"Seina?" Itachi called from behind her, appearing at the door to her study.
"Yes?"
"Can we talk?"
"Of course. What do you want to talk about?"
"...I don't know. Sasuke told me to talk to you."
"Right, but about what?" she asked, confused. Itachi looked at her with a blank expression.
Seeing that Itachi had no clue what he was supposed to say, Seina rolled her eyes and opened her link with Sasuke. Apparently, he was waiting for her, as she sensed a mix of sadness and amusement.
"What the hell is Itachi supposed to tell me?"
"Tell you?"
"He says you told him to talk to me."
"Hn," she heard a snort of laughter. "I meant 'therapy,' but I wasn't going to say that out loud or he'd have bolted. You know how he is."
Damn Sasuke. He could've given her a heads-up. Itachi, of course, was standing there stiffly, like a puppet waiting to be played with. She conjured one of the couches she used for these situations and motioned for him to lie down. She felt his confusion despite his poker face. Still, he complied, lying down and staring at the enchanted ceiling.
"What Sasuke meant was… that you should talk to me about your problems so you can feel better."
Itachi looked up at the ceiling for a long while. Seina let him. It was clear he wasn't ignoring her—he was thinking deeply. Itachi wasn't stupid. He could guess what Sasuke had meant, but now he had a verbal confirmation that, if he wanted, they could do therapy together. No one else in the magic tent needed it more than him, and they both knew it. The question was, would Itachi agree to it? If he didn't want help, there was no point in trying. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
"I don't want to feel like this anymore. I thought I knew everything about myself: my strengths, my weaknesses, how I act…"
"But now you feel like Shisui took all of that away from you, right? That control you clung to in order to stay afloat… it's gone, and now you don't know how to feel or what to do with your true self."
"...Yes."
"It's okay. That's alright. I can help you, but only if you want me to."
"I don't want to feel like this anymore," he repeated. It wasn't a direct yes, but it was the most she was going to get from him for now.
"Alright. What do you want to talk about?"
"Talk?" Itachi's black eyes dropped from the ceiling to look at her. "Just talk?"
"Believe me, it works. And I promise that anything you tell me won't leave this room."
"Okay," Itachi fell silent, as he often did.
Seina resisted the urge to sigh. It was going to take a lot of time to help Itachi become emotionally mature and capable. It was obvious he had several buried traumas, some deeper than others, and that half the time he avoided feeling anything because any emotion might crack his fragile mask that "everything was fine." Not to mention that he had physically matured into an adult, but emotionally struggled to express feelings. He was, as some would say, emotionally stunted.
"Why don't you tell me about your childhood? You can close your eyes if you want."
Itachi obeyed. He closed his eyes, crossed his legs, and began to speak. He told her his first memories, which naturally involved his parents. How his father was strict and serious, but loved him deep down, how his mother was sweet and affectionate, yet very capable. He told her about his solo training sessions with his father, how he met Shisui and became friends with him since they were around the same age and equally intelligent.
She noticed his pale hands clutching the couch when he mentioned Shisui. Not wanting to dive headfirst into his first, and biggest, trauma, she asked about other family members.
"I also met Izumi shortly before Sasuke was born. She was a couple of years younger than me, but she had already awakened her sharingan."
"Was she a good ninja?"
"Actually, not at first," he said. She saw the tiniest hint of a smile. "She had awakened it, but couldn't control it. She fainted constantly. It was normal, considering we were still in the academy and the sharingan takes a moderate toll on the body."
"Tell me more about her."
"She had long, straight brown hair and black eyes. Her mother was an Uchiha, but her father wasn't, so at first, they didn't live in the Uchiha compound. When the incident with Kurama happened, her father died protecting her, so her mother got them accepted back and they moved to clan territory. Before we enrolled in the academy, the few times we saw each other, she always wanted to play, but I told her no. I had to train."
"So, you became friends in the academy, then?"
"No. We were in different classes. She followed me sometimes. I didn't realize until later that she liked me."
"And did you like her?"
"No. I didn't even think about things like that."
"Then how did you become friends or start talking more?"
"I found out she had activated her sharingan before I did. That piqued my interest. Still, we hardly saw each other, considering I graduated much earlier than she did."
"And even so, you considered her your friend?"
"...Yes."
"Tell me more about Izumi."
