Backstage
"...With those things said, I believe it won't do any good to have further discussion on the foes who await us," Recorder says, and I blink. That was a sort of abrupt ending, right?
"Uh, hang on," I say, raising a hand. "There's still another guy to talk about-"
"Natsuki Subaru, it is unnecessary to discuss your counterpart at this stage," the Caster replies dismissively. "He and his Master are confined to Taygeta, which has migrated close to the Tower's peak. We have six trials to face before him, and he will not act until that time."
"The library freaking moved…?" I groan. "We only had to beat one trial last time!"
"It's the nature of rumors to be distorted as they pass from person to person," Recorder shrugs. "Someone seems to have assumed that the library of the dead was the primary prize of the Watchtower, rather than whatever stood at its peak before."
"That's annoying!" I complain.
"Yep!" Shaula nods. "That's why I'm stuck down here, after all! Master's Master beat the trials on their way up, but after I went downstairs they all reset on me and I couldn't go up to see Master!"
I open my mouth, but Recorder cuts me off. "Later, Natsuki Subaru. You should focus your efforts on the trials at hand."
…Right. Seven trials, though Xiang Yu apparently already cleared two. That leaves four to deal with before we reach that thing.
"The first thing to confirm," says Pepe, stroking his chin in thought, "is whether we actually need to clear every trial. I'm sure you all noticed, but there were stairs going down as well as up from the ground floor. Am I right in guessing that there's at least one floor below us?"
"Ah, that's right!" I shout. "Asterope is below Celaeno, the main entrance… if there's a trial for each floor, then we don't actually need to clear that one to go up!" I pause, and think for a moment. "...Actually, there was that whole 'Floor Zero' business, too. Shaula, is Merope still a 'no'?"
"That's right! I'm not telling Master anything about it, since he's still only midway through his journey," She gives a nod.
"...Whatever the case of the original, there is a sub-basement in this version of the tower," Recorder says. "Simply put, it seems to have six seals, two of which have been opened."
"Judging by the kind of nasty personality Wallachia has, the last trial is gonna be in there, isn't it?" Romani groans. "And each trial opens a seal?"
"Sequence breaking's a no-go," Shaula says, shaking her head - then she stops and looks away. "Aaaaalso I'd have to kill you all if you did. I'm super bending the rules already."
"Ah, right, cheating or leaving the tower is forbidden, everybody," I say, shoving aside the flashbacks of a certain killing machine with a shudder.
"Nah, I'd win," Mysterious Heroine X says, and to be honest she might?
"Um, MHX, how strong are you, anyway?" I ask. I mean, she's a joke character, but-
"Well, my [Galactic Meteor Sword] can destroy stars, but only if they're Saber class… so a little below average, I think?" She answers, tilting her head in thought.
…
"Oh, if you meant stats, I'm faster than the average member of the Artoria species, but I've got worse [Instinct] and way worse luck," she continues, as if my brain hasn't already crashed completely. "My [Saber Ninja Arts] are almost useless because I'm on your side now… Uh, I think Neco Arc stole my spaceship, so [Fire Support] is sealed… and then other than that, I've got my Noble Phantasm, but it's a secret."
"...IT'S CLEARLY JUST EXCALIBUR, THOUGH!?" I scream.
"N-no! W-what would make you say that!?" She protests in the least convincing tone I've ever heard.
I start to retort, but… "No! No, if I get caught in her pace, I lose!" I hiss under my breath. "-That basically answered nothing, but we'll deal with it. As far as our forces go, we've got a bunch of people and each trial only summons one guy, right? Why don't we just blitz them?"
"Regarding that…" Xiang Yu says, a firm but slightly apologetic tone in his voice. "I will not be lending you any aid for the time being. Twenty days remain until the polar sunrise dispels the TATARI; I intend to spend as many hours as possible with my beloved."
"...Polar?" Miyako asks.
"Ah, yeah, we're at the South Pole right now," I say. "We're a few weeks away from going out of six months of darkness into six months of sunlight."
"...Hah?" She looks at me like I'm a maniac, which… yeah, fair. Why the heck was Chaldea built here in the first place?
"Um, Subaru-kun, the sun has been going up and down normally, though?" Rem asks.
