After the family dinner, my parents seem to really like Jan. I think it's impossible not to like him, even if I try with all my might. Emre keeps saying how he's the "Evil King"—my own affectionate nickname for him—but I don't think he's evil at all. Perhaps just misunderstood. He speaks with such affection for his brother and father; they are everything to him. Why would someone give that up? Ambition? That doesn't seem to move Jan; only noble causes do.
I realize I'm staring at him too long. He's looking back at me, and I try to look away, only to find everyone else is watching me too.
"Aylla?" My sister is talking to me. I look at her, dazed and silent.
"Did you hear what we said?" I shake my head no. Once again, I'm in a daydream, thinking of nothing but Jan Divit. What an overwhelming effect he has on me.
"Forgive Aylla, Jan. she's constantly in her own world, daydreaming."
So, it was something related to him.
"Jan asked if you could show him the park—the places where you and Ezgi drink tea since you talk about them so much." Deniz looks at me with concern. I nod eagerly; going out with Jan always makes me happy.
"Let's go, Jan bey."
We walk along the waterfront, where there are several beaches and I can see the lights of Istanbul. At night, they are marvelous; by day, with birds lining the horizon, it looks like a postcard. I can't decide which part of the day is my favorite to appreciate this city.
"It's a beautiful, starry night, don't you think, Aylla?"
"I was thinking exactly that, Jan bey," I say excitedly.
Maybe there is someone who can capture the beauty I see in the small things.
"I love it here very much."
"And you? Don't you want to travel the world and see the Galápagos?"
"Yes!" I jump excitedly onto a rock, looking down at Jan. "But look around us. We have a great city, the quiet neighborhood where we just ate, nature, beaches, mosques, underground cities, balloons, museums, islands... the legends are so impressive that I need to know them all first."
"And how is your exploration of Turkey going?"
"Well, I went to Bursa with you."
I look at Jan, and he stares back with interest, a light and relaxed laugh on his lips. This is it. Now is when I'll confess. It's too hard to fight a feeling for three months only to have it grow until it hurts to keep it inside.
"Jan bey—" I find my courage and take a deep breath to speak, but his phone rings. "Answer it."
Jan looks at the screen and answers, turning away from me.
"Yes, Polen? Okay, yes. I've already eaten out and I'll be back soon."
Jan hangs up and looks at me attentively. "Aylla, what were you going to say?"
"That... it's getting late and I need to call Osman." I walk away quickly.
"Aylla, do you know you're driving me nearly crazy trying to understand you?"
I don't stay to hear what else he has to say. How could I confess when Polen is clearly at Jan's house? Maybe she made dinner for him and here I am talking to him. Even if he says they broke up, she's there—sleeping there, perhaps, eating there, waiting for him. The chances of them getting back together are as fast as my chances of being disappointed. The weekend flies by. Ezgi and I spend it watching movies and eating popcorn and candy. Zeki and Deniz show up too, and later we go to the park for tea and kebab. Since the retreat, Osman has simply traveled. The neighborhood doesn't know where he went. I wonder if he's okay.
Monday was going well. Zeki has been talking to Ezgi more often. Maybe their love life is easier to solve than mine. Ezgi has never dated, but she's clearly falling for Zeki, who feels the same. As for me? I kissed a total stranger who was supposed to be the love of my life—the Albatross—only to fall for the "Evil King," who is about to get back with his ex-girlfriend, Polen, who gives me sneezing fits just by thinking about her.
"So, are you interested in her?" I ask Zeki.
"Aylla, you know I'm clumsy and slow, but Ezgi doesn't notice me. I've tried everything."
"Have you thought about just telling her?"
"I hoped she would just understand so I wouldn't have to say it. I'm not good with words, or secrets, or anything."
"That's for the best."
"You're right, Aylla."
"Zeki, I need to tell you something."
I needed to vent. I couldn't hide this secret anymore—it consumes me. Every attempt to reveal it is met with a sign to stop, like calls from my mother or Polen. "A secret?" Zeki looks at me desperately, already worried. Only Ezgi and Deniz know about my farce with Osman, but telling Zeki, a work friend, feels easier because I trust him and he's one step away from dating my best friend.
