The walk to the bathhouse felt like a dream. I was in a place that didn't feel like mine anymore. My body was sore from the war I had just fought. With every step I could feel the weight of the thirty flasks I had left behind in Maine's lab. The blood-soaked dress stuck to my skin, cold and sticky. It reminded me of what I had to go.. I didn't care about the stains. All I wanted was to get into the steam coming from the bathhouse. It looked like it could help me relax.
When I opened the doors I went into the steamy room. It was supposed to be a place with marble and nice-smelling oils.. It felt weird to me. There were maids already there. They were in their break hours and they were lying in the warm water I called paradise. There were the two sisters, Miera and Kiera. I didn't hesitate. I took off the ruined dress. Threw it on the floor.
The room became completely silent. I was standing there with no clothes on. My body had a lot of cuts and bruises. My arm was badly hurt. The maids looked at me with a mix of shock and fear. I didn't let them scream. I focused on getting into the water. I stepped into the basin. The hot water felt good on my skin.. I was careful not to get water on my open wounds.
"You there, maid. Clean my arm. Treat it carefully."
I said, calmly. I pointed to a pair of maids near the pool.
They came to me with shaking hands. They looked disgusted.. I didn't react. I controlled my pain. I made it a dull ache that didn't bother me. I washed my skin with soap with my other hand. The maids stared at me.
"Why y'all looking at me like that? It's just an arm. There's nothing to worry about."
I looked at Miera and Kiera, I commanded a simple order.
"I need a dress. A simple one. Not fancy. Hurry up."
They rushed out of the room. The other maids stayed behind. They looked at me with eyes. One of them asked a lot of questions.
They had questions.. I didn't answer them. I didn't want to scare them.
The steam in the bathhouse stuck to the marble walls like a fog. It was hard to breathe. As I got into the water the maids stood back. Watch me. They moved in a way like they were not really alive. They stared at me like they were trying to figure out something that did not make sense.
One of the maids came forward. She was shaking as she held a bowl of water. Her eyes were fixed on where my arm used to be. It was a jagged stump now. The air around us felt strange, like it was vibrating with energy.
"How… How are you still okay? What happened to your arm? Did it just disappear into the air?"
The maid behind me wrapping my non-existent arm, she whispered. Her voice was barely audible like it was coming from a well.
I leaned back against the marble wall. The warm water swirled around me. I kept my eyes closed. I could feel the maid's eyes on me like a pressure on my skin.
"It's just gone, it's not haunting anything. It's just not there.. That's just a space that can be filled with something else." I replied
Another maid, and one came closer. She looked like she had seen some things. She stared at the flesh where my arm used to be. Her voice was like a chant.
"You should be in pain. Your nerves and bones should be screaming. Why are you not hurting? Can you even feel the water? Or have you lost all feeling?"
I put my hand into the soap. It smelled nice. It did not feel like anything to me. I just felt my muscles moving.
"Pain is like a conversation, Most people listen to the pain. Let it take over. I just stopped listening. It's easy. When you realize your body is a shell that can be fixed, the pain is just a noise in an empty room."
I said. I opened my eyes. I looked at her. She pulled back like she was scared of me.
The maids looked at each other. They were pale and sweaty. They looked at me like I was a statue that had come to life.
"The blood. It's glowing. It looks like you've been drinking stars. Now they're trying to get out of your skin. Are you still human or are you something now?"
One of them whispered at me.
"It's simple, the cure costs something. The blood was the price. You're looking at something that's been broken and fixed. It scares you because you know it's still alive."
I stood up. The water dripped off me like dark shiny ribbons. The sisters were shaking as they pulled the dress over my shoulders. They touched my bandages like they were trying to make sure I was real. I looked at them. I knew that I was not like them anymore. I was like a bridge between their world and the dark place I had been to and coming back to the world felt like walking into a dream.
The sisters came back with a dress. They helped me get out of the water. They put the dress on me. They handled me like I was fragile. They replaced the bandages with new ones.
The steam in the bathhouse swirled around me heavily. It was like the air was filled with the ghosts of all the breath I'd held for hours. I stood there with a doll made of flesh and bandages. The sisters were still tying up my commoner's dress. My right arm or what was left of it hung by my side. It was a silent throbbing reminder of the thing I'd just done. I'd vomited into thirty glass flasks.
The maids around me were still frozen in shock. They stared at me with empty eyes. Their mouths were slightly open. They were terrified to look away. They were clearly shaking with fear at the sight of me. They had been trying to make sense of something I had destroyed.
I turned my head. Looked at the maid who had been asking the most questions.
"You're done,"
I said. My voice was flat. It was like the voice of someone who had stared into the darkness and wasn't scared.
She flinched like I'd hit her.
"M-my Lady? I... I only wanted to…"
"To understand? Don't bother. Understanding is for people who have skin that doesn't bleed."
I finished for her. I had a dark smile on my face.
I stepped away from them. My movement was stiff and jerky. I could feel their eyes on me. They sensed that something was wrong with my posture. They noticed the stillness in my arm. I didn't offer them a smile or a kind word. I didn't care about their comfort. I cared about what I'd done.
I stopped at the door. I looked back over my shoulder. My eyes were dark. The soft girl who used to walk the streets to meet her lover was gone. She'd been burned away in my blood.
"You want a thank you?" I asked. My voice was barely loud enough to hear over the water.
"Fine. Thank you for doing your jobs and not fainting on the floor. It would have been a pain to clean up." The maids thanked me.
The room was silent. They were shocked. They were looking at a monster or a saint. They couldn't tell the difference. I didn't give them time to reply.
"Keep the secrets you saw here. The world is ending outside that door. Focus on surviving the night. It's more useful than feeling sorry for me." I added. My tone was sharp.
I pushed the door open. The cool morning air rushed in. Cleared away the steam. I didn't look back at them. I stepped out into the darkness. My head was high. I had a purpose. Maine was waiting for me. He had a box of antidotes in his hands.
I walked toward him. The faint smell of soap faded away. It was replaced by the smell of my own sacrifice. I was ready.
As they worked I felt a feeling. I was ready.
Maine handed me a box and tied his shoes properly, I looked at the box. Then, at him. I felt the ache of my severed arm.. I also felt determined. The night was ours. The cure was ready.. As we walked together into the darkness I knew that what I had done was just the start.