugs. "Beryl likes her, but he's a bit… well, Rem-rin and I decided to keep an eye on her, just in case."
"Oi, that's my nickname for her, you can't have it," I scowl. Not that I really used it outside of that first week…
"People can share nicknames, Master. Unless it signifies something more…?" Her eyebrows raise suggestively - oi.
"So it's that type of 'support' group, huh…?" I mumble. Dangerous…
"We've still got five more singularities to go, Master - if Rem-rin wants to take the opportunity to move unopposed, Goghie and I are behind her 100%!" Gareth boasts. "I'm willing to donate my [Ring of Transformation] if that's what it takes!"
As I'm trying to think of a way to convince her to not to do that, another voice calls out. "I hope I'm not interrupting."
"Ah, Georgios!" I say. "No, please, by all means join in! How are your arms, by the way?" Please save me from this awkward situation!
The Saint gives a slightly awkward smile. "they're more or less healed at this point, though I think I'll have some hesitation in parrying Herculean arrows anytime soon."
"That was really cool, though!" Gareth says. "We'd just gotten video feed back, and the first thing we saw was - blam! Saint George parries two supersonic attacks!"
"Ha ha. Thank you for the praise, but it's God's glory, not my own," He says. "But… I'm sorry, master, you looked so relieved, but I'd like to return to the previous subject."
"Ahhh… I've been betrayed…" I mumble.
"-To be honest, up until I overheard your conversation a moment ago, I was under the impression that Miss Rem was the girl you had boasted so much about being in love with," He begins - oh damn, is my communication that bad!? "In fact, I… came with the intent of performing marriage ceremonies if they proved necessary. But, now it seems I've gotten a bit ahead of myself." Gingerly, he sets a pair of rough-hewn metal crowns on the ground - no, back up!
"Th-that's… I mean, marriage is…" I stammer.
"It was simple in my mind, since you appeared to love each other, and it is better for two to be wed than… well, in any case, things are, more complicated than I thought. My apologies." The Saint gives an uncharacteristic blush. "I'm afraid I don't have much experience in this arena."
"R-right…" I say, still completely speechless. No, I guess I'm nearing my twenties, so from his perspective… but still!
Georgios gives a small cough. "With the actual circumstances in mind… you turned her down properly, correct?"
"Y-yeah…" I say, cringing slightly. "And then a few hours later she hit me with 'I don't mind being the second wife', and she got caught by Gluttony before I could properly respond to that…"
He sighs. "I see. In that case, it's Miss Rem that I should be speaking with."
…Ah. "I mean… I don't… exactly mind-"
"Subaru," Disappointment fills his voice, and I cringe. "...I understand. A man's pride is something easily fed, but… You understand, right? This is beneath you. Beneath any decent man, truly."
I close my eyes, and take a deep breath. "...Yeah. I know. You don't have to say anything to her. I'll…"
"N-now, now! Let's not be too hasty here!" Gareth says. "Georgios, you don't exactly have any romantic experience, right? I mean, there was that prostitute, but the whole point of that part of your story was that you turned her down, right? So, you don't get it - for a girl, these kinds of underhanded methods are…"
Georgios sighs. "...The Church's views on relations between the same sex aside, I suppose your relationship with Dame Lyonesse was-"
"Ack!? No, no, nonono! We were just friends!" Gareth practically screams. "I don't even know how that part of the legend got started! Even if we blame that whole fake marriage scheme, that was with Lynette, not Lyonesse!"
"Fake marriage?" This is news to me.
"W-well, you see…" Gareth says, glancing away. "There was a whole rumor about how Sir Lancelot really liked married ladies… so, Lynette figured if we faked a marriage between the two of us, maybe-"
"I was reserving judgment, but now I'm just going to say outright that I disapprove." Georgios deadpans.
"But, putting that aside!" Gareth blurts. "I mean, as far as Rem-rin's plans go, didn't Jacob and Abraham both-"
"-I am by no means the Judge of men's souls. That role is reserved for another," Georgios says, some iron in his voice. "-But, the purpose of marriage is martyrdom. The destruction of all other options, the commitment to all the sufferings that might ensue, in illness and health, and even as the lovers' bodies decay - it is this selflessness that truly ennobles eros. Other paths may exist, but they are not unto salvation."
…
"-In other words, you may do as you wish, and I will continue to pray for you regardless, Master. But you will have more respect from me if you are firm in your convictions," Georgios says. "You already know the right path, no?"
I breathe deeply. "Yeah. I know… but I don't want to hurt her. I mean… at the end of the day…"
I love Rem.
That part isn't in question. But, the problem is… if I was offered the option, I would pick Emilia over her. And that isn't fair to Rem, so…
Really, this is that bastard Flugel's fault. He's the one who made me so obsessed with silver haired elves - I assume, based on nothing other than blind conjecture and some context clues. If it wasn't for him…
If it wasn't for the strange call of the Witch, I surely would have loved Rem the most of all.
"-There are other types of love than the erotic, Subaru," Georgios says gently, and I smile and give an empty laugh.
Yeah. That'd be a nice answer. A simple key that just solves the puzzle - 'love Rem as a sister', or something along those lines.
But that won't work. The love I have for her is romantic. I know that.
Or, I guess it does work, from his perspective - that I put these feelings to death is precisely the point. Overcome desire, and love without attempting to make her mine. But I'm not so noble a person.
"-Alright, everyone, we're done!" Da Vinci calls out - woah, that was faster than I expected!
With some trepidation - and also some excitement at the thought of seeing a chibi Rem, I enter the workshop - and freeze.
…
"Woah, she's big! Didn't you say she was gonna be turned into a little girl, Da Vinci!?" Gareth asks.
"Geez,you too? I guess this is what I get for locking myself in to focus on the design," The Painter sighs. "That'll risk degradation, you know? What did you guys think I meant by reworking it for her use?"
…Indeed, she's not loli-sized. I'm safe from any allegations. That's the one plus here. But-
"I was under the impression that Miss Rem was the girl you had boasted so much about being in love with," Georgios had said - at the time, I had assumed it was just his interpretation.
I knew I was bad at communicating, but was I this bad?
-Silver hair, glimmers in the workshop's light.
Was Da Vinci intentionally mislead?
Pointed ears twitch slightly as a girl withdraws under slightly too much attention.
I feel sick.
"U-um… Subaru-kun, I know it wasn't quite what you expected," Rem says - from lips, and a face that look identical to Emilia's. "So…"
I feel sick.
"N-no. You look great, Rem. I'm… just super glad that you didn't get turned into a child, since Beatrice already had Julius calling me 'Little Girl User' and stuff like that." I say, holding back my nausea.
She laughs. With the wrong voice, with the absence of a silver bell, Rem laughs.
I had forgotten, I guess. All that time she was asleep, I had let it slip from my mind - that this girl, also, is a flawed person.
"S-sorry, I've uh, gotta use the can!" I blurt out - elbowing my way out, down the hall, past a few staff members - I make it to the restroom just before I vomit.
***
Author's note:
Saint George was a Greek, so for him the marriage ceremony involves the exchange of crowns.
...
...Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting a light-hearted fluffy romance?
Nah. SubaRem is a mess, and as usual, Subaru's gonna have to earn his happy ending on that front.