"Just listen, please." Zeki understands my distress and stays quiet. "Osman and I broke up because I'm in love with someone else—someone who can't know."
Zeki freezes in place. He doesn't know what to say. I didn't tell him the whole truth, but for now, it's enough. Just saying I'm not falsely committed is liberating.
"Zeki, please say something."
"Günaydın. Aylla, can you bring me a tea? Is everything okay with Zeki?" Jan arrives. I hope he didn't hear the conversation.
"Günaydın. Yes, Jan bey. Zeki will be fine, he's just sad because he lost 100 lira."
I deliver the tea to Jan, who is accompanied by Polen.
"Günaydın, Polen."
"Günaydın, Aylla." She looks at me briefly with disdain and returns to her conversation with Jan.
"So Jan, I have five mansions from my father's company to show you. I want to close the location today so we can start filming."
"Ah, of course." Jan is totally focused on the photos Polen is spreading on the desk. She looks at me with a look of victory.
"Shall we go then, Polen?" Jan says, standing up.
"I'm coming too!" I say, looking at Jan, who laughs in surprise. "I mean, three people work better than two, don't they? And I have artistic opinions on the location and how to set the mood. Not that I'm an artist, because I can't draw—I tried as a child and it didn't go well, just circles and stick figures—but I'm definitely creative."
I finally shut my mouth after rambling about how bad I am at drawing. Jan looks at me with a curious gaze, and Polen looks at me like I'm a Martian. I wish I had more grace for this. Bravo, Aylla! You've managed to be the court jester once again. I know I should have just confessed and saved myself from this crazy jealous scene, but I won't let Polen challenge me without a fight. Polen opens the front door of the car. Since the windows are tinted, it's hard to see if anyone is inside. She looks frustrated and angry because I'm already in the seat she wanted. I was faster. I smile at Jan victoriously.
"So, shall we go, girls?"
"Yes," Polen says in a flat tone. She sits in the back, looking like she's recharging her energy just to make my life miserable.
We arrive at a huge mansion with an old iron gate. The house is massive and reminds me of ancient constructions. They'll probably film a horror movie here.
"Remember when we were here, Jan?" Jan shrugs, pretending not to know what she's talking about.
"Aylla, Jan and I spent our vacations here many times. It was when we wanted to escape the world."
"Interesting," I give a weak smile. I want to act like I don't care, but Jan and Polen have a history, and what do Jan and I have?
Entering the house, I see it needs massive restoration. It was grand once. It has a winter garden with a gazebo. I see the forest above and wild flowers. I stay in that spot to think.
"Are you going to steal flowers?" Jan walks in while I'm caught in my thoughts.
"Did you know that we spend our lives, our reason, our spirit, and our religion looking for the perfection that exists in an atom, but no one knows its essence? I think this place comes close to that, it's so splendid." Jan watches me seriously and sits beside me.
"How can a woman be so wonderful, seeing beauty in the small things? In the wild flowers waiting to be cut, in an abandoned house that needs repair, and in a garden that was once beautiful and now only holds remnants of what it was."
Jan and I look at each other. We are close. He leans in slowly to kiss me. I close my eyes.
"Jan?" I jump up quickly. Polen is standing there, angry. "Jan, shall we go? I need to make preparations for our lunch tomorrow."
"Our lunch?" I look at Jan, irritated.
"It's my birthday tomorrow. Since my brother Yigit is away and my parents are too, I'm going to celebrate with Jan—the person I've known for a very long time." I look at Jan, surprised.
"It's your birthday?" She nods happily. Jan shrugs as if it were just any other day.
I open my mouth and close it quickly. I'd love to say something, but instead of responding, I will act. That's how war strategists win. After all the visits, Jan drops me at home, and Polen is already in the front seat.
"See you tomorrow, Aylla."
"See you, Jan bey." We smile at each other with foolish looks.
"Tomorrow is Saturday, Jan."
"I mean... at the office! I love work, so I skip days off! See you later, Polen. Jan bey, see you."
I won't let this birthday happen. Not the way Polen is planning.