Itachi told her about a day, when he was already a genin and she was still a student, when they ran into each other in the village as they were returning to the Uchiha compound. Izumi, curious, asked him what it was like to be a "real" ninja. According to Itachi, that conversation was important because she suddenly asked him if he knew anything about the secret meetings the clan held at night. Itachi, who had been ordered to stay silent, told her never to speak of it again.
"Why didn't you tell Izumi anything about the meetings?"
"I didn't tell her because I felt she shouldn't know. I didn't even know everything myself at first. She was a stranger. I felt more loyalty to my father than to her."
"So, at that time, you were loyal to your father and the Uchiha clan. Did you suspect what they were planning back then?"
"Not entirely. As time passed, I started hearing things. It wasn't until I became a chunin that they let me attend the meetings. Also, when I became a chunin, my father encouraged me to make friends my age, so one day when I saw Izumi in the compound, I asked her if she wanted to have lunch with me."
He told her about that lunch, in which a somewhat naive Itachi asked Izumi why she wanted to be a ninja, if she understood the dangers, especially with her father gone. Izumi apparently told him she wanted to be a ninja because both her father and the person she liked were ninjas. Itachi, at the time, didn't understand what she meant, and Izumi, frustrated, stormed off and left him there.
"She ditched you," Seina suppressed a laugh. Itachi smiled faintly at the memory. "When did you see her again?"
"Sometime later, when she became a genin. She apologized for leaving like that. I apologized for whatever had upset her..."
"And did you start talking again?"
"Something like that. I had already become an ANBU by then. Izumi thought they were asking too much of me for my age."
"Do you think she was right?" she asked. It was the first serious question tied to one of his traumas.
"...Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I was only eleven. Kids shouldn't be in ANBU."
"But they can be ninjas?"
"That's different."
"Why?"
"Because in ANBU it's guaranteed to kill, torture, and possibly dying. Regular missions don't have to end with someone dead."
"Then why did you accept becoming ANBU if you didn't agree with it?"
"…"
There was a silence as Itachi thought, trying to confess what he felt out loud. Finally, after several minutes where he seemed to battle with himself, he admitted what both of them already knew.
"I did it because of the pressure from my father, and my clan."
"So, you didn't want to be ANBU, but you felt pressured by your father and, to a lesser extent, your clan, right? Did your father know you didn't want to join ANBU?"
"Yes, to both questions."
"How did it make you feel to know that you didn't want to be ANBU, but your father still wanted you to, despite the danger it could pose to you?"
"...I felt... bad," Itachi confessed in a whisper. "I realized that my will meant nothing to my father, or to the clan. I'm just a weapon."
"Back to Izumi… How did you feel when she told you being ANBU was asking too much of you?"
"I felt... happy."
"Why?"
"Because she genuinely cared. She cared about me, not the Uchiha clan prodigy. She really was my friend."
Silence fell as Itachi seemed to internalize that Izumi, his friend, had genuinely cared about him much more than his father ever had. She watched him swallow hard, as if holding back a ball of emotions, and saw how he controlled his breathing to stay calm. It was clear that Izumi, just like his father, was a delicate topic. She found it interesting that Itachi had said "I am a weapon" rather than "I was a weapon." Did he still feel tied to his dead clan? It was obvious he did, but how much was unclear.
She checked the time and saw that an hour had passed. She debated whether to stop or keep going now that Itachi seemed calm and reflective. In the end, she decided to let him rest.
"Why don't we stop here? It's been an hour."
Itachi opened his eyes, blinking with slight surprise.
"If you'd like, we can meet every day at the same time. Here, take this journal."
She handed him a new journal and told him she wanted him to write down everything he felt now that they had talked about his past and stirred up all the emotional muck, so to speak. Itachi took it with a poker face. In the end, he seemed to accept her confusing request, as if unsure what purpose writing in a journal would serve, and left—though not without thanking her first.
She knew, judging by Itachi's story, that if she kept digging, they'd soon get to another one of his traumas: the clan meetings that had eventually led to everything else. She didn't want to bring it up on the first day, so she saved it for later.
In the following days, as February approached, Seina cleared an hour every afternoon just for Itachi. She still trained all morning with Kisame, and in the afternoons with her brothers, Jiraiya, and even Itachi, but the hour before dinner was just for the two of them. She asked about his childhood over several sessions until Itachi began to admit on his own that the pressure from his family had been neither normal nor healthy. He also acknowledged how deeply it had affected his ability to relate to others and exercise his own will.
