"Zhongli, I'm leaving the business here to you. I have absolute faith in your abilities. I'm out of here!"
Though Hu Tao was clever and sometimes very bold, she was by no means foolish. The moment she saw the malicious glares from Barbatos and the Raiden Shogun, she sensed the danger about to descend. Without a moment's hesitation, she turned on her heel and fled.
Zhongli: "…"
There was nothing he could do. Though his status in Liyue was exalted, above all others, as long as he remained at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, he was Hu Tao's subordinate.
The next moment, Zhongli raised his hand and brought the flyers Hu Tao had shoved at him before her eyes. For once, he was genuinely stunned. Yes—Zhongli, who had never flinched even before the most powerful gods, was stunned by these flyers. He stood frozen, speechless.
Barbatos asked curiously, "What did your audacious director leave behind that could shock even you?"
Ei was also intrigued. "Interesting. Let me see."
The two curious gods reached out and took the funeral flyers from Zhongli's hand. The moment they saw them, both deities, who had lived for millennia, burst out laughing.
"Hahaha—a 'Rex Lapis Funeral Package'? So there's such a package. Truly worthy of Liyue—"
"The mighty sovereign of Liyue, carrying someone's coffin—"
"That Director Hu must be desperate for Mora—"
"Morax, I clearly underestimated your director—"
"Eh heh, there are other funeral packages too—the 'Kitsune Package,' the 'Archon Package,' the 'Puppet Package,' the 'Brother Package'—"
Their laughter died when they saw the later packages. The Kitsune Package, the Archon Package, the Puppet Package—they were practically tailor-made for them. Was this any way to show respect?
Zhongli glanced at the flyers again and sighed. "Forget it. Let her be, as long as she doesn't cause any real trouble."
Ei snorted coldly. "I truly don't understand. The cold, heartless Morax, indulging a little girl like this. How strange."
Barbatos: "Eh heh, it certainly is odd. Old man, you haven't taken a liking to that young lady, have you?"
Hearing their teasing, Zhongli's brow furrowed slightly. "Say one more word, and don't blame me for being ruthless."
Barbatos quickly backed down. "Alright, alright, just a joke."
Ei, however, was defiant. "Hmph, if you want to fight, fight. Who's afraid of you?"
She reached a hand toward her chest. If Morax so much as moved, she would take it as a challenge. But Zhongli did not move. Instead, he sighed.
"It's because of her grandfather. I was an old acquaintance of her grandfather."
Barbatos nodded. "Ah, so that's it."
Ei snorted again but said nothing more.
...
While the gods were bickering, the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor workers had already distributed thousands of flyers to every listener in the inn. The moment they saw them, nearly everyone was stunned.
They turned their stiff necks to look at Zhongli in the corner. A Rex Lapis Funeral Package? A funeral identical to Rex Lapis's own? Presided over by Rex Lapis himself? Using the archon's name to promote funeral services—how could Wangsheng Funeral Parlor be so bold? Weren't they afraid of Rex Lapis's wrath?
But when the audience looked at the corner and saw Zhongli holding a flyer without the slightest sign of anger, they understood. Rex Lapis had tacitly approved this funeral service. Which meant the Rex Lapis Funeral Package was real.
A funeral presided over by Rex Lapis himself—what citizen of Liyue could refuse that? In that moment, nearly every listener was tempted. They began discussing eagerly.
"Using Rex Lapis's name for promotion is outrageous, but I have to admit, Director Hu of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is a genius."
"I only care about one thing. Is what's written on the flyer true?"
"Will Rex Lapis actually attend our funerals?"
"It must be true. False advertising is a serious crime in Liyue."
"Whatever. Since Rex Lapis has given his silent consent, I'm placing an order."
"Count me in."
"Me too, me too."
Suddenly, hundreds of listeners clutching flyers surged toward Hu Tao in the corner, wanting to be the first to pre‑order a funeral presided over by Rex Lapis for themselves or their families.
Seeing this, Hu Tao, the instigator, was grinning from ear to ear. "Hahaha—finally, customers! Don't push, everyone. There's plenty for all. Come register with me one by one. Register today, buried tomorrow! Xiangling, Keqing, I can't handle all this alone. Come help me register!"
Xiangling was taken aback. "I only know how to cook. I don't know anything about funerals."
Keqing: "…"
Qiqi: "Hu Tao is bad."
Hu Tao laughed. "It doesn't matter if you don't understand. Just help me write down their names. Oh, and if you're interested in the Rex Lapis Funeral Package, just write your own names too."
Xiangling was startled. "What? I don't want a funeral!"
Keqing looked on, speechless. She was deeply puzzled. Why did Rex Lapis indulge Wangsheng Funeral Parlor like this?
...
Just as the storytelling had ended and the promotional farce was unfolding inside the inn, everyone suddenly felt a wave of scorching heat.
"So hot. What's going on?"
"It was cool just a moment ago. Why has it suddenly gotten so hot?"
"How strange. Liyue's weather is so unpredictable."
The audience murmured, unable to find the cause. But then, in the corner, the Raiden Shogun gave a cold snort. Her Electro power erupted instantly, dispersing the Pyro energy that had been filling the inn. The temperature returned to normal.
The next moment, the three Electro Archons, Barbatos, and Yae Miko all turned curiously toward the entrance.
At the door stood an unexpected, alluring figure, walking slowly with a captivating sway.
White hair, long and flowing. A tall, bewitching figure. A brown mask covering half her face. A magnificent gown of red, black, and white. Her delicate, charming face bore a faint, confident smile. Everything about her marked her as someone extraordinary.
"Barbatos, we meet again. The Raiden Shogun, Morax—what a coincidence. Three of the Seven Archons, gathered in the same place."
"Seeing you all looking so haggard, you haven't been secretly crying, have you?"
La Signora raised a light novel from Yae Publishing House to her face, hiding her triumphant smile behind it.
(A/N: Remember the smile and arrogance of La Signora right now.)