"The sun outside Chaldea's windows is artificial," Romani says. "Since Marisbury put the facility in such a bizarre spot, he had to find a way to stabilize the normal circadian rhythms of the staff, and the solution was an illusory day/night cycle… come to think of it, was that Prelati's handiwork too?"
"It was Kirschtaria Wodime's idea and creation," Recorder says with a wave of his hand. "Marisbury Animusphere lacked the empathy to understand that it would cause difficulty for his staff."
"Goodness, how on earth did you learn that, honey?" Pepe laughs. "Don't tell me you're going through even the oldest of Chaldea's records for the fun of it?"
Recorder clicks his tongue, and a sort of rivalrous contempt fills the gaze he turns on the flamboyant man. "All of the past is within the compass of my record. All of it."
"Oh, I suppose I didn't consider that," he replies, raising a finger to his lips in thought.
…We're getting off-subject again. "But anyway, Xiang Yu-san, you won't be helping us… for the whole rest of the incident, or can we count on you when we get close to the deadline?" The possibility of him opposing us outright, I'll leave out.
"There was even some chance of me siding against you, but after readjusting my calculations to account for TATARI's expiration, I've resolved to send my beloved Yu off without allowing her allies to be killed," The tall man answers. "If you can't resolve the situation before the Autumn Solstice, I'll give you my assistance."
"By the way, Kouhai, you should call my Xiang Yu-sama properly," Akuta says without even looking at me.
"Um, Master-sama… Beryl-sama, that is… says that Subaru-sama is the A Team's senpai now, actua-eek!" Van Gogh cuts off her own words as the woman glares at her. "I'm sorry, please forgive me-!"
Recorder clears his throat. "With those two accounted for, I don't believe anyone else will refuse to assist. Shaula may have reason to, but-"
"I'm on Master's side, one hundred percent!" She says with a smile, still clutching my arm tightly. Also, that's a total lie, dammit! "Unless I have to kill him!" Yup, there's the truth.
"Subaru-kun, do we actually have to keep this sl- woman around?" Rem mumbles.
I groan. "Despite her… everything, she grew on me. Like a fungus. I'd rather not part before we have to."
"Mm. I see," Rem says, resignation filling her voice.
"-Indeed, that is her idiotic position," Recorder shakes his head. "Our alliance with her will be short-lived and painful, but Natsuki Subaru is nothing if not stubborn, so I will not bother arguing with him over it. As for the rest… we are in Chaldea, for now. Let us make preparations."
"Ah!" I shout. "I can finally get my whip!" And I suppose I could switch my mystic code, but… I think the normal Chaldea one is more useful than the goofy Pirate one from Okeanos, right?
"I don't use much equipment, but I can at least get my makeup from my room," says Pepe.
"Then, I'll go with Subaru-kun-" Rem starts to say, but Romani interrupts her.
"No, Rem-chan and Miyako-chan both need to come with me to the medical bay," he says. "Goghie too, actually. I need to take a look at each of you and make sure there isn't any soul contamination or Spirit Origin decay going on. Hieda-no-Are, do you think you can help me with that?"
"Unlikely. Though Rem's current state is the result of Wallachia's initial attack, the rumor has likely been substantiated enough into reality to make it difficult to disentangle her. If Leonardo da Vinci or Paracelsus were here, we could do something, but as things stand I doubt I can do much," Recorder answers.
"I kind of figured… but come along anyway, we'll see if there's any long shot solution," The Doctor says, and Recorder sighs before nodding.
"I guess that puts me on guard duty for Subaru, right?" MHX says. "Just in case the Final Boss shows up randomly to talk to him."
"Why the hell would you wave that kind of flag!?" I shout.
"Ah, I don't think I can leave the Cafeteria without transforming, so I'll wait here…" Shaula mutters. "Master, come back soon! Scorpions die of loneliness, you know?"
"No they do not!"
***
The walk through Chaldea's corridors gives me some time to think… if I ignore the bizarre idiot next to me, anyway. Conveniently, she's actually being a little quiet now… if she was Nobunaga, I wouldn't even have gotten this far in my thoughts.