"I didn't want to be a ninja. I didn't want to fight, but they forced me to," Itachi confessed, staring at the ceiling with more pain on his face than Seina had expected. "How could I refuse, being the firstborn?"
"Do you think you could've let Sasuke, let's say, replace you?"
"No," he answered curtly, without hesitation. "I wouldn't have allowed it."
"What? That only he would become a ninja? Or that he'd carry the burden you did?"
"Both."
She dug a little deeper into that. Eventually, Itachi himself admitted that he had let them pressure him because he knew Sasuke would end up becoming a ninja like him, and he wanted to suffer as his little brother would, knowing he couldn't protect him from the ninja world. They also talked about his self-destructive tendencies. It reminded her of Kakashi. Itachi didn't cut himself, or take suicidal missions like Kakashi had, but he did let himself be manipulated into doing things he knew would hurt him, as a form of self-punishment.
Itachi stared blankly at the ceiling when he realized he was acting this way as a form of penance. His greatest wish was for Sasuke to be happy and safe, but he believed he had failed from the start, simply because he was a pacifist who would have preferred not to be a ninja. That's why, as a child, he had often refused to train with Sasuke as part of him didn't want his brother to become a ninja.
"Itachi… I have another exercise for you, and I want you to do it. Understood?"
"What is it?" he asked almost militarily.
"I want you to talk to Sasuke about why you didn't train with him when you were kids, about your feelings regarding being a ninja, and your hopes for him before he even became a genin. I want you to be honest and ask him what he really wants, and I want you to listen. I want you to talk."
"All right."
Itachi got up from the conjured couch, thanked her for talking with him, and left. The next morning, Seina knew they had talked, because both Sasuke and Itachi looked like they hadn't slept. Sasuke's eyes were slightly red from crying, while Itachi looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. One of many, unfortunately.
Later, when they were alone, Sasuke hugged her tightly. Seina couldn't suppress a smile as she hugged him back.
"Thank you, nee-chan."
Her heart skipped a beat hearing Sasuke call her with such affection for the first time. She couldn't help but kiss the top of his head like a small child. Itachi appeared at the door looking more relaxed, watching his brother from the doorway with a small smile. At that moment, she realized just how handsome Itachi must've been years ago before the pain, pressure, and exile took their toll.
After that, it was like something shifted. Itachi started smiling more often, much to the shock of Kisame and Jiraiya.
"I don't know how the hell you did it," Kisame told her one morning while they were training alone near the beach, "but thank you."
"Don't thank me. Itachi is family."
Still, Itachi had many problems, and he knew it. At first, he had been reluctant to talk about his trauma, but even he could see he had improved. Thankfully, Itachi wanted to get better, so it didn't take a genius to realize he needed to stay in therapy for a long time. Seina converted the miscellaneous room into an office, since it didn't look like their sessions would end anytime soon.
As time went on, they started talking about the Uchiha clan. They talked about the people who lived during that era, his parents, Sasuke… until they finally spoke about Shisui.
"He was my cousin. Second cousin," he told her. "He was three years older than me, and really skilled with the sharingan and teleportation jutsus. That's why he earned the nickname Shisui of the Body Flicker. I trained with him often, so I knew exactly how good he was. His skills drew the clan's attention, so my father and the elder council pressured him to become ANBU."
He explained how Shisui graduated during the Third Ninja War and was put on a genin team with his best friend. Sadly, that friend died, and Shisui awakened the mangekyō sharingan; a moment that changed history, though they wouldn't know it until years later.
"I met him a year after his friend died. We became very close because we had similar views on the war. He awakened the mangekyō sharingan because he felt guilty about his friend's death. He thought that if he hadn't graduated early, his friend wouldn't have either, and therefore wouldn't have died."
"Do you think Shisui was right? That his friend's death was his fault?"
"No. It was the fault of whoever killed him. Shisui didn't force him to graduate or to attend the academy," Itachi answered instantly, thinking logically as usual.
"Don't you think that's exactly what's happening between you and Sasuke? Do you think Shisui's experience marked you so deeply that you were afraid the same thing would happen to Sasuke?"
"...Maybe," Itachi blinked in surprise. He thought about her question in silence for a while before speaking again. "It's true. I was afraid that what happened to Shisui and his friend would happen to Sasuke and me."
"Do you think that if Sasuke dies, it will be your fault?"
"...No," Itachi had to admit, "but that doesn't mean I won't feel guilty if he does."
"And what did Sasuke say about what he wants?"
"That he wants to be a ninja," Itachi sighed. "No one pressured him. He truly wanted to become one."
"Then wouldn't you feel less guilty if you trained Sasuke as best you could, to make sure he doesn't die?"
"Maybe a little," he said, frowning. Then he seemed to silently come to a decision.
He got up from the couch when they finished talking a few minutes later. Seina stored her session notes in a private chest while Itachi exited the room. Curiously, he waited for her outside.
"I'd like to train regularly with you too," he said suddenly.
"Why? We already train together from time to time."
"No. I mean daily training, like Kisame does."
"Why?" she raised an eyebrow, as if she didn't already spend enough hours training.
"...Because I'd feel less guilty if you died," he confessed, staring at her with those black eyes and a serious expression.
Itachi left after dropping that bombshell. She blinked as she realized that Itachi was admitting he had a bond with her strong enough that her death would affect him just as much as Sasuke's. She watched his back as he walked away, suppressing a smile that begged to surface.
"Nee-chan? Why does Itachi want to train with us now too?" Naruto whispered one day. "It's super weird."
"He just realized that if he can't stop Sasuke from being a ninja, at least he can help him not die."
"But what about us?"
"If you had more experience than me and were training me, would you let my team be mediocre and a potential burden if you could train them too?"
"Huh. That makes sense," Naruto blinked.
That was one of the reasons Itachi trained them but not the main one. Otherwise, he would've left Jiraiya and Kisame to handle the two of them on their own. No, Itachi trained with them because they were Sasuke's friends, family, and he liked them, even if he didn't say it out loud. He was showing it through actions. Still, she wasn't going to explain the supposed weaknesses of Itachi Uchiha to her brother if he wasn't ready to speak about them. One day he would realize everything.
At the end of February, Seina received a letter from Kakashi. It wasn't erotic, but she appreciated the tenderness of its tone just the same.
"Dear Seina,
It's been a few weeks since I last wrote to you. I have good reasons. You won't believe it. I'll go point by point.
Your friends are still training together now and then. Shikamaru and Neji have formally submitted themselves as candidates for the jōnin exams, and Lady Tsunade has given her approval. Gaara of the Sand, you probably remember him, has been chosen as a candidate for Kazekage. I was quite surprised, but after hearing the rumours, I must say I'm sure he'll do a good job. Apparently, he'll be promoted after the jōnin exams if he passes. Considering he's the jinchūriki of the One-Tail and a prodigy with his sand, I don't think he'll have much trouble. Honestly, it was about time the Sunagakure council picked someone like him.
I've moved back into my old house. I promised I'd ask Guy for help, so I needed a place he could visit. Since he, Asuma, and Kurenai already know my address, I figured it was the best option. Now he comes by from time to time to water my plants and throw out the expired food in my fridge. I don't know why he does that—I didn't ask him to—but I imagine you'd say something like 'It's because he's your friend and he cares about you.' I think you'd be right. Still, it's clear Guy knows something's up, more than just me being in ANBU. He's even stopped challenging me as much. Maybe he thinks I'm depressed? I won't deny that I feel sad and that I miss you.
As for Danzō… Lady Tsunade has been cleaning house in the village, so now he can't recruit more people from the clans without the entire ninja council knowing. You should've seen his face when he realized there were no more elite ninjas he could 'sneak' into Root. Still, he hasn't said or done anything else. I think he's planning something, but Lady Tsunade is already thinking ahead.
About Itachi, I'm glad your and Sasuke's hard work has paid off. A few weeks ago, we received the information Jiraiya-sama got from Itachi, and now the Hokage is sending personnel to verify his statements. Honestly, we've heard rumours about the disappearance of the Three-Tails. So, if what Itachi says is true, and considering it's our most recent intel, Akatsuki must currently have five bijū in their possession. Be careful, Seina.
She finished reading Kakashi's words about how much he missed her and how he was counting the days until she came back, even though he didn't know when that would be. How he was doing okay, though he had occasional depressive spells that he managed with help from Guy and the others… Seina smiled melancholically as she read it. She touched the farewell words with her fingers as if she could touch his hand. They were always the same."Yours, Kakashi."