"It's moving more than it did during the classical music." Misae looked down at her belly, her expression becoming extremely complicated.
"Because the baby likes it." Shin-chan proudly shook his head while still twisting his body.
"Enough, enough." Misae reached out and lifted the needle from the record player. The music stopped abruptly. "Mom needs to think carefully."
"Think about what?"
"Prenatal education." Misae leaned back on the sofa, one hand supporting her forehead.
The books did say that fetuses reacted to sounds, and the stronger the reaction, the more interested they were.
It was just...
All the prenatal education she had done today—classical music, the little bear fishing story—had been less effective than the noisy record Shin-chan played.
Misae felt that some kind of belief she held as a mother was collapsing at a visible speed.
That afternoon, Hiroshi came home a little earlier than usual.
Misae was sitting in front of the coffee table. Several prenatal education books were spread out before her, as if she were researching some major topic.
"I'm back." Hiroshi walked toward the living room. "What's going on today? It's so hot outside I almost—"
Halfway through, he stopped. The look Misae gave him made Hiroshi instinctively go on alert.
"What's wrong?"
"Hiroshi." Misae's voice was very calm. "Starting today, our family needs to make some changes."
"Change what?"
"The way we speak." Misae sat up straight. "And our behavior too. All of it has to change."
Hiroshi looked at the prenatal education books on the coffee table, then at Misae's expression. "Tell me."
"The books say," Misae picked up the top book, "that the sounds a fetus hears inside the belly will affect the baby's language ability and personality after birth."
Hiroshi nodded.
"So I tested it today." Misae put the book down. "The baby didn't react much to classical music. But when Shin-chan played some messy record, the baby moved a lot."
Hiroshi thought about it. "Doesn't that mean the baby likes lively music?"
"No." Misae shook her head. "It means the baby is already used to the way we usually talk at home."
Hiroshi froze.
"Think about it." Misae lowered her voice. "Every day at home, Shin-chan shouts things like, 'Mom's butt is so big,' and 'Dad stinks.' And the way we two speak is careless too. The baby can hear all of those sounds inside my belly."
Hiroshi fell silent. He couldn't refute that.
"What if the baby's first words after being born are, 'Mom's butt is so big'?"
Hiroshi's expression changed.
"So." Misae placed her hand on the coffee table. "Starting today, the way we speak at home has to change. It has to be elegant and well-mannered."
"Elegant?" Hiroshi opened his mouth.
"Yes." Misae nodded. "You try first."
Hiroshi was silent for about five seconds, then cleared his throat. "Well... this husband has returned."
Misae nodded.
"This husband handled many affairs today and is greatly fatigued."
Misae approved. "Pretty good. Keep it up."
Having received approval, Hiroshi relaxed a little.
"How has my wife been today?"
"Not bad." Misae nodded. "The baby moved several times today."
"That is truly a joyous occasion." Hiroshi placed both hands on his knees. "This husband also greatly looks forward to the day of meeting that unborn child."
Shin-chan walked out. "Dad, you're back."
Hiroshi turned toward Shin-chan and took a deep breath.
"Indeed. This father has just returned home."
Shin-chan stopped in his tracks, tilted his head, looked at him, then walked up to Hiroshi, stood on tiptoe, and reached out to touch his forehead.
"Dad, do you have a fever?"
"This father is in good health and feels no discomfort."
Shin-chan's expression went from confused to even more confused. "Then why are you talking like that?"
Misae spoke from the side. "Shin-chan, starting today, everyone in our house will speak this way."
"Why?"
"Because the baby is listening inside Mom's belly." Misae pointed at her stomach. "If all the baby hears is messy nonsense, then the baby will become a messy child too."
"But I think messy nonsense is pretty good."
Hiroshi coughed. "Shin-chan, this father believes that elegant speech is the foundation of one's character."
"I don't understand."
"It means you should speak politely."
"Oh." Shin-chan suddenly understood. "Then when Mom spanks my butt, does she have to be polite too?"
Misae's fist tightened slightly.
"If you're going to spank someone, how do you say it?" Shin-chan spoke in an extremely formal tone. "Young Master Shinnosuke, please forgive my rudeness. I shall now carry out the buttocks-striking procedure. I humbly ask for your understanding."
He bowed, then turned around and lightly patted his own butt.
Smack.
Then he turned back and bowed again.
"The spanking has been completed. Thank you for your hard work."
The living room was silent for about three seconds.
Hiroshi covered his mouth with one hand, his shoulders shaking violently.
Misae stared at Shin-chan, the expression on her face going through the entire process from calm to restraint, and from restraint to eruption.
"Shin-chan."
"Mm?"
"That is not called being polite."
"But I said 'please.'"
"Being polite isn't just adding 'please.'"
"Then what is being polite?"
Misae took a deep breath. "Fine. Mom will teach you."
She stood up, walked in front of Shin-chan, and crouched down.
"Being polite means making the other person feel comfortable when you speak."
Shin-chan blinked.
"For example, when you want a snack, you can't say, 'Give me a snack.' You should say, 'Honored Mother, may this child humbly receive some snacks?'"
Shin-chan's mouth opened into a circle. "That's so long."
"Respectful language is supposed to be a little longer."
"Then if I want to say Mom's butt is really big, how do I say that politely?"
Misae continued taking a deep breath. "Shin-chan, respectful language is not for saying things like that."
"But isn't respectful language supposed to make the other person feel comfortable? Mom should be happy hearing it."
"No one would be happy about something like that." Misae stood up. "In short, from now on, words like 'butt,' 'poop,' and 'stinky' are not allowed in this house."
...
At dinner, the atmosphere at the table was completely different from usual.
Hiroshi sat on one side of the dining table with his back perfectly straight, both hands properly placed on his knees.
Shin-chan sat opposite him, also trying hard to imitate Hiroshi's posture.
Tonight's dinner was tonkatsu, miso soup, rice, and a small plate of pickles.
"Many thanks, my wife. This husband is filled with gratitude." Hiroshi pressed his hands together.
"Many thanks, Honored Mother. This child is filled with gratitude." Shin-chan also pressed his hands together, then immediately reached for the tonkatsu with his hand.
Misae held down Shin-chan's hand. "When you're using respectful language, your movements also need to be elegant."
"Movements too?"
"Yes. You can't grab food with your hands."
Shin-chan reluctantly pulled his hand back and picked up his chopsticks.
"When you pick up food, move a little slower. Don't make noise," Misae continued reminding him.
Shin-chan collapsed onto the table.
"Eating one piece of meat is so tiring."
"Elegance requires effort." Misae picked up her miso soup.
~~~
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