Rem. For the moment, my thoughts are completely consumed by her. There's a little bit of thought for Shaula, but… there's nothing I can do about that situation. Putting aside what I've learned about her fate at the real tower, I'm going to have to fight her when I finally confront that thing, I'd guess.
So, back to Rem. What the hell do I even do? I mean, not compliment her on her appearance, obviously. I can figure at least that much out. God, this situation is so fucked up. I wish Georgios or Professor Velvet was here to help me.
It could have been worse. It could have been something that didn't stem from rumor, an earnest move on Rem's part to change her appearance into my preference no matter the cost. When I first saw her, at the start of all this, that's what I thought had happened. So, at that point, it was only natural that I ran away, through these hallways, to-
To-
"...MHX, we're taking a detour," I say. There's something I need to see.
That room. The one Wallachia didn't want me to see. A messy room, filled with trash, and crawling with bugs. The seating of his supposed audience.
"Subaru?" The Saber(?) asks, following me. "Where are we going?"
"To the place where the answers are," I mutter, a nervous grin stretching across my face.
***
Whispers Amidst the Audience
"Oh, you came back. You know that guy doesn't want you to look at me directly, but I guess that's even more reason to come see me, right?"
"No, no, I'm really not pertinent to this situation. Zepia just took a liking to me because… well, I'm sure you can piece it together. He just asked me if I wanted to watch, and… tragedies aren't really my thing, I'm more into comedies, but it's not like I hate the theater. I've been stuck in here doing nothing since the Holy Grail War anyway, so if someone comes and offers entertainment… I mean, you understand, right!?"
"Well, I don't exist in this world. I had to fill in to deal with a paradox, but after that she has had me on a really tight leash. You don't even remember the other times we met, right, Subaru?"
"I'm serious. This is our fourth… no, third meeting. Every time you wander Chaldea searching for answers you end up here. Of course, both of the other times I just told you to talk to someone else, but from someone like you, that's tough enough."
"...Yeah, you caught me. That was a lie. This is our first meeting. Sorry, I thought you might trust me more if I established a rapport first, but it looks like that's backfired. I really do want to lend you a hand, though."
"Hm… well, like I said, I prefer comedies to tragedies, so rather than whatever Zepia is writing, I'd prefer if we got something closer to his last name. A pleasant Midsummer Night's Dream is exactly my preference."
"Alright then, listen up. You can feel free to throw out this advice if you want, though, it's probably not that helpful. Anyway, the current setup is for a 'Tragedy'. You received a prophecy of danger, so now Zepia's trying to fulfill it in the worst possible way. 'Say that thing which is most important to say. Withhold that thing which is most important to avoid saying.' - was that it?"
"Yeah, if this was a Greek tragedy, that would be the case. Fate can't be avoided in those tragedies, because the main moral of those stories is 'don't talk to Apollo because he's a bastard who likes to torment people to show off'. But this is a prophecy you got from King David; his God is way more of a straight shooter. If he says something, you're really best off taking the most obvious interpretation."
"I have no idea!"
"Ah, stop shaking me! I'm serious, I'm just an observer here! It's not like I know your deepest secrets, how the heck am I going to predict which things you absolutely have to and absolutely can't say?
"...Well, if I had to give advice, I'd just say not to talk at all. Zepia's aiming for double jeopardy here; if you can avoid just one of those mistakes, it'll ruin his script."
"Yeah, it's pretty clever, and the best part is that even a dummy like you shouldn't be able to screw it up!"
"Ah, what's that, X?"
"..."
"Ahhh… that's no good, you shouldn't have called me out. You'll only find misery that way. There's no 'truth' here in the first place."
"It's not the costume you expected? How do you like it? Yeah, it's my current Master's fault. You can think of it as a company uniform, I guess. It's totally idiotic."
"I wear no mask."
***
Backstage
My headache is slowly subsiding as I wind through the corridors of Chaldea, all alone. It's kind of haunting, to be honest, and I can't help but feel a sort of primal terror rippling through my brain. Finally, I arrive at my room, and opening the door, I freeze.
Why the hell did it have to play out just like ███ said it would!?
"Natsuki Subaru," says Zepia Eltnam Oberon, a small, calm smile upon his face as he sips tea in a chair facing towards the entrance. "How are you faring so far? Are you getting comfortable with